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Jotaro stood outside the large chapel, the dewy late night air leaving the skin of his face cool and flushed. He dropped cigarette after cigarette onto the pavement as if he was trying to smoke the unstoppable ache out of his chest.
The wedding music of the first dance played distantly from inside, a sacred moment, full of love and promises with each step the newlyweds took, and every note that the band played.
He looked up at the stars. The dim lights of the hall and the glowing tip of his cigarette were the only thing illuminating the rose bushes and pebble walkways he made his slow pace over. Leaning up against the cool stone wall, Jotaro took a brief pause to listen. “Like a river flows, surely to the sea...”
The singer’s voice was smooth and sweet, perfectly fitting the song. Perfectly fitting the scintillating lights amoung the dark room and perfect movements the couple dancing in the centre made. It was all perfect.
It was the perfect wedding Kakyoin had always wanted.
But it wasn’t a wedding Jotaro could watch.
He cursed himself for the tears that pricked his eyes as he caught himself singing along. “Darling, so it goes, some things... are meant to be...”
“Take my hand, take my whole life too...”
He knew Kakyoin. He knew that dumbass would be singing along in there, as he led his wife around the room. And knowing his taste, she was probably singing it back to him. But god, he couldn’t stand how much he wanted to be in there. But he couldn’t be in there just to watch. He knew he wouldn’t be able to handle the heartbreak.
He’d always considered himself the stoic type, a delinquent with no visible emotion. Even so, he wouldn’t be able to handle watching Kakyoin have his first dance with someone else.
“For I can’t help... falling in love... with... you...”
He could barely choke out the last word before the sobs broke his ever-present glare. He slid down against the wall, burying his face in his knees, not caring that the damp grass was ruining his clothes, as his half-smoked cigarette slipped through his lips and was put out on impact.
He hadn’t cried like this for a long, long time. If only he’d said something to Kakyoin, if only he’d felt the same way, if only he just told him. How had it already been 3 years? how was he already 20? How had Kakyoin already gotten married, to someone that wasn’t him?
How had he let himself fall in love with that stupid redhead?
The music inside slowed. He heard cheers, and laughter. Then voices.
“Where’s Jotaro?”
Kakyoin.
“You know him, he’s probably outside.” Laughed his wife- Alice, her name was.
“I’m going to find him. I can’t believe he skipped out on our first dance!” Kakyoin chuckled back, but there was a tinge of hurt in it.
Jotaro quickly wiped his eyes and stood up as he heard the grand oak door click open. Kakyoin wandered out, not noticing him among the dark for a minute. He was so handsome. Jotaro felt a pang of pain. His rich white suit looked dazzling on him, and the large cherry brochure pinned to it looked so dumb, but god it was just like him to have it.
The red haired man noticed him standing among the pristine garden, and wandered over with his usual upbeat smile.
“Jotaro!” He called.
Jotaro didn’t respond.
When he reached the taller man, he cocked his head in confusion.
“You okay? Why aren’t you inside?”
“Just came outside for a smoke, that’s all.”
Kakyoin jumped a little at the sound of Jotaro’s distraught voice.
“Jotaro... have you been crying?”
“No.”
“Well... let’s- let’s go back inside, okay?”
“I think I’m going to stay out here for a bit longer.”
Kakyoin grabbed Jotaro by the shoulders and spun him so he was looking him directly in the eyes.
“Come on; tell me what’s wrong.”
For just a moment, Kakyoin’s eyes held the softest whispers of the starlight, as if he was yearning for a different place, a different time, a promise this moment was tenderly and secretly held in the hands of the roses surrounding them.
But Jotaro couldn’t bring himself to say it. He just shook his head and let his body fall forward into Kakyoin’s embrace. Kakyoin didn’t hesitate to hug him back, and after a few seconds where nothing else seemed to matter, he let go. Jotaro couldn’t bare how much he wanted to kiss him right then. But he couldn’t. It was too late.
Kakyoin spoke softly, “I’m gonna go back inside now, okay?”
Jotaro nodded, barely holding back tears. Kakyoin walked back over to the entrance, opening to the door to what felt like another world.
“Kakyoin.”
“Yeah?”
“I...” Jotaro started. I love you, Kakyoin. I’ve loved you since Egypt. “...Nevermind.”
Kakyoin gave him a comforting smile. “Come back inside when you’re ready.”
He’d never be ready. He was too late. Kakyoin didn’t love him. He never would, not now.
The door clicked closed, and the tears of grief began to roll down his cheeks once more.
Kakyoin stepped inside, clasping his wife’s hands and smiling, picturing her as the tall, black haired man he so desperately wished was in her place.