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Virgil closed his eyes, letting himself get carried away with the music he was listening to. Thomas had finally gone to sleep, and Virgil was rather grateful for the sudden lack of anxiety he was feeling. It wasn’t often that his room felt peaceful, so he craved the silent moments when Thomas went to sleep.
He felt someone enter his room, causing him to jump up in alarm. All panic faded when he saw Princey: his hands up defensively and a sheepish smile on his face. Virgil let out a soft sigh.
“Ro, you can’t just pop up out of nowhere,” he said, gesturing down at himself, “Anxiety, remember?” Roman chuckled, walking towards the stairs, resting his weight on the banister. Virgil fought down the rising flame of attraction he felt towards the Side and met his eyes, determined to keep his stubborn stance.
“My bad, my dearest-” Virgil rolled his eyes at the name; it was different every day. “-I just wanted to see you.” Roman didn’t even hide his smirk at Virgil’s blush and he wasn’t sure if he wanted to kiss it off or make him regret it. Sadly, he didn’t get the opportunity to make a decision before Roman planted a short kiss on Virgil’s lips, filling him with that sort of happiness that no one else could give him.
He and Roman had been together ever since Thomas had accepted him as part of the team. Roman had finally started to see Virgil as equal to himself and tried to get to know him better. It hadn’t been long until Virgil would come to him in the midst of an anxiety attack to help calm himself down, Seeing Virgil opening himself up to him caused Roman to try and take their relationship to the next level, and Virgil was more than happy to oblige. The only issue was Virgil’s anxiety; surprise, surprise.
He had voiced his insecurities to Roman before they ever started dating. He had always felt as if he didn’t belong in the group, and ever since they officially accepted him, he’d felt a belonging he never felt with the Dark Sides. He hated to admit it, but he was overruled by the fear that they wouldn't accept him if they found out he had feelings for another Side, and he didn't think he could handle rejection from them. Not only that, but if they were to push him away, he was frightened they would do the same to Roman, and he didn't want to put him through that, but he couldn’t push aside his feelings for his Prince.
“My dearest?” he asked, trying to get his mind organized after the reshuffle Roman just gave him. Princey laughed, shrugging.
“I figured I’d call you what you are: my Dearest Virgil,” he said. Virgil raised a brow in a challenging act of defiance. Or at least, that’s how he hoped it came across as. Roman huffed, waving his hand in a gesture that frustratingly looked elegant, “It’s either that or Dark Prince, take your pick.” Virgil pushed his hood up to fully reveal his face as one of confusion. Roman looked down, his face flushed, upon seeing his expression.
“You’ve already taken the role of Prince, though,” he started, not entirely sure why he would be given that nickname. After a second of eternity, Roman looked up, his eyes somewhat mischievous despite the warmhearted glow that surrounded him.
“What’s a Prince without his, well, Prince,” he asked, pulling Virgil in for yet another kiss. Virgil smiled against his lips as his hands landed on Princey’s shoulders, pulling him as close as he could get with the banister between them.
~ ~ ~
Virgil felt himself pulled out of his room and up into another discussion with the Sides. He glanced over to Roman for a split second, who was too busy picking at his nails to see that Logan had pulled him into the conversation. His gaze shot to Patton who was amidst a heated debate with Thomas, and he felt an understanding underneath the layer of nervousness that had grown in his chest.
“There, now that we are all here, let’s discuss,” Logan said, shifting his attention back to Thomas. Virgil was quick to join the conversation, not waiting for Logan’s objective opinion.
“Yes, let’s . You probably ruined your whole friendship. Why would he ever want to see you again after you got caught in a lie?” Virgil heard synchronized greetings from Roman and Patton, giving each of them a small wave. A small part of him was grateful for the high levels of anxiety. At least he wouldn’t have to worry about hiding his feelings for Roman. He was much too focused on Thomas’s dilemma.
“Oh, come now, George Gloomy. You can’t possibly believe that he’s lost the whole friendship. After all, he lied for love!” Roman exclaimed. Virgil heard a grunt come from Thomas’s direction, and he turned to look at him. He could feel Roman’s eyes on him, but he didn’t want to risk looking. He had to focus on this issue for Thomas’s sake.
“Uh, yeah! Do you really think that anything else could come from blatantly lying to your best friend?” he challenged. Roman narrowed his eyes at him, and Virgil couldn’t help but flinch under his gaze. He just knew he’d have to hear about this later on. Logan cleared his throat, getting their attention.
“I hate to say this, but I agree with Roman. What you did was a lie of omission, which, as you remember, is deliberately leaving out some minor details. All that happened was that he figured out which details you obscured and confronted you about it. You had explained yourself and he accepted the apology. Therefore, there is no reason to jump to any conclusions,” he said, his voice frustratingly monotone considering the situation. Virgil ground his teeth, shoving his hands in his pockets.
“Yes, but who’s to say how he felt? Sure he apologized, but that doesn’t necessarily mean he meant it,” he bit out. Patton whimpered slightly.
“Virgil has a point, what if his friend lied to him?”
“Virgil has a habit of trying to ruin Thomas’s life!” Roman shouted, causing Virgil’s head to snap around to look at him, hurt filling his entire being. “He’s being dramatic. Thomas did nothing wrong, and his friend accepted his apology. Everything is fine, and he even got to spend time with his dearest love.” Virgil’s anxiety faded as Thomas cooled off, believing Roman and Logan’s argument, but he couldn’t take his eyes off of Roman, who was already looking at Thomas, finishing off his points. Virgil, however, couldn’t hear anything over the ringing in his ears.
Did he really ruin Thomas’s life? He always thought that he was doing what was best for Thomas, but he didn’t think that what he had done had ruined him. Were they truly better off without him? He heard muffled voices calling out to him, snapping him out of his daze. Virgil looked at each of the Sides, seeing equally concerned expressions, but he was only looking at Roman, his expression filled with guilt.
“Are you okay, Virge?” Thomas asked. He nodded, trying to swallow back the lump in his throat. Virgil tore his eyes away from Roman, looking at the others instead.
“I’m fine. Are we done here, I have things to do,” he said, trying to keep his voice low to avoid showing too much emotion. Logan raised a brow quizzically but nodded.
“I have things, as well,” he said, bringing the attention off of Virgil for a moment. Well, everyone but Roman. Virgil kept his eyes glued to Thomas, trying to identify the emotions running across his face and attempting to keep his focus off of Princey. When Thomas nodded, Virgil let out a breath he hadn’t known he was holding and shot finger guns in their general direction as he sank back down to his room.
Overwhelming feelings of anxiety came rising up like waves on high tide, drowning him in feelings of self-loathing and frustration. Was he really so stupid he couldn’t see that he was destroying not only Thomas’s life but everyone else’s, too? He felt that familiar tingling run up his spine and into his arms and legs, bringing him crashing down to the couch. Part of him wanted to call for Roman, but he didn’t want to be the one to bring him down.
“ Virgil has a habit of trying to ruin Thomas’s life! ”
He brought his knees into his chest, pulling them close as he wrapped his arms around them. His hood was up, covering his eyes as he tried to get a handle on his emotions. His breaths were short and sporadic, causing the ringing in his ears to return as he started to get lightheaded. He screwed his eyes shut, cursing himself for his inability to handle it. Once he had gotten comfortable letting Roman take care of him during his attacks, he slowly became more dependent on him. Would he ever be able to deal with his own problems anymore? How was he supposed to calm down without Roman?
“ Virgil has a habit of trying to ruin Thomas’s life! ”
Roman’s words replayed in his head like a broken record, bringing Virgil closer and closer to the brink of a full-blown attack.
“Virgil!?” a voice exclaimed from in front of him. Virgil didn’t want to look up; he knew exactly who it was, and he couldn’t bring himself to meet his eyes. He vaguely noticed the couch beside him sink down, but he didn’t react. Roman’s hand reached out to touch his shoulder, and he flinched away before it could register.
“Don’t!” he shouted, his voice deep as it echoed throughout his room. He couldn’t see Roman, but judging from the movement on the couch, the voice startled him just as much as it did Virgil.
“Okay,” he whispered, his voice cutting through the ringing as though it didn’t exist. Virgil hated that he had the effect he did, but at the same time, he was thankful for him being there at all. “Breath in for four seconds,” he said. Virgil shook his head, tears brimming in his closed eyes.
“Can’t,” he muttered.
“Yes, you can. Come on, Virgil, you can do it.” Virgil huffed, his hair flying up. He didn’t want to let Roman down, even more, so he turned his focus to his breathing. After a few failed attempts, he managed to do it, knowing the next step before Roman could even say it. “Hold it for seven.” Virgil felt the tears slip down his cheeks as he counted out the next seven seconds. One…. Two…. Was he only doing this because he’d feel guilty if he didn’t? Three… Four… Five… Was Virgil just a responsibility? Six… Seven… He released the breath, counting out the remaining eight seconds. Once he was in control of his breathing, he felt the tension in his arms slack.
“Sorry,” he whispered, his eyes still closed, and his hood still covering his face. Roman’s lack of response caused him to lower his head onto his knees.
“I hate to say this, Matt Demon, but this isn’t the first anxiety attack I’ve helped you through,” he said. Virgil’s lips twitched upwards at Roman’s attempt to lighten the mood, but it didn’t help the pit in his stomach.
“Not that,” Virgil shook his head. “I’m sorry I ruin Thomas’s life. I don’t mean to. Everything I do, I do for him. I’m just worried about him. I don’t mean to make you all upset.” He felt the tingles coming back, but Roman’s hands on his shoulders helped calm him before the attack started again. Without wanting to, he leaned into Roman’s warmth.
“What are you talking about?” Roman asked. Virgil opened his eyes and pushed his hood back, incredulous.
“‘Virgil has a habit of trying to ruin Thomas’s life’?” he mumbled, suddenly remembering why he didn’t want to look at Roman as his eyes were locked in place. The hurt he felt was equally matched with the guilt in Roman’s face.
“Oh… Virgil… I’m so sorry, that’s not what I meant!” Virgil scoffed, turning away from him. “Please, trust me, I wasn’t… I mean…” He let out a long sigh, running his hands through his hair.
“Look, I-”
“I’ve been a little angry lately,” Roman exclaimed, causing Virgil to jump. The explanation came before Virgil could even ask why. “I’m a romantic at heart. It kills me to have to fake not loving you in front of them.” Virgil nodded, rubbing at the tear stains on his cheeks.
“Oh, so I don’t ruin Thomas’s life?” Virgil asked, starting to understand the true meaning of Princey’s outburst.
“Of course, not!”
“I just ruin yours…” Roman’s jaw dropped bringing his hand to his face in the most frustrated facepalm Virgil had ever seen.
“No, you insufferable… You could never ruin my life, don’t you understand?” Virgil raised a brow, unsure of how to proceed. Seeing the expression on his face, Roman continued, calmer this time, “Virgil, for the past few years, I’ve felt nothing but love and admiration towards you. I’m more than happy to keep our relationship secret so long as you wish it to be so, but please, please, don’t ever think that you are a negative influence in my life. I… I need you.” Virgil’s eyes went wide at his confession as he looked down, his cheeks hot as he blushed.
“I’m sorry, it’s just hard to believe that anyone would want me. I’m Anxiety,” he said, sadness creeping into his voice. Roman snorted.
“And I’m the embodiment of ego. Believe it or not, it’s hard to believe anyone would be crazy enough to stick with me, either,” he smirked, grabbing at Virgil’s wrist to pull him closer. A fire erupted just underneath his skin as Roman’s hand missed his sweater.
“You love me,” he whispered, just barely above his breath as he went over their previous conversation. Roman blinked, his movements paused as he processed Virgil’s statement.
“How do you know that?” he asked, panic in his tone. Virgil couldn’t help but laugh at the expression on Roman’s face, causing his poor Prince to become even more confused.
“Um… you said it? Twice actually,” Virgil said, smiling at the blush creeping onto Roman’s cheeks. He shook his head in disbelief just as Virgil laid his head on his shoulder, exhaustion taking over. “I love you, too. In case you were wondering.” Roman laughed - the vibrations went through Virgil, causing him to shiver - pulling Virgil’s chin up to face his own. Roman leaned down, locking their lips in a kiss that expressed nothing but pure affection. Virgil felt Roman’s hand land at his waist, and he brought his hand up to cup his cheek, desperate to match his Prince’s movements. Once they separated, Virgil’s head returned to its spot on his shoulder, feeling Roman’s head lean down to rest on his own.
“I love you, my dearest,” was all Virgil heard before he fell asleep.