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Sou Hiyori was born into a world full of wonderful playthings.
Naturally curious, he sought discovery in everyday life. How were things brought into being, what made them tick? How did they break?
He started his habit as a young child.
He would play with things until they turned ragged and worn, eventually breaking them into pieces. He would steal the possessions of others, anything that could possibly hold a meaning to them. It was even better when it was something that couldn’t be replicated again.
He would break toys, burn photos, crush treasures. Anything with sentimental value. He could feel the energy in these objects, the memories of those who had loved it.
How far could something bend before it would break? Seeing the exact moment of its collapse was an incredible sensation, the emotions of those who had loved an item collapsing along with it. The despair of never being able to obtain such a precious object was incredibly unique, dependent completely on the amount of soul one put into their treasure.
Obviously, he quickly grew tired of destroying material objects. In his research, he found that there had been a limit on the amount of value someone could place in a material object. So he moved to people. There was unbounded potential in people.
It started physically. Teasing, bullying, torture. Experimentations, taking notes, even video evidence. Mostly just to review the more efficient methods, what brought out the best responses, the worst ones, or to simply think of different possibilities. It became redundant fairly quickly.
Growing bored of that, his gaze focused on the psyche. After all, most humans more or less held the same physical capabilities in the end. You can’t go much further than cutting off limbs before they would bleed out. The mind, however, was vast, unexplored territory that could offer unlimited potential. Every human held different experiences that shaped their life, their empathy, ego, trauma– it all was packaged into a little present. Sou simply sought to unwrap that gift.
In a way, he was enlightening his subjects. Now they knew their limits. Unfortunately, some of them wouldn’t be able to handle it, and they broke.
But they were better off for it.
The world wasn’t kind to weaklings.
He happily told himself this as he distorted and broke the minds of anyone who caught his eye. What was the world for if not to enjoy yourself?
But, as all artists eventually do, he fell into a hole.
If depression was a feeling Sou could actually feel, this was the closest thing to it.
Crawling the streets, taking just about anyone, he would hack away and break them into pieces. Sometimes mentally, sometimes literally. He couldn’t hardly get any satisfaction out of it anymore. No one surprised him. No one understood him. He wanted something like that, mutual understanding. He was sure if he found someone who could empathize with him, that would be interesting. But they all broke apart, flailing, screaming, crying into a void. And he couldn’t care less.
Until a soft spring night.
A warm breeze blew across the river, ruffling his hair. He sat on the bank, watching the water roll into the black, black distance. He wasn’t sure how long he had been sitting here. Falling onto his back, he looked up at the stars.
Sou never really pondered the existence of greater beings or his meaning in this world. He was in control of everything that mattered anyway, so he didn’t think much of it. If anything, looking up at the stars that night just caused a deep, aching frustration. They reminded him too much of himself. Bright, brilliant, almost divine. But they were burning out. And was he going to burn out so quickly?
I don’t think so.
Smiling, sitting up quickly and feeling a sense of motivation, he promised this would not happen. He wouldn’t let it happen.
He decided it was best to start simple. Get back his groove. Find someone absolutely weak and tear into them like they were nothing.
And where were some of the most vulnerable and weak minded people in the world?
He laughed.
The next day, he set out for the local high school.
With Asunaro’s connections, it was fairly easy to fake his identity and gain access to the school. A cesspool of emotional teenagers, desperate to prove themselves, all the more ready to fall and collapse. Just barely being considered a teenager himself, he was able to fit seamlessly in with the crowd.
He slipped in that morning, wandering the halls, touring the school himself. If a teacher ever seemed suspicious of his meandering, he would just silence them with a quick look and smile. Too easy. He waited until lunchtime, knowing that was the perfect time to scout. After all, only losers sat alone, making them easy pickings.
Quickly peeking in and out of classrooms, he made his way from the third year classrooms down to the first years. He had seen some sitting by their lonesome, but none of them seemed particularly pathetic.
He stuck his head through the next classroom, not really expecting anything either.
A teal haired boy sat in the far corner, his head resting on his arms as he looked out the window, turned away from Sou.
Got you.
Shin felt a poke on his head.
“Sou Hiyori, nice to meet you! Is this seat taken?”
A kind looking boy with green hair looked down at Shin. Was he talking to him?
“Um,” he glanced around at the empty room. “No, it’s not. And likewise.”
Shin eyed the boy carefully, making sure not to insult with his gaze. “H-have we met somewhere before?”
“Why do you say that?”
Shin shifted uncomfortably in his seat. What was this guy’s deal? He just wanted to be left alone.
“I figured you needed something from me, not an introduction.”
Sou smiled wide. How pitiful this guy was. He couldn’t even fathom someone trying to make conversation with him just for the fun of it or to get to know him.
“Just saw you alone in here and figured you wanted some company. What’s your name?” Sou gave a sincere smile. He would let him think that, anyway.
Shin warily smiled back before introducing himself. “Shin Tsukimi, nice to meet you.”
It was too easy to get him to lower his guard. Sou quickly made a bet on how long he would last before crumbling into pieces.
So, of course he was surprised when the boy stuck around him for a whole month.
He figured he just wasn’t being hard enough on him, to his own shock. He figured a boy like this would crumble immediately under any kind uncomfortability, humiliation. So why the hell was he still having lunch on the rooftop with him after a whole month?
He recalled all the horrible things he had put him through in their happy times together. Sou had insidiously crept into Shin’s life, making sure he knew that he was always being watched. He just let him imagine he was always watching, always waiting, even though it was far too exhausting for Sou to actually do this. He built Shin up fairly quickly, only to let it tumble down back on him, destroying whatever confidence he had left. His self-worth was in shambles, and he would hopelessly follow Sou around while he did whatever he wanted after school. Which usually led to Shin witnessing horrific events that were definitely traumatizing, but that was the point. Shin was so scared he couldn’t run away anymore. He was trapped, with no escape but death. The goal was to get him to commit suicide, watch him crumble and break as he gave into nothingness.
But he was still here.
He didn’t kill himself, despite all the trauma he had undergone in the past month. He had lost weight, lost sleep, you could tell just by glancing at him. It was a bit frustrating, to be honest. Sou just figured it was all a part of his artist’s block and remained disciplined in his goal.
Shin, as usual, was avoiding eye contact with him. Focusing his attention on a sandwich instead, he took small bites in nervous intervals.
Sou figured physical abuse would be too easy and would hardly offer any satisfaction. Of course, there was nothing wrong with a little bullying, but straight-up torture on a guy like this would be too easy. As much as he wanted to see Shin break down in tears, he’d prefer it to not be over the sharp end of a scalpel. Besides, he was getting over his mutilation phase anyway, even if it still had a soft spot in his heart. If that kind of thing existed anyway.
Was he a masochist or something? Sou had come across his fair share of freaks but something about Shin didn’t strike him like that. His discomfort was too real, too anxious. Like he genuinely wanted to stay as far away from Sou as possible, but didn’t. He chose to stay around him.
Why?
Maybe Shin was far more resilient than he thought. Maybe he had actually found someone interesting for once.
Maybe, maybe.
He decided to stick around for a bit longer. Sou Hiyori was anything but a quitter, after all. He would get what he wanted.
It had been three years since Shin had met Sou.
Shin had developed a routine by now.
Wake up, respond to Sou’s cryptic selfies sent to him in the middle of the night, wait outside until Sou ambushed him and they walked to class together, follow Sou along like a puppy and watch a horror movie unfold as Sou picked his next victim, too scared to run away. Shin would spend the night studying for exams while Sou would pester him the whole time, hardly being able to get any work done. And he would always somehow find himself back home in bed the next morning after falling asleep on Sou’s couch.
Sou, Sou, Sou.
What kind of friendship did they have? Were they friends? Shin believed they had to technically be friends, although something about it felt off to him. Maybe he didn’t know any better, he didn’t really have much friendship experience anyway. Were your friends supposed to make you fear for your life? He figured all relationships had their ups and downs.
But Shin was drawn to him, in some weird way.
The way Sou commanded the presence of every room he walked in. His ability to erode people down with just a simple smile. The lies, the deception, the manipulation. Everything about him exuded power. Sou was strong. Shin on the other hand, was just his shadow.
As the years passed, Shin realized he admired Sou.
Sou Hiyori was incredibly strong, stronger than Shin could ever hope of becoming.
Shin would only ever be able to stand in his shadow.
Another hot summer day on the roof.
Shin was still reeling from yesterday’s events, after Sou had forcibly made him watch as he tortured some poor, unfortunate soul they had stumbled across on the walk home from school. His nasty habits were disgusting, terrifying. But Shin was just lucky he wasn’t the one in their place. He figured it was better to watch than be under the steady knife of a maniacal Sou.
Why am I still here?
Shin pushed that thought to the back of his mind. It didn’t even matter if he wanted to leave Sou, he knew he would never be left alone. There was no point in such a futile effort.
You’re just trying to convince yourself that.
Shin ignored his thoughts and instead focused on the bright blue sky. He fell back and soaked up the warm embrace of the sun, not caring for once that Sou was adamantly watching him. He just wanted to be like this forever, not a care in the world. Alone, with the sun shining down on him. He closed his eyes just for a moment, but immediately regretted it. He could feel Sou’s presence looming over him.
“What are you thinking about, Shin?”
It was amazing to Sou that even after all this time, Shin still had the audacity to let his guard down around him. So naive, so stupid.
His eyes were forced open by sheer habit and panic from hearing Sou’s voice.
“Haha, that’s more like it!” Sou laughed. “Always on edge, huh?”
Shin sighed and rolled over onto his side away from Sou. He knew that would probably set him off but he was just so exhausted today. Dealing with it all, he just wanted it to be over.
But Sou was strangely silent.
Peeking back over, he saw Sou was nowhere to be found.
Oh god.
Getting up, he looked around for him.
“Hey!” He felt Sou’s voice in his ear. He practically jumped out of his skin.
Quickly turning around, he was met with Sou clutching the rail of the rooftop, leaning back and looking at him, laughing.
“What do you think would happen if I threw myself off this balcony?” Sou smiled at him.
Shin didn’t even know what to say.
“U-um, you would die?”
“Precisely! What a good answer!” Sou patted him on the head.
“Now then…” Sou cast his eyes over and leapt over the railing. He turned and faced Shin, grasped the railing and began to lean back.
“Try and catch me! If you can!”
Sou fell back and Shin’s heart dropped.
Leaping forward, Shin reached out and grabbed Sou by the scarf, begging for it to hold him up. The wind was knocked out of him as he slammed into the railing, putting all of his body onto it to support himself.
“Wow, I didn’t expect you to actually catch me! That’s impressive, Shin!”
No way in hell did Sou actually expect Shin to catch him. He was actually caught off guard by the spring in his step. He just wanted to see what he would do, his reaction as he tumbled onto a safety mat. Of course, he had set up the proper precautions that would ensure a safe landing below, he wasn’t suicidal.
But now, this made things very interesting.
Shin was struggling incredibly hard to lift Sou back up to safety, his limbs shaking and eyes full of desperation.
It’s like he was holding onto a lifeline.
Sou’s face was unreadable.
“Would you actually be sad if I fell?”
Shin averted his eyes quickly. He was silent.
What the hell?
Shock and confusion was plastered across Sou’s face. For the first time, Shin had caught him off guard. But as his mind raced a million miles an hour, he came to that conclusion. It was so simple. Sou had this euphoric realization as he stared deep into Shin’s eyes.
Of course.
Sou had started laughing while he teetered precariously on the edge.
“Is this really it? After all this time? I had no idea?” he laughed.
Shin was aghast. He had no idea what he was talking about either.
“P-please...I can’t hold you up much longer,” Shin’s whole body strained and pushed to keep Sou balanced on the edge of the rooftop. He had already forced his body to its limit.
“I-I . .. can’t .. . let you do this,” Shin gave one last final struggle to lift Sou back up. Heaving with effort, his hand slipped. Shin’s eyes widened.
With ease, Sou hopped back up on firm ground.
Shin’s eyes were full of relief, and then fear. This was a set-up.
“I’m a pretty good actor, don’t you think?” Sou smiled deviously.
He didn’t understand him at all. Shin couldn’t ever tell what he was thinking. He backed away nervously.
It didn’t matter. Sou calmly walked over and viciously grabbed Shin by the collar of his shirt. He loomed over the smaller boy, sizing him up.
“What do you consider us as, Shin?” His eyes were empty and he cast a hollow smile, one full of deception and menace.
“What d-do you mean?” Shin was too scared to tear his eyes away from Sou, bad memories resurfacing when he didn’t do as Sou wanted.
“What do you think of me as? A friend? Do you care about me like a friend?”
Even though Shin could feel sinister energy pouring off of Sou, his smile didn’t fade.
“O-of course I do.” Shin thought that was obvious. Despite his hatred, there was a fondness for him, a fondness that only could come from naivety and dependency. There was fear too, there was always fear, but Shin wasn’t strong enough to do anything about. Instead, he could only care, as weaklings would.
Sou laughed. “Are you really that dumb? Any normal person would have hated my guts by now.” Shin could feel Sou’s hot breath in his face.
“I’m surprised you haven’t gone and killed yourself by now. I applaud your resilience, I really do. But, it does kind of make me a bit disappointed.”
“I wanted to see you break down in a million pieces, but here you are. Still whole!” he laughed. “You’ve completely exceeded my expectations, but I’m just so curious…”
He suddenly had a very serious expression on his face.
“Why didn’t you just let me go?”
Shin wasn’t brave enough to get rid of Sou. He didn’t have the strength, the power like Sou did. He was forced to dream and imagine Sou’s body rotting in a ditch somewhere. And every time he thought that, extreme guilt and fear crept into his heart.
“I’m not like you, Sou. I can’t do that,” Shin whispered.
Shin decided to lie, both to Sou, and to himself.
“You’re all I have.”
Sou dropped Shin, letting him collapse to the ground. He left the rooftop, leaving Shin behind.
Shin could only watch from behind as his only friend left him.
Frustration enveloped Sou. After all this time, he spent time with Shin, figuring out what made him tick. What would make him break. Mental abuse, physical abuse, the works. The only thing he hadn’t tried was straight up torture, mostly because that would be like admitting defeat. The boy was a complete, utter mess. He had no confidence, no strength, no power, no one to care for him.
With that last thought, Sou’s face contorted into a grin. Shin did have someone who cared for him, albeit in some sick, twisted way.
I do.
At least that’s what Shin thought anyway. Sou stuck around him after all this time, playing games with him, going out, studying together. Shin considered him a friend. He overlooked everything else just for these little treasures.
But then Sou was laughing, laughing at the pitiful boy he had accidentally befriended. He realized that there was something Shin cared deeply about, in fact, it was the one thing in the world he actually cared about. He knew Shin hated him too, there was no doubt about it. But he was too scared, too powerless to actually do something about it himself.
He would have to break that one thing to get something out of the boy.
Smiling, his mind began to wander, weaving in and out of all the possibilities.
He knew what made Shin tick now.
And now he had to crush it.
Sou continued life as usual.
He let Shin think nothing had actually happened. Just another episode of his.
But Shin didn’t believe him.
In fact, Shin took his silence over the whole incident as the beginning of something worse than he had seen from him before. And it was all his fault.
Shin hated himself.
He was dependent, so reliant on a man who only hurt him. Because he was all he had. Shin wouldn’t know what to do with himself if he was gone. But at the same time, he wanted Sou dead. He wanted him gone, erased from his memory, his existence a bad dream.
This was exactly what Sou had wanted.
Guilt, regret, affection, all packaged neatly into a turbulent vessel, waiting for the trigger to go off.
Sou made his plans for the day after graduation.
Shin didn’t see Sou at the graduation, strangely. It was just as nerve wracking to be away from Sou as much as it was to be near him. Texting Sou after questioning where he was, Shin was given an enigmatic response.
“Meet me at the school rooftop tomorrow at sunset! I have a surprise for you.”
Shin dreaded the next day.
The sun had just begun to sink in the sky when Shin stepped foot onto the familiar rooftop. Years were spent here, teasing, bullying, hurting and hurting. But he wasn’t alone. He never was alone all this time he had known Sou, he had made sure of that. He could feel Sou’s watchful eyes on him at all times, even when he was safe at home in his own bed. Ridiculous, but he couldn’t escape that gaze.
This time, when Shin stepped onto the rooftop, Sou’s back was to him. Shin stared, watching for a moment as the sun set in front of Sou, casting a long, dark shadow across the ground. It crept slowly around Shin’s ankles, weaving up his legs and solidifying itself around his face. He kept staring, hidden in the shadow of the man he despised so much, but couldn’t get rid of.
He was too weak.
Sou turned around, the wind ruffling his green hair as he smiled kindly at Shin, inviting him to come over to him.
Shin made his way to him, remaining in his shadow the whole time.
When Shin was within speaking distance, Sou gestured him over to the rail. They both looked out at the setting sun, sending crimson waves across the landscape. Sou thought this would be perfectly fitting. Gazing out for what seemed to be eternity, Shin couldn’t help but feel discomfort at the situation.
“Why weren’t you at graduation?” Shin asked tentatively, daring to break the silence.
“I had better things to do. And I’m not even an actual student here, you know that right?”
Shin was shocked. But then again, the more he thought about it, the more it made sense. There was nothing normal about Sou, and in reality, he wasn’t surprised at all.
“Wow, you really didn’t figure that out?” Sou mocked. “I thought I was making it easy for you!”
Nothing between them was ever easy. Shin just cradled his head in his arms, looking back at the setting sun, its rays slowly beginning to descend into the mountains.
“I’ve been thinking a lot about that day you almost dropped me to my death from this very spot,” he chuckled. “I wondered what would have happened if you did?”
“I didn’t almost drop you, you planned out the whole thing anyway,” Shin sighed. “There wasn’t any real danger.”
Why was he bringing this up now? Old wounds, bad memories, always resurfacing. He couldn’t ever escape it. He wanted to get this conversation moving so he could go home, feel relatively safe for once.
“What was this surprise you were talking about anyway?” Shin expected the worst.
But he never expected this.
“I thought you’d never ask! It was the whole point of meeting you here, anyway.”
He looked Shin in the eyes.
“I’ve decided to have a graduation ceremony of my own.”
A disturbing sense of déjà vu crept into Shin’s heart as Sou climbed over the railing.
This time, there were no nets to catch him. No safeguards in place.
It was nothing but concrete all the way down.
“I think it’s time for me to finally reach the climax of our story, don’t you think?”
Shin felt despair begin to blossom in the pit of his stomach.
“S-Sou, wait!” Shin reached out to grab him. Sou placed his heels on the edge and balanced ever so slightly, so that one wrong move would send him falling. Teetering on the edge, he gave a soft smile to Shin.
“I never knew you would exceed all my expectations. Looking back, you were such a pitiful waste of space. And look at you now!” Sou grinned. “You’ve become worthy of my affection! Something I want to see blossom in the best way possible!”
“And I too, have become someone that you love.”
“And unfortunately for me, there’s only one way to end this story in a satisfying way.”
“Don’t do this, Sou, please,” Shin begged, on the verge of tears.
“You know, you’re begging for it now, huh? Seeing you like that, I just want to break you down even more,” he gave a maniacal laugh, no shred of empathy in his dark, swirling eyes.
Shin could feel his heartbeat racing, his eyes watering. He slowly toddled forward, almost desperately reaching out to the man he hated, the man who tortured him for three years.
He whispered softly, a voice so quiet he couldn’t even hear himself.
“Don’t leave me.”
Sou laughed again, sadistically leaning back into the open air. He could feel the wind rising up against his back. There was no going back now.
“Aha... so cute. I hope you enjoy my last gift to you. From the bottom of my heart.”
Sou paused, tilted his head, and smiled. A sweet, heartfelt smile, full of affection and love.
It was disgusting.
“ I love you .”
Sou’s final lie to Shin, desperate for a reaction, the killing blow.
Not one bit of those words meant anything to Sou, but Shin would believe it. Or he wouldn’t believe it. It didn’t really matter either way. But he knew his words would root themselves into his brain. Those words he longed to hear for years now would crush him. And that’s all that mattered.
This is it.
Shin reached out, hoping, flailing, despairing. His soul was screaming out. Aching, pounding, desperately trying to grab the one thing that had brought happiness into his world, albeit a false one. A perverted sense of affection for someone he couldn’t bear to be around. But he stayed with him anyway.
He grabbed hold of Sou’s scarf, clutching it, his heart thudding rapidly.
It unraveled, and so did Shin’s world.
Sou fell back, arms open wide, embracing the final act of his in this world, taking along with it the love that Shin had planted within him, the pure essence of his soul.
Shin thought he could see wings sprouting from his back.
Almost like he could just fly away. Fly up, and not fall from that rooftop.
Almost, almost, almost.
At the same time, Shin wanted to see his wings burn to cinders.
And Sou just kept falling, and falling.
And falling and falling and falling.
Until his body thudded onto the dirt.
The moment he vanished, Sou had only felt bliss.
Bliss from the beautiful, disgusting, grotesque love that had been created and destroyed and created again. But when it revived, it became something else.
It became hate.
Shin felt an overwhelming numbness spread through him. And then hate. Hate for himself, and hate for Sou.
Sou would never be fixed. Never repaired.
Shin would never pick the pieces up himself either. He was crumbling, falling down and down and down. Splitting at the seams, crying, weeping, flailing.
Shin stared idly down at the concrete, bones and limbs twisted at unnatural angles, blood pooling beneath the corpse he had once called a friend.
Someone he had loved.
His one salvation in the world.
Disgusting. He was so disgusting.
Why was he relieved and so crushed at the same time?
It’s my fault.
Shin stared at the body for hours. Sou never got up again. He didn’t brush himself off and wave happily from the ground. He was rotting, decaying away.
He was there, but his soul was gone.
Instead, it leeched itself onto Shin’s heart, threatening to suck the life out of him.
Shin didn’t care anymore. He’d prefer it that way. His existence to him now was an unsightly one, a blight on this world.
Shin had been gripping the soft fabric of the one thing Sou had left behind. He wanted to rip it to shreds, disintegrate it, destroy it. He was so guilty, so ashamed of himself. The one friend he had, and he was relieved to see his broken body mutilated like a speck on the ground.
Instead he buried his face in its embrace, sobbing.
Delicately wrapping the scarf around his neck, it felt like a collar, threatening to crush his windpipe.
Even now, Sou still held his leash.
They really were awful, weren’t they?
His mind, broken and maimed, an empty husk of the innocent boy three years prior.
Stuck in limbo, floating, falling, he closed his eyes.
He would never be able to get rid of him now.