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It’s raining.
The steady pattering of the raindrops hitting against the windows arouses Se-ri from her restless sleep. Disjointed images of the cold, dark seaside, the chilly breeze penetrating deep into her bones interspersed with images of Jeong-hyuk getting shot, dying screams and explosions start to fade away as soon as she opens her eyes. The memories are permanently ingrained in the back of her mind, occasionally haunting her dreams.
Glancing at the wall clock, she realises only a few hours has passed since their last conversation - Se-ri, Jeong-hyuk, and the boys running through the plan to capture Cho Cheol-gang.
“Are you sure it will work?” Se-ri glances at Jeong-hyuk, when they’re sitting in a circle in the living room.
He only nods, gaze tired, but it doesn’t extinguish the fierce determination flitting across his face.
Se-ri has faith in him, in all of them, but now in the dark, she can’t help the unsettling feeling that’s sinking in the pit of her stomach. What if it doesn’t work out the way they wanted? Haven’t they heard of Murphy’s law? Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.
Letting out a heavy sigh, she flips to her side, nuzzling her head into the pillow, hoping the rhythm of the rain will lull her to sleep, but it doesn’t. So, she kicks off the covers and slips out from her bedroom. When she paces to the living room, she finds Jeong-hyuk there, staring out at the window, looking at the little raindrops trailing silver down the windowpanes.
“Ri Jeong-hyuk -ssi, what are you doing?” she forces out a smile.
Turning around, he offers her a warm smile in return, “I can’t sleep,” and he gestures for her to come over.
After all this is over, he will be gone. If, if, something goes horribly wrong, she wants to remember the night, and maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. So, before she goes to him, Se-ri shuffles through a stack of vinyl records placed at a corner of a shelf until she finds the one she’s looking for, while Jeong-hyuk stares at her with curiosity.
Placing the record on the turntable of the record player, she positions the needle and it find its way into the groove.
When the rain is blowing in your face
And the whole world is on your case
I could offer you a warm embrace
To make you feel my love
“Dance with me?” she looks at Jeong-hyuk as she approaches him, with a naked yearning on her face that it stuns him to silence. It’s a desperate attempt, because for the one last time, she wants to feel the warmth of his body pressed against hers, wants to feel the tender touch of his fingers splayed against her back, wants to be enveloped in the cocoon of home that only he can provide, before he ceases to be only part of her memory.
‘Don’t make memories that will remind me of you.’
Se-ri’s words echoes in his ears - and he remembers seeing through the nonchalant facade she puts up front as the sorrow in her eyes deceives her - they have been creating nothing but memories since then.
So, why not one more?
He smiles, eyes gleaming with gentle affection. Wordlessly, he pulls her close, feeling her arms looping around his back as she rests her cheek on his shoulder, her breath warm against the arc of his neck. And then they’re swaying back and forth to the music in the dimly lighted living room, the silver glow of the moonlight shining through the windowpane catching their silhouettes, lighting up like a candle, bright but temporary.
When the evening shadows and the stars appear
And there is no one there to dry your tears
Oh, I could hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love
“I can’t lose you,” she says, barely a whisper that she hopes he doesn’t hear it but he does, and his heart breaks.
I’d go hungry; I’d go black and blue
And I’d go crawling down the avenue
No, there’s nothing that I wouldn’t do
To make you feel my love
“Yoon Se-ri,” he can barely contain the crack in his voice as he says her name, and it hits her like a truck, that this will be one of the last moments that she will get to hear him utter her name, always awash with fondness and affection. It shatters her into a million pieces, like breaking glass.
“It’s going to be…”, the word fine dissolves at the tip of his tongue. Promises are risky, hence Jeong-hyuk cannot bring himself to promise her that everything will turn out alright. Because life, with it’s twist and turns, are often unpredictable.
And she hates it that she understands. For a moment, she wants to allow herself to be selfish. To never let him go. To keep him here with her, forever. But she can’t. As cruel as it is, they were always meant to be star-crossed lovers, separated by much more than the line on the 38th parallel itself.
It’s absurd, that the first man she loves will be her last, and she will never get to see him again.
Unable to hold back the tears that’s lingering in her eyes, Se-ri crushes herself into him, and he can feel the dampness of her cheeks, staining the seams of his white T-shirt grey. Just as he’s about to use his fingers to tilt her chin up, to kiss away her tears, she stops him, shaking her head.
“No, I’m fine—please,” she pleads, clutching on to him firmly.
So, he just holds her, it’s all he can do, while she tightens her grip around him, and she wishes time would stand still. Wishes she could have the power to stop the hands of time, to freeze this moment, and never let it end. Wishes of an alternate universe void of space and time, and they will be together forever.
The storms are raging on the rolling sea
And on the highway of regret
The winds of change are blowing wild and free
You ain’t seen nothing like me yet
I could make you happy, make your dreams come true
There’s nothing that I would’t do
Go to the ends of the earth for you
To make you feel my love, oh yes
To make you feel my love
The song ends, a low white noise replacing the music, but they stay where they are, hopelessly entangled together, two hearts beating as one, still turning in circles in the dimly lit space. Because neither wants to disrupt the moment, when the easing rain in the background mollifies the rumbling storm in their hearts, when the boys are sleeping soundly in the guest room, when they’re here, clinging to each other desperately as if their lives depended on one another, because despite Jeong-hyuk’s reassurance, Se-ri can’t help but to feel that something awful will happen, turning their lives upside down.
In over ten hours later, Jeong-hyuk will be crumpling to the ground, screaming himself hoarse, with violent sobs racking his whole body as he holds Se-ri’s motionless body, watching helplessly as blood pools endlessly, soaking her white blouse crimson red, right through his fingertips, under the falling snow.
But right now, as the sky outside turns an inky blue, even as the world doesn’t stop turning, they’ll continue to hold each other in the shadows, each engraving the moment into memory. He cradles her cheek, brushing away tears, and then Jeong-hyuk is kissing Se-ri, and Se-ri is kissing him back, whispering voiceless declarations in every kiss, with Se-ri breathing out words that seem like I will miss you and I will need you and I love you I love you I love you.
And I hope our time is not done yet.