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"I don't know how or why that happened.. What if he wants us to break up?"
Doyoung said from where he was seated on Johnny's bed.
The dorm was awfully quiet, the atmosphere so tense, everyone preferred the safety of their own rooms - all a stark contrast to what had been going on a few days prior.
Johnny looked at the boy on his bed and watched his broad frame shrink - his shoulders dropped, head hanging low as he fiddled with his fingers in his lap. He could still make out the tear stains left on his cheeks.
"Don't say that, Doyoung. Fights happen, okay?" He offered, rolling closer with Haechan's chair and putting a hand on his shoulder.
Taeyong and Doyoung had had a fight and it put everyone in a bad mood.
It had started five days ago, immediately after everyone had entered the dorm - Taeyong basically storming in and throwing his bag onto a chair, Doyoung not too far behind, doing the same as they started yelling at each other, Taeyong first, in front of the members who had been trying to calm both of them down.
At that point, they could only watch helplessly, no one knowing how to get between them.
"Why is everything always my fault? I'm just trying to help out and it somehow makes everything worse."
"No one is saying that, stop making it about that. I'm just telling you to be more considerate."
"That's what you seem to be best at, telling me what to do, how to act."
"How could I not when all you do is complain? About how nothing's ever good enough for us, for you."
Doyoung sighed and wiped at his eyes, tears threatening to fill up his eyes again.
"We never fought like that before. Maybe I went too far this time. I should've known better, I know Taeyong and how he feels and I still said all that to provoke him, knowing it'd hurt him.
What if he never wants to talk to me again?"
He looked up at the older, tears now definitely welling up in his eyes.
The other couldn't bear to see his friends hurt, he was the one who had pulled Doyoung into his room at night, after ushering Haechan out of it, on day five of Taeyong and him avoiding each other.
He didn't want them to go through so much pain, their pride and stubbornness was long forgotten after all, at this point it was just their own guilt stopping them from making up - it was unnecessary and he took it upon himself to help the couple along.
Johnny pulled him in for a hug.
"You know he wouldn't want that. He loves you, just as much as you love him. Yeah, it might've hit a little too close to home and, yes, it probably would've been better not to say certain things, but in the end, that's what happens when people get angry.
I know you didn't mean everything. And he didn't either."
Johnny felt Doyoung's arms squeeze around him as he spoke into the crown of his head.
"Of course I didn't. I know he just means well and I should make him understand that I accept him for who he is, but that's exactly why it hurts so bad. I don't want him to feel like I hold anything he trusts me with against him, but I probably did make him feel like that.."
Doyoung's voice started getting breathier and he was trying really hard not to start sobbing again. His friend's words were comforting, but he still couldn't feel at ease.
In another room, Jaehyun, who was in on Johnny's plan to solve the fight, was convincing Taeyong to talk to him.
"Just sit down and talk to me for a second, please?"
"What's there to talk about? I messed up and he doesn't even want to see me. I don't need anyone to rub it in my face right now."
Taeyong was standing at Jaehyun's closed door, his hand on the handle, ready to walk out any second, but he was hesitant. He rubbed his free hand over his face, running it through his hair as he sighed.
He decided to sit down after all. Jaehyun made room for him on the bed.
"You two.. really went in a few days ago, I won't deny that. But you should talk to him, you don't even know what he's thinking.
A relationship is a two-way street, but you two are just too in your own heads to think straight right now. I bet he's thinking the exact same thing you are."
Jaehyun watched Taeyong intently, looking for any sign of anything - no one had been able to get anything out of him since he had holed up in his room for days.
The older had his eyes trained on the floor, letting Jaehyun's words settle into his mind. He knew he was probably right, but he also couldn't help but think he had ruined things for good.
"I don't know. We never fight like that, it felt like we suddenly didn't understand each other anymore. I don't know why I got so aggressive, it only made Doyoung more defensive as well and it was just so dumb. It didn't have to go this far. And to do it front of you all.."
His hand went up to his face, his fingers finding the rose-shaped scar under his eye and scratching at it, making Jaehyun frown.
"You're so frustrating, hyung. Both of you. You're saying all of this to me, why not tell him? You literally said how much you loved him while you were fighting, why don't you just fix things?
Okay, I know this wasn't just one of your usual little fights, but it doesn't have to mean that it's all over now. It got too heated because none of you like giving in, not because you were fighting about anything important. Do you even know what the fight was about before you got carried away?"
Jaehyun had to nudge him for an answer, he received a shake of the other's head. Taeyong looked up at the younger, knowing he was definitely right.
What had started as a minor disagreement got blown up and turned into something it wasn't. It was getting way more personal as they kept arguing, their provocative choice of words spurring each other on, which prevented their friends from interfering. None of them could muster up the courage to insert themselves into such a fight.
"Do you really love me?"
"I'd do anything for you if you said so and you're asking me if I really love you? How could you even say that?"
It had finally found its end when they glared directly into each other's eyes one last time before storming off to their rooms, leaving the members who hadn't fled to their own rooms yet to stare after them, completely dumbfounded.
The couple made sure to get out of each other's way as much as they possibly could while living together and having the same schedules.
Both of them were mad at first, Doyoung was snappy, anything anyone said was almost a one hundred percent guarantee that he'd start venting about his feelings and how irritated he was, although he could never find it in himself to truly say anything bad about Taeyong.
Taeyong was even quieter than usual, the joke of him never leaving his room getting more literal as time passed. He was like a boiling pot of water, the lid threatening to fly off any second.
They hadn't said a word to each other after that and it was beginning to weigh on both of them. Taeyong absolutely hated it, the distance put between them when they had always been inseperable. He hated not hearing Doyoung's voice, not seeing his smile, not feeling the sneaky touches of his hand.
As mad as they had both been, the words they had thrown around had no real basis in their feelings for each other. They were just empty words.
"Hyung, are you listening? Are you going to talk to him?"
Taeyong hadn't noticed that he got lost in thought until Jaehyun interrupted his reverie.
He turned his attention back to the younger, showing him a soft smile before playfully shoving his shoulder.
"When did you become so wise, little one?"
"You're literally only two years older than me. Two. Dos." He held up two fingers for even more emphasis.
"I'm serious though. I want you both to talk it out. It's so blatantly obvious how you two are barely coping after ignoring each other for barely a week."
The younger pushed himself up to stand in front of the older, a mischievous smile suddenly appearing on his face.
"Besides, I don't want my favorite hyung to be sad," Jaehyun started again, earning another smile from Taeyong.
"so go and make Doyoung-hyungie happy again."
That earned him a flick to his forehead. Taeyong stood before him with a gentle chuckle nevertheless, almost whispering 'I'll talk to him' and thanking him for the talk before making his way out of Jaehyun's and to his own room.
He went back to their floor, passing Johnny and Haechan's room, where the conversation was beginning to come to an end too.
"Listen to your hyung and go talk to him. He wants to resolve this just as much as you do, I promise you. You don't need me to tell you how you two have always been better together.
Also, did you forget what he said? He literally told you, in the middle of that huge fight, how much he loved you. Alright, he did say it as a result of you provoking him, but that doesn't make it any less genuine.
Both of you were being more stubborn than usual, it was a stressful day after all. It's not like you said anything you can't apologize for."
Doyoung really did value Johnny's opinion and as uncomfortable as it might get, he was determined to talk to Taeyong and get back to how they were.
He was sick of avoiding him, it was getting harder and harder not having him by his side. All he could think about was how much he needed to hear his voice again, have Taeyong's gentle smile and laughter directed at him.
He thanked and hugged Johnny one more time with a tight squeeze before leaving his room.
Taeyong had stopped just in front of his own door, not being able to help listening to the muffled sounds of Johnny's voice, when he heard the other door down the hall open.
Naturally, he looked up, following the sound, only to meet eyes with Doyoung.
Doyoung was startled to see him looking back at him, but he somehow felt relief upon seeing the soft expression on Taeyong's face.
And, aIthough it was brief, the look in Doyoung's eyes told Taeyong all he needed to know.
He was the first one to - reluctantly - break eye contact to enter his room. He pressed his lips into a tight line, glancing up at Doyoung one more time before finally pushing the door open and leaving the other in the hall.
Tomorrow, he thought.
-
The members spent the next morning at dance practice, wanting to get some free time during the day.
They were left to their own devices for the remainder of the day - some going out, some just lounging around the dorm and some having to have a conversation.
It was similar to the day of the initial fight, though much less aggressive this time around. Taeyong entered the dorm first, putting his bag down on a chair, Doyoung right behind him once again.
They still hadn't said a word to each other, but both of them could feel the change in atmosphere, the tension of who'd speak up first. Doyoung was looking at Taeyong's back while he set his bag down, contemplating calling out to him.
In the end, it was Taeyong who took the first step.
He took a deep breath and braced himself for what was going to happen during the conversation. He finally turned around to face Doyoung.
"Can you stay here for a minute? To talk?"
Doyoung looked at him with doe eyes, with so much emotion - Doyoung always wore his heart on his sleeve and Taeyong almost forgot that they had an argument. He saw him nod, amidst his own inner turmoil, and invite him over to sit on the couch in the middle of their dorm's living room.
Being in one of their own smaller rooms, which were inevitably more intimate, was added pressure that neither of them needed. They could only hope the members who were home would stay where they were for the duration of their talk, however long - or short - it might be.
After sitting down, an arm's length seperating them, they both felt like a couple on their first date: so nervous, though it wasn't necessarily the good kind of nervous.
Despite having mustered up the courage to initiate the conversation, Taeyong suddenly felt at a complete loss with Doyoung right there, like he forgot every word in his vocabulary.
"Uh.." was all he managed to get out. He felt overwhelmed by how hard it was to talk, even though he usually never had a problem using his words to express his feelings in front of Doyoung.
His fingers made their way back up his face, nails scraping at the prominent scar. As much as he tried to hide his anxiety, he couldn't stop the obvious display of his nervous habit and he internally cursed himself for it.
When he looked up at Doyoung, he saw the look on his face, which he could only describe as plain sad. The corners of his mouth were turned down, his eyes looked tired as he observed Taeyong.
"I want you to know, I never wanted to hurt you or make it go this far." Doyoung told him, propping one elbow up on the back of the couch, his face in his palm.
He looked down and started fiddling with a loose thread at the seam of his hoodie. Seeing Taeyong like that only deepened the guilt he felt.
He tried to keep himself together, he was always the one who was more sensitive when it came to their relationship.
Every word from Taeyong held so much meaning and never failed to touch Doyoung's heart; he hoped Taeyong knew that.
"I don't want you to feel like you can't tell me anything anymore. I know I said you need to be more this or that, but that wasn't really true. I was just looking for things to throw at you because I was mad."
Taeyong folded his hands together, squeezing them as he listened to Doyoung. The sincerity in the other's voice made him want to throw his arms around him and forget everything that happened.
"It's not like it's all your fault. You're right, I complain a lot about little things sometimes. It's not because I want to make anyone mad, it's just.."
He trailed off, it was an annoying peeve he had and explaining it was even more complicated. He didn't like it himself, but he had come to terms with it.
Luckily, it wasn't long before Doyoung continued for him.
"You don't need to explain it to me. I promise I understand. It's just a part of you, you never want to hurt anyone and you aren't hurting anyone. That was just.. me being me." The younger said, mumbling the last words.
Taeyong looked at Doyoung, but could only see the crown of his head. Doyoung couldn't get himself to look at him. He seemed determined to take all the blame, something Taeyong would never allow.
"Don't say it like that. You're too giving to others, but so hard on yourself. You're telling me I don't need to explain myself for being me, yet you're talking like you don't deserve to be yourself."
That made Doyoung lift his head, their eyes meeting for the first time since last night. Taeyong felt so silly for how much he was affected by a simple look from the other, but he felt like he fell in love all over again whenever he looked into Doyoung's dark, sparkling wide eyes. He hoped Doyoung would never doubt his love for him.
That thought reminded him of what the younger had said towards the end of their fight.
"Do you really love me?"
He suddenly felt the anxiety bubble up again, which had died down a bit since Doyoung had started talking. If there was one thing he wanted to clear up, it was that question.
Taeyong took his love for Doyoung so seriously. To say Doyoung's presence in his life meant the world to him was an understatement.
He had been there for every hardship Taeyong ever had to face, never letting him face it alone. Lonely nights, nights where he felt like everyone was out to get him; it was Doyoung who'd be there without fail, seemingly being able to read his mind for what he needed in those moments.
Nothing would hurt him more than Doyoung saying he felt unloved or unappreciated for everything he has given Taeyong.
And, as Taeyong had already told him just a few moments ago, Doyoung was too giving, would bend over backwards for others and would never ask for anything back. That's why Taeyong felt an even greater need to prove his affection and appreciation for him.
"Do you.. do you really feel like I don't love you as much as I say I do?"
It was his turn again to let his head hang low as he asked. He could only hear the sharp inhale coming from Doyoung.
He didn't get a reply immediately. It was silent for a while, the only sounds Taeyong could hear being his own and Doyoung's breathing, along with his own heart beat pounding in his ears.
Then, he heard the younger shift on the couch, moving to sit on his heels as he faced Taeyong.
"I- No. No, not at all. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for saying that- for asking that. It's not true, it was never true. It was dumb, I shouldn't have ever said that, that's not how I feel."
Taeyong could hear the trembling in his voice as Doyoung started rambling.
An uncomfortable heat spread on Doyoung's face, running down along his neck. That was exactly what he had feared so much and he wanted nothing more than to delete those words from Taeyong's memory. He never hated himself more for saying something than now.
Usually, it was just a matter of getting an irritated look, but right now, Taeyong's trust in him was on the line and Doyoung felt such an immense weight of helplessness on him in that moment.
He'd never forgive himself if he had truly made Taeyong feel like all the love he showed him hadn't had a special place in Doyoung's heart.
He'd often tell Taeyong how the way he talked to him made him feel so loved and understood; he wanted to try and give that feeling back to Taeyong whichever way he could.
"I promise, Taeyong. I know. I don't know how else to say it.. I just know, okay? Everything you do for me, everything you are.. it's so much more than I can handle."
The younger searched for Taeyong's gaze, but the older was directing his attention to anything but him it seemed. There was a tear that almost slipped out from the corner of his eye; he clenched his jaw and his hands into fists and looked up at the ceiling to keep them from flowing down his face.
He breathed out deeply, knowing he wasn't fooling anyone, but still trying to conceal the rush of anxiety.
"It better be, because if there's one thing I'm sure of in this world, it's that I love you with everything I am."
Doyoung's eyes widened, absolutely not helping his teary-eyed situation, but he didn't care as he looked down again to see Taeyong, who was now reaching out for him with his hand, his usual gentle smile on his face. His eyes may have also been filled with tears, he just hoped Doyoung couldn't tell through his own tears.
He gladly took the hand that was offered to him, but he stayed locked in his sitting position on the couch. His legs were beginning to feel tingly from how he had them folded under himself, but his body stayed frozen.
Taeyong moved closer towards him, tightening the grip he had on Doyoung's hand as he bumped their knees together. His free hand came up to cup Doyoung's face, wiping at the stray tear that had managed to sneak its way down his cheek.
"Stop promising me things. I know, too. It's not just you. I know you and I understand. I trust you. Us being stubborn assholes on a bad day and taking it out on each other isn't going to change that." He whispered, keeping their faces close.
"I'm sorry, I really am. I love you." Doyoung whispered back.
"I know, I'm sorry too. For everything. I love you too."
Taeyong pulled back to look into his eyes again. Doyoung smiled at him sweetly, giving him all the assurance he needed.
"Are we okay again?" Taeyong asked, bringing his hand up that was still holding Doyoung's to press a kiss on top of it.
Doyoung blinked the rest of the tears away.
"Yes. Now and forever." He replied, his grin now fully spread from ear to ear.
Taeyong responded with his own soft smile before abruptly deciding it had been way too long since he had last kissed Doyoung.
Doyoung was only slightly taken a back by the sudden kiss and arms sneaking around his waist, eventually pressing back against Taeyong to properly kiss him back.
-
Haechan had been one of the members to stay home, while Johnny and Jaehyun, the main culprits of the reunion, were out shopping together.
They, well, Johnny, may or may not have bribed him with food to report back to them if anything happened between the love birds of the dorm. And, of course, he agreed.
They were on FaceTime as he peeked out from behind the door every now and then to eavesdrop on them.
"Ah. Yup. Mm-hmm, yes. As expected. They love each other so much, it's disgusting. Just listen to them. I'll have to tell them how stupid they sound when they think they hate each other later." He stated after closing the door again, like a doctor assessing his patients.
"Let them be. From the sound of it, it really got emotional, huh? They're so dramatic. They're truly the perfect fit for each other." Johnny said from the other end of the line, Jaehyun peeking his head into the frame,
"They didn't notice you, right?" He imposed, sipping on his coffee.
"No way. They're way too occupied staring at each other and sucking each other's face. You kicked me out of my own room and are now making me watch this for you. You owe me extra, Johnny-hyung."
"Don't pretend like you wouldn't have watched them if it weren't for me. You're too nosy."
Johnny raised his eyebrows at him, Haechan felt the accusation through the screen and responded by sticking his tongue out at him.
"We're actually on our way home. Maybe try to subtly warn them.. they've ignored each other for almost a week after all and I don't wanna see the consequences of that on our couch when we get back."
Jaehyun laughed, making Johnny almost choke on his own drink.
"Gross. Absolutely gross and traumatising. As if their usual PDA isn't enough for my young, innocent eyes."
"You'll understand when you're older! Bye~"
Haechan ended the call and wasted no time in interrupting whatever the couple in the living room was doing.
He decided the best way to do that was by running to stand right in front of them before throwing himself on top of them.
Although confused, both of them laughed when Haechan started complaining about their bumpy bodies beneath him and told them to get a room.
Taeyong happily tugged Doyoung up by the hand to guide him to his own room, Doyoung making exaggerated kissing sounds as he followed.
Haechan turned back to look at them again and pretended to feel sick, holding his stomach and covering his mouth, hearing their laughter intensify before they reached Taeyong's room and closed the door behind them.
He plopped himself back down on the couch, his body finally releasing the tension he didn't know was there, and smiled to himself contently, enjoying the new, lighter atmosphere.
His friends were happy,
and all was well in their dorm again.