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Senku stood at the bow of the Perseus, staring out into the vast sea as they sailed ahead. The sun was bright and warm. The cold spray misted across his smiling face. Finally, they had the weapon that could turn people to stone, and finally they could go home to Ishigami Village, away from the island that nearly ended their adventure.
Senku turned around to rejoin his friends’ festivities, only to see no one else on the top of the ship. He was confused and began to search for them. No one was on top of the ship, in the quarters, or even manning the wheel. But there were two broken statues in the cargo hold of the ship. After he’d searched the ship top to bottom a second time, finding nothing but those two statues, panic settled in Senku’s stomach like a stone.
He was alone. All alone.
As his breathing picked up, he raced around the ship calling for the crew. He looked for Taiju, Yuzuriha, Gen, Ryusui, hell even Magma, but there was no one. No one but those two fucking statues. Soon, his voice went from shouting to a high wheezing as panic raced through every cell in his body. The sun no longer felt warm, it was too hot, beating down on him, no one was there, no one was coming, he was going to die alone just like-
Senku woke up, nearly slamming his head on the bunk bed above his. He was out of breath and his heart was beating way too fast. He looked wildly around the dark room, moonlight from a small porthole being his only source of light, but he saw no one else. He pulled his knees to his chest, trying to calm down, trying to be reasonable, but all he could think was how he was so alone.
“Senku-chan…?” Senku’s heart stopped at the soft voice that came from above him. “Are you alright…?”
Senku’s breath slowed, and his panic began to subside. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine, Mentalist. Go back to sleep.” He didn’t want Gen to go back to sleep. He wanted him to keep talking, to remind him that there was someone there, but he was supposed to be the leader. He was supposed to be strong, dammit, not be so afraid of nothing (quite literally).
Senku heard Gen hum above him, and the bed creaked as he moved. “You don’t sound fine, Senku-chan. Did you have a nightmare?” Senku was silent. “It’s alright if you did, everyone gets them from time to time. Especially nowadays with no medicine to help us sleep.” Gen chuckled at this, but it didn’t sound sincere. Senku opened his mouth to speak, but closed it when a sob threatened to come out instead of words. He was not okay, the fact that he couldn’t get over one stupid nightmare proved that, but he didn’t need Gen knowing that.
The bed creaked again. “Senku-chan. I’m coming down if you don’t answer me, I know you’re not asleep.”
“Don’t,” Senku said, way too quickly. “Yes, I had a nightmare, but it wasn’t the first and it won’t be the last.”
Gen hummed again and the ladder creaked as he descended. He sat down at the foot of Senku’s bed, the moonlight catching his white hair and making it shine brilliantly. His normal soft smile was gone, replaced by concern.
“Senku-chan, it’s not like you to hide things.” Before Senku could respond, Gen held his hand up. “Don’t even try to deny it, I’m a master of the human psyche.” Senku snorted.
“Master?” he asked with a slight laugh. Gen’s expression didn’t change.
“Yes, but please don’t change the subject. I’m not going to leave until you’re asleep again.” Senku looked away, Gen’s hair suddenly blinding.
“Well I’d be asleep much faster if there weren’t someone else on my bed,” he snapped. Senku was suddenly angry, angry that Gen was here, angry that he was intruding on his space, angry that he somehow knew that he wasn’t okay. A hand stroked his arm and Senku stiffened at the touch.
“It takes a lot to get you mad. You’re such a patient man, even when everyone around you is so much less knowledgeable and constantly making mistakes. How is it that you’re mad now?” Gen asked, scooting closer until he was almost sitting on Senku’s feet.
“Maybe because you’re getting in my space while I’m trying to sleep,” Senku growled.
“That’s not the reason and you know it,” Gen retorted, taking his hand away. Senku, through his growing rage, wished that he’d kept it there. “I’m just trying to help, Senku-chan. That’s my job, to make sure everyone is mentally sound, including you.”
“I am mentally sound, but every person needs sleep, regardless of their mental stability!” Senku almost yelled. He really didn’t want to wake anyone else, he didn’t need anyone else to see him like this.
Gen pulled away further, and sat at the foot of the bed again so that Senku could lay down fully again. When Senku’s head hit the pillow, his heart rate rose and he almost fell into another panic. Not wanting Gen to see his weakness, he just lay there, hoping the Mentalist would leave.
“I’m scared of being petrified,” Gen said suddenly. Senku sat up and looked at him, confused.
“Isn’t everyone? Besides the villagers?” Senku asked. Gen gave a weak smile, then shook his head.
“I suppose so, but that’s not what I mean. When I was petrified, I was scared. I was so terrified, I just wanted to move, I was screaming to move, but I couldn’t. Every time I slipped out of unconsciousness I was faced with the world having changed even more. Every time I woke up, a little more of the life I once knew was gone. Throughout all of it, I couldn’t move.” Gen chuckled weakly, but there was no sincerity in it. Senku saw his eyes glint in the moonlight, as tears welled up in them. However, Gen being the master of vocal manipulation that he is, Senku couldn’t hear a single tremble in his voice.
“I’ve talked to the others who were petrified. Taiju, Yuzu, Ryusui, they barely acknowledge it as a point in their life. Like they were just stuck in traffic or something. Hell, even you, someone who was conscious for the entirety of those 3,000 years doesn’t even seem to have the same fear I do.” Gen dabbed at his eyes with his sleeves, the glint disappearing with the tears.
“Getting frozen that second time was hell. Once again, I was locked into my own mind, screaming to just move, but being unable to.” Gen looked directly at Senku. “With no one else around to properly diagnose me, I can’t be sure, but my symptoms seem to all line up.”
“Line up?” Senku asked, already pretty sure of the answer.
“I’m pretty sure I have PTSD from it,” Gen said softly.
“I… I’m sorry,” Senku responded, just as soft. The air was thick, and as the silence hung in the air what Gen was trying to say hit Senku like a freight train.
“Wait. Are you saying that I have PTSD?” he asked incredulously.
“Not exactly,” Gen admitted, “But what I am saying is that you woke up sounding a lot like me when I have a nightmare about being unable to move.” Senku was silent again. The realization was suddenly there, that Gen was most likely right. Except, Senku never had too much of an issue with being petrified.
But he remembered being on that island after finally defeating the old man. Once the joy of victory faded, the same panic he’d felt from his dream crept in and seized his heart. He’d wandered to the edge of the island, feeling so lonely, he was all alone with just statues-
“Senku-chan! Senku-chan!” Gen was suddenly gripping his shoulders, his voice ripping him back to reality as Ruri’s had on that island. The panic flooded from his veins, just as tears flooded from his eyes.
Gen wrapped his arms around Senku as he sobbed. Senku’s head was nestled into his chest, his hands gripping Gen’s robe. Gen spoke calmly and quietly, rubbing his back and slowly helping Senku recover. But even when the tears stopped, he did not let go and continued to hold the scientist. Senku willed his breathing to even out as he listened to the silence of the moonlit room, the only noise being Gen’s hand gliding across fabric.
“Humans are social animals,” Senku said suddenly. Gen nodded, but didn’t say anything, as if to tell Senku to go on. “Humans are social animals and require socialization from their own kind to the point where social isolation was considered torture. I knew that, but I didn’t really think that I was affected by that. As a kid I was pretty lonely, except for Byakuya, until Taiju showed up. So when I first woke up, I thought I would be fine.” Senku rambled on as Gen continued to slowly stroke his back in a predictable pattern, something that Senku appreciated.
“I was fine for a while. My mind was focused on surviving, making clothes, progressing, but… when I couldn’t do anything further, when I needed strength, I realized that I needed someone else. I found Taiju and tried to wake him up, but every day that he didn’t…” Senku trailed off, unable to finish his sentence.
“Senku-chan…” Gen whispered. His grip adjusted as Senku was pulled into a proper hug. Senku wrapped his arms around Gen, gripping him as if to make sure that he was real, that he wouldn’t disappear.
“I can’t even sleep anymore without a roommate,” Senku admitted.
“It’s okay. Thank you for telling me,” Gen said, loosening his grip slightly, as if telling Senku that it was okay to let go. Senku didn’t, there was still something else eating away at him, something that only one other person knew about. And that person didn’t even fully understand the consequences.
“I’ve killed more people than Tsukasa,” Senku blurted out, tears threatening to spill again. Gen’s grip tightened again.
“What do you mean?” Gen asked, zero judgement in his voice, only curiosity.
“Two people,” Senku admitted, the words spilling from his mouth, “When I was testing the Revival Fluid, I tested it on two people who were in pieces. I tried to put them back together, but I didn’t have all the pieces so when I revived them they were…!” Senku bit his tongue and choked back a sob.
Gen pulled away and Senku’s heart dropped thinking that Gen was going to run away from him, but instead Gen took Senku’s face gently in his hands and wiped the tears away with his thumbs. Senku noticed that the glint was back in his eyes, he wasn’t the only one crying.
“It’s okay. You couldn’t have known,” Gen said quietly, a slight tremor in his voice. “There’s no way you could have known, Senku-chan. You were just trying to help.”
“I killed them,” Senku responded.
“You’ve saved hundreds already,” Gen retorted before Senku could say anything more. “Without you, we never would’ve known that people could be put back together. Without you, we wouldn’t have the platinum to make unlimited Revival Fluid. Hell, if you hadn’t done that it’s possible that Tsukasa would’ve found a way to actually kill people instead of crushing their statues. Yes, you made a mistake. But you’ve more than made up for it.” Gen smiled softly in the moonlight, and Senku’s heart skipped a beat for a completely different reason.
“You’re going to save the whole world, remember? You’ve never let anyone hold you back before. Don’t start now.”
It was Senku’s turn to be silent. He felt Gen’s hands release him, and once again he wiped the tears away. Senku felt as if a massive weight was lifted from his shoulders, but the thought of laying down again was still more terrifying than he wanted to admit.
“Lay down, Senku-chan,” Gen said, placing his hands on Senku’s arms and easing him back onto the pillow. Then as if reading Senku’s mind, Gen settled in behind him, wrapping his arms around the scientist’s waist. Senku could feel every part of his body that was pressed against the Mentalist, along with Gen’s soft breaths against the back of his neck. It was like magic, and Senku immediately began to feel sleepy, the panic never once crossing his mind.
As he drifted off, Senku whispered a soft “I love you.”
And he swore he felt a kiss on the back of his neck.