Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Alex tapped his fingers against his phone, uneasily. He'd had it in a tight grip since he came out of the shower and realized no notifications were staring back at him from the screen. Ever since he and Charlie had left the party, he had not been able to part from it – that is to say, some hazy part of Alex's brain not totally affected by the weed had deemed it was important that he kept his phone around. Half the trip back to his house, he wasn't very much aware of what he was doing, but now (two glasses of water, a candy bar, and a cold shower later) the effect had worn off, and Alex was starting to worry for real.

He checked the screen again for a message, a call, any sign really of Zach Dempsey's freaking existence. He was out of luck so far.

“Don't worry,” Charlie had tried to soothe him as he drove Alex back to his house. His voice sounded soft inside the quietness of his car, and he looked good, Alex thought. Or, at least, he looked less affected by the weed than Alex himself felt he was. It had been a while since he last had any. “You know Zach, he probably just hooked up with a girl and left early. Or, you know. Stayed in the house and took advantage of someone else's bed.”

Alex had huffed out a laugh then, rolling his eyes. “Jesus, why would you say that. Now I'm kinda picturing it.” He pocketed his phone, unconsciously expecting it to buzz against his thigh any time.

“If it helps you unwind a little. Whatever floats your boat,” Charlie shrugged, a small smile playing on the corner of his lips.

“Charlie,” chastised Alex, only to hear the younger boy's laugh winning over his attempt to keep a straight face. “Don't make me go there. I don't feel completely in control of my thoughts just yet,” he scratched his eyebrow absentmindedly, chancing a glance at Charlie on the driver's seat. His profile was lit now and then by the street lights, and he did look good, didn't he.

“You'll feel better once you lay down for a bit. I told you we shouldn't have shared that third cookie,” Charlie tried for a reproaching tone, but his voice still came out too soft for Alex to be convinced.

“You did tell me,” Alex stifled a yawn, sliding down a bit on his seat, “but you weren't too eager on keeping the cookies only to yourself anyway, so here we are.”

“Yeah, well-- you got this thing going on on your face that makes it really hard to say no to you, you know,” Charlie said distractedly, eyes on the turn he was taking and not on Alex. “Though you probably shouldn't know that. It'd just make you impossibly pushy, and I don't think that's wise.”

“Too late. Now I already know,” said Alex, and he was smiling, and he didn't know why, but it didn't seem to be stopping any time soon. He would blame the weed cookies.

Charlie pulled over in front of Alex's house, killing the engine and turning in his seat to fully look at his friend. “Will you be alright? Want me to come in with you?” He sounded worried, and Alex briefly wondered if he looked worse than he imagined.

He shook his head no, sitting straighter and trying to look dignified. “Nah, I'm good. My parents aren't home. I'm good to go, thanks.” He swiped his eyes over the street, but there wasn't any sight of a well-known Audi around. He deflated a little. Somewhere in his mind, it seemed, he was wondering if maybe Zach had miraculously left the party early in favor to go home.

Charlie seemed to sense his humor, or maybe it was more on his face than he expected. “He's fine, Alex,” he said, trying to lend the older boy some reassurance. “Probably will wake you up in the middle of the night to come in. You should rest some while you can.”

“Yeah, you're right,” sighed Alex, unbuckling his seat belt. “Thanks for the ride. I'd still be stuck at that party if it wasn't for you.”

“Anytime,” replied Charlie easily. “Text me when you hear from Zach. I wanna know what crazy story he'll come up with this time.”

“Will do,” said Alex, opening the door. He was halfway out of the car when he hesitated, turning around and blurting somewhat awkwardly. “Will you text me when you get home? Just. You know. To tell me you're alright. I don't want to be worrying over you, too.”

Charlie smiled brightly and nodded his head. “Yeah, of course. I'll text you soon.”

Alex had nodded and turned on his heel, his steps faster than usual on his way to his doorstep. He heard Charlie's cheery “goodbye” before the engine was on again, but didn't turn around to check on him. Alex was vaguely aware that his normal self would be embarrassed by his straightforwardness, but either Charlie or the weed – or both – were affecting him this way, and he would let it slide for now.

(He had looked back when he was already at the door, though, just to see Charlie's headlights shining smaller as he sped away. He was looking forward to his text already.)

But that had been about half an hour ago. And now, well, now he sat on his bed, phone in hand, staring stubbornly at the black screen as he expected it to light up with just a tiny little notification, for Christ's sake, he wasn't asking for much. Because now, to make matters worse, not only he hadn't heard from Zach, Charlie also hadn't sent him anything yet. And he knew, in his sane mind, that he was probably overreacting to the whole situation, but fuck it if he wasn't done with bad news. Some moments of his life, he seemed to be only going through the motions as he expected some shit to happen.

His phone lit up and buzzed in his hand, and Alex felt his heart skip a beat.

(12:07 AM) Charlie St. George: hey i'm home :)

what the fuck took you so long, Alex typed quickly, but his finger hovered over the send button as he gave it a second thought. Hold it together, Standall. He erased it and took a deep breath, part of his worries now assuaged once Charlie was safe and sound at home.

(12:08 AM) Alex Standall: thank GOD. I was mildly worried youd been swallowed by a vortex on your way home

(12:08 AM) Charlie St. George: only mildly?

(12:08 AM) Alex Standall: dont push your luck charles

(12:10 AM) Charlie St. George: sorry. dads working late, so i had to dodge his questions for some solid 10 minutes before i managed to escape

(12:10 AM) Alex Standall: shit. how did that go

(12:11 AM) Charlie St. George: better than expected. there might have had some intense prodding but my cookies remain unscathed

Alex felt a laugh escape his chest, despite his worries. He would never cease to be amazed by this effect Charlie so easily had on him. It only took the boy a couple of minutes to make Alex feel lighter.

(12:13 AM) Charlie St. George: still no word from zach?

(12:13 AM) Alex Standall: no. I think his phone is dead cause i tried calling and it went straight to voice mail

(12:14 AM) Charlie St. George: youre really worried arent you

And what could Alex say to that, honestly? He was worried. But he didn't want to make a big deal out of it, especially because he seemed to be the only one caring, and especially because it wasn't even the first time Zach had just vanished like that. To be honest, he probably should be used to it by now.

But the thing is, Alex couldn't help but worry because 1) Zach had planned to crash at his house after the party, and every time he would do so, he at least let Alex know if there were any sudden change of plans, and 2) well, it wasn't flashing news that Zach was going through a drinking problem. Anyone around him could see it – Zach himself wasn't putting too much effort into hiding it. On the opposite, he was growing more reckless and uncaring as the days passed, and Alex felt like he was watching it unravel right in front of his eyes, but had no idea how to help. He wasn't even sure he could. And now he felt like if some bad shit were to happen, he would have missed all of his chances to have done something for Zach, and it was so bad that he hadn't reached out sooner, and when had his room started to spin this fast, really. What the fuck.

He closed his eyes and laid his head against the pillow. He needed to calm the fuck down.

Alex had asked on their group chat if anyone at the party had any news from Zach, but that was a dead-end too. Justin had no idea, Jess didn't seem too worried, and Clay hadn't even answered. Alex was probably giving it too much importance, and he knew it – but in his experience, there was never a good outcome whenever any of his friends went MIA out of the blue.

He wasn't fully aware he was spiraling until he was pulled out of it by his phone buzzing on his chest. Charlie's name flashed warmly to him on the screen. Alex accepted the call without thinking twice.

“Hey,” Charlie's voice was a little muffled, but the sheer sound of it helped to ground Alex a bit. “Talk to me. Don't go to these dark places your mind likes to come up with sometimes.”

Alex would have laughed if Charlie's guess wasn't so on point. He poked at a little stain on his bedspread, stalling. “I wasn't,” he lied, even though his voice sounded weak to his own ears. “But I'm glad you called.”

“Anytime. I told you can count on me for anything,” whispered Charlie firmly.

“Why do you sound like you're underwater or something?” Alex frowned.

“That's because I am,” stated Charlie. “Not water, of course, but-- well, something. I'm under a pile of pillows and blankets and the likes now. You see, the point is to be quieter. Dad was ok with my getting home a little past curfew, but I'm not sure it would last if he caught me on the phone so late. I don't want to give him any ideas.”

“Oh god, you're unbelievable,” Alex smiled, shaking his head amusedly. “I wish I could see that.”

“I'm sure you'd love a chance to get a good laugh at my current situation, but I won't grant you that.” Charlie's voice was very noble, which was only further ruined by the muffled quality of it. Alex found himself laughing. “Though I'm glad you find my predicament so amusing.”

“I'm sorry,” Alex shook his head, trying to keep the laughter out of his voice. “It is amusing, yes, and you're possibly the only person in the world who would come up with such an idea, but that's not why I'm laughing.” He breathed in, gathering up the courage for his next words. Alex knew he sucked when it came to pouring his heart out, but he guessed Charlie was very well deserving of his appreciation now. “I'm just happy to have someone who would do that for me.”

“Do what, go under pillows?” asked Charlie, puzzled.

“No, silly,” Alex rolled his eyes, smiling. “To go out of their way this much just to be there for me. Even if 'there' is under pillows, in this context.”

The younger boy was silent for a moment, and Alex worried maybe he had said too much. But Charlie's voice broke him out of his unease just as he was about to come up with an excuse to hang up. “Alex,” and just that, just his name had his heart warming in his chest, because Charlie said it with such fondness it was impossible not to melt a little. Alex swallowed a surge of emotion he couldn't name yet – and wasn't intent on examining further just now – and Charlie sighed on the other side of the call. “I wish I could do more, actually. But considering the current settings, all I can give you is my amazing, hushed voice to distract you enough till you feel you can sleep.”

“It's more than enough,” reassured Alex, curling up on his side on his still made bed. “But it might take a while. Talking to you makes it better, but I'm still a little on edge.”

“Worry not, my friend,” intoned Charlie theatrically. “I make a point of having zero obligations on Sunday mornings, so I can sleep in for as long as I want. Besides, I'm not tired, so it's not like you're keeping me awake or anything.”

“How are you not tired?” Alex asked skeptically, rubbing his eyes. “My brain is still slow from you stupid cookies.”

“Nuh-uh, Alex, I'm not having that. No hating on the cookies,” said Charlie categorically. “You seemed to like them just fine a few hours back. Maybe you just lost your way with the good ol' cannabis.”

Alex opened his eyes. He stared at the ceiling, stunned. “Are you lecturing me on how to use weed? Seriously?”

“Well, it seems very much called for,” pointed Charlie. Alex could sense the teasing so very clear in his voice, and yet he couldn't say it wasn't working.

“What the-- quit your shit, newbie. When I first started doing it, you were still in middle school,” retorted Alex.

“Then maybe your good times are gone, old man,” suggested Charlie helpfully.

“Fuck's sake, I can't believe you,” mumbled Alex, amused. “It's just been a while, alright?”

Charlie laughed and they bantered for a while longer afterwards – long enough that Alex managed to let go of his worries for the time being and focus on Charlie's voice and the way it nuanced according to whatever story he was telling. He told Alex about the first time he'd had a joint, and how his father almost caught him doing so. He told Alex about being an only child, the good and the bad sides of it. He told Alex about how he got into the football team. And all the while, as he listened and hummed his agreement or stepped in with a comment here and there on Charlie's accounts of his life, Alex knew the younger boy was only doing so to distract him. To keep his mind away from harmful thoughts, to prevent it from turning back to the unhelpful mess it was before. And Charlie did it so willingly, so promptly – Alex couldn't believe there still existed people like him in the world. So ready to give and asking for nothing in return. So inherently good. It was mindblowing.

He would never know the exact moment he fell asleep, but he did it far more quickly than he expected to – ear pressed snugly to his phone, lying on his still made up bed, to the sound of Charlie's voice still soothing his worries away.

Alex woke up fairly early the next morning, head still pounding a little, phone thrown haphazardly by his side. He grabbed it sleepily and checked it more for his own peace of mind than for hopes Zach would have sent anything by now.

There was nothing from Zach, as expected, but there were two new messages from Charlie. Curious and definitely more awake, he tapped it and it opened to a picture. A picture of what he assumed to be Charlie in the middle of an odd variety of different-sized pillows, blankets, and cushions. Only his left eye and part of his nose were visible amidst the mess of sleeping assortments, and even with the bad flash lighting, Alex could tell he was smiling when he snapped the shot.

He snorted out a laugh, but his heart fluttered at the words under the very real and graphic proof of Charlie St. George's goofiness.

(1:36 AM) Charlie St. George: hope it makes you smile. Call me if you need anything xx

Then his father knocked on the door, and it took Alex some heartfelt effort, indeed, to keep his stupid smile away from his face.

Chapter Text

Alex shoved his phone under the pillow just as his father opened the door. His heart was still racing, and he had no idea of what expression his face was currently wearing, but he sat down in his bed and tried to look composed all the same.

“Morning, kiddo. Why are you up so early?” The older man asked, not even trying to hide his surprise.

“Just--” Alex shrugged, glancing around his room for an excuse for what he knew, coming from him, was odd behavior. “I don't know. Had a good night's sleep, I guess.”

He had avoided eye contact with his father so far, aware of the fact that Bill Standall, good cop that he was, had not wasted his last couple of years closely observing his son not to notice Alex's unusual light mood this early in the morning. And God, he didn't want to sit there and tell his father he was feeling so well because of a silly text message. Lately, he was trying to keep his secrets at a minimum from his dad – Alex felt like he deserved it, after everything. But that didn't mean he was eager to share this, especially when he himself didn't even know what this was.

“Well... That's good, that's good, son.” He hesitated for a moment at the door, before opening it wider and stepping inside. “I just got in from my shift and heard you laughing from the hallway. Thought of checking on you,” and then he cut himself short as if he wasn't sure how to go on from there.

Alex chanced a look upwards, and his stomach dropped. With one look at his father's face, he immediately knew something was wrong.

“What now?” Alex asked, tired, unconsciously bracing himself for the impact. He should've known that it couldn't last – the lightness he felt on his chest, the thrill of waking up feeling good for a change. It was bound to be ruined by something, he shouldn't be surprised.

His dad seemed to think it over for a second, but Bill Standall was not one to shy away from being straightforward. “There was an accident last night. A car crashed around 1 AM, some officers were called to the site to assess property damage and investigate the possibility of drunk-driving,” he eyed his son with barely restrained preoccupation before adding, “Zach was involved in the crash.”

“What?”, Alex whispered, breath knocked out of his chest. He felt like he had been physically punched in the gut.

He couldn't breathe. He couldn't scream, or ask for more information, or react more actively in any other way; he just sat there and stared at his dad in a haze, the words registering but not resonating within his conscience.

“He was taken to the hospital,” his father continued, “and he was stable, last I heard of, which was about one hour ago.” Alex shot an inquisitive look at his father, to which the older man replied with a tight smile. “Your mom is keeping an eye on his condition. She is not directly in charge of his care, but you know-- she knows things.”

Alex nodded, head still humming with the news. Somewhere under his stupor, he knew his conscience would be yelling nasty things when it finally caught up to him – why wasn't he there, why had he left Zach on his own, why was he such a shitty friend, for God's sake – but for now, he couldn't feel it. He was numb. All he wanted was to go back in time and find a way to prevent this from happening to his best friend.

“I can take you to the hospital later if you'd like to see him,” offered his dad.

“Can we go now?” Alex blurted, only half-aware of his words. His mind was running a mile a minute, even though his exterior looked oddly put together. Zach is fine, he repeated to himself. He was stable, his father had just said so. But he felt like he wouldn't believe it until he had seen it with his own eyes. He needed visual confirmation of what 'fine' meant.

“Now?” His dad repeated, taken aback. But he quickly subdued his astonishment, nodding as soon as he caught the distress on Alex's voice. “Of course. Get changed, I'll be waiting for you downstairs.”

As he watched his father's retreating figure, Alex realized with a pang of guilt that his old man was still in his uniform. He hadn't had a chance to sleep yet. And still, there he was, willing to drive his son right away to the hospital to see his friend because he knew, probably better than other parents, just how important it was to have someone around in a moment like this.

Alex changed quickly and combed his hair with his fingers. He grabbed his phone from under the pillow and was about to slip it into his pocket when he stopped, looking thoughtfully at the device.

Charlie had asked to hear about Zach, hadn't he? Granted, he was probably expecting a saucy story about how Zach had sneaked into some random girl's bedroom as her unaware parents slept next door – and to be frank, so was Alex. But they wouldn't be so lucky as to share the taller jock's shenanigans this morning.

zachs in the hospital, heading there with my dad, he typed quickly, mourning having to kill the mood of what otherwise could have been a healthy, light conversation. Alex stared at the screen after he sent the text. Charlie was probably still asleep, and what an awful way to get the day started, having to read something like that.

His fingers hovered hesitantly over the screen before he made up his mind and hit the daring send button. Alex stuffed his phone inside his pocket before he could start freaking out on what he had just sent. Out of sight, out of mind, so they said. He grabbed his jacket and headed downstairs to meet his dad.

(7:19 AM) Alex Standall: on a side note, kinda jealous of those pillows. wish i could have you this close rn x

The ride to the hospital was a silent one. His father walked them through the reception to the waiting room, for what Alex was thankful because his tension seemed to be growing heavier with each step he took. Zach's mom and his little sister May were sitting together in a corner. The girl flashed him a small smile, to which he tried his best to return. Zach's mom, though, only nodded curtly at him and averted her eyes. Alex got the clue and sat with his dad on the opposite side of the waiting room.

They were informed by a nurse that Zach had been put under sedatives as he arrived, but they had eased him out of them a few minutes ago. All everyone could do now was to wait for the meds to wear off so Zach would wake up on his own.

“You should go home,” said Alex to his dad after the nurse left. He was feeling calmer now, knowing Zach was just a few meters away, knowing his injuries hadn't been that much serious. “Go get some rest, I know you must be tired.”

The older man looked at him with uncertainty. “You sure? I don't mind waiting here with you till he wakes up.” This suggestion was slightly ruined by a stifled yawn.

“I'll be fine, dad. Don't worry,” reassured Alex. “The nurse said he must wake up at any time now, I'll just wait around to see him when he's up. I'll call you to come pick me up.”

His father grumbled an agreement, squeezing Alex's shoulder firmly before he made his way out of the waiting room. It was only Alex and Zach's mom and sister now, and as he checked the big analog clock on the wall, he was sure the time was slowing down on purpose.

Every time their eyes unintentionally met, May had this look on her face that said she wanted to go talk to him. But her mom remained stoically silent by her side – and that on itself was a very loud statement, coming from one Karen Dempsey. It was getting on Alex's nerves (the wait, the silent treatment, the judgment he felt emanating from both Zach's mom and himself) more and more as the minutes passed and the hours seemed to grow longer – until he couldn't take it anymore. He got up and made a straight line to the coffee machine, even though he knew from past experiences that the hospital coffee was shitty, and he was probably inviting a stomachache with his daring decision.

Alex staggered his way through the hallways, coffee in a tight grasp, trying to put as much distance as he could between himself and the waiting room. It had started very quietly in his mind; so quiet that, at first, Alex wasn't really aware of it, but it was there nonetheless. That voice in his head telling him he should've been better to Zach. That he should have been there. And he wasn't. And if now he felt like he was the worst friend in the world, well, that's because it was true. And there was nothing he could do to fix it because it was too late, the damage was done now.

He wished he could leave. He knew it would only make him feel worse.

Alex stopped by a large window he remembered to be almost at the hospital's main entrance and tried to calm his breath. He was not leaving. He just needed a moment out of that oppressive waiting room, with its stifling white walls that seemed to be crumbling on top of him in tandem with his increasing heartbeat. To make matters worse, being around Zach's mom definitely didn't help. She had this look on her face, this trademark Karen Dempsey glare that could make even the toughest guy flinch. Alex was sure she'd been practicing it for a long time; she had it refined to perfection by now. He blew a sigh through his nose and stared hollowly at the full cup of coffee in his hand. It looked like watery tar. Alex didn't remember ever getting it.

“How can you even stand the sight of this thing? This is positively radioactive,” a voice sounded suddenly by his side, and his crappy cup of coffee was gone from his hand before he had the time to register what was happening. Alex blinked, looking up to see Charlie standing next to him. “No wonder you look so upset.”

Alex briefly wondered if he had spiraled into some weird kind of reverie. Not thinking straight, he reached out to poke the younger boy in the chest, half-convinced his anxiety had reached a new level of messing up with him.

“Um. Hello to you too,” said Charlie, curious. He felt very solid. Alex released a breath he wasn't aware was stuck in his chest. His hand looked sickly pale against Charlie's bordeaux sweater. When he looked up again, Charlie had a frown on his face. “Alex, are you ok?”

He acted on impulse, as he would later justify to himself. And to be fair, it wasn't his first round putting feelings over thoughts. Alex curled his fingers on Charlie's sweater and pulled him closer by it, tucking his head under the younger boy's chin and letting his eyes fall shut. The liquid inside the cup Charlie still held in his grasp sloshed dangerously with the momentum, but Alex couldn't care less. Wow, he was jealous of those pillows, wasn't he.

“Hey,” muttered Charlie gently, reaching over Alex's head to dispose of the paper cup on the windowsill. Hands free now, he wrapped his arms around Alex's frame, and it was all Alex could do not to snuggle closer. (He failed miserably, though.) “What's wrong? How's Zach?”

“Don't know yet. He's still sleeping. But he's stable, at least,” mumbled Alex against the other boy's chest. He breathed in, mildly conscious he was probably overstaying his welcome inside the warmth of Charlie's embrace, but he couldn't convince himself to part from him just yet. “What are you doing here? You don't like to wake up early on Sundays.”

“I really don't. But you had me worried with your text, and I wanted to check on you,” answered Charlie softly. His voice was a balm to Alex's worries, soothing them away, keeping them at bay for the time being. Alex knew it wasn't enough in the long run, but for now – for now, he would fucking feast on it. “Besides, it's not that early. It's past ten already.”

“What?” Alex's eyes flew open. He pulled back a bit, staring at Charlie in shock.

Charlie hummed in agreement, peering down at him. “I woke up about nine something, and then I saw your message. Thought of calling, but figured you'd still be here. Waiting around in hospitals never goes fast.” The corners of his lips turned downwards a bit, and Alex figured he was probably reminded of his mom, being in this place. “Why are you surprised?”

Alex shook his head, helpless. “I think I just missed the last hour going over bad shit inside my head,” he sighed heavily, leaning back into Charlie and resting his forehead on his shoulder. “I'm so glad you're here.”

Charlie didn't say anything. He didn't need to – and also, he suspected that doing so would only make Alex self-conscious of his spontaneity, and no one needed that right now. Charlie was fine with holding Alex until he felt better. He was more than fine, actually.

And so he did. He held Alex until the older boy was breathing normally again. He held Alex until his tight grip on his sweater had eased into a proper hug. He held Alex through whatever war he was fighting inside his head, and Charlie counted it as a battle won, for when they finally broke apart, Alex was sporting a small smile on his face.

Chapter Text

Alex and Charlie eventually made their way back to the waiting room. As they walked, Alex filled Charlie in on the sparse details he knew so far about Zach's accident. They sat on the far corner Alex had previously occupied, and the older boy made his best not to look at the Dempsey ladies again.

He felt better now, though. More in control of his emotions. It helped that he had Charlie at his side, one of his arms draped comfortably around Alex's chair, not entirely touching his shoulders, but close enough that Alex could sense his proximity and feel grounded. The thought irked Alex a little because he knew he couldn't rely solely on the younger boy as a way out of his crises, but honestly. He would leave it to later to examine this further. Right now, he just wanted to see Zach and count this day as over.

Zach, however, didn't seem to be in much of a hurry to wake up. Afternoon came and went, and he remained fast asleep. Charlie's stomach had started growling somewhere around 2 PM, and it had escalated to a point where Alex manhandled him into the cafeteria. They sat very close as they came back from their late lunch, thighs touching as Charlie showed Alex some silly dog compilation video on his phone. Alex didn't give it too much thought until he absently looked up, midway through a chuckle, and caught May's attentive eyes upon them. She was quick to look away, blushing a little, and Alex felt weirdly self-conscious, though he couldn't exactly pinpoint why.

(He didn't move away from Charlie, though.)

Dusk had just fallen when the same nurse Alex and his dad had talked to earlier reentered the room. She had a small smile on her lips, and Alex took that as a good sign.

“Mrs. Dempsey?” She called out, and Zach's mom was up in a flash. She laid her hand on May's shoulder, and they followed the nurse through the hallway to Zach's room. May winked at him as they passed.

“Jesus, Alex,” said Charlie. “I don't think it's right of you to go around stealing people's hearts like that. Poor Zach's little sister's crushing hard.”

“What are you even saying?” Alex chortled, shaking his head. “I've known May for years now.”

“Exactly my point, yeah. Time enough for her to be captivated by your irresistible charm,” teased Charlie. As Alex rolled his eyes, Charlie let out a mirthful laugh. “You think I'm kidding, but she spent almost all the time we were here looking at you.”

“She did?” Alex frowned. “How do you know it was not you she was looking at?”

Charlie shrugged. “I don't know, I just think you're more crushable than me.”

Alex deadpanned. “You're joking, right? Have you seen yourself lately?”

“Well, have you?” Charlie arched his eyebrows, amused.

“I think you're missing the obvious point here--”

“Alex!” May jogged down the hallway towards them, her footsteps echoing loudly in the quietness of the wing. She winced a bit, self-conscious, and threw an apologetic look at a passing nurse as she approached them. “Sorry I didn't come to talk to you earlier, but my mom was-- well, being my mom. You know how she is sometimes.”

“It's fine, May, really,” reassured Alex. “How's your brother?”

She smiled at him, jabbing one finger towards the room she'd just left. “Zach wants to see you. I told him you both spent the whole day here, and he convinced mom it would be rude to make you wait any longer. But mom said only you, tho.” May deflated, eyeing Charlie with a rueful expression. “She doesn't want him to be overwhelmed, or something like that.”

“That's ok,” nodded Charlie, pushing Alex's shoulder lightly. “Send Zach my 'feel better soon'. I'll wait for you here.”

“Are you sure? We could take turns,” suggested Alex as he stood up. It was not fair that Charlie had waited so long for nothing.

“It's alright, I can see him tomorrow. His mom is probably right. And even if she wasn't, I'd agree to anything she says. She's one scary lady.” He seemed to catch up to what he was saying and turned his gaze to May with a grimace. “Sorry.”

May chuckled, waving his worries away. “It's ok, you're not the first one to say that.” And she promptly took a seat beside Charlie, engaging him in conversation fairly easily.

Alex arched his eyebrows at them, amused. So much for being crush material, he thought to himself, not unkindly. He turned on his heel and made his way to Zach's room.

Mrs. Dempsey was standing by the door, looking just the slightest bit less intimidating than usual. Her eyes bored on Alex's as he approached, which only served to make him skittish, but her words took him by surprise.

“I'm glad to see Zach still has friends he can count on,” she gifted him with a rare, tight smile as she stepped aside, allowing him to enter the room. “Please don't tire him too much. He's still a little dizzy from his meds.”

Alex nodded and entered the room, surprise still written all across his face – but as he took a look at Zach, everything else faded to the background. He had been so worried about the possible injuries his friend had suffered that he didn't dare to ask for a lot of details from the nurse, but Zach seemed alright, all things considered. He looked paler than usual, which was probably due to the meds he had taken and from the blood loss of his wounds – which spread glaringly over his face and what was visible of his right arm, but none of them seemed too deep, mostly cuts and scraped skin. His left arm was in a cast, and that seemed to be the worst of his injuries. Alex never thought he would be happy that Zach's choice of ride was a stupid convertible.

“Do I look that bad?” Zach joked, heavy-lidded eyes blinking slowly at Alex.

“You--” Alex realized he couldn't talk for a moment, such was the relief of seeing Zach well, and cracking jokes, and mostly in one piece. He stumbled closer, sitting in the armchair next to the bed. “Jesus, Zach, how are you feeling?”

“All groggy and shit,” Zach shrugged, a soft smile on his lips. “But that's probably for the best. I'm not really eager for the moment this one starts to ache,” he waved at his broken arm.

Alex leaned in to take a closer look at his injuries. “What the fuck happened?”

“It doesn't matter.” To Alex's unconvinced look, he added, “Does everybody know I'm here?”

“No, I-- I don't think so, at least. I only knew because of my dad,” said Alex, thinking about it for the first time that day. “No one said anything on our group chat, and honestly, this day has been just so weird so far that I'm only considering I should have texted them about it because you now mentioned it.”

“Don't even bother. Let it stay that way for now,” asked Zach. Alex looked at him, bewildered, only to have Zach glaring back at him. “Seriously, dude, I don't wanna talk about it. Still working on processing it all.”

“Processing what?” Alex asked, exasperated.

“Alex, I mean it, drop it. I'll tell you everything later, just-- not now. Give me a break here,” and he sounded halfway distressed already, so Alex begrudgingly let that one go. For now. “Tell me about your boyfriend instead,” he suggested, and the insinuating grin on his face distracted Alex for a moment from what he was implying.

“Tell you about-- what?” Alex frowned, slow on the uptake.

“Well, May just waltzed in here all grinning and happy I was awake, and talking a mile a minute about how Alex and his boyfriend were totes adorbs, and who was he really, and why haven't I told her anything. Why, indeed.” At this point, Zach's grin was so big Alex was sure his cheeks had to be hurting. “I was sad to tell her I hadn't been updated into the gossip yet.”

“Did she-- are you shitting me?” Alex nearly jumped out of his seat, aghast. “Is that what she thinks?”

“That's what she sees, yes,” agreed Zach, and despite his now blank expression, Alex could tell he was having a good time out of this. “She says you're-- what were the words again-- oh, you're the cutest couple ever.”

“Fuck you,” said Alex, enthusiastically. Zach cracked up a laugh.

“Take your complaints to May, I'm just repeating her words,” Zach smiled, and for the first time, he looked more closely at his friend. His focus on this specific subject made Alex's skin crawl. “Wait, is this a thing for real? Are you--”

“No,” Alex cut him off, firmly. Zach was, unfortunately, undeterred.

“Who is it? Is it who I'm thinking? I have a hunch, but I don't want to assume anything,” he trailed on.

“What the fuck you have a hunch,” Alex huffed out, shaking his head. “Weren't you supposed to be hazy from the meds and shit? You seem way too--”

“It's Charlie, isn't it? Did I get it right?”, Zach interrupted, watching his friend eagerly.

Alex could feel the blush creeping up his cheeks, but he made his best to ignore it. “Why was I so intent on having you wake up again?” He asked nonchalantly.

Zach smiled at him knowingly, relaxing against the mattress. “It's fine, dude. You don't have to tell me. But you know you can, right? I mean, before things go to shit. Like last time with fucking Winston. You can tell me when things are good too. We don't have to only share the bad things that happen to us. The good things are worth speaking of, too.”

And Alex wanted to – he wanted it so bad, to tell someone of what was going on, even though he himself wasn't totally sure of what the fuck it was that was going on, or if anything was even going on at all. There were these times he thought Charlie was flirting with him. There were other times Alex was sure he had flirted back. But that was it. He didn't know if it was to be taken seriously – not only on Charlie's side but also on his own. He liked Charlie a lot, that was a given, and they had grown impossibly close since the camping trip, but maybe it was just friendly. Maybe Alex was seeing too much into things. Or maybe he just needed the attention. Maybe Charlie was this exact same way with everyone else – Alex wouldn't put it past him, the boy was the nicest person he had ever come across in his entire life. There were so many maybes Alex fell at a loss when he tried to rationalize what was really going on between them.

He appreciated Zach's offer, he truly did. But he wasn't ready to discuss this yet, while he still couldn't fully understand exactly where he stood. (And also, while his friend was in a hospital bed, just recovering from a car crash. He could hold his tongue for a while longer.)

“I think you might have hit your head too hard,” Alex said fondly, and Zach laughed. He was not one to be fooled by Alex dodging the subject, though. He was too used to it not to see underneath.

“Yeah, you probably have a point there,” admitted Zach, and his mom chose that moment to poke her head inside the room, which was a very clear sign to Alex that as much as she appreciated his being there for her son, she also very much wanted him to be gone now.

They wrapped up their conversation pretty quickly after that. Alex promised to come back the next day after school, and Zach promised to tell him then what had happened after the party. Alex was curious to know, especially because now all the alarms on the whole alcohol abuse his friend was going through were blaring in his head, but he supposed he could give Zach some leeway to figure his shit out first.

Alex made his way back to the waiting room, half-amused to see Charlie and May were still engrossed in a conversation that seemed to roll around sports teams. He stared at the girl, wondering absently that if he and Charlie were being obvious to a 14-year-old, their connection was much more on the nose than he thought it was. To be honest, it hadn't been until last night that he had spared a conscious thought on how he felt about Charlie. But looking back now, Alex could see that there had been previous signs, yes, that something was blooming between them. He was probably too scared to consider it then. Hell, he wasn't even sure if he wasn't scared to start considering it now.

“Everything alright?” Charlie asked as Alex approached them.

“Yeah, everything is fine,” Alex nodded and then turned to May. “You can have your brother back.”

May grinned, standing up and saying her goodbyes to Charlie. She gave them both a knowing look that made Alex's ears burn now that he knew what she was thinking.

“She's nice,” said Charlie, catching the odd look Alex was giving May without noticing. “Definitely doesn't have a crush on me, though.”

“Wha-- why, what did you two talk about?” Alex's head whipped back to Charlie so fast he thought he might have whiplash. Fuck's sake, not this now. Had she asked Charlie if they were dating? Had she?

“Sports, mostly. She's thinking of trying for the soccer team next year,” informed Charlie, mildly impressed. He stood up, shoving his hands in his pockets. “You good to go?”

Alex nodded, still a bit wary. “Was that all she talked about?” He asked as they started heading outside.

“Yeah, I think,” Charlie frowned, eyeing him suspiciously. “Why?”

Alex dallied with the prospect of telling him what May had said to Zach about them. Just to gauge his reaction. Just to see if he would be ok with it, or if he would shrug it off with a laugh. But he chickened out at the last minute. Things were going so well as they were. He was getting really used to have Charlie around and didn't want to jeopardize this with a stupid joke about them being together. Alex didn't even know for sure if Charlie was into boys. There were rumors, yes, but it wasn't like he could trust any speculations coming from that school. He had learned this lesson the hard way.

Alex smiled tightly and shook his head. “Never mind. Can you give me a ride home?”

Chapter Text

They were parked outside Alex's house for almost an hour now. As Charlie drove him back home, Alex realized he was dreading the moment they would have to part. Charlie had been such a solid presence throughout the day – and he was just so goddamn easy to be around, Alex didn't want to let go of that feeling. He felt so light, so whole, so sane around Charlie. It was the closest he felt to normal in ages.

Now, Alex wasn't blind to the dangers this entangled. He knew he couldn't expect anyone to magically solve his problems for him, and he didn't want to use the younger boy as a lifeline or anything – but he believed it ran deeper than that. Now that the stress of the day was past him, now that he had seen Zach and made sure he was alright, Alex was in a good mindset. He would be fine with being on his own without freaking out. But that was the thing, he didn't want to be on his own. Not because Charlie seemed to have a way with calming him down in stressful situations, but because Alex just generally enjoyed being around his sunny disposition. At any time, not only the critical ones.

Hence why he was deliberately postponing the moment they would have to say goodbye, coming up with topic after topic to keep Charlie wrapped up into their conversation. It seemed to be working so far, but then again, Charlie was so easily entertained by pretty much anything really, Alex wasn't having a hard time trying to talk to him.

“Shit,” Charlie cursed all of a sudden, fishing his phone out of his pocket. “It's probably my-- yeah, it's my dad. Must be worried why I'm not home yet.”

“Oh. Yeah, alright. That's understandable. I did kidnap you for almost an entire day,” joked Alex, but he could hear the dimmed undertone of his own voice. He wondered if Charlie could hear it too. Jesus, he hoped not.

But apparently he could, for he turned concerned eyes on Alex after quickly typing a text back to his father. “Hey, it's not kidnapping if your captive is willing to stay,” Charlie smiled, reassuringly. He looked up at Alex's house, dark windows staring back at him as he added, “Are you good to be on your own?”

The question irked Alex, even though he knew Charlie meant no harm with it – but because it resonated so much with his own worries, his deliberations on how should he deal with this thing between them. “I'm fine, Charlie. You can't babysit me all of the time, you know.” He didn't mean to be rude, but he was fairly sure he was coming off this way. Belatedly, he wished he could take his words back.

Charlie didn't blink an eye though, much to Alex's surprise. “I know that. And I'm not babysitting you. I just know how weary a day like today can make you feel when it ends. It's like an emotional rollercoaster,” he smiled softly, downcasting his eyes for a moment, his eyelashes leaving long shadows on his cheekbones. “And I thought that maybe you wouldn't wanna be alone after everything.”

“I don't,” Alex admitted with a sigh. He averted his eyes for a moment as he rolled Charlie's words in his head. “Wow, you are perceptive. Now I feel like shit for snapping at you.”

“It's ok,” Charlie shrugged, glancing back up at Alex. “Do you want to stay at my place tonight? You don't have to say yes,” he rushed to add, sounding just the slightest bit nervous, “but I thought it might be a nice way to finish a stressful day. We could order pizza or something. Maybe catch a movie. You name it.”

Alex toyed with the idea in his mind. His mom was working a double shift at the hospital, and his dad had been gifted with the unwanted night duty at the station again, as he had informed Alex earlier that day. So it would be just Alex and his thoughts if he chose to stay home. It was not a hard choice to make.

“Pineapple and ham,” said Alex abruptly.

Charlie blinked. “Sorry, what?”

“Pineapple and ham,” repeated Alex emphatically. “For our pizza. You said I could name it, and I'm not going anywhere if I can't pick the pizza flavor.”

“You like pineapple on your pizza?” Charlie asked, appalled.

“What I don't like is this judgment I think I hear in your voice,” Alex squinted his eyes.

“Well, you had to have one glaring flaw, I suppose. Everyone does,” Charlie let out a long-suffering sigh, shaking his head forlornly. “Fine. Pineapple and ham it is.”

Alex smiled. He could probably name a dozen other glaring flaws he was sure he embodied, but he knew that wasn't what Charlie was on to. Charlie didn't seem to see Alex solely for them, and maybe it was time for Alex to start granting himself the same kindness. “Ok. Just let me pick up some stuff and we're off.”

Charlie's father was very nice. It probably ran in the family, Alex thought. He welcomed both boys home with a smile and was quick to stay out of the way after his son so much as implied they could use some time alone after a particularly tiring day. He helped Charlie prepare the guest room for Alex, warned them not to stay up too late for they had classes the next morning, and then he was off to his bedroom.

“Let's take this to the attic, we can hang out there,” suggested Charlie, grabbing the pizza they'd bought on the way over to his house from the table and heading upstairs.

“You have an attic? You sure you ain't rich?” Alex arched his eyebrows, following Charlie.

“Shut up,” Charlie laughed. “It's an old house. I told you, we're an old family.”

“I can see that. I don't think I've ever been to an attic before,” stressed Alex.

“Well, it's pretty ordinary, I believe. But it's my favorite part of the house to chill out a bit,” he shrugged, leading Alex into the attic. He made a grand gesture with his free hand, encompassing the entirety of the room. “Welcome to my very special hiding place.”

“I'm very honored,” said Alex solemnly. The room was sparsely furnished, if you didn't count a general amount of boxes pushed up against the corners. A variety of gym weights lied disorderly on the floor, and bookshelves ornated an entire wall. There was a rack with a large, modern TV in the center of the room, and a worn, comfortable-looking daybed right under the twin windows. Alex stared at the mess of sheets and cushions lying on top of it. He wondered vaguely how many girls Charlie had already taken there.

“No girls, actually,” Charlie answered cheerfully, and Alex realized belatedly that he had posed the question out loud. “Well, not really-- now that you mention, there was this one time in junior high I brought a girl here. It was so traumatic I never gave it another shot.”

“What happened?” Alex asked, his lips curving upwards even before he'd heard the story.

“Well, you know, the usual. Got too nervous, started sweating a lot, almost fainted,” Charlie shrugged it off, placing the pizza box on top of the bed and moving to push the sheets away.

“How can you say that so easily?” Alex asked, astonished and full-on laughing now. He climbed on the daybed, shucking his shoes off. “Jesus. That's the kind of story you're usually embarrassed of, not eager to share.”

“It was my first date ever! And those fail pretty much everyone, so. I wasn't the first and surely won't be the last,” Charlie sat on the opposite side of the mattress, turning to Alex with a curious look. “Why, how did your first date go?”

“You're awfully confident,” stated Alex wryly. “And also deluded, if you believe for a second I'll tell you anything about my first date.”

“It went worse than mine, didn't it,” offered Charlie empathetically.

“Fuck you, Charlie,” Alex grabbed the closest cushion and whacked it at the side of the younger boy's head.

They bickered for a while as they tried to agree on what to watch, which obviously did not lead them anywhere, and they ended up settling for old sitcom reruns. The pizza disappeared from the box faster than Alex would have believed possible, even though Charlie complained all the way and picked all the pineapple bits from his slices. Alex watched him amused, his profile lit by the light coming from the TV. He had never thought of boys as beautiful before – to be fair, he had never thought of boys until very recently, at least not in a conscious manner. But that's a word he would use for Charlie. If only in his head.

After finishing the pizza, they were too full and lazy to move downstairs back to their rooms, so they just stretched side by side on the daybed, making small conversation on whatever was going on on the screen. Alex's eyelids were starting to feel heavy. He was finding it hard to believe this day was finally coming to an end, and in good spirits, which was the more shocking part of all.

“You sleepy?” Charlie's voice pulled him out of his mind.

Alex nodded, turning on his side to look at the younger boy. “A little. But I don't fall asleep that easy.”

“Why's that?” Charlie frowned, mimicking his position. He slipped one hand under his cheek to pillow his face, and Alex had to wonder how he dared to assume he wasn't crushable.

“I don't know, really. My head insists on be tripping over odd thoughts, even when I'm not stressed at all. Even when I am sleepy, too. It's just an anxiety thing, I think,” he shrugged it off.

“Are you particularly bothered with being touched, when this happens?” Charlie asked.

“I suppose not, but it's not like I usually have any company around at night to know for sure,” Alex's eyebrows dipped and he returned the younger boy's gaze. “Why?”

“I read once that physical contact can help reduce the stressful symptoms of anxiety,” informed Charlie casually.

“Didn't reckon you were a big connaisseur of anxiety symptoms,” Alex argued, smirking faintly.

“I did my homework. Come here,” Charlie opened his arms wide and gestured Alex to come closer.

Alex didn't move, though, eyes wide as he stared back at Charlie with his heart in his throat. “What do you mean?”

Charlie shrugged, a grin slowly spreading across his face. “Well, you did say something earlier today about being jealous of my pillows. Let's be sure it doesn't happen again.”

Alex couldn't help but laugh, rolling his eyes. “Oh God, you waited all day long to bring that one up, didn't you?”

“Damn right I did,” answered Charlie firmly. “Totally worth it.”

That being said, he scooted closer to Alex on the sofa and reached a hand to grab at his shirt, pulling him flush against his body. Alex followed his lead more out of shock than anything else. He landed somewhat awkwardly against Charlie's side, which only prompted a laugh out of the younger boy.

“Shut up,” chided Alex, heat spreading on his cheeks as he maneuvered to fit more comfortably into Charlie's space. “You're never letting me live that message down, are you?”

“Course not,” answered Charlie lightly, hands coming to a stop on Alex's back. “It's not every day you let me in on your feelings. I stared at my phone for about a half-hour before I dared to believe my eyes.”

“Jesus, seriously, just shut up,” Alex said once again, but he was laughing now. He chanced a look upwards and found Charlie was smiling too. Feeling bold, Alex curled closer against the other boy, placing a hand on his chest.

Charlie didn't make any move to pull away, and Alex eased further against him. His heart was hammering so hard in his chest he was sure Charlie could feel it with how close they were. But he wasn't worried about this, not right now. He was too comfortable where he was to care.

“I should've known you're a cuddler,” Alex teased. He could feel his whole body tingling where it pressed against Charlie's, but the feeling was far from unpleasant. So very far.

“You should, indeed. I regret nothing,” stated Charlie obstinately. He squeezed Alex lightly against his chest and the older boy let out a chuckle. He felt himself relax into his embrace.

“This feels nice,” mumbled Alex after a while, sleepily. He yawned, tucking his face against Charlie's shoulder. “That was some good advice there, Charlie, the one bit about physical contact and everything. You're very wise. Maybe you're not that young, after all.”

Charlie didn't reply, so Alex took that as a hint that the other boy had fallen asleep. That wasn't true, though. Charlie was still mostly awake to register that last one. It was with a big, winning grin on his face that he welcomed his sleep.

Alex never really got around to use the guest room. He and Charlie slept right where they were, in the attic, tangled in a warm mess of limbs, and Alex couldn't remember the last time he slept so peacefully.