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You put all your faith in my dreams
You gave me the world that I wanted
What did I do to deserve you?
“Hey. Rich.” Richie was hit in the face with Eddie’s foot. He looked up, in slight annoyance, but couldn’t hold it for long when looking at Eddie’s face.
“What are you writing?” Eddie asked, trying to sit up in the hammock to peer at the notebook in Richie’s lap.
“Some jokes,” Richie said honestly, grabbing the sides of the hammock. “Don’t dump us out, Spagheds-”
“What are the jokes for?”
“My big career!” Richie exclaimed, beaming at Eddie. “Got to have some backup material when you’re a famous comedian, eh?”
Eddie laughed. “Your adult self isn’t going to want your shitty jokes, Richie.”
Richie gasped in mock offense, but for once didn’t say anything as a comeback.
Eddie studied him. “Richie?” He asked after a moment. “You okay?”
Richie looked back up at him across the hammock. “...Do you think my jokes are too shitty?” Eddie looked confused. “Do you think I’ll ever become a comedian?”
Eddie stared at him as Richie looked away, feeling slightly ashamed.
“Rich,” Eddie said, voice soft. “You’re the funniest person I know. You’re going to make it- I know that.”
Richie looked at him, giving him a small genuine smile. “Thanks, Eds.”
“Don’t call me that,” Eddie replied, settling back with his comic book. A small smile still rested upon his face.
I follow your steps with my feet
I walk on the road that you started
I need you to know that I heard you, every word
“Richie,” Eddie whispered.
Richie immediately turned to look at him. “Yeah?” He asked gently.
“I’m scared,” he whispered, watching Bill and Mike compare weapons. “I don’t want to go into that house again…”
The two of them glanced down simultaneously at the cast on Eddie’s arm. The moment Richie’d seen the word decorating the cast he’d wanted to lose his shit- but the little V that Eddie had scribbled made him calm down. Still, it served as a nasty reminder that Eddie had already been hurt because of It- and Richie would rather die than see him hurt again.
“I’m going to protect you,” Richie promised him, looking Eddie in the eye. “I swear.”
“Thank you,” Eddie murmured, and wrapped his arms around Richie.
Richie closed his eyes and hugged him back, trying to memorize the feeling.
I've waited way too long to say
Everything you mean to me
“Everyone’s leaving,” Eddie whimpered, wiping at his eyes as he sat next to Richie on the steps of Richie’s house. “First Bev, then Bill, now Ben-”
Richie wrapped a gentle arm around Eddie’s shoulders, and lucky for him, Eddie leaned into his side.
“I’m not leaving, Eds,” Richie murmured. “You’re stuck with me.”
Eddie sniffled. “Fuck.”
Richie laughed weakly. “I know. Next year you’re going to see me in the hallways and be like-” he raised his voice into falsetto. “‘ Ugh, that gangly motherfucker! I’ve been stuck with him since kindergarten! Why can’t he just get locked in a locker already? ’ Well, jokes on you. I’ve already been locked in lockers.”
“‘I know,” Eddie replied, laughing wetly. “I’ve had to get you out of them. Also, fuck you!” He shoved Richie lightly. “I do not sound like that!”
Richie cackled. “You do! It’s adorable!”
Eddie rolled his eyes, still settling back against Richie’s side. “Thank you, Rich.”
Richie nodded softly. “I’ll always be here for you, Eds.”
In case you don’t live forever, let me tell you now
I love you more than you'll ever wrap your head around
In case you don't live forever, let me tell you the truth
I’m everything that I am because of you
“I’m sorry about Lisa,” Eddie said softly, passing Richie the bottle.
“Eh.” Richie took a long sip, no longer coughing when he did so. “I had a feeling about her.”
“Still. It’s shitty for her to start making out with someone who isn’t her date.”
Richie shrugged, looking off at nowhere in particular. “It’s whatever.”
“It’s prom,” Eddie said softly.
The music from the gym can still be heard from their spot on the floor next to Richie’s locker. Richie had had the forethought to hide vodka in his locker before prom so he could sneak it past the bloodhounds/teachers. Eddie had refused it initially, but when Richie pointed out that his prom date was off getting handsy with another guy, he agreed out of sympathy. But Richie can safely say- sitting on the floor of the high school drinking cheap vodka with Eddie Kaspbrak is the best prom he could have ever imagined.
“Do you want to dance?” Richie asked on a whim. If he says no, blame it on the alcohol-
“Okay,” Eddie said softly, looking at Richie. Richie blinks and sets down the bottle, standing and offering Eddie a hand. Eddie took it and stood, cheeks dusted pink.
The music from the gym miraculously changed to a slow song- a gift from God, Richie figured. He rested his hands on Eddie’s waist, smiling down at him. Eddie looped his arms around Richie’s neck, looking up in a way Richie would describe as wonder if he didn’t know any better.
They swayed slowly to the song. Richie couldn’t tell you what the song they were dancing to was, but he could absolutely say it was his favorite song ever. As he looked down at little Eddie Kaspbrak who had his eyes closed and humming along softly to the song, he felt a desperate tug in his heart that he’d been feeling the whole evening since his eyes landed on Eddie in his plum suit.
The song seemed to last a small infinity- a miracle that Richie thought of for months to come.
I, I've carried this song in my mind
Listen, it's echoing in me
“Fuck off!” Eddie screamed with laughter, throwing a shirt (Mike’s?) at Richie.
It hit Richie in the face, and he batted away while still laughing. “C’mon Eds! Get in the water!”
“No!” Eddie protested, laughing still. His eyes crinkled in a way that made Richie want to stop in his tracks and take a picture of him to pin right above his heart, wearing it like a badge of honor. Yes, I’m the one who made Eddie Kaspbrak laugh.
“Please?” He begged. Mike and Stan splashed lightly in the background, far too mature now to be shoving the other underwater but still just young enough to be horsing around in the empty lake.
Eddie frowned. “Richie, it’s gross -”
Richie pouted, sticking his bottom lip out and quivering it.
“That’s not going to work on me.” And goddammit, he was right. The puppy eyes never worked on Eddie- it was only the other way around, with Eddie’s (intentionally or not) large eyes and quirked lip able to make a much stronger man fall to his knees.
So Richie settled for the next best thing.
Richie threw Eddie over his shoulder and bounded towards the lake, laughing as Eddie screamed and beat his fists against Richie’s bare back. Head light and happy, Richie leapt off the edge of the cliff and plummeted into the water below, pulling Eddie down with him. They both hit the water and sank down, Richie releasing his grip from around Eddie’s waist as they kicked back up for air.
“You son of a bitch -” Eddie seethed, immediately hitting Richie in the face with a large splash of water. The other only threw his head back and laughed, glasses crooked on his nose.
“Gross, huh?” Richie teased with a shit eating grin.
However, Eddie didn’t reply. He swam over and reached for Richie’s face, causing the jokester to immediately fall silent and still. It was a passing touch- Eddie was fixing his glasses. He fit the frames snugly on Richie’s face, patting Richie’s cheek once, before kicking away to join Mike and Stan- and leaving Richie kicking in the water, gaping after the hypochondriac with red cheeks and a thumping heartbeat.
But I haven't helped you to hear it
We, we've only got so much time
“Please don’t leave.” Eddie’s voice was shaky and quiet- barely under control. The sound alone made tears well in Richie’s eyes as he wrapped his arms around Eddie’s shoulders.
“Believe me,” he said roughly. “I want to stay too…. But they need me to get there by August 4th.”
“I thought we had more time,” Eddie whispered, arms around Richie’s waist and head resting on his shoulder. It broke Richie’s heart to think this’d be the last time he’d hold Eddie like this for a long time. “I thought we had till fall-”
“I know,” Richie replied, voice just as soft. “I know, Eds… I’m so sorry.”
Eddie pulled back, tears running down his face, and Richie wanted nothing more than to cup Eddie’s face in his hands and kiss his frown away. “Rich, I have- have to tell you-”
Richie stayed with his arms wrapped loosely around Eddie, listening intently with bated breath.
“‘Chee, I-”
“Eddie?” Sonia Kaspbrak’s voice cut through the moment like a sharp knife, and Richie immediately pulled back from Eddie. “Is someone in there with you?!”
Eddie looked at Richie with frantic eyes- their rushed goodbye cut even shorter. A single tear tracked down Richie’s cheek as he took a final look at the boy he loved, stepping out of Eddie’s window and into the waiting limbs of the tree outside. “I’ll write to you,” Richie promised, and he left, silently weeping as he stumbled back home.
I'm pretty sure it would kill me
If you didn't know the pieces of me are pieces of you
“You’ve got everything, Richie?” Maggie asked, her voice thick with tears. Richie looked up from the trunk of his car with a small smile, giving her a nod. “Oh, my boy-”
Richie’s parents pulled him into a tight hug, clutching him tightly. Richie hugged them in return, the bittersweet feeling of setting off for a new adventure enveloping him.
“Please be carefully,” Maggie said weakly. “Call us. You need to call as soon as you get to your apartment.”
He nodded with a smile. “You got it Mom. I- I really need to go.”
“We’re so proud of you,” Wentworth said gruffly, eyes watering. “You’ve…. You’re going to do great things, Richie.”
Maggie smiled up at her son, patting him on the cheek. “We love you.”
“I love you too, guys.” He offered them a crooked smile as he moved to the driver’s side of his car, slipping in and starting the ignition. “I’ll call!”
“You better!” Wentworth returned, wrapping an arm around his wife and giving a mock two fingered salute to the car. Maggie waved with a large, wet smile stretching across her face.
Richie took exactly one moment to look at his parents in the rearview mirror before hitting the gas and starting off. His mind was racing- the recurring gigs he’d book, the downtrodden apartment he’d somehow managed to get through sketchy phone calls and bank deposits. And Eddie, stuck alone in Derry with no one but his mother until he left for college in a month- there was no way in hell she’d let him near Mike, that fucking bitch.
His eyes welled with tears as he thought of their final goodbye- his last chance to tell him. And he couldn’t-
Couldn’t what?
Richie crossed the town line and sped off down the tree flanked highway, his thoughts of Derry seeming to disintegrate until all he had left was a strange, fond memory of red shorts and a fanny pack.
I've waited way too long to say
Everything you mean to me
Richie hit the hang up button on his phone, already feeling the nausea swell in his gut. He barely made it out to the fire escape before throwing up over the edge, narrowly avoiding some pigeons.
He could barely focus on what Steve was saying to him- his mind was racing faster than he could keep up with. Thoughts of his hometown- his dad’s dentist office, the arcade, his seventh grade locker. Biking through the streets with his friends, hanging out in their clubhouse, climbing in through someone’s window. How the fuck could he have practically forgotten eighteen years of his life?
And suddenly, his vision cleared. His mind emptied except for one thing- a boy with stupidly short shorts, a viciously quick temper, and a bright red inhaler.
In case you don’t live forever, let me tell you now
I love you more than you’ll ever wrap your head around
In case you don't live forever, let me tell you the truth
I’m everything that I am because of you
He could feel his heart pounding in his chest as he stepped into the restaurant, trailing Ben and Beverly- who were somehow talking like no time had passed. How?! Richie had felt like he was on the brink of an anxiety attack the minute he crossed the town line and memories had started biting into him like bullets.
The hostess gestures the three into a private room, and Richie had to steel himself before rounding the corner. He immediately spotted Mike and Bill- and wow, Mike looked fucking good. What was up with everyone growing a foot and muscles?! At least Bill was still short- and greying, but Richie was in no way going to say that he was unattractive. He wasn’t a liar after all.
And a little bit away…
Fuck.
Eddie hadn’t changed.
Sure, he was older. He’d grown a couple inches after high school, head no longer the perfect height at Richie’s shoulder. He had lines on his forehead that clearly came from frowning far too much, which made Richie’s heart hurt- especially noticing that he didn’t have close to that deep of laugh lines.
But his hair was the same, dark and carefully styled- though Richie could tell he’d starting parting it on the other side. The small detail almost made him laugh, thinking of Eddie staring in the mirror one day and gripping a comb, determined as he carefully brushed his hair in his own act of rebellion. And his eyes were the same- dark and calculating, though not cold. Not cold at all.
And God, Richie still wanted to kiss him.
I have a hero whenever I need one
I just look up to you and I see one
I'm a man 'cause you taught me to be one
“Wait, Eddie, you got married?” Richie said it as a joke, grin spread across his face as the shot glass dropped from his mouth, and he desperately hoped that none of the other losers could see through his facade.
“Yeah, why’s it so fucking funny dickwad?!” Eddie asked in return, turning to him with a scowl. The sight almost turned Richie’s grin genuine- it was just like when they were kids.
“What, to like- a woman?” He asked, the smile slowly disappearing. That question hurt a bit more, because really- which is worse ? The guy you’ve been in love with for almost your whole life is married? Or that he’s straight?
“Fuck you, dude.”
Well.
“Fuck you!” Richie exclaimed jovially, his trademarked grin returning. Don’t let ‘em see you cry, right?
“Alright what about you Trashmouth- you married?” Bill asked, as the others let out various exclamations of laughter.
“No, I got married,” Richie said, finally tearing his gaze away from Eddie to the others. From the corner of his eye, he can see Eddie almost scowl… or maybe that was merely wishful thinking.
“I don’t believe it!” Bev said with a laugh.
“When?” Eddie asked, voice demanding as he gripped his glass of beer.
“Did you not hear this?” Richie asked, raising an eyebrow as he turned back to Eddie. He held his drink with his right hand, elegantly concealing his left from view. “You didn’t know I got married?”
“No,” Eddie said, his brow furrowed in confusion as he stared back at Richie.
“Yeah, no, me and your mom are very happy together,” Richie said with a straight face as the others erupted into laughter. He launched into a Jabba the Hutt impression while watching the scowl deepen on Eddie’s face, and almost felt genuine happiness once more. Maybe there was hope for the two of them yet.
In case you don't live forever, let me tell you now
I love you more than you’ll ever wrap your head around
In case you don't live forever, let me tell you the truth
I'm everything that I am
“You’re braver than you think,” Richie said softly, looking into Eddie’s eyes as if he was trying to communicate a deeper message.
“Alright,” Eddie said softly, meeting his gaze. “Thanks Rich.”
The nickname tugged at his heartstrings- reminded him of a goodbye. Arms clinging to each other, and a sentence that Eddie never got to finish.
He wanted to ask him what he meant.
“Yeah,” he replied eloquently, and patted Eddie on the cheek- right over the bandage.
“Ow,” Eddie hissed, ducking his head as Richie mumbled out an apology, but Eddie didn’t move away from him. The small gesture made Richie’s heartbeat quicken, and he smiled slightly- despite their surroundings, and despite the terrible fate they were undoubtedly about to face.
Whoa, whoa
In case you don't live forever, let me tell you the truth
“Eddie, we killed it!” Richie exclaimed, a weak smile stretching across his face as he shook Eddie’s shoulders. “We killed it, man!”
Eddie didn’t reply. He was unresponsive, body slightly moving to Richie’s movements, but his eyes were dull and unfocused.
“Eddie?” Richie asked, a bit quieter as he looked into the man’s eyes.
Beverly sobbed behind him, but Richie couldn’t think about that. “Eddie, come on, wake up-” He shook his shoulders again, more aggressively, and Eddie’s head bobbed slightly. No, no, this couldn’t be happening-
“Richie, we have to get out of here-” Bill said, and Richie dimly registered rocks beginning to crash around them.
“No, no, he’s hurt, we have to get him out of here,” Richie insisted, clinging to Eddie’s body as tears began to roll down his face. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. This wasn’t how it was supposed to end-
It was supposed to end with the two of them walking out together, hand in hand.
It was supposed to end with them marrying.
It was supposed to end with the pair growing old together.
It should have began twenty two years ago, when Richie could have said fuck it and taken Eddie with him, far away from Derry.
It should have began twenty seven years ago, when Richie should have just… just told the love of his life one thing-
As long as I'm here as I am, so are you
R + E