Archive of Our Own

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“Stiles,” Scott says in his warning tone. Stiles doesn’t look up from his phone but he gives Scott a shoulder shrug to indicate he’s listening. Then suddenly, Scott’s yanking his cell phone from his hand. “Stiles. You have to stop doing this.”

"What?" Stiles asks, blinking a couple times as he processes what the hell Scott’s talking about.

“This!” Scott says, holding up Stiles’ phone where a beautiful, beautiful dick pic is on display. “You’re becoming obsessed with this guy’s junk. Please, for the love of all that is good, do something about it. I don’t think you heard me speaking at all?”

“Huh? You weren’t talking,” Stiles says, confused. He reaches out for his phone but fuck Scott, because he’s way faster than Stiles and yanks it away. Best friends as your roommate in college might not be the best idea if privacy were to be a thing that exists. Stiles pouts. (Okay, so he loves living with Scott. But not when Scott takes away his phone with the pretty dick on it.)

“I just told you that Allison and I are thinking about breaking up,” Scott whines. He shakes his head and tosses Stiles his phone back. “You know what? Forget it.”

Stiles shoves his phone into his pocket. “No, no, Scott, I am so sorry. It’s just that this is the first time…it doesn’t matter. What the hell is going on with you and Allison?”

Scott huffs, before he falls on the couch beside Stiles. He starts talking about their mutual fears of resenting one another for never experiencing things with other people when they grow old. It’s a debate that Stiles has been listening to for a couple of months now.

Stiles listens as well as he can, but his thoughts drift back to his mystery dick. He’s still mad at himself for being way too drunk to remember actually hooking up with the gorgeous, gorgeous guy. Although, when Stiles had woken up a couple of months, hungover as fuck, and confused as to where he was, he’d glanced at his bed partner. Who, of course, had a sheet over his head.

However, the sheet hadn’t covered his dick, and damn. Stiles hadn’t wanted to hang around to see who that gorgeous dick belonged to—he’s sure the guy waswas out of his league and would instantly regret sleeping with Stiles the second he woke up.

Still, the dick had been wonderful. So Stiles had written a note: Dude, your dick is fucking amazing. My friends won’t believe me if I don’t have proof. Please text me a pic at 613-555-0775.

Stiles hadn’t actually dreamed that would work. But around two o’clock in the afternoon, his phone buzzed, and there it was.

“What do you think?” Scott asks, interrupting Stiles’ thoughts.

“I think that you two should try an open relationship - you’re still together, but you can be with other people.” Stiles shrugs. “It seems like it’s the perfect solution for what you want.”

“An open relationship,” Scott murmurs. “We didn’t discuss that, but that might work.”

“I’m sorry I was a shitty friend earlier,” Stiles says, watching his best friend shrug it off.

"Nawh. I just wish you’d do something about that guy. I mean, he sends you dick pics literally whenever you ask. You could ask him for his name, at the very least.”

"No way. I tried that once, and he said, I like the anonymity better, dick lover. Like dude, he so doesn’t want to make this a thing.” Stiles sighs, frustrated. “He told me that he wishes he could remember our night together, because he’s sure that I was praising his dick to the gods.”

Scott lets out a laugh before he scrunches his nose. “He sounds like your kind of guy, Stiles. Just consider making a move, okay?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Stiles says, brushing it off. He always does when Scott gets into these random moods where he thinks that Stiles and Dick Dude could have something real like he and Allison do. He stretches out and then asks, “Maybe if Allison agrees to this open relationship thing, you could ask out Isaac from our philosophy class.”

Scott cranes his neck to look at Stiles. “What are you talking about?”

“Please, as if we both don’t know how curious you are to get into his pants. Whenever you talk about him, you get those little hearts in your eyes like when you talk about Allison.” Stiles rolls his eyes. “Dude, you must know that you’re totally taken with him, right?”

“I—” Scott ponders it for a moment. Then he says, “I didn’t. But…Isaac’s pretty hot, right?”

With a smile, Stiles leans forward to clap Scott’s shoulder. “Isaac’s hot. You are hotter. Why not try something new? It might turn out that you enjoy it a lot.”

“Only if you make some sort of move on Dick Dude.”

Stiles laughs. “Alright, deal.”

“Stiles, aren’t you going to be late for your tutor session with Grumpy Derek?” Scott prompts a few minutes later.

Stiles glances over at the clock. He jumps up. “Fuck, Derek’s going to kill me. Seriously, if looks could kill, you wouldn’t have a best friend.”

“I’m sure I could find another,” Scott jokes. It makes Stiles pause to glare at him before he running to grab his backpack. He doesn’t check to see if he has everything. He’s running out the door.

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“You’re late,” Derek states when Stiles flings himself into his seat. He’s breathing hard, and wondering how he can get into shape without doing anything physical.

“I know. I’m sorry. There was a crisis with—”

“Scott,” Derek interrupts. “Yes, you say this every time.”

Stiles flushes. “What do you want me to say?”

“Nothing. But you’re still being charged for that half-hour.” Derek waits, grumpy expression and all, until Stiles opens up his textbook. There’s a moment of silence between them as they stare at his textbook before Derek says, “That’s not the right—”

“Yeah, I see that,” Stiles hisses. He groans. “Cut me some slack, Derek. This is my pathetic life on a daily basis.”

Derek lets out the smallest of laughs before he gets up and walks away. Great,now his tutor is abandoning him. His phone buzzes.

SCOTT:  talked to Allison, she’s down for an open relationship!
SCOTT:  I think she mainly agreed because she wants you too hook up with Dick Dude just like me!

Could today get worse? Really? Stiles shoves his phone away when Derek comes back to the table, the proper textbook in hand.

“We’re in the school library,” Derek explains when he sits down. “So you’re forgiven this once. Try not to make a habit of it - it’s not guaranteed to be here every week.”

“How generous of you,” Stiles mumbles.

Still, Derek’s the best damn tutor Stiles has ever known. He takes his time and makes sure that Stiles truly understands the concept before he moves on.

And if Stiles had only really needed a tutor for a particular unit, but kept coming back because Derek—scowl and all—is the most attractive guy Stiles has ever seen, well, that’s Stiles’ secret. Seriously, this stuff was easy to him, but he pretended to struggle over it so that Derek would suggest they meet again next week. It’s surprisingly quite helpful too—like little study sessions that he paid for. But it meant that he’s focusing on the material outside of class time on a regular enough basis that his test scores are even better than before.

So Stiles keeps paying Derek to teach him things. Really, the forty bucks is worth it if he gets to stare at Derek’s face for an hour.

He leans in to look at the textbook and Derek glances at him, eyebrows raised. “Space, Stiles.”

Oh right, there’s the downside to this. Derek likes his fucking space, while all Stiles wants to do is be into Derek’s space so deep that it becomes a tangled hot mess.

“Sorry,” he mumbles.

Derek rubs his thigh and then flips the page. “Okay, so this is where we ended last week.”

Stiles has no idea what he says for the next three minutes. He does a lot of nodding and then Derek interrupts his thoughts with, “Are you hungry, Stiles? You’re drooling.”

How fucking embarrassing. Stiles wipes his mouth and says, sheepish tone, “I forgot to eat lunch today.”

Derek eyes him down. “”Why don’t you run down to the cafeteria then? If you don’t have anything for the next hour, we can start our session now. I won’t charge for the other half-hour.”

Stiles smiles. “Thanks, dude. I’ll be right back.”

Let me die now.

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Well, fuck. Allison had agreed to the open relationship, and Scott had rushed to talk Isaac into a date. Although, by the way Scott tells the story, Isaac hadn’t needed to be talked into a date. He’d accepted immediately. Stiles isn’t an idiot. They had it bad for one another, and he’s sure Allison had picked up on it too.

This means that Stiles has to do something other than ask Dick Dude for a dick pic tonight. He glances at the clock. It’s almost one-thirty in the morning. He usually texts Dick Dude at the earliest hours, mostly because that’s when he was horniest and could do something about it.

He’d practically stopped watching porn because of this guy. That was one hell of a fucking feat—that Scott doesn’t know about, because Stiles would never live it down.

Alright, here goes nothing.

STILES:  can I ask your name so I can put you in my phone as something other than Dick Dude?

DICK DUDE:  does it have to be my real name?

Huh. Stiles honestly hadn’t expected him to hand out a name just like that, but c’mon dude.

STILES: regardless of what I say, I’ll have no way of knowing if it’s your real name or not

DICK DUDE:  that’s true. but I’d rather not lie to you

STILES:  or tell me your name, I guess
STILES:  fine, but don’t ever say I didn’t ask

DICK DUDE:  wouldn’t dream of it
DICK DUDE:  I don’t feel like sending a dick pic tonight though

STILES:  that’s okay
STILES:  bad day?

DICK DUDE:  sort of, I guess
DICK DUDE:  my sisters are really pushy and today they went a little too far

STILES:  i kind of know what you mean, but I don’t have any siblings
STILES:  just my best bro
STILES:  he was upset with me because I was ignoring him

DICK DUDE:  why were you ignoring him?

STILES:  lol I was legitimately staring at last night’s photo
STILES:  and I had no idea he was even home
STILES:  how did your sisters go too far?

This is the longest they’ve talked without Stiles receiving a dick pic—actually, this is the longest they’ve talked period. He settles into his bed and turns the light on his nightstand off. They probably won’t talk much longer, if he knows anything about Dick Dude, it’s that he’s not huge on texting.

Which is almost proven since Stiles doesn’t receive a message from him for at least five minutes. When his phone buzzes, he’s totally wrong.

“Holy shit, Dick Dude,” Stiles whispers.

DICK DUDE:  my older sister, L, is getting married in a few months and my little sister, C, is finishing her first year of college and dating some gorgeous girl. so naturally they need me to be in a relationship and they wouldn’t stop talking about me bringing someone to the wedding in June and —

DICK DUDE:  —I’m not a social person and I don’t need to be in a relationship to be content but they won’t leave it alone. today L told me that she found a girl to agree to be my blind date for the wedding…I hate my sisters

Stiles has to read it twice. He doesn’t laugh, but he’s smiling. Apparently, being set up on a blind date is the worst thing that could ever happen to Dick Dude. He rolls over onto his stomach and starts to respond.

STILES:  why don’t you find your own date then?
STILES:  and tell your date straight up that it’s not going to be a ‘thing’
STILES:  there has to be someone else out there who would do that for you

DICK DUDE:  I don’t know…it might be a surprise to you, DL, but I’m not very likable

STILES:  DL?
STILES:  and with a dick like yours, you’re very, very, very likable so everyone in your life sucks
STILES:  get new friends who can appreciate what they have

DICK DUDE:  dick lover

Stiles snorts. Alright, so his mystery dude has a sense of humour.

DICK DUDE:  and…can you keep a secret?

STILES:  dude, I think I can
STILES:  you haven’t found your dick all over the internet for the world to see, have you?

DICK DUDE:  no I haven’t

STILES:  there you go.
STILES:  (also I’m way too selfish and want to keep the perfect dick all to myself)

DICK DUDE:  you probably have a shrine dedicated to my dick the way you talk about it
DICK DUDE:  i should be creeped out but I’m not
DICK DUDE:  there’s this guy that I’ve been getting to know this year and I think I like him

STILES:  dudeeeee

DICK DUDE:  am I breaking some unwritten rule?

STILES:  no, i was just gonna say, ask him to be your beard to the wedding!
STILES:  and then spend the entire wedding hitting him up and flirting and getting close

DICK DUDE:  that’s terrible advice
DICK DUDE:  besides isn’t a wedding a huge relationship step super fast?

STILES:  whatever, there are so many rules that shouldn’t be rules—like waiting three days to call. no one gives a shit, call whenever you want

DICK DUDE:  but isn’t that kind of…clingy?

STILES:  no, not if both parties are feeling it
STILES:  dude, if you had called me the second you’d gotten up…I would’ve answered

Stiles can’t believe he sent that. Then again, he has nothing to lose. Neither of them can remember much about the other, and that’s all fine and dandy for them. Still, his heart’s racing like crazy when Dick Dude responds.

DICK DUDE:  and here I thought you only wanted me for my dick

Stiles laughs. Yeah, okay, so Dick Dude understands him. He curls his toes and buries his face into his pillow. Wide smile and all, he lifts his head to start typing a response.

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“I think I liked it better when I knew you were staring at a dick,” Scott teases him a few weeks later. Stiles looks up at his best friend.

“What?” he asks.

“Never mind. Listen, Isaac’s going to come over later. Is that alright with you?” Scott asks, sounding far too nervous.

“Dude, are you going to get laid?” Stiles asks.

“Um, well, I don’t know, because…well, Allison’s coming over too.”

“Oh,” Stiles says, smile faltering. He puts his phone away. Dick Dude had class now anyway, so it’s best if he doesn’t distract him. He props his chin on the back of the couch, watching as Scott pours some milk into a glass. “What’s that going to be like?”

“Well, I wanted to talk to you about something actually. You see, the three of us, we’ve hung out together before.” Scott frowns at his glass of milk before he looks back at Stiles. “And one thing led to another…”

“Did you guys hook up?” Stiles asks, laughing in disbelief. Only Scott ducks his head, and Stiles’ jaw drops open. “Oh my god, dude, go you. What was the threesome like?”

“Amazing,” Scott answers, grabbing his glass of milk and rushing over to join Stiles on the couch. “It’s so weird, Stiles. But…I think I feel the exact same way about both of them.”

Stiles’ raises his eyebrows. “Dude.”

“I know. It’s impossible. It can’t work…what if it could?”

“It depends on how Isaac and Allison feel. Hey, if it’s what you want, go for it.” Stiles laughs. “Wow, Scott, that’s incredible. Good for you, buddy.”

Scott beams now. “I’ve never been happier.”

“Atta boy,” Stiles teases. He glances at the clock. “Fuck! I’m going to be late to see Derek again.”

“I’m shocked he hasn’t dropped you yet,” Scott jokes as Stiles jumps up from the couch.

“Shut up, dude! You know how grumpy he gets when I’m late!” Stiles pushes his bedroom door open and grabs his backpack. He’s rushing towards the door when Scott stops him.

“Stiles! You need both pants and shoes!”

Stiles pauses and then laughs. “Thanks, buddy. What would I do without you?”

“And stop blaming you being late on my love life talks.”

Stiles laughs when he comes out of his bedroom, pants and shoes on. “What are you talking about?”

“Derek cornered me the other day—told me that I should stop talking to you before your tutoring lessons.” Scott grins. “Tell him I tried.”

“You didn’t try at all,” Stiles answers. “But have fun. Stay safe. Wear condoms!”

“Stiles!”

“Love you, man!”

“Love you too!”

Stiles is stumbling out the door and jogging down the hall.

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“I’m not late,” Stiles says, short of breath.

Derek glances up at him. “Just sit, Stiles. I’m not mad. I got us coffee.”

“Wh—why?” Stiles asks, collapsing in the chair across from Derek. He inhales sharply before he coughs a little. Okay, too much air.

Derek doesn’t look concerned at all. “Because your final is next week. You told me at the beginning that we’d have to celebrate surviving six months together, so there.”

Stiles snorts. “Dude, coffee is not celebration. But I’ll take it.”

“One milk, two sugars, right?” Derek asks.

Stiles lifts his head. “Yeah—yeah, how’d you know that?”

Derek shrugs. “I pay attention. Before we get started, um, I have a question.”

“Fire away, hot stuff,” Stiles says before he sips his coffee. It’s the best coffee he’s ever had—and yeah, maybe that has something to do with the fact that Derekbought it for him.

“So my sister’s getting married next month. She won’t stop bugging me about a date so um…would you be okay to—?” Derek stops talking.

Stiles’ heart is racing. Holy fucking shit, no fucking way, no fucking way, oh my god. “Pretend to be your date and get free food and alcohol?”

“Something like that,” Derek mutters.

Stiles’ mind is flashing with all the things that Dick Dude had told him about his crush. He’s freakishly smart—I think he’s smarter than me, but he keeps asking me to help him with stuff.

He’s hilarious and sometimes I don’t think he means to be.

I always look forward to seeing him.

He’s the best part of my week.

I hate when he gets close to me, because I have a difficult time concentrating, let alone breathing.

“No,” Stiles says. “I…I…”

“No worries,” Derek says, flipping the textbook open. “It was a dumb idea anyway.”

“No, no, Derek, you misunderstand me. I…there’s no way. Oh god, okay, Derek. We need to start over.”

“Um, Stiles, it’s not that big of a deal—”

“I’ll go with you as your actual date. On a date with you. Especially so you don’t have to go to a wedding with a blind date.”

Derek freezes now. “How—how did you know that?”

Oh god, Stiles is right. He scrambles to pull out his phone. He opens the conversation with Dick Dude and pushes it towards Derek.

“I didn’t know. I just figured it out when you asked. Or at least, I hoped. I thought—wow.”

Derek runs a hand through his hair and looks up at Stiles. He whispers, “Thank god.”

Stiles’ heart is racing.

“Thank god?”

“Yeah. I didn’t want Dick Lover to be anyone else.”

“I have another confession.”

Derek doesn’t say anything, but waits.

“I don’t need tutoring lessons.”

“No shit,” Derek says, with a laugh that relaxes Stiles a bit. “I could’ve told you that.”

“What do we do now?” Stiles asks.

“You can show me what a real celebration is like, and we can pretend that I never told you anything embarrassing,” Derek says, shoving Stiles’ textbook towards him.

“You mean like the fact that you can’t breathe when I get too close?” Stiles asks, leaving his seat to plop down in the seat beside Derek.

Derek glares at him. “Yeah, something like that.”

“Mmm, what if you pass out?” Stiles asks, eyeing Derek’s lips. “I might have to give you some mouth-to-mouth.”

Derek shoves him away, playfully, and a smile is creeping on his lips. He rolls his eyes dramatically and leans towards Stiles. “Uh huh, and did you ever consider that I have the power to never let you play with my dick again?”

Stiles blinks. “Oh dude, that is just so mean.”

“Yeah well, that’s what you get for being a tease.”

“I’m not teasing you. I’m here for the taking,” Stiles says, laughing. Only his laugh is cut short because Derek’s kissing him.

When they break, Stiles frowns.

“What’s wrong?” Derek asks, rubbing a thumb against his cheek.

“I can’t believe I forgot what your mouth tastes like. If I had remembered that night…I would’ve stayed, Derek. I would’ve demanded you make me breakfast and I wouldn’t have left your bed all day.” Stiles presses his lips to Derek’s in a chaste kiss. “I didn’t see your face. You had a sheet over it. I just saw your dick and realize how ridiculously out of my league you were.”

Derek raises his eyebrows. “Stiles, I wish I could’ve remembered who you were the morning I woke up. I only remembered having fun for the first time in years. I remembered laughing and feeling happy.”

Stiles fights a smile on his lips, and loses. “It should always be like that.”

“Are we going to give it a shot?” Derek asks.

Stiles knows what this is costing him. Over the past few weeks of texting him, over the past few months of hanging around him, he knows that this is huge. His expression grows serious and he gives Derek a few small nods. Quietly he says, “I think so.”

“Good.” Derek’s kissing him again. And fuck if that’s not the best thing that will ever happen to him.

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“Stiles?” Scott calls out from the other room. “Are you home?”

Stiles freezes on top of Derek. When they’d gotten back to the apartment, it’d been surprisingly empty. Apparently, the trio had come home. “Yeah, buddy. I, uh, I have a friend over!”

Derek pinches his nipple.

“Ow, fuck.” Stiles smiles. “I mean, I have my boyfriend over!”

“Who?” Scott asks.

“Dick Dude!” Stiles shouts. Derek lets out an unexpected laugh.

“Good for you buddy! Although I was kind of rooting for you and Derek lately,” Scott says. Then he probably realizes what he says and tries to backtrack. “Not that there’s anything going on with you and Derek though! I just think you’re great friends and comical to see in action. But um, congrats bro! Isaac, Allison and I are going to go to her place!”

“Have fun!” Stiles shouts.

“You too! Wear condoms!” Scott shouts.

Stiles laughs and doesn’t move until he hears the apartment door shut.

Derek’s expression screams that he’s amused and doesn’t want to be. “Really, Stiles?”

“Really, really,” Stiles murmurs. But then he’s rocking his hips and Derek doesn’t seem to care that he paused to have a conversation with his best friend. He smirks. “I’m in love with your body, boyfriend.”

“Oh god, what have I—jesus fuck, Stiles—started?” Derek asks.

“You tell me, boyfriend.”

“Fuck,” Derek murmurs. “Don’t stop, boyfriend.”

Stiles’ heart skips a beat, but his rhythm does not. He laughs when Derek starts to desperately claw at his back, to bring Stiles closer to him. Derek whispers, “Next time, I’m on top, and you’re going to regret that smug look on your face.”

Then he’s laughing as Stiles tries to muster an indignant expression and fails. “Deal.”

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