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One, two, three…
He had to stay calm. It wasn’t the first time he was in that situation, it already happened once. He was in second grade and not many days before he had an eye examination. He had just found out how he was getting more short-sighted each day. Or better, a mole.
Four, five…
At that time he didn’t even know how contact lenses looked like. Moreover, he couldn’t buy a second eyeglasses frame. The first one was just a few months old and he already needed new lenses. That’s why he was forced to leave his only eyeglasses behind in order to upgrade them. His mother was with him, and his eyes weren’t so messed up yet, but he still remembered the anxiety he felt when he looked around and couldn’t recognize a thing.
Six, seven, eight…
It was easy to remember especially because he was feeling the exact same thing in that moment, while picking up the pieces. If he managed to focus on their number, he could ignore the growing panic.
It wasn’t working, by the way.
That day had a great start, it kept being amazing and now he just wanted to kneel and cry like the desperate man he was; what a strange life. He had woken up early, but rested. After a shower and a good breakfast he had got out and had gone to his university campus by metro. He had an exam which he felt very prepared for, he had answered to all the questions and hadn’t missed the professor’s small smile. From that moment, the true joy.
The hours right after any exam were probably what he loved the most about university. If he felt like he had done a good job -very frequently- he treated himself by buying a comic, and sometimes more than one. Then he went to the biggest park in the city, where he spent said hours. The comic shop was halfway to it. He simply enjoyed the fresh air he couldn’t breathe on the previous studying days.
He was living a spectacular moment. The first perfect days were here, when one could simply relax with the perfect chilly wind and the warm sun on the skin. He was surrounded by trees, happy people and children playing with the ball. Which in that case hit his face and broke his eyeglasses while he was focused on his favourite superhero’s adventures.
The tiny blurred figure had apologized a hundred times, and he could do nothing but reassure him. As soon as the boy left, though, the only thing he could think about were the words “I wanna cry”.
Nine, ten, eleven...
So it began his attempt of gathering the pieces. Both the ones of the eyeglasses and those coming from his now troubled soul. Thoughts piling up in his head, he didn’t know how to bring himself to stand up and head home. His breath was laboured. His hands were frantically touching the grass, but he wasn’t able to clearly distinguish their outline.
He always forgot how he felt utterly lost without his glasses. One thing was wandering in his house, where he could literally move with closed eyes, but outside? Izuku was sure, he hadn’t experienced anything like that before. And that was horrible. His mom could magically appear next to him and he would not recognize her.
“Deku?”
Izuku immediately froze. There was only one person who called him that way. He slowly raised his head, hoping to identify the shape at least. He narrowed his eyes out of instinct while trying to bring Kacchan, obviously backlit by the sun, into focus. He could see his blonde hair, nothing else.
“Ka-Kacchan?”
“What the fuck are you doing?”
His mouth was already open when he emitted a “uhhhm” before lowering his head. Seventeen pieces.
He heard Kacchan moving, probably to put the weight on the other foot “Eloquent as ever.”
“Polite as ever.” He answered with sarcasm. They hadn’t see each other for what, six years? And they hadn’t talked for more than that.
Why now?
“Huh.” Another movement, then silence. Izuku tried to ignore the figure above him and kept looking for pieces, completely prostrated in front of his enormous bad luck “I didn’t remember the eyeglasses.”
Izuku scoffed “I didn’t wear them in middle school.”
“Puberty sucks, doesn’t it?”
“Yup.”
“How much can you see?”
“Mh.” Izuku took the hand without the pieces eight inches away from his face “Here I can sharply see my hand.”
“Damn.”
“Yup.” He repeated, closing his eyes. He just wanted to go home. He didn’t need this. He didn’t need his personal asshole who broke his heart in middle school to ruin his day. It was freaking ruined already. When he re-opened his eyes, one hand was in his line of vision and it wasn’t his.
He glanced at him, but couldn’t physically find what he was looking for. Just that backlit figure with blonde hair. He sighed and accepted his help, standing up. He found himself in front of a very less blurred Kacchan’s face.
“Ah.”
“Mh?”
“So your puberty didn’t suck as much as mine.”
“...What?”
Izuku blushed as soon as he realized what he just said “No, that came out wrong, that was meant to be a question!” he lied “I just wanted to catch up. How’s your life been? What about high school? What do you do now?”
He didn’t see it clearly, but the smirk on Kacchan’s lips was evident enough. That hadn’t change much, but the malice behind it seemed somehow toned down. Or maybe he simply wasn’t making fun of him..?
“Life’s been ok. I came home yesterday, the exam session just ended.”
“Cool, cool. What are you studying?”
Kacchan fell silent for a bunch of seconds after that. Did he just briefly looked away? Izuku wasn’t sure.
“Psychology.”
“Ah.”
Alarm! That was unexpected and he absolutely had to add something to his answer. He could feel Kacchan waiting for something more articulated, damn empathy. He couldn’t just be quiet.
“Well, you always knew where to hit. Perhaps you’ll do it with good intentions, now.”
What the heck did I just say?
Kacchan lowered his head and smiled, giving off a completely different idea than before. Was Izuku about to be punched? He was, wasn’t he? He wouldn’t even see it coming. He almost began to apologize when the other spoke.
“Fuck you, but I deserve that.”
The ball in his face might have also caused a concussion: Izuku wasn’t actually conscious, he was dreaming that his past traumas were now in the present. They were meant to help him to achieve some kind of personal development in order for Izuku to wake up as a better version of himself.
“So your brain-mouth filter didn’t change at all.” Kacchan brought him in the real world again and, really? Izuku couldn’t do this anymore.
“Listen, I just wanna go home.” He whined.
“Whatever. I’m coming with you.”
Izuku was about to raise his head towards the sky, which in those minutes was the only well-defined thing around him, but that sentence stopped his eyes to get away from his interlocutor’s face.
“Are you going to kill me?”
“Sure, that’s the first step if you wanna start the fucking best career as a psychologist.”
“I really can’t bring myself to laugh.”
Kacchan sighed and crouched down. He didn’t get what he was doing until he stood up again with his comic book and the bag Izuku used for university in his hands “Did you move these year?”
“No?”
“You tell me,” he waved the comic “nerd.”
“No, we didn’t.”
“I can be your navigator, then.”
What was happening was surreal, to say the least, but Kacchan could really be his anchor in that situation. Izuku had the opportunity to go home safe and sound, he wouldn’t miss it. Well, taking from granted that the blond wasn’t about to murder him.
“Uhm, ok. Thank you, I guess. Wait a second...” He patted the bag so that he could find a pocket where to put what he had gathered in his hand. He would never need what remained of his eyeglasses, but, well, since he picked it up...
“I think...” He –pointlessly- narrowed his eyes again, looking around “We should go there.”
Kacchan nodded and his lips parted while Izuku was turning away “Yeah, but be careful, there are many roo- Deku!”
That was the moment when he realized that a long journey was about to begin. He took literally three steps and he was already tripping. He was now clinging to the other who, fortunately, seemed to have an aptitude for taking care of moles.
“Uhm... Thanks.” Izuku took a step back and straightened himself out, clearing his throat. Am I blushing? I feel like I am. I’m definitely blushing.
“Yes, you are, but I’m used to it.”
“Wha-“ he gaped at him “How modest, Kacchan!”
“... What I meant was that I’ve known you since you were a blushing, crying brat.”
Izuku stared at him. He didn’t know what to say, so he just started walking –carefully-, mumbling something about the fact that when he was a brat, Kacchan was a brat too.
He heard Kacchan following him. It wasn’t long before something brushed against his back. Well, okay, that touch was reassuring. He noticed his movements were becoming less hesitant, even if he was getting slightly more anxious. They drew apart years ago and yet, here they were, talking like nothing happened. Also, this guy almost didn’t act like the Kacchan he knew, and the anxiety didn’t feel the same.
They were now near the park gates. Izuku could see the green disappear and more figures move around them. He needed to slow down, so he did, feeling uncertain about his steps again and with an unpleasant weight on his chest.
“Relax, nerd.” Kacchan grabbed his arm. He thought that the touch was new, but old in some way “I’ll be your eyes.”
Izuku snorted “I’m blessed.”
“I’m leaving you here.”
“Nope, no. Show me the way.”
They didn’t say much at first. Izuku was too focused on himself: the streets were full of undefined people walking towards him or appearing from behind his back. It was awful. He mentally thanked Kacchan a thousand times, sure that he couldn’t have gotten there without a panic attack if he had been alone. Although he still could have one. He took deep breaths, trying to fight any discomfort. He looked right in front of him, pretending not to be upset by his damned myopia. God, I hate it so much...
All this time Kacchan never stepped back, not even for an instant, but Izuku realized that only when he tightened his grip on his arm in order to stop him. They just got to the metro station, therefore the stairs. Izuku sighed.
“Don’t worry, you can do it. Take your time and I won’t have to save your ass again.” Well, his encouragement needed some improvements but he couldn’t say he wasn’t impressed. He smiled and nodded, the right foot slowly moving forward. He could see where the sidewalk stopped and the stairs began thanks to the different colours, but he had to use all his concentration anyway.
He hesitantly went down the steps, Kacchan by his side. When they arrived at the last one he felt sure enough to turn his head and look at the other’s expression. He assumed he was about to see annoyance or boredom.
Yeah, nope.
Kacchan’s eyes were staring at Izuku’s feet, his face was relaxed and, more importantly, close enough to be perfectly in focus.
Once the obstacle was overcome, Izuku was intact and still standing. Kacchan didn’t need to look where the other was going anymore, so Izuku waited. He believed that that day was being restored of its meaning when he could see every shade of red in Kacchan’s eyes again after seven years.
Time stopped. It was like going back to when Kacchan looked at him without mockery, actually showing that he was more than yells and bad words. He remembered when he ruffled Izuku’s hair or when he pouted and thanked him if Izuku picked up the pen for him.
He didn’t know how long he’d been staring, but Kacchan was letting him. He only woke up when the thought he wasn’t just letting him but he was staring right back at Izuku popped in his mind, and time was passing again. He blinked, slightly confused.
Kacchan took a step back and cleared his voice nonchalantly but looking away “For a moment I thought you went blind.”
On the contrary. Izuku bit his lip and started walking again “I was shocked that I didn’t fall.”
“You’ll fall when I say so.”
“Yeah, I still can’t find your words comforting.”
“I wasn’t trying to comfort you, Deku.”
Despite their past, Izuku knew that was a joke. He laughed and lightly pushed him with his shoulder, ignoring how fast his heart was beating. This sense of panic is giving me tachycardia, now. Of course the real causes aren’t a freshly awake old crush and... something else down there. Oh my God.
They remained silent until they entered the metro. Every seat was taken, so they just stood in the middle of the wagon, holding to the pole. Izuku didn’t want to look at Kacchan again, but moving his eyes didn’t make him feel good at all. Blurred world and constant shakes weren’t the best combo, it was upsetting.
He tried to close his eyes and lower his head, but that caused him physical distress soon. He sighed, giving up on his plan B. He was meditating on plan C when he saw Kacchan going around the pole and stopping before him. In focus, again.
“What’s up?” Izuku asked, secretly relieved that he finally had something stable and sharp to look at. For the first time he noticed what Kacchan was wearing. Now his presence in the park made sense: he had a tank top and some running shorts on.
“You didn’t know what to look at.”
“And I should look at you?”
“Tell me, how did you become a fussy fucker?”
“What do you think, doc?”
Izuku clearly saw Kacchan’s tongue briefly lick his bottom lip before nibbling it. He was trying to hide a smile that didn’t seem just amused. He smiled too, reflexively, but Kacchan’s eyes took his breath away another time when they glanced at Izuku’s lips for a very long second.
What is happening right now?
“I could be mistaken, since I’m not a doctor yet, but... I just think you’re a little dickhead.”
Izuku burst out laughing and shook his head “It doesn’t sound like a professional opinion, honestly. It seems pretty superficial.”
Kacchan’s expression changed, or maybe he had gotten closer “There is always time to go deeper.”
Nah.
Nah, that was not an innuendo.
Naaaaah.
Izuku swallowed, entranced by Kacchan’s stare. He could feel the blood reaching the most inappropriate areas of his body –no, not just his cheeks- and a weird sensation in his stomach. The other one was there, not moving, observing every inch of his face without even noticing that he was basically killing him.
“This...” Izuku realized that he was talking just because he recognized his voice. Kacchan was now devoting his full attention to him, patient like a predator in front of his prey.
“This is my stop.”
When Kacchan looked away, Izuku started going haywire and mentally offending himself. He raised an eyebrow and the doors opened “How did you know?”
“I counted.”
“Mh.” Kacchan grasped his arm and dragged him out. A crowd of people was around them, trying to get out of the metro station, so he pulled Izuku towards himself.
They couldn’t get back to the previous conversation until they breathed open air again, and Izuku wasn’t able to fully understand if he was relieved or not. He wasn’t sure: was he making this up? Was Kacchan flirting with him? That’s what his mind was whispering, too scared to raise its voice.
After some walking, though, they arrived at Izuku’s house and his mind was screaming.
He had no doubts, Kacchan had reduced the distance between them at some point, and now he was leaning on the wall, his face close enough to be in focus for Izuku’s stupid eyesight. Which, friendly reminder, was very close. He knew what he was doing to Izuku, there was no other explanation and honestly, Izuku wasn’t surprised. He had admired his perceptiveness since he found out what perceptiveness was. Heck, Kacchan taught him what perceptiveness was.
“So... Uhm. Thanks for leading me.”
“Whatever. I did worse things.” Kacchan smirked and tilted his head. Izuku nodded, unsure. Kacchan handed out his bag and he grabbed it as soon as he did, so that he could start looking for his keys. Yes, he was trying to act casual while panicking inside for some unknown reason, sue him.
“You could show me how much of a nerd you are with the eyeglasses on, next time.”
Nope, not helping. Was this a random sentence? Was he making fun of him? Was it some sort of proposition? In doubt, Izuku scoffed. Nothing could go wrong if he laughed it off.
“Yeah, so I can help you find your friendliness.”
He watched Kacchan biting the inside of his cheek, thoughtful “I should give you my number. You can call me if you find it first.”
What a strange day.
He blinked a couple of times before hurrying to take his phone. Izuku, calm down, he’ll think you couldn’t wait! And don’t look at his satisfied grin, jeez.
“Yeah, you should. I fully understand the seriousness of the situation.” He said, pretending not to be excited. Kacchan gave him his number, his tone was amused. He pulled away from the wall and he moved in front of him to shuffle his hair. So, that didn’t change.
“Lemme know, nerd.”
He turned around and disappeared. Well, he became a blur and then disappeared. Despite that, Izuku kept staring at his direction, asking himself if he just actually spent all this time with Kacchan.
He got inside, put his contact lenses on, showered and threw himself on the bed to read the comic from where he left it. He was still in doubt, but he was certain about something: the name “Kacchan” was standing out among his contacts.