Work Text:
Jiang Cheng likes to think that college is where people blossomed from the remains of high school. He was not always the broad-shouldered, confident striding second year that he was now. In fact, if anyone were to characterize Jiang Cheng as ‘shy’ or ‘timid’ it would be hard to believe. In this new leaf, Jiang Cheng is coarse or cold (among a list of other things). But he is not afraid and that is the one lesson that Jiang Cheng has learned well from his years in high school.
Jiang Cheng doesn’t think about high school much. His mind had left that place long before his graduation cap was given to him before he had given his salutatorian speech. All he really wants to remember from there are in the few pictures that he has, stored away in a box under his bed in his childhood home.
That box is far away from where he is now, in a dorm room half the world away, living with his brother. So Jiang Cheng doesn’t really think about high school.
Ever.
This is why it is all the more dumbfounding for him to come face to face with all of his high school memories wrapped in a single person.
“Lan Xichen” the name curls in a breath of anger on his tongue. The said man doesn’t look up at the mention of his name, he never has. In the doorway of the diner, Jiang Cheng takes a deep calming breath, stealing himself for the dinner that his brother had definitely planned. He was going to give Wei Ying a piece of his mind later.
Jiang Cheng lets the door close behind him. He steps into the slightly crowded diner and walks to a hard to miss booth. It’s almost full when Jiang Cheng approaches, scolding his face into an impassive look as he can manage. He leans against the top of the booth, eyes drifting past the other occupants.
“Ah! Jiang Cheng! Jiang Cheng. So glad you’re joining us” Nie Huaisang, the resident enthusiast, welcomes. He turns to scold the others to move in to make room for him. Jiang Cheng spares a small nod in thanks, sliding in next to his brother. Wei Ying beams at him innocently, hooking his arm through his elbow and leaning on his shoulder. Jiang Cheng huffs, trying to escape Wei Ying’s relentless gasp when he hears a muffled chuckle in front of him. Jiang Cheng’s eyes flicker in front of him, automatically seeking out the sound that still hasn’t quite fully left his mind.
Lan Xichen is the perfect picture of seriousness except for the hand that’s covering his mouth. When their eyes meet, Lan Xichen’s laugh disappears fully. Though a passive smile still sits on his face when he scolds the humor away.
Jiang Cheng sighs, leaning back into the booth and letting his brother be.
~
Dinner was the longest that it has ever been for him. He’d lost his appetite the moment that he’d seen Lan Xichen, so he doesn’t eat much that he has ordered. Wei Ying besides him feasts heartily, eating both from his own order, Jiang Cheng’s unfinished one and Lan Zhan’s vegetarian option. He’s always been a menace in Jiang Cheng’s life and he truly feels reminded of that now.
Though the table is rowdy and full of good company, Jiang Cheng can’t change his mood. His face is stuck in a permanent scowl as the end of the evening rolls by. Lan Xichen across from him is as personable as ever and it makes Jiang Cheng sick.
When the bill arrives, Jiang Cheng takes some money from his wallet and hands it to his brother. He slips out of the booth wordlessly despite Wei Ying’s strong protests.
The entire night sitting in such close proximity to him had unfolded an anxiousness that he had spent too many years learning how to discipline. Jiang Cheng was itching for a smoke.
He lets the ring of the diner’s bell signal his departure. He walks to the side of the building, towards the parking lot, feeling in his pocket for his pack of cigarettes. Jiang Cheng finds it as he’s reaching his car so he leans on the hood as he sticks one in his mouth. Then he begins patting around his other pockets for a lighter.
Jiang Cheng will take the blame for this moment of inattention. He doesn’t realize that someone had followed him to his car until a hand delicately removes the cigarette between his lips. Jiang Cheng whips his head up, angry eyes staring straight at Lan Xichen’s calm widened ones. There’s a pause where Jiang Cheng simply takes in the way that the man before him looks now.
Lan Xichen’s features have sharpened, jawline straight, and nose more pointed set on his face. His hair is shorter, less shaggy and his skin is no longer as tan as it was when Jiang Cheng last spoke to him. Though when their eyes find one another’s, Jiang Cheng is surprised that they are still the same melancholy brown. His orbs shine like polished copper.
Or dry dirt.
Jiang Cheng lets out a short scoff. He doesn’t want to waste words with him. Jiang Cheng stands up, shouldering Lan Xichen away to get to his car door. Jiang Cheng doesn’t look to see if the man’s stumbled back. He’s unlocking his car when there’s a hand on his shoulder.
“Jiang Cheng”
Said man closes his eyes, a fist closing around the side mirror. He hates his name coming out of that man’s mouth. He hates that he wants to hear it in this new voice once more.
Jiang Cheng spins around to face Lan Xichen again, the man’s hand falling off his shoulder. Jiang Cheng sets his jaw, crossing his arms in front of him as he stares at the man (once boy) who broke his heart.
“What do we have to say to each other?” Jiang Cheng asks. He can’t bring the volume of his voice up.
“Many things, if you want to listen‒”
“I don’t” Jiang Cheng answers tersely, pulling his car door open when Lan Xichen’s hand returns to his shoulder again. Jiang Cheng growls, sending a hard shove at the shoulder behind him. Lan Xichen stumbles. Jiang Cheng wouldn’t have turned all the way around to check if he hadn’t heard a small splash behind him.
When Jiang Cheng turns around, Lan Xichen is lying in a small puddle, courtesy of yesterday’s rain. His face is scrunched up and it takes a minute for him to get back on his feet again.
Jiang Cheng holds back from helping him.
There’s an ugly splotch on the side of his leg, dampening quickly. Lan Xichen rubs his elbow before letting it go. He chooses to talk to Jiang Cheng standing tall.
“Jiang Cheng. Listen to me‒” Lan Xichen begins.
“Why? Why do I have to? How can I?” Jiang Cheng’s voice had escalated with every step that he stalked across the small distance between them. All that separates them is the small puddle that Lan Xichen had fallen in. Jiang Cheng’s fists are curled by his side, eyes filled with the most fury Lan Xichen had ever received. His own eyes sting with tears and they fall when Jiang Cheng speaks again.
“You already played me like a fool once before. Isn’t that enough?”
Lan Xichen closes his eyes, a lone tear escaping down his cheek. He doesn’t open his eyes even after he’s heard the slam of a car door. Or the sound of an engine driving away.
None of the pain in his limbs could compare to the ache in every beat of his heart.
~
Jiang Cheng does not seek out Lan Xichen again. He never has. Not since high school and definitely not now. Upon returning from the diner, he doesn’t give Wei Ying’s hopeful eyes anything more than a cold shoulder.
Jiang Cheng moves on from his run-in with Lan Xichen with two weeks of the silent treatment to Wei Ying, who whined the whole time. He lets the memory of Lan Xichen return to being the memory it was in the deepest recesses of his mind, where it belongs.
But there are moments.
There become many moments where Jiang Cheng can’t help when his mind wanders. In a lecture, at a lab or on a walk to class. He hates how days pass like honey in a jar without thinking of him. He hates himself for indulging, revisiting the picture of Lan Xichen’s face that he had stared at in the parking lot of the diner. He hates himself and his thoughts for betraying his heart.
When the thoughts—the longing—gets too loud for him to handle, Jiang Cheng leaves his room to take a breath on the bleachers by the school field.
It is not far from the dorms, a short 10-minute walk, a brisk five if he needed a quick getaway. The field was barely looked at after curfew, so Jiang Cheng didn’t have to worry about anyone seeing him jump over the fences.
A few minutes of breathing in the crisp February air were a blessing to him. He was glad to have a hideaway.
It was a nice place to be alone.
~
Jiang Cheng is alone for a while. The bleachers and the clear night sky are all his own. So he doesn’t think much of it when an occasional shadow crosses by him or the creaking of the bleachers a half an hour or so after his arrival.
Jiang Cheng doesn’t care much. If he could find a semblance of peace here, why shouldn’t anyone else? As long as they don’t bother him, is all he asks.
Jiang Cheng starts sharing the night view sky with someone else.
~
Months pass by with the weekly escape to the bleachers, and the seasons give way to new months.
It is May.
Jiang Cheng had taken to going to the bleachers whenever he was stressed and not just when he didn’t want to think of him. With May comes finals, so Jiang Cheng finds himself sitting out on the bleachers almost nightly to get a semblance of peace.
On one particular night, Jiang Cheng comes to the bleachers and finds that he is not alone.
There is someone sitting at the very bottom bleachers, with the hood of their hoodie pulled up. They seem to be looking out onto the field.
Jiang Cheng stares at their back and thinks. Luckily the person is not in the same spot that Jiang Cheng liked to occupy; usually on the higher seats of the bleachers. If Jiang Cheng were there, they’d be far enough not to disturb one another. The only problem was that Jiang Cheng had to walk past that person to get there.
His mind suddenly remembers the occasional nights of companionship. Of a figure looming at the edges of the bleachers, when Jiang Cheng felt the most alone. Jiang Cheng had always caught glimpses of a person walking by the creaking bleachers. They never walked up more than the first three levels. But they have shared the same view for more than a few nights.
Jiang Cheng wonders if they also want some company tonight.
With caution thrown to the wind, Jiang Cheng walks up to the person in the grey hoodie and sits close by. They share the same bleacher, on the first level looking out towards the large field. The person doesn’t say anything or acknowledge Jiang Cheng’s presence. Jiang Cheng glances to the side but doesn’t catch anything more than grey joggers and the large hood that covers his face.
“I have to ask if you’ve been the other person visiting this field with me” Jiang Cheng breaks the silence around them. He turns to the side, catching a small nod. Jiang Cheng turns back to the field, feeling more honest in the early morning hours than he usually does normally.
“I usually go out here to think, or not think about something” Jiang Cheng starts, conversationally. The wind whistles past the cut leaves of the large field. “Do you usually come out here for peace of mind too?”
The person doesn’t answer right away, but when he does, it takes all the air from Jiang Cheng’s lungs.
“I usually come here when I miss someone”
Jiang Cheng’s fingers curl around the edge of the bleachers before he quickly let go to leave. He’s just stood up when the hooded person shoots their hand out to grab his wrist. The hood had fallen with the swiftness of his turn, and Jiang Cheng was left staring into the face of Lan Xichen once again.
Jiang Cheng furrows his eyebrows, the breath leaving his mouth heavily.
“Why won’t you just leave me alone” Jiang Cheng breathes. Maybe it’s the stress of his entire month or the fact that he’s finally seeing Lan Xichen again. But his eyes blur with tears he can’t let loose. Lan Xichen’s grip is still tight on his wrist.
“I can’t leave you alone. Not until I’ve explained everything to you‒”
“There’s nothing to explain! I was just a bet to you” Jiang Cheng spits out. The tears shimmer in his eyes when he stares at Lan Xichen. “Why did you come back now? Just to remind me? Do you just like hearing me admit it‒”
Lan Xichen pulls Jiang Cheng back down beside him with surprising force. He grabs both of his hands, holding them steady in his lap.
“You were never a bet to me. My intentions have always been to be with you...” Lan Xichen explains, as Jiang Cheng just shakes his head. Tears have begun to leak out of his eyes steadily. Jiang Cheng closes his eyes in a fruitless attempt to stop them.
“I just needed a little extra momentum” Lan Xichen finishes, thoughtfully. He gets a watery scoff in response. Jiang Cheng tries to break out of the hold on his wrists, but Lan Xichen can be extremely stubborn when he wants to be. “Jiang Chang‒”
“Why do you always feel the need to lie to me?” Jiang Cheng asks. He stopped struggling, feeling the familiar sense of hopelessness weigh down on his limbs. Lan Xichen stares confusedly, shaking his head as he responds.
“‘I’m not lying. I’m telling the truth.”
“Then tell me why,” Jiang Cheng inhales, trying to level his voice, “why the bet was to date me until Valentine’s Day. And break my heart after…”
“There was no such bet” Lan Xichen replies, holding onto Jiang Cheng’s limbs when he tries to struggle out of his hold again.
“Yes, there was! I heard it myself when you were talking with Meng Yao, and Nie Mingjue!” Jiang Cheng’s hands and shoulders are shaking. The tears fall out of his eyes rapidly. It had been four years since he had last opened this wound. Besides, he should have longed moved on. But as he continues to cry, Jiang Cheng realizes that the tears are not only for the pain his heart went through. It was for the naivety he lost as a young sophomore in high school and for the lack of belief in love he no longer had. He cried for the fool he was, thinking that someone could love him. That he deserved to be loved.
Jiang Cheng is a silent crier, a habit that he had perfected out of circumstances. But he hiccups every so often now as the angry tears roll down his cheeks. He hates that only Lan Xichen can cause such distraught and anguish in him. He is taking in uneven breaths when he feels a thumb ghost against his cheek. It presses firmly under his eyes, brushing the tears off of his face. Jiang Cheng’s breath hitches despite himself. In front of him, Lan Xichen lets out a soft breath and drops his hand back onto his lap.
“Meng Yao had always... admired me for some time. He must have said that since he knew you were listening.” Lan Xichen explains. Jiang Cheng is still crying, hiccuping tears. Lan Xichen drags the sleeves of his hoodie past his hands to dab gently at Jiang Cheng’s cheeks. His tears begin to subside, as his breathing evens out. Jiang Cheng sniffles.
“Then...the real bet?” Jiang Cheng stutters out. Lan Xichen smiles softly, dabbing at Jiang Cheng’s cheeks mindlessly.
“Just a small bet on who could woo you first between the three of us. But obviously I was the one that won that fair and square”
Jiang Cheng blinks at Lan Xichen, eyes flickering all around the face before him only to drop to his lap.
“You never let me explain to you, Jiang Cheng…” Lan Xichen chides softly, his finger pushing a bit at his forehead. Jiang Cheng swats at his hand and Lan Xichen laughs lightly. It is such an infectious sound that it even makes a small smile peak on Jiang Cheng’s lips. Lan Xichen smiles when he sees that, bringing a hand to cup Jiang Cheng’s tear-stained cheeks.
“When you disappeared so suddenly after that...I tried so hard to reach you. But everyone was extremely protective of you. Especially Wei Ying. He didn’t let me get too close”
Jiang Cheng chuckled softly at that, a memory of Wei Ying chasing a formally dressed Lan Xichen from the porch of their home.
“I graduated without a goodbye from you. And after hearing everything from Meng Yao, I realized how much I loved you.”
Jiang Cheng whips his head up so hard he felt a crick in his neck. But he ignores it instead of the widened eyes he sends to Lan Xichen.
“You..you love me?” Jiang Cheng asks in disbelief. At his question, Lan Xichen cups Jiang Cheng’s cheeks with both of his hands. He stares deeply into Jiang Cheng’s eyes.
“I love you. Truly. And I always have” Lan Xichen affirms. Jiang Cheng takes in a deep breath, closing his eyes as Lan Xichen presses his own forehead against him. There is a long silence, weighing heavy on both of their hearts, “What do I have to do to get you to believe me?”
Lan Xichen’s voice is barely any more than a whisper.
“Kiss me...like you promised to after nationals,” Jiang Cheng replies. Lan Xichen smiles a small melancholy smile that Jiang Cheng barely catches before his lips are captured in a searing kiss. He had only ever imagined how Lan Xichen’s kisses would feel like in his youth. He is glad to be able to live out his dream now. They break apart after some time, breathing at the same pace.
“You got your kiss,” Lan Xichen says, prompting a small chuckle from Jiang Cheng. He breaths out a soft breath, looking up at Lan Xichen.
“I’m sorry, I left before...” Jiang Cheng apologizes, blinking away the tears that are returning to his eyes. Lan Xichen shakes his head, pressing a kiss against the edge of Jiang Cheng’s jaw.
“I’m happy that I found you. And that you came back” Lan Xichen answers.
~ ~ ~
As the morning sun rises, Jiang Cheng feels at ease and right where he belongs.
Not under a vast night sky alone.
But in the arms of someone who loved, loves and will love him.
Always.