Work Text:
Wei Wuxian paces nervously, twirling Chenqing over and over and over again, its tassel whipping through the air. Lan Wangji hasn't been gone terribly long, but considering the information they'd received before he set out, Wei Wuxian feels he's well within his rights to be nervous. He'd reluctantly agreed to wait behind because Lan Wangji can fly faster without him, but—
The sound of boots landing lightly on the front porch of the jingshi brings Wei Wuxian's swirling thoughts screeching to a halt. He slides the door open just as Lan Wangji steps up to it, arms full of a seemingly unconscious teenager. Wei Wuxian sucks in a breath, but steps aside to let them in.
Lan Wangji inclines his head in thanks and steps inside, setting Sizhui gently on the bed. He moves carefully, arranging the boy's ams and straightening his neck on the pillow.
"Is he okay?" Wei Wuxian speaks quietly. He doesn't wish to wake Sizhui, but he needs to know, needs to calm the rabbit-fast beat of his pulse.
"He is fine," Lan Wangji assures him in a low tone. "Jingyi sustained a mild injury, but Sizhui is fine; he merely exhausted his spiritual power helping heal Jingyi until we arrived."
Wei Wuxian lets out a slow breath, feeling the tension run out of his shoulders.
"A-die?" Sizhui shifts on the bed, making a small questioning noise in the back of his throat.
Lan Wangji reaches out, brushing a hand lightly over Sizhui's hair. "I am here, A-Yuan. You are safe, and Jingyi is recovering. Sleep now."
Sizhui relaxes, going still under his father's hand, and Wei Wuxian feels as if his heart could burst at the sight of it, these two people who mean so much to him, being so… so…
Oh.
Family. They're being a family.
They are a family, have been for a long time now. Just them, a unit of two, small and mighty and whole.
"Wei Ying?" Wei Wuxian startles, surprised to find his eyes damp with tears as he blinks at Lan Wangji's approach. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing," Wei Wuxian replies instantly, laughing quietly at Lan Wangji's concerned expression. "Really, Lan Zhan, it's nothing, I'm just being silly. I'll make us up a bed on the floor, yeah?"
The next morning, Sizhui wakes late and slowly, and is quietly embarrassed for having taken their bed.
"Ah, Sizhui, that's very filial of you, but it was fine! We're not so old that our backs can't take one night on the floor. I've slept much worse places, after all!"
"You needed rest," Lan Wangji adds, passing Sizhui some congee. "And I preferred you to be nearby until you'd recovered."
"Thank you, Hanguang-Jun, Senior Wei," Sizui says, giving a bow before going obediently silent and tucking into his food.
It isn't until Sizhui has hurried off to his studies and Lan Zhan has headed out to take care of his duties that Wei Wuxian has time to reflect on the discrepancy. He's only ever heard Sizhui call Lan Wangji "Hanguang-Jun" before last night, and he returned right to it this morning, even though they were only having an informal breakfast in the Jingshi.
Last night, though— he'd been half-asleep, so that a-die couldn't have been anything but habit. He'd heard something like it before, what feels like months ago but what was in reality over sixteen years, A-Yuan small and sleepy and nuzzling into Wei Wuxian's neck.
"Are we home yet, Baba?" he'd asked, and Wei Wuxian had felt his heart catch in his throat, feeling with sudden gravity the weight he'd taken on by not only helping the Wens, but taking in this small child. A-Yuan — his son — depended on him, needed him. Every decision he made would affect him, every—
"Baba?" Yuan rubbed at his eyes, blinking blearily.
"Yes, A-Yuan," Wei Wuxian had said, looking around at the haphazard home they'd built in the Burial Mounds. "We're home."
Home is Cloud Recesses now, and that's a thing Wei Wuxian is still getting used to. He still feels like a guest here, most days, though Lan Wangji has done everything to make him feel at home. He stands out like a sore thumb amongst the serene disciples and flowing white fabric.
Cloud Recesses has been home to Lan Wangji and Sizhui for years. It is their home, where they've built their family.
The thought warms Wei Wuxian even as it sits a little ill with him. He's an intruder here, in their homes, in their lives, the same way he had been in Lotus Pier.
"Wei Ying."
"Ah, Lan Zhan, you're still awake! You didn't need to wait on me."
"You did not eat dinner," Lan Wangji says. There's no accusation in his tone, but the unspoken question there makes Wei Wuxian feel guilty all the same.
"I got caught up in some reading at the library," Wei Wuxian explains, flapping a hand dismissively. "You know how it is." The slightest quirk of Lan Wangji's eyebrow says very eloquently that no, he does not know how it is, but he's willing to take Wei Wuxian at his word.
"Sizhui missed you, but I saved your dinner," Lan Wangji says, uncovering the tray on the table. There's a talisman stuck to the underside of the tray cover, inked in Lan Wangji's careful hand, and the food underneath is still steaming.
"Lan Zhan is too good to me," Wei Wuxian replies, smiling broadly, ignoring the pang he feels at the mention of Sizhui's name. "I stopped by the kitchen for some buns earlier, so I'm still stuffed."
Lan Wangji frowns, not fully convinced, but Wei Wuxian steps in closer, running his hands up his chest, and finds a way to distract him.
Wei Wuxian only eats two evening meals in the Jingshi over the next week, only on nights when Sizhui is away with the other junior disciples on night hunts. He always has a good excuse, of course, for why he doesn't make it home on the other nights. He got caught up in research, or went to feed the bunnies, or ran down to Caiyi Town in the afternoon and lost all track of time.
He doesn't avoid Sizhui otherwise; he loves him, and is always happy to see him in class, while visiting the bunnies, or just passing on the paths of the Cloud Recesses. Sizhui always smiles so sweetly when he sees Wei Wuxian, and greets him, the happy "Senior Wei!" coming in just below what Lan Qiren might consider excessive noise.
Later in the week, Sizhui starts asking, a bit hesitantly, if Wei Wuxian will be at the Jingshi for dinner. Wei Wuxian always happily agrees, then conveniently loses track of time.
It hurts. Missing dinner hurts, as he tries to distract himself when he knows he could be sharing a meal with his two favorite people. The disappointment in Lan Wangji's eyes hurts when he comes home late. Even Lan Wangji's easy acceptance of his ridiculous excuses hurts.
It all hurts less, Wei Wuxian reasons, than the inevitable realization that he's broken apart the family he loves by trying to push his way in and make it his own.
It all twists up in his guts, the pain mixing with the guilt and fear of loss until he has no appetite at all, and can barely stomach any food, even when Lan Wangji's brow creases worriedly across the table at him at breakfast.
"Will you be back in time for dinner tonight?" Lan Wangji asks, pointedly not looking at the rice still mounded high in Wei Wuxian's breakfast bowl.
"Of course!" Wei Wuxian exclaims. "What sort of husband do you think I am, to leave you to eat alone?"
Lan Wangji's quirked eyebrow is once again very eloquent, but this time Wei Wuxian decides to ignore what it says.
That night, Wei Wuxian gets distracted checking the wards around the Cold Pond Cave, and oh, I'm so sorry Lan Zhan, I didn't even realize how late it was until it got full dark!
Two nights later, Wei Wuxian is sitting with the rabbits when Sizhui steps into the clearing.
"Sizhui!" Wei Wuxian stands quickly, sending the rabbits around him scrambling into the tall grass. "Is everything okay?"
"Yes," Sizhui replies quickly, then, "...no. I don't know, I just…" He takes three steps closer, then drops into a deep bow, forehead pressed into the soft grass.
"Sizhui!" Wei Wuxian rushes forward, horrified, hands outstretched to pull Sizhui up. He only gets him as far as a sitting position before the light of the setting sun hits the tear tracks on Sizhui's face. "What's wrong?"
"I don't know," Sizhui says, and the way his voice wavers tears at Wei Wuxian's heart. He wants to demolish whoever made his boy hurt like this, rip them limb from limb until there's nothing left. "I don't know what I did, Senior Wei, but I'm sorry for it. If you can tell me what it was, I'll fix it, and I won't do it again, I promise."
Wei Wuxian can only look on in utter bewilderment. "Sizhui, what are you talking about?"
Sizhui takes two deep breaths, attempting to compose himself. "Whatever I did to make you not want to have dinner with me anymore. You still talk to me sometimes, and you eat with a-die, but when I'm there you never show up now, even in your own home, and— and I know it's selfish," he says, stumbling over the words as he hiccups over a sob, "but I thought I had my Baba back and now everything is wrong and— please, tell me how I can fix it?"
"A-Yuan," Wei Wuxian chokes out as his face crumples, Baba, Baba, Baba running on repeat in his mind. "A-Yuan, no, you did nothing wrong." He pulls Sizhui to him, wrapping him in a hug and burying his face in his hair, clinging tightly for a long moment before pulling back to look him in the eye. "You did nothing wrong," he repeats firmly. "You're Hanguang-Jun's son, you're perfect, how could you do something wrong?"
Sizhui laughs weakly at the quip, reaching up to rub the tears off his cheeks. "Then why won't you eat with us anymore, Senior Wei?"
Wei Wuxian flounders for a moment, instinctively reaching for a lie, a deflection, a cover-up, but Sizhui is looking at him so earnestly, and he called him Baba, and Wei Wuxian is only so strong.
"I didn't want to intrude," he finally says.
Sizhui's brow creases, the expression a perfect exaggeration of Lan Wangji's. "But we want you there."
"Ah, you think you do," Wei Wuxian says, his tone far lighter than his heart feels. "But you and your a-die are a family, you don't need me coming in and messing everything up. Especially you; Hanguang-Jun may have brought me here, but you didn't choose any of this. You didn't even feel comfortable enough to call Lan Zhan a-die in front of me — which is fine, but—"
"That was only because I wanted to call you Baba, but was scared to ask," Sizhui admits. "And it didn't feel right to call him my father but not you, so I just… reverted to what I call him in front of the other disciples." He looks up, determined. "I was scared."
"A-Yuan," Wei Wuxian says quietly, his voice breaking over the name. It's almost impossible to imagine this beautiful, brave boy being scared of anything.
"But I want it," Sizhui says, so fiercely that it takes Wei Wuxian aback. "I want my a-die and my baba, I want us all to be a family." He pauses, flushing, and takes a deep breath. "So, um. Can I call you Baba?"
"Of course you can, you silly boy," Wei Wuxian replies, vision swimming. "Now come here and hug me so you can't see me cry." Sizhui laughs, but obediently launches himself into Wei Wuxian's arms.
They're still clinging to each other and sniffling when Lan Wangji steps into the clearing, an expression of concern marring his features.
"Ah, Lan Zhan!" Wei Wuxian calls out. "You should come here and hug us both. Your son is so smart, he's told me families should hug each other often."
"Mn," Lan Wangji agrees, the corner of his lips turned up in a soft smile. "Yes, our son does know best."