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Hinata and Kageyama are 18 years old, in their first year of college, and everything is great. Hinata keeps his side of the room clean enough (Kageyama's is always immaculate), they never argue over who keeps the lights on too long (they both pass out around 10 pm every night), and the only problem they really have is homework (neither of them wants to do it and both of them are terrible at focusing). It's an ideal situation, really, and Hinata couldn't ask for a better roommate than Kageyama, despite the bickering that has become an everyday occurrence (nobody down the hall even gets worried when they hear them yelling).
There is only one single, very small, almost imperceptible problem.
Hinata is in love.
He doesn't know when it started. Truthfully, it's sort of become something he just lives with, like bad hair days (every day) and accidentally washing his red pair of socks with his white practice shirts. He still wears pink to practice every day, and Kageyama only teases him about half the time now ever since he'd done exactly the same thing. He'd be able to almost completely ignore it as another one of college life experiences that his mother had warned him about. The only thing she hadn't really included in her Life Lessons chat was that he'd end up completely infatuated with his best friend. His best guy friend. His best guy friend he happens to see at least partially naked on a regular basis.
To make it clear: Hinata is in love with Kageyama.
He's tried to write it off plenty of times with the excuse that they're unstoppable together, of course he'd feel close to him. They share everything, almost, including germs (whenever one of them gets sick, the other follows soon after and it's a fight over who infected whom). They've been close, too close, since they met in high school, and Hinata honestly can't imagine sharing a room with anyone other than Kageyama.
Maybe that's why he's finally realized it. It's easy to pass off too-fast heartbeats as adrenaline post-game, post-practice, or because Kageyama just makes him excited to play volleyball. It's harder to ignore when he has to look away the second Kageyama starts getting changed for bed, slipping out of his shirt and revealing shoulders he's grown into nicely (when did he get even bigger? Not fair) and then his pants are sliding down his legs and Hinata pretends he's really invested in the textbook he uses as a doorstop.
They have been close for what feels like forever, hasn't actually been that long, but has been long enough to not matter. College is exactly the same. In theory, nothing should be different, and Hinata's as excited as ever at first, but as time goes on, he realizes maybe he's been wrong for a while. Maybe the flutter he feels in his stomach whenever Kageyama's arm brushes him isn't because they work so well together on the court. Maybe it's not so normal to want to be close to him all the time. Maybe Hinata is absolutely doomed.
Xxx
Hinata realizes something is different the third week, after Kageyama falls asleep on his bed for the fourth time. They're in the habit of studying together, sprawled out on whoever's bed happens to be the least messy (usually Kageyama's, but Hinata's mess always gravitates into his space as well).
It's a late night, and they haven't gotten much studying done because, well, neither of them is good at focusing when they have more important things to think about, like who did better in practice today, and who is responsible for the mess on Kageyama's bed. Kageyama ends up falling asleep with his face on his textbook, cheek squished up against the paper and the only thing that registers in Hinata's mind is 'cute'. He doesn't bother correcting himself because of course Kageyama's cute, he's known that for ages, mostly because it's the thing Kageyama hates to be called most.
Tonight, though, something else pops into Hinata's head while he absently watches Kageyama doze on his book. Hinata likes to watch him sleep, because it's one of the few times where his face is absolutely free of any lingering traces of grumpiness. He has a nice face, and Hinata knows that, takes the hint from the many girls who have and still do confess to him with trembling hands outside of class. So Hinata knows all that, and he's not surprised in the least when he thinks that Kageyama's pretty.
He is surprised, though, when he finds himself really, really wanting to reach out and touch his cheek.
Experience tells him that Kageyama's face is soft, from the times their cheeks have rubbed together when they're looking at magazines, or when Hinata gets overly enthusiastic during a game. Logically, he shouldn't have the urge to just reach out and touch it.
But he does, and it makes him feel awkward and weird and he feels his cheeks heating up but he really wants to do it, he's going to do it, he's doing it and his fingers are skimming the soft skin of Kageyama's cheekbone. He lingers there for a second until Kageyama stirs and he jerks his hand back like he's been doing something he shouldn't be, and he pretends to be busy looking at the notes spread out on his bed.
Kageyama's sitting up, stretching his arms and looking groggy but still amazing (how does he do that) and then he's telling Hinata it's way too late and he's never going to learn anything anyway because he's been hit with the ball too many times and then Hinata's squawking indignantly like nothing had happened at all. His fingers are still warm, though, and he remembers the feeling of Kageyama's skin under his hand more than anyone really has the right to.
Something's definitely wrong.
Xxx
After the first time, Hinata finds himself noticing more and more things about Kageyama that he wishes he wouldn't. They're all things he already knows, like the way Kageyama smells, and the way his hair is soft, smooth and shiny and he's always been jealous because Kageyama doesn't have to even do anything for it to look like that. The thing is, when he notices them now, he feels like he needs to do something about it. He finds himself wanting to sneak Kageyama's clothes, wear them to class and be able to smell him the whole day. He wants to smooth down Kageyama's hair just so he can feel it, even though it never needs smoothing. He wants to kiss—no, forget that. He's not going that far.
The point is, Hinata's in trouble and he knows it. He's already been caught stealing Kageyama's sweater and wearing it to class, and he doesn't think he can get away with the “I didn't have anything else to wear” excuse for the fifth time, especially when they usually do laundry together. Their clothes should smell the same, but they don't, there's something distinctly Kageyama about the things he's already worn. Hinata wants to smell that way all the time, and he doesn't know why.
He thinks maybe it will pass if he just ignores it long enough, because he loves living with Kageyama even though he hogs the blankets when they end up sharing the bed and even though he always tries to get out of taking out the trash. Hinata doesn't think he could ever find another roommate who loves volleyball as much as he does, and their schedules line up nicely because they both practice at the same times, so he's never lonely. He's sure this is just a passing thing, and maybe he's imagining it because he's never really had a crush before. There is no, no way he is ever going to let Kageyama find out.
Xxx
They share a bed sometimes.
It's nothing weird, honestly, because they've done it before, and sometimes they're just both so beat from practice that they end up falling asleep and not waking up until the alarm goes off in the morning. It would be fine, really, except for the fact that Hinata is a messy sleeper.
He's always had this problem, waking up tangled in his sheets with the pillow on the floor; all his friends know, and Kageyama's the only one who even tries to sleep anywhere close to him. They'll end up with their arms and legs tangled together, Hinata tucked neatly under Kageyama's chin, and if he wakes first, he sometimes pretends he's still asleep because it's warm and comfortable and he can maybe pretend they sleep like this on purpose.
Sometimes Kageyama's arm ends up draped over Hinata's waist, and those are the best accidental sleeping arrangements because the weight is warm and he looks so natural there that it makes Hinata want to scream and shake him awake and tell him to stop being so weird, because it's making Hinata weird too.
It's natural that this happens sometimes though, because they're so close. Hinata tells himself that every morning when he brushes his teeth, his hair all over the place and still feeling warm from where Kageyama's body had been touching his. He's wearing a stolen shirt, too big and slipping off one shoulder, that he'd sneaked from Kageyama's side of the room a few months ago. He's been waiting for Kageyama to say something about it, but if he notices (he has to have, right?) he doesn't care anymore.
He did steal one of Hinata's shirts in retaliation once, the shoulders too tight and Hinata had doubled up on the floor laughing.
Hinata still hasn't washed that shirt.
Xxx
Their first college party is a disaster. It's the day after their first finals, and some of the boys in one of Kageyama's classes had pressured him into going to a party. He's refused again and again until Hinata, excited and bright-eyed, tells him of course he should go and Hinata's going to go with him because what's college without parties?
So they go, and it's loud and there are too many people and Hinata clings to Kageyama's side the whole time thinking maybe this wasn't the best idea. Girls flutter around the taller boy, occasionally, and Hinata feels like maybe he's going to be lost in the business, but Kageyama's arm always winds around his shoulders and draws him away to a corner so they can breathe.
It's going alright, all things considered, until Hinata makes the mistake of drinking the punch he's pointed to, and everything goes to hell.
Of course it's spiked, and that's probably why Kageyama isn't drinking any, but Hinata doesn't realize that until he's had three cups and his head is swimming and the room seems even warmer than before. He and Kageyama are sitting on a couch, and Kageyama's looking at him like he's got something weird on his face, but Kageyama's face is the one that looks funny; Hinata finds himself laughing.
“Are you sure you're okay?” Kageyama's asking, trying to talk over Hinata's fit of snorting laughter. “You dumbass, I told you to quit drinking that.”
“I was thirsty,” Hinata tells him, leaning into his side. “You had some too.”
“Yeah, and it tasted like shit so I stopped drinking it.” Hinata's practically all over him, but he's not moving away, even though he looks annoyed at having a tipsy kid all over him.
Hinata looks back up at Kageyama, whose face is twisted into his usual scowl he gets when he's worried, and he feels a swell of affection for his awkward friend. Before he knows what he's doing, he's yanking him down by the collar and smacking his lips against Kageyama's cheek. That's probably wrong, something says, but he doesn't care at this point because Kageyama's skin is warm against his sugar-sticky lips and he pulls back, grinning.
Kageyama's scowl deepens, but he doesn't wipe his cheek. “You seriously need to sleep. Come on, we're leaving. This was the stupidest idea and I blame you. You're on your own when you feel like shit tomorrow morning.”
He feels himself being dragged up, and it takes him a second to remember to use his legs to stand, but Kageyama's arm is there for him to grab. He doesn't want to go home because he's comfortable sitting there with Kageyama. He lets himself be pushed towards the door, though, turning and waving sloppily to everyone else in the room. He sees some girls giggling at him, and he sticks his tongue out. They're probably jealous that he's going home with Kageyama and they're not.
Those girls would be awful for Kageyama anyway, he finds himself saying out loud as he's dragged back to their dorm. Kageyama snores and he's a jerk but he's Hinata's jerk and he loves him.
Kageyama pauses his steps, and Hinata runs into his back with an “oof”. He tests the word out in his mouth-- “love”--and then he says it again, and it feels right.
“Yeah, Kageyama, I totally love you,” he says, with conviction, and Kageyama, face flushed, yanks his arm and starts walking again.
It's faster and Hinata's having trouble keeping up because his feet seem to be moving at a different pace than he wants them to. The third time he trips, Kageyama sighs and before he knows it he's being hoisted up onto the taller boy's back, like they've done sometimes when joking around, and Hinata finds himself being toted home, head resting on the shoulders he finds appealing.
It's warm and smells familiar, and he ends up falling asleep before they even reach home. He wakes up in the morning with a headache, somehow in his pajamas and with the blankets tucked neatly around him.
No matter how much he complains, Kageyama steadfastly denies him any sympathy, but Hinata didn't tuck those sheets around himself.
Xxx
“Kageyama, are you ever going to stop denying those girls?”
It's a day off, and they're sprawled across Kageyama's bed looking through sports magazines. Kageyama looks up, surprised, because they hadn't been anywhere near discussing girls and he probably wonders where the heck this came from.
“No,” he says, finally, turning back to his magazine. “I don't need them.”
Hinata sits up, and pages rustle around him. “You don't need girls? Jeez, you don't date girls because you need them, you date girls because you like them, stupid.”
Kageyama shrugs. “I don't like them.” He sounds dismissive, like he always does, and Hinata bristles because truthfully, he feels bad for all the girls Kageyama coldly brushes off, even if he also is kind of jealous.
“You could at least appreciate it, even if you don't like them. Do you know how much it takes to confess to someone like that?” Hinata does, because he thinks about it every day. He still hasn't.
And then Kageyama's looking him straight in the eyes, and Hinata feels trapped like somehow Kageyama can see right through him. That's impossible, though, he tells himself, and his shoulders relax when Kageyama looks away again.
“You want me to get a girlfriend?”
“No!” Hinata's answer is immediate. “I mean, I don't care if you do or not, if it's what you want to do you should do it, right?” He knows he's talking too fast and takes a deep breath.
Kageyama looks up again. “Then don't worry about it, dumbass.”
He supposes he shouldn't, because it's been several years and Kageyama's never once accepted any confession, but Hinata can't help but think of him at the side of a pretty girl who can make him smile, and how happy he'd be and he hates it because he wants that person to be him, always. He wants to be the only one to make Kageyama smile, even if it's a smile that could curdle milk.
Hinata ends up tackling Kageyama for no reason other than to distract himself from places he would really rather his mind stay away from, and they crinkle magazines and end up on the floor in a heap, yelling. He can work with this, he tells himself, if things just stay the same.
Xxx
Things don't stay the same. It happens at another party they make the mistake of going to, where Hinata tries his best to stay far away from the punch but ends up drinking some anyway, and he gets Kageyama to drink a little, and they're both pressed side-by-side on the floor talking about how cool their quick is when some girls come up to them.
Hinata groans and thinks they're there for Kageyama, again, when he feels one of them pulling at his arm. He's surprised, doesn't know what's going on, and looks to Kageyama for assistance with this girl tugging insistently on his arm, trying to get him up from his comfortable spot next to Kageyama.
Kageyama's looking at him with an expression he can't read, although that might just be the punch talking. Hinata instead waves her away and says he's busy, and the girl is pouting and looking at him and then Kageyama's sitting up straighter.
“He's busy,” he says, and his voice sounds too warm like the rest of the room feels. “We're busy.”
The girls filter away and Hinata grins over at Kageyama, grateful for the save because he has no idea what to do in a situation like that and he's already comfortable, pressed against his friend's side and he feels sleepy and warm. Kageyama looks back at him, elbows him in the side and calls him an idiot, and Hinata watches the way the word comes out of his mouth, the way his lips move around it. He knows he's an idiot, he's going to prove it. He tumbles forward and presses his lips against Kageyama's.
Whatever Kageyama's saying is swallowed up with a look of surprise, and they're falling over and Hinata's pressing his knees into Kageyama's sides, watching his hair spill around his head and the heat on his cheeks and he kisses him again, harder. For a moment, Kageyama seems to soften, to maybe kiss back, but then he's pushing Hinata away; he lands on his butt, blinking.
“We're not doing this here,” Kageyama says, gruff, and then drags Hinata up by the arm. Before he knows what's going on, they're stumbling through the door.
They somehow make it home, no thanks to Hinata, and then he's suddenly pushed up against the door that's just closed behind him. There's breath on his face that smells like sugar and something else, whatever had been in the drinks they'd had, and Kageyama's eyes are dark like he's never seen before. He feels his stomach getting warm, warmer than it already is.
“Did you kiss me?” he asks, and Hinata nods dumbly. Of course he'd kissed Kageyama. And then his senses are struggling to him, and he realizes oh shit, he'd kissed Kageyama, and he's trying to get out the words “sorry” and “oh god” and they end in a jumbled mess against Kageyama's lips.
He has no idea what's going on, but he is okay with it, he's okay with Kageyama's chest pressed up against his and hands in his hair and a tongue sliding along his lips. He has no idea what he's doing with his own hands; he registers fabric under them, maybe, but it's all he can do to focus on what's going on with his mouth and try to match it.
He thinks he might be dreaming.
Xxx
Hinata wakes up with yet another terrible headache. It takes him a moment to register that there's heat at his back, and he presses back into it before he's flooded with memories of what he'd done the night before, and he's nearly falling out of bed in his haste to move back.
He had kissed Kageyama.
There's movement from behind him, and then a groan, and Kageyama's pressing a pillow over Hinata's face.
“What the fuck are you doing?” He sounds groggy and maybe like he has a headache as bad as Hinata's. “Why are you howling in my ear?”
Hinata's mouth snaps shut because he hadn't even realized he'd been making the noise out loud that he'd been screaming in his head. He turns around, completely, tangling himself in the sheets. There's Kageyama, looking extremely, intensely annoyed. His hair is a mess, which would make Hinata laugh if he weren't so horrifed.
“Kageyama, last night, we-”
“We didn't do anything, stupid.” Kageyama tugs at the shirt that Hinata finds is still mercifully on his upper body, and he checks to find matching pants. He's wearing the same clothes from the night before.
“Oh my god.” He's groaning, but he feels relief flooding his stomach, and maybe a tiny bit of disappointment but that's not important right now. “I'm so sorry, I don't know what happened, I'm never going to drink anything ever again.”
Kageyama's staring at him, but his face is changing from annoyed to something Hinata can't quite process. Hinata falters. Does Kageyama hate him for kissing him? He's doomed.
“I'll never do it again,” he finds, tumbling out of his mouth, and he wants to curl into himself because he's so dumb, he can't believe he did that. “I get it if you-”
Before he can finish what he's saying, there's a flurry of fabric and sheets and he finds himself pressed to the bed, staring up at Kageyama, who is wincing like he regrets moving that fast.
“You're such a fucking idiot,” he says, but he sounds kind of vaguely upset. “I kissed you back, unless you were seriously that out of it that you just went and got my hopes up and if that's the case then yeah, I'm going to kill you.”
It takes a minute to register, but when it does, Hinata feels like the floor has dropped out from underneath him. He stares up, blinking, and thinks maybe he's still dreaming. If he is, there's no problem with him just coming out with it, is there?
So he does.
“I like you, Kageyama.” When he says it, he feels relieved, but he also feels anxious, the way he gets before a big game, and Kageyama's usually the one to reassure him but this time it's Kageyama who is the cause of it. He wants to roll over, to bury himself in the blankets and not wake up for a week, but Kageyama's weight is still forcing him to maintain eye contact.
“I like you too.”
The breath Hinata has been taking in suddenly catches in his throat and he's coughing and sputtering and Kageyama's making a disgusted face while Hinata accidentally gets spit all over it.
“Since when?!” he blurts out when he finally gets his words under control.
Kageyama's shrugging on top of him. “I don't know. Does it matter?”
Hinata supposes it doesn't, because he doesn't know, either.
“I thought maybe you just didn't like me back,” Kageyama continues, and his face smooths out into an unreadable expression. “Maybe you're just an idiot, but I tried hinting-”
“I'm an idiot.” Hinata closes his eyes because he can't stand looking up at Kageyama when he feels his face getting redder by the second. Kageyama snorts.
“I already know that. I told you I didn't need girls.”
Hinata's sputtering again, this time feeling indignant. “That's so far from a confession, how was I supposed to know what you actually meant by that?! You're such a jerk!”
“You didn't say anything to me, either!” Kageyama huffs, and he looks embarrassed, which fills Hinata with a warm feeling of affection. He allows it to stay, and then he's reaching up and yanking Kageyama down against his face, smacking their lips together, and it's messy but he feels so relieved and amazing and his headache doesn't even matter at this point.
Kageyama likes him back.
The end up tangled in bed, feeling like shit but like a million dollars at the same time, and it's a good thing they don't have class today because they are not moving for a while. It's comfortable, though, pressed against Kageyama's side like this, especially when Hinata doesn't try to pretend to himself that he doesn't like it, doesn't want it, that Kageyama definitely could never feel the same way about him.
Hinata's an idiot, but Kageyama's an idiot too. Maybe that's why he likes him.