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Jeong-hyuk is exhausted.
Crawling underground in a small, narrow tunnel for over 20 hours is no easy feat, even with years of military training. It doesn’t help that he hasn’t been sleeping well after Se-ri has left, evident by the dark circles under his eyes, which doesn’t go unnoticed by the boys. They try to cheer him up as much as they can with their antics. He’s grateful for their effort. But, he still misses Se-ri.
He sees her everywhere. Sometimes, he thinks he can hear her voice, only to find out it’s just the breeze of the wind. Sometimes, he sees her by his side, as he recalls their conversations over and over again. Sometimes, she appears in his dreams. If this is what a post breakup syndrome feels like, it means he has succeeded in keeping his promise to her.
Although, he hopes she doesn’t feel the same way. The thought of her not being happy bothers him.
When he receives the alarming phone call from Cho Cheol-gang, he is seething until his hands are shaking. He plans, quickly, afraid any delay would pose more danger to Se-ri. Jeong-hyuk doesn’t like asking his father for favours, but Se-ri’s safety is more important than his pride.
“Abeoji…,” his voice is strained, “…Cho Cheol-gang has escaped. I’m going to go to Seoul to find him,” knuckles turning white because he’s gripping the phone too hard.
“Are you out of your mind?” his father grumbles loudly.
Jeong-hyuk doesn’t waver. “I can’t sleep knowing she’s out there in danger. I need to find him before he finds her,” he replies, unrelenting. Nothing can change his mind, even if he knows he’s putting his life on the line.
“Is the woman worth jeopardising your entire life?”
"Yes,” he answers with absolute certainty.
She’s not just any woman, she’s his woman.
Jeong-hyuk hears his father taking a deep breath and exhaling slowly, and he can imagine the look on his father’s face, eyebrows knitted into a tight knot, displeased but defeated. He knows he shouldn’t be making his parents worry at this age, but he cannot stand by and do nothing, he cannot live a life of regret. He will take his brother’s murderer down.
“Don’t get caught,” is his father’s version of good luck at the end of their conversation.
The next phone call Jeong-hyuk makes is to Gu Seong-joon. The latter seems annoyed, but he knows he’s willing to help because he drops by the border of the outpost the next day with a handphone that allows him to make phone calls in Seoul with the brokers’ contact in it. With the appropriate documents and items his father had sent him, he sets out for the journey at the crack of dawn. Jeong-hyuk doesn’t inform the boys. They will want to trail along for sure. But, it’s too dangerous. He can’t ask them to risk their lives for him.
Throughout the strenuous journey, the thought of Se-ri is what drives him forward. When Jeong-hyuk spots the shades of light filtering through the tunnel, he heaves a sigh of relief. He’s here, finally. Nearly stumbling while he stands, he stretches and groans, and quickly changes into his plain clothes, and is careful when he dispose of his backpack.
When he emerges from the cave, vision still adjusting to the brightness of the daylight, he is greeted by the cold sea breeze. The fresh air is pleasant and cool, and with a renewed vigor, he strides along the beach, ready for his next destination.
Se-ri had been blunt enough to tell him half of her address, but was witty enough to stop. Until now, their encounter in the midst of the forest still puts a small smile on his face. Jeong-hyuk is confident that he will find Se-ri, or maybe he’s just putting too much faith into destiny, he doesn’t know. Somehow, through twists and turns, they have always crossed paths with each other.
He’s hungry and thirsty and his limbs are wobbly as hell, so he stops by a convenience store to replenish. He passes by a group of what seems like high school girls on his way to the cashier, and they start to giggle uncontrollably, casting interested glances at him. Jeong-hyuk cocks a brow, but shrugs it off. He enquires for the correct directions with the cashier, and makes his way again.
…
Before Ri Jeong-hyuk came along, all Yoon Se-ri had was herself. And now, even as he becomes a part of her, even as he’s embedded snugly in a space in her heart, all she has is herself, and only the memories of him.
Se-ri’s all hard edges and sharp tongue. It has something to do with having years of unreturned affections and abandonment from her mother, that’s left her traumatised and scarred. Love - she learned the hard way, it makes you soft, and comes biting you back. She rejects the notion of forging a normal human connection, pushing away everyone, before she actually feels something.
That is, until Jeong-hyuk comes along.
With his undeniably good looks, steel cold features, eyes shining with unspoken sympathy and affection. Soft, jet black hair that makes her want to run her fingers through it, and long legs and limbs that seem to stretch on forever.
Her type.
It doesn’t help that the first thing he does is to hide her at his residence, and prepares a homemade meal for her, even when he still regards her as the enemy. A foolish move - feeding the enemy, Se-ri thinks, as he places a bowl of piping hot noodles in front of her. Se-ri isn’t stupid enough to taste a bite, but after tirelessly refuting his interrogation, and after the shocking events that had followed, she hungrily slurps it down, and doesn’t miss the smirk that curls onto his face when he comes back and finds the bowl empty.
After the terrifying incident of being held at gunpoint by Cho Cheol-gang, Se-ri starts to feel something when Jeong-hyuk hands her a cup of water, and his fingers graze against hers. The wild thumping of her heart ebbs away, and her breathing falls into a slower rhythm. Running his eyes all over her to check that she’s alright while apologising with the gentlest of tone and eyes gleaming with nothing but concern, Se-ri is taken aback. No one in her life has display such concerns over her welfare before.
They’re complete strangers. He shouldn’t be going to such great lengths to protect her.
The first of her heart flutters come when he kisses her in the dingy storage of the old boat, under the burst of fluorescence, and the sound of the soft, lapping waves carelessly hitting the edges of the boat.
It’s just a kiss. Se-ri certainly didn’t expect hot blood flushing through her entire torso, spreading from her toes to her neck. Didn’t expect the erratic thudding of her heart, that she’s afraid Jeong-hyuk would hear. Didn’t expect that it feels good for his lips to be pressed against hers.
It isn’t real. It doesn’t mean anything. It’s just a kiss to save their lives. It shouldn’t feel right.
But it does.
And later, dead in the night, when she’s back at his house, lying under the covers, she touches her lips, feeling the lingering sensation of the kiss, and her cheeks feel hot.
Later on, things get a little bit more complicated when he finds her in the middle of the bustling street of the pitch dark market, holding a scented candle, the dim light casting warm shadows on his sharp features. Butterflies dance in the pit of her stomach, and something alights from within, warm and fuzzy, the sight of him shining brighter than the moonlight.
And she feels more than something.
When Se-ri finds out about Jeong-hyuk’s fiance, it’s hard not to feel disappointed. Still, it isn’t like there’s a budding romance blooming between them, is there? But, she gets jealous nevertheless, acting like a mad wife when he doesn’t come home for the night, and she can’t help but to scoff at herself. It’s not like her, for her sharp mind to be muddled with petty matters like romance.
Of course, Jeong-hyuk doesn’t realise it, too out of touch with his feelings. It’s absurd, that Se-ri knows his heart better than he does. Years of dealing with rivals, opponents, and calculative businessmen had made Se-ri adept at reading people, picking up the most minute of details. As much as Jeong-hyuk tries to deny his feelings for her, his actions prove otherwise.
And so, on their night out in Pyongyang, while drinking beer and eating fried chicken, Se-ri pretends to be drunk, her head heavy on his shoulder, and sneaks in a confession.
“You don’t know anything,” she mutters, and is only met with the look of confusion on his face as she stares at their reflections on the glass window.
It’s dangerous, treading into uncharted territory - love, when she knows there’s no possible future to paint between them.
But she can’t help it.
He’s so ridiculously charming. It extends more than a simple kindness, with the way he’s taking care of her, with the way he’s protecting her. Even with countless of flings, albeit with top idols, actors and sportsmen, no one can take her breath away like he does. No one can make her weak in the knees. No one can make her melt like butter.
No one can make her feel fireworks, and unicorns and sunshine.
And then, Jeong-hyuk has to take a bullet for her. Which further complicate matters. As she watches him fall to the ground, face pale and grimacing with pain, the gunshot still ringing in her ears, as she’s quick to break his fall by embracing him, her whole world comes crashing down too. There’s an overflow of emotions, like a flood breaking through the dam, and she can’t hold back her feelings any longer. Se-ri decides that she’s missing the flight when she sends him to the hospital.
It hits her, like a bolt of lightning, that he has become the most important person in her life, even more important than her own life.
Because she loves him.
Se-ri has spent her lifetime never knowing love, and she can’t imagine that this is where it starts, and where it ends as well - a forbidden love that will never come to light, with a man that she will never see again.
When she’s back in Seoul, she makes up her mind that she’s never going to date men again.
Because no men can live up to Ri Jeong-hyuk.
Se-ri doesn’t pine. But she’s pining for him now, the thought of him, keeping her wide awake in bed. She reaches for the box of sleeping pills in her bedside drawer, only to find it empty, as empty as her heart. Letting out a sigh, she drags herself out from bed, throws on a white blouse and a pair of jeans, shrugs on a winter coat and heads out.
She wanders aimlessly down the streets, head low and heart heavy, oblivious to the surroundings around her, and she can’t seem to stop the memories of him flooding through her mind. When she tilts her head to look up, Jeong-hyuk is there, standing in the middle of the pathway, looking straight at her.
It’s impossible.
She must be out of her mind.
…
By the time Jeong-hyuk reaches the city, the sun has set, and a mixture of red-orange hue engulfs the cityscape. It’s vastly different from Pyongyang, with its rows of towering skyscrapers stretching from above, their windows alight from within. The streets teem with more people as the night gets darker, and comes alive with it’s bright, neon lights. There are signs of her around the city, billboards of her company’s products mostly, at the bus stops and outside major buildings.
As he roams around, strange people have been coming up to him, handing him name cards, scouting him out for their talent agencies, which he politely declines. He’s been pacing up and down the busy streets of Cheongdam-dong for a few hours, until he can memorise the rows of shop lots as he turns around every corner.
Jeong-hyuk is praying desperately, for a miracle to happen.
And then, snow falls.
Just as he’s about to turn on his heels, he catches sight of her familiar figure in the sea of people. Against the falling snow, she looks beautiful, the bright street lights catching the strands of her hair, emitting a warm soft glow. He freezes, heart thumping in his chest.
She’s safe! A ripple of relief sweeps through him, and a warm dimpled smile plasters on his face. It’s winter, but the sight of her washes over him like a cool spring breeze. She seems well, except for the look of astonishment marring her beautiful features.
He knows she sees him too because she stands frozen.
It can’t be!
Her breath catches in her throat and tears start to swirl in her eyes, glistening under the lights. She’s still. She doesn’t go to him. No. Because she’s waiting. Waiting for him to disappear. Waiting to wake up from this dream, and to find herself alone, without him.
But he’s not disappearing.
Se-ri keeps her eyes wide open, afraid when she blinks, Jeong-hyuk will cease to exist. He’s walking towards her, gaze never leaving hers, eyes bright with love and joy and along with a few other emotions too raw and too deep to name. And then he stops, right in front of her.
Their eyes meet and hold. And for a moment, time stands still, and the whole world stops into a blur.
They’ve only been apart for a few weeks, but it feels like eternity. Ever since stepping over the 38th parallel, Se-ri has accepted the cruel fact that she will never see him again, but the presence of him right in front of her shatters her resolution.
“I’ve been looking everywhere for you,” his smile is soft, eyes glowing with gentle affection.
Her heart swoops.
Everything happens in a whirlwind next, because all she feels is the gentle force of him pulling her forward, and then his palm is cupping her cheek, and then the sensation of the tender brush of his lips on hers. Their lips melt together, breaths mingling into one. And as she kisses him, gentle, tentative, as if afraid he will disappear at any moment, her longing for him is thrown deep into oblivion.
Because he’s warm. He’s real. He’s as solid as the ground beneath them.
She feels him sliding his hand to the back of her head, his fingers tangling through her hair, as he deepens the kiss. Her heart clenches, and a familiar warmth pools at her lower abdomen. Their kiss becomes rushed, uncoordinated, with the fervour of a man who’s deprived of the love of his partner for so long. He feels her arms snaking around his waist, her grip tightening, and he longs for them to hold on to each other forever.
Snow dances around them.
In the middle of the city streets, where he’s never suppose to show up, it should feel different. But it doesn’t. It feels the same. It’s still the both of them, caught together and hopelessly entangled, Se-ri’s heart beating in time with Jeong-hyuk.
He pulls away, with her arms still around him, and the softness of his lips still lingering on hers.
Se-ri’s eyes are wide with wonder, but then she notices the bruises on his face, and worry takes over. Hands reaching forward, her fingertips caress his face delicately, as if afraid she will hurt him. “But how did you come here? And what happened to your face? Are you hurt?”
There are a million of questions reeling in the back of her mind, but she already knows what his answer will be.
“I’m fine,” is what he says, as predicted. His fingers brush against her hair, and she knows that gesture, knows it’s the most tender way he can touch her - then slides his hand back to grip hers.
“I can believe everything else, but not when you say that you’re fine.”
“I’m really fine. Nothing happened,” he reassures her.
“We should find a place to talk,” Se-ri says in a low hush tone, and then she’s looking past him, left and right, suddenly suspicious of their surroundings.
“Okay,” he concurs, even though he is confident that no one knows about him here.
…
“I still can’t believe you’re here Ri Jeong-hyuk -ssi,” she tells him as she stares at him continuously while walking backwards on the streets.
“Yoon Se-ri, you are going to trip on yourself if you keep walking like this,” he replies grimly. She’s going to be death of him, really.
“Hold my hand then,” she says as she stretches her hand out, moving to his side, and he takes it, interlacing their fingers together, loving how perfectly it fits in his own hand.
Though, he still feels the weight of her eyes on him, as they navigate through the streets, with her leading the way. “I’m not going to disappear,” he deadpans. And then her free hand shoots up to his face, smooshing his cheek, and his pupils dilate at the gesture, even as his expression remains calm and stoic.
“I just need to double check,” she replies teasingly, and then she smiles, the kind of smile that spreads to her eyes, into a half-crescent moon shape. The kind of smile that makes his stomach turn over, butterflies fumbling within. She brushes her thumb over his cheek, warm and smooth, just like how she remembers it.
It still feels too good to be true, that he’s here with her.
That, this love, even on borrowed time, has come back to her.