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“You look nice, Dad.”
“Thanks, buddy,” Eddie grins, his son’s words keeping the nervous energy itching under skin at bay for a little longer. He resists the urge to fiddle with his collar for the fiftieth time, opting instead to walk over to Christopher and placing a kiss on top of his curls. “Do you have gel in your hair?”
“Yeah, I wanted to look nice.” As if it was the most obvious thing in the world. His boy was growing up and he wasn’t at all ready for it to happen.
“Mission accomplished, mijo.” Christopher looks sharp in the outfit usually reserved for going to church with abuela. Eddie is also dressed up after putting far more thought into his outfit than was reasonable or necessary.
It is only brunch.
A Father’s Day brunch for him.
A Father’s Day brunch he invited his best friend to after an absolute clusterfuck of a Mother’s Day.
They hadn’t really talked about what happened that day. They certainly didn’t talk about his offer to join them today. At least, not until Eddie asked last week if he was still coming and Buck had lit up like Eddie had offered him a million dollars instead of a chance to tag along to an overpriced breakfast. So yeah, it’s just brunch.
If he is dressed up it’s because Buck is absolutely relentless with selfies and for no other reason. None at all. Nope.
It certainly didn’t have anything to do with the fact he told Buck he loved him and they hadn’t talked about what that meant.
Or the fact Buck had told him the same.
Because it was no big deal, right?
Friends told each other they loved each other all the time. Not him personally, he had always been too reserved with his feelings and his emotions, but where he held back Buck rushed forward.
He knew he wouldn’t ever be like Buck, but he is trying to meet him in the middle. Or closer to it, at least.
So what if he told him he loved him? Or if he had kept telling him; almost like some sadistic game of Russian roulette and he was waiting for it to blow up his life.
He told him jokingly. He told him in the quiet dark moments when the world weighed heavier. When he was feeling especially daring he told him in front of others, almost as if it was a throwaway. If the 118 thought anything of it they hadn’t said anything, which was absolutely maddening. They had an opinion on everything, but this they kept quiet about?
Not that he wanted them to stick their nose into things that weren’t their business. But maybe if they said something he’d know it wasn’t all in his mind that those words meant something. That whatever was between them was something.
He had stripped the words bare. No more couching them with ‘man’ or ‘pal’ to undercut their weight. He took it back to three simple words. Three thunderous syllables.
Not that Buck knew how he meant it. That would require Eddie to flay himself open and present himself for rejection and scorn.
Buck isn’t Shannon. Buck isn’t like anyone he had ever met, but old wounds ran long and deep and he couldn’t ignore the scar tissue that makes up who he is.
So he told Buck he loved him, the words meaning everything and changing absolutely nothing.
And that was fine. It was fine. Everything was fine.
“Dad. Dad.”
“Huh,” Eddie starts, realizing he had wandered off there for a moment.
“Buck’s at the door! I can hear him knocking.”
Eddie rushes over, mentally berating himself for hesitating a moment before opening the door. He is a grown man for fuck’s sake.
Buck looks great. He’s wearing grey slacks that seem painted to his thighs and a buttoned up shirt that seems to be screaming in protest at his biceps. He should say something. It’s weird to stand there and stare.You look nice is a good option. Hello would also work. Instead he goes with: “Why are you knocking?”
Now it’s Buck’s turn to look a bit flustered and good. It gives him a moment to regain his sanity.
“Oh, I didn’t know if you guys were ready.”
“Since when has that ever stopped you,” Eddie says with a laugh, finding his footing as he knocks Buck off balance. Buck is nervous. A greedy longing whispers teasingly that maybe, maybe, maybe he feels the same, but Eddie stomps it down. He knows why Buck is nervous, even if the reason makes him sad. Even now Buck is reluctant to accept his place in their lives no matter how often Eddie tries to reassure him he belongs.
“Are we going to breakfast or not? You know how traffic is,” Buck deflects, large hand going to rub nervously at the back of his neck.
“What do you think Chris, are we ready,” he calls over his shoulder, eyes still trained on Buck.
“Ready,” comes his son’s eager reply. “I just need to grab my backpack.”
“Why don’t we leave your backpack here? It’s going to be busy at the restaurant—”
“I need it,” Chris insists, in the tone that says he won’t be swayed. Eddie holds his hands up in defeat, not seeing a point in picking this particular battle. The soft clank of Chris’ crutches grow louder as he approaches, backpack securely on his back as he opens his arms to Buck. “Buck!”
“Hey kiddo,” Buck grins, doing that skip thing he does when he’s excited past Eddie to swing Christopher into his arms. It may be Father’s Day, but he is merely background noise to the two as they chatter away. Not that he minds. Eddie leans against the door to watch them for a bit, wondering how they got to be so lucky. It was nothing he had done; it was all Christopher. That kid deserves the world. “To the Jeep!”
Eddie is happy to follow behind them, climbing into the Jeep as Buck helps Christopher inside. With anyone else he’d be hovering a safe distance behind, double checking for himself that Christopher is secure. Instead he can relax, knowing his son is in good hands with the other man.
He meant it when he said there was no one he trusted more with his son than him.
The drive to the restaurant is anything but quiet, Eddie not even bothering to try to get a word in. He’s not sure which one is more hyper, Buck and Christopher bouncing from one conversation to the next with an ease that leaves him smiling as he stares out at the road.
As they clamber out of the Jeep, Eddie can’t help but be suspicious when Christopher refuses to let him help carry his backpack.
He leaves it be for now, making quick work of checking in with the hostess as they find a spot in the corner to wait for their table to be ready. Just as he suspected, the place is crawling with people, the noise level intrusive as sounds bounce around them.
Buck is standing close enough that he can feel his body heat, but Eddie makes no move to create distance between them.
“Daddy? Why is that man staring at us,” Christopher asks, face angled up at him in worried confusion, his glasses askew.
It’s not hard to figure out who his son is talking about.
Eddie is no stranger to that look; the blatant judgment and disdain framed in a vicious sneer. The man catches Eddie’s eye, leaning over to the woman he was with to whisper something in her ear. He doesn’t need to know what words he’s using to understand the hatred within them and suddenly it’s both of them trying to stare them down.
To shame them.
It’s easy to think they’re safe here. Liberal California, right? But prejudice is an insidious virus lurking all around them. Even here. Even now.
There had been a time when their sneers would have been enough to make him step away in shame, putting up a wall of distance against their assumption. There had also been a time their sneers would have been enough to send him storming over there, getting in their face and putting them in their place. He wouldn’t be that person, not on his day with his boys.
How did he explain to his son that they were staring because Christopher was here with two men? That they might take issue with thinking they are a family? Buck shifts beside him and he can feel the moment it clicks for him.
It’s the moment Buck starts to pull away.
His arm slips around Buck’s waist before he knows he’s doing it, his hand coming to rest on his hip. He pulls him closer, his other hand coming to rest on Christopher shoulder. He finds his shoulders squaring, standing at attention and glaring at the couple with a cold fury he hasn’t needed since war.
He will not be shamed.
If Buck is uncomfortable he doesn’t say anything and it isn’t long before his long arm is wrapping around Eddie’s shoulders tightly.
The couple wilts under the attention, turning to look away from them. Even so, Eddie finds himself pulling Buck closer.
“Daddy?”
“Don’t worry, mijo. Some people don’t know it’s rude to stare.”
“Their dad should tell them,” Chris says confidently, eliciting a sharp bark of laughter from Buck.
“Not everyone is as lucky to have an amazing dad like you, buddy,” Buck says, his hand squeezing Eddie’s shoulder and he finds himself unable to meet his gaze at the praise.
“Do you?” An innocent question. A child’s question.
“Hey, Christopher—” Eddie begins, but Buck is quick to forge ahead.
“Not like your dad. Maybe you could share?”
“He can’t be your dad,” Chris laughs, pushing his glasses up his nose.
“Why not?”
“You’re too old!” Buck gapes at that, bringing his free hand up to his chest in mock injury.
“Old? Old? Just how old do you think I am?”
“I don’t know,” Chris says slowly, looking him over as if trying to do the math. “Like...forty?” Eddie can’t help but laugh at how utterly horrified Buck looks. “It’s okay, Buck. You’re dad age, that’s all.”
“Hey buddy, how old do you think I am,” Eddie can’t help but ask, remembering what Chris told Carla a few weeks ago.
“Thirty-five!” A few years off, but close enough.
“You think I look older than your dad,” Buck exclaims, mouth gaping open like a cartoon fish. “Christopher! How could you do this to me? I am so much younger than your dad!”
“Okay now, so much is a bit of a stretch,” Eddie argues playfully, a shit eating grin planted firmly on his face.
“Forty, Eddie. He thinks I look forty.”
“Well I think you look great for forty,” Eddie smirks with a wink, not missing the way Buck’s ears turn pink as a result.
Buck is clearly about to come back with his own retort when the hostess calls out their name. They let Chris lead the way, neither one removing their arm from the other. Eddie can’t help but resume his glare as they walk past the other couple, just waiting for them to do or say something they shouldn’t.
They don’t and he counts it as a win.
“Happy Father’s Day,” the waitress greets them as they’re seated at their table. “Make sure you leave room today because all dads get a free dessert.” Buck looks at him as if waiting for him to correct her, but there is nothing to correct. Buck may not be Chris’ father, but he has been a father figure to his son and Christopher is lucky to have him.
“I’m a father too,” Chris butts in, all smiles and charm as he looks at the waitress.
“Oh, are you?”
“Yeah, I have a hamster!”
“Maybe we should have invited your hamster to brunch,” Eddie snorts as the waitress walks away with a laugh and their drink orders.
“You can’t bring hamsters to brunch, dad,” Christopher sighs dramatically. “There are health codes.”
Eddie shoots a look at Buck. He doesn’t know how his son knows about health codes, but he’d put money on it being Buck’s doing.
“Yeah Eddie, there are health codes,” Buck says conspiratorially, leaning over to stage-whisper at Chris. “What do you think, should we give your dad his present?”
“Present,” Eddie questions, unable to stop himself from perking up. Unlike Mother’s Day, there is no school during Father’s Day, which meant no school projects to bring home. He had been gone the first few years, then when he was around Shannon hadn’t been there to help Christopher make or get something for him.
He had never really felt comfortable celebrating this day in the past when it was just them. He hadn’t been there for his son, hadn’t been a father worthy of Christopher’s love and it felt wrong to force a celebration for himself that he didn’t deserve.
Then Christopher got older and more aware, putting together something for him on his own accord. He still has his first Father’s Day present from Christopher: a crayon drawing tucked safely in his fireproof safe along with all the most important paperwork in his life.
He should have known that this year Buck would help him with something.
Chris is opening up his backpack, reaching inside and handing him a handmade card.
Eddie is not a crier, but he finds his eyes wet as he opens the card to see a picture of the three of them surrounded by a large crayon heart. Inside there is season passes to the zoo and that’s—
“This is amazing, thank you, Christopher. I love it,” he adds, reaching over to wrap his son tightly in a hug. “The zoo, huh?”
“Buck thought you’d like something inland.” Eddie shoots a look over to Buck who looks almost nervous until Eddie smiles.
“It’s perfect, thank you both.”
“Oh no,” Buck insists, “This was all Chris.”
Because his son has a bank account and the means to drive to the zoo. “Still, thank you,” Eddie adds, reaching over to squeeze Buck’s knee. His hand itches to stay there, but he pulls his hand away and for a brief moment it seems like Buck looks disappointed when he does. “What do you think, superman, should we give Buck his gift?”
“Wait, me?” Eddie shrugs innocently at Buck’s question, shooting his son a wink as he reaches back into his backpack.
“Here you go, Buck!”
For a brief terrifying moment he worries he has played this all wrong as Buck holds the card as if it’s on fire. It’s another handwritten card, still of the three of them but this time the words ‘WE LOVE YOU’ is written in large font across the bottom. It’s signed by both of them. There are also two season passes for the zoo.
“I thought you two would like something inland,” Eddie says dryly as Buck realizes they each organized the same gift.
Chris played them both. He should probably be worried about that.
“Happy Father’s Day, Buck,” Eddie adds. We love you. I love you.
“I love you guys,” Buck says so earnestly it makes Eddie’s heart twist. He goes in for a hug, feeling bold as he attempts to give his cheek a kiss. Only Buck seems to have the same idea and suddenly their lips are sliding against each other feather light as both men freeze. Buck pulls back slightly, but not all the way.
He looks like he might say something. Or maybe he’s waiting for Eddie to say something. Or to pull away. Only neither of them do. And Chris is sitting right there, but he’s not saying it’s weird or gross or anything else.
Fuck it.
Eddie leans back in, this time kissing him with purpose. It’s chaste, but firm and when Buck doesn’t pull away he finds himself soaring.
He pulls back, reaching over to intertwine his fingers with Buck’s.
“Does this mean you’re boyfriends now,” Chris asks patiently.
“Yes,” Eddie says the same time Buck says, “No.”
“No,” Eddie asks as Buck says, “Yes?”
“You want to be,” Buck asks, as if waiting for Eddie to yell surprise and tell him this was all one big joke.
“Duh,” Chris replies, rolling his eyes even as he smiled. Oh god, he should probably be worried about that too. Then again, he had learned it from him.
“Yeah, Buck, duh,” Eddie says, letting out a laugh that is just this side of hysterical.
“So do I. I really, really do,” Buck says, reaching over to grab Eddie’s hand in his.
“That settles that,” Eddie says, trying to break through the tension of the moment. There was a lot to discuss. A lot to say and consider when there wasn’t a nine year old present. Until then, this was more than enough. “Now what are we going to do with this extra pass to the zoo, huh?”
“I’ve always wanted a sibling,” Christopher offers cheerfully, causing Buck to choke on his water.
Eddie can’t help but laugh.