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“Wow, that was so cool! We should practice together again tomorrow! Can you toss to me right now?”
“Oh, thanks. I would love to toss to you, Shouyou.”
“Yahoo!”
Hinata grinned and planted yet another kiss on Kenma’s cheek. Kageyama rolled his eyes and went to the other side of the gym to get away from them. They were disgusting .
Before the Karasuno-Nekoma joint practice started, Hinata and Kenma huddled at the side of the gym. Hinata held Kenma’s hands and peppering his face with sweet little kisses. The rest of the team ignored them as they warmed up, not giving them a second thought. Tanaka and Noya teased them, but otherwise, the two love birds were left alone.
However, Kageyama could not stop staring at Hinata and Kenma, even though it made him sick. At first, it was only a little annoying to see them constantly kissing and holding each other, but now he found it repulsive. Every time they started being lovey-dovey, Kageyama left as fast as he could. They were just so in love and Kageyama was sick of it being thrown in his face every time Nekoma and Karasuno have a joint practice. Much to his dismay, these joint practices were becoming pretty frequent.
Ever since the beginning of the school year, Kageyama has been in love with Hinata Shouyou. He fought it and denied it as much as he could, but the little ray of sunshine stole his heart. If anyone asked him about his feelings for Hinata, Kageyama would be quick to say that he only saw him as a very valuable teammate. Kageyama would never let anybody know his true feelings. He had to keep it hidden as much as he could.
The day Hinata announced his relationship with Kenma was the day Kageyama’s world stopped spinning. All he remembered fleeing from the gym as fast as he could, making up some excuse that his parents needed him home early. The other team members never questioned him about it and frankly, he wasn’t sure if he should’ve been relieved.
Kageyama was sick of bottling up his repressed feelings and he wanted nothing more than for them to go away. He was angry with himself for never confessing to Hinata. He was jealous of Kenma for being the one who Hinata was in love with. Besides, what did Kenma do for Hinata? Why does Hinata love him so much? Kageyama was the one who tosses to him, after all. He was the one who brought out Hinata’s best skills, not fucking Kenma. Why wouldn’t Hinata look at him the way he looked at the shy Nekoma setter?
These thoughts weighed down on Kageyama as he began to do a few warm-up serves. Out of the corner of his eye, he watched Hinata give Kenma ugly kissy faces. His jealousy and anger grew by the minute. He didn’t notice how hard he hit the ball as he sent it flying to the other side of the gym. His hand slammed into the ball, shooting it straight over the net and crashing into whatever was in its way. Daichi warned him to be careful, but that made him even more frustrated. He was already annoyed with Hinata and Kenma; he didn’t need anybody else bothering him.
Before he realised what he was doing, Kageyama aimed the ball in Hinata and Kenma’s direction. It was like time slowed down. Several Nekoma players and a couple of people from Karasuno shouted at Kenma and Hinata to watch out, but it was too late. Kenma was unable to dodge the ball fast enough and it slammed right in his face. The ball knocked him over and Kageyama’s gut twisted at the sound of Kenma’s skull hitting the ground. Hinata screamed and got down next to his boyfriend. A large group formed around the two and many others were making their way over.
“KENMA!” Hinata shouted, taking Kenma in his arms. “Kenma, are you alright?!”
“Ughhhh,” Kenma moaned. His hand was covering his profusely bleeding nose.
“OH GOD, SOMEBODY, COME QUICK! HELP!”
“I’ll get the first aid kit!” Yaku shouted back. He sprinted out of the gym as fast as he could.
“Kageyama, what the hell was that for?!” Tanaka yelled. “Are you insane?!”
Everybody turned away from Kenma and Hinata to stare at Kageyama. He could feel their eyes burning into him. He looked down to avoid their piercing eyes and he started to make his way to the gym’s exit.
“OI, FIRST YEAR!”
Yamamoto marched up to him and grabbed the front of his shirt. He pulled Kageyama to his face, forcing him to look him in the eye. Kageyama’s face was only a few centimetres from Yamamoto’s and he could smell the older boy’s foul breath.
“WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?! LEAVE OUR SETTER ALONE!” Yamamoto bellowed, spit flying from his mouth. “YA GOT THAT?!”
Kageyama didn’t answer and he managed to squirm out of Yamamoto’s iron grip. Without glancing behind him, he fled to the locker rooms in shame. Several people called for him to come back. He could hear Hinata’s voice the loudest out of everyone else’s, but he ignored it. He needed to get out of there. Now.
He only stopped when he knew he was completely alone. When he was sure nobody followed him to the locker rooms, he finally let himself break down. All of the frustration that built up inside him for months gushed out in a wave of anger and frustration. He let his tears fall and let out the shouts that bubbled inside his lungs for ages.
As soon as he served that ball in Hinata and Kenma’s direction, he immediately regretted it. He knew he messed up then. How could he let his jealousy get out of control? He was fifteen and in high school, yet here he was acting like a big baby.
He was a horrible fucking person. He deserved nobody’s love.
Suddenly, he heard somebody enter the locker rooms. Kageyama quickly began to clean himself up, hoping that they wouldn’t notice he was crying.
“What was going on? You were a complete mess out there!”
He didn’t have to turn around to know who it was. To his horror and embarrassment, it was Hinata. Of all people to come after him, it had to be Hinata. Kageyama would rather Yamamoto follow him into the locker rooms. Maybe he’d punch some damn sense into him.
“What’s gotten into you?!” Hinata continued. “Why did you hurt Kenma? You need to go out there tell him you’re sorry!”
Kageyama spun around to face Hinata. His eyes started to fill up with fresh tears and this made Hinata step away from him in shock.
“Ka-Kag-“ Hinata sputtered.
“Shut up!” Kageyama shouted as he balled up his hands into fists. “SHUT THE HELL UP! DON’T TALK TO ME RIGHT NOW!”
“Kageyama-“
Hinata reached out to him, but Kageyama turned away and wiped his dripping nose on the back of his hand. He mentally cursed himself for being pathetic enough to cry in front of Hinata, but there was nothing he could do to stop the tears from falling.
“Just-just go away, Hinata,” he choked. “Get out of here. Kenma needs you.”
Hinata opened his mouth like he was going to say something, but then he closed it. He stayed in the locker room for a few more seconds before quietly backing out. Kageyama refused to turn around and watch him go. It would have made this more painful.
“Damn you,” Kageyama muttered, his voice shaking. He didn’t know if he was talking to himself or Hinata.
A few minutes later, he heard another set of footsteps entering the locker room. Who else was coming to bother him now? If it was Hinata again, he didn’t know how much he could hold back. He was afraid he’d lash out this time…
“Hinata, I told you to go away,” Kageyama said.
He turned around to see who was there and, instead of Hinata, it was Suga. The third-year looked almost as frazzled and upset as him.
“What’s going on, Kageyama? What did you do?” Suga asked. Despite his dishevelled appearance, his voice was as even and calm as ever. Part of this unnerved Kageyama. He wanted somebody to shout at him. He needed somebody to yell.
Kageyama refused to meet Suga’s eyes. “You saw what I did, so why are you asking? I hit him on accident. I didn’t mean to, Suga.”
“That wasn’t an accident and you know it. You’ve been acting differently lately. Now tell me, what was that about? Is something bothering you?”
When Kageyama didn’t respond to him, Suga let out a long sigh and sat down on one of the locker room benches. The two were silent for a while Kageyama scrubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands.
“It-it’s Hinata and Kenma,” Kageyama managed to choke out after a few minutes. “I c-can’t take it. I-I… think I like...”
He couldn’t finish his sentence. He walked over to the bench Suga was sitting on and sat down next to him. Suga threw a reassuring arm around his shoulders and pulled him close.
“It’s okay,” Suga whispered. He gently rubbed circles on Kageyama’s back. “It’ll all be okay. Jealousy is a normal emotion and we all feel it every now and then.”
“I-it’s awful,” Kageyama sputtered. “I let it control me. I frightened Hinata and hurt Kenma. I’m a monster.”
“No, you’re not. You’re only human, Kageyama. You make mistakes.”
They sat there in silence for a few more minutes. The only sound in the locker room was Kageyamas soft sniffles and sighs. Suga closed his eyes and let Kageyama rest his head on his shoulder. Something about Suga’s presence comforted him. It was as if Suga absorbed all of the pain and embarrassment he felt and replaced it with soothing energy. Before he knew it, he felt a lot better than before.
“Is Kenma okay?” Kageyama asked. “He isn’t seriously injured, is he?”
“He’s going to be fine,” Suga replied. “His nose is just bleeding and he’s going to have to sit out of practice today.”
Kageyama sighed in relief and leaned into Suga more. As long as Kenma wasn’t too hurt, everything was okay.
“You know you’re going to have to talk about this with Hinata, eventually,” Suga said. “And you’re going to have to go back out there and apologise.”
“I know,” Kageyama groaned, burying his face in his hands. “You don’t have to tell me that.”
“I’m just reminding you. Also, you know you can always talk to me about what's bothering you. Sure Daichi’s the captain, but I’m here whenever you need me.”
“Yeah. Thank you, Sugawara.”
“I’m going to go back and see how things are out there. I’m not going to pressure you to do this at the moment, but I want you to apologise to Kenma. You can do that it in your own time.”
“Not now. Can I stay in here for a while?”
“Just do it by the end of practice, please. I’ll be waiting for you.”
Kageyama nodded and sighed. Suga stood up and gave him one last pat on the back before exiting the locker room. Kageyama could relax some more now. The knowledge that Kenma wasn’t seriously injured made him feel a little better, but he couldn’t get rid of the anxiety he had about facing the teams. He was sure that Daichi was going to be disappointed and that the whole Nekoma team was ready to kill him.
What worried him the most was facing Hinata. There was no way Hinata was going to like him now, so he might as well accept that. But, is he even going to still want to play volleyball with him? Sure Hinata’s a forgiving person, but something like this can’t be forgiven easily.
After a few more minutes, Kageyama finally decided to return to the gym. The walk through the locker room took forever and he could feel his anxiety eating away at him. As he walked, it felt like his legs turned to iron and he was struggling to keep moving forward. Everybody was out there waiting for him to return and hear what he has to say.
As soon as he entered the gym, all eyes were on him once again. They were in the middle of a game, but at almost the same time, both teams stopped to watch what he was going to do.
“Kageyama!” Hinata shouted, running over to him. “What are you doing back here? I thought you were sitting out for the rest of practice.”
“Where’s Kenma?” Kageyama asked, ignoring Hinata’s question.
“He’s by the bleachers. His nose is bleeding, you know. You made it bleed.”
Hinata’s words stung. Biting back a fresh wave of tears, Kageyama strode past Hinata and made his way over towards where Kenma was sitting. Hinata stood in his spot for a couple of seconds before taking off after Kageyama.
“Hey, what do you think you’re doing?!” shouted Yamamoto. “Don’t get close to him, you punk!”
“Shut up, Yamamoto,” Yaku snapped. “He’s not going to hurt Kenma this time.”
When Kageyama approached Kenma, the older boy looked up from his the gaming device he was holding. He had two pieces of rolled up tissue up his nostrils and they were both heavily stained with blood.
“Sorry about earlier,” Kageyama muttered, refusing to look Kenma in the eye. “I didn’t mean to aim the ball at you. I just got… distracted.”
“It’s fine,” Kenma replied. He shrugged. “It was an accident, after all.”
“Yay, I’m glad it’s all good now!!” Hinata exclaimed, grinning and taking one of Kenma’s hands.
He gave Kenma a kiss on the forehead and Kageyama had to fight the urge to say something nasty. It took all his strength to politely bow to them before going to speak to Daichi and Kuroo.
“Please forgive me for disrupting practice,” he said. “I promise it will never happen again!”
“Okay,” Daichi said. “Don’t worry, Kageyama, you can continue to practice with us today. It was just a freak accident. Go finish warming up and then you can join the game.”
“Yes!”
“In the future, be careful where you aim those serves, first-year,” Kuroo warned, his eyes narrowed. “If you harm Kenma again, we will make you regret it.”
Kageyama bowed to the captains and went off to finish stretching. He watched the game from the sidelines. So far Nekoma was in the lead by a few points. The rotation just changed so that Hinata was in the front. When Nekoma served the ball, Noya was easily able to receive it. Next, the ball bounced to Suga, who tossed it in the air in Hinata’s direction.
“Kenma, watch what I can do!” Hinata yelled as he leapt into the air and spiked the ball straight into the ground, earning Karasuno a point.
“Very good, Shouyou,” Kenma replied, a small smile on his face. He clapped.
Jealousy roughly tugged at Kageyama’s heart once more. He let out a small groan when Hinata rushed off the court to give Kenma a quick little victory smooch before running back to his spot. Disgusted, Kageyama turned away so his back was facing the court and continued to stretch. Suga glanced over at him but didn’t say a word.
So this was what he was going to have to deal with? There wasn’t really much Kageyama could do about it. Jealousy made him ugly and pathetic; he couldn’t show that side of him anymore. Maybe in time, he’ll get over this stupid little crush. That’s what he hoped for. For now, all he can do is watch in pain as the boy he loved kisses and held somebody else.