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Wakatoshi walked next to Satori as they made their way slowly through the park. They had just finished up buying ice cream at a new shop that had popped up recently. The sun was setting, and it cast a glow over the trees and the shadows they cast danced alongside the fluttering of the leaves in the wind. Wakatoshi’s mind flicked to the ring that he held in his pocket. He wanted nothing more than to get down on one knee and beg the beautiful man standing next to him to take his last name. But he just couldn’t. In fact, the very thought of acting on his thoughts made his hands shake with nerves. It made his palms sweat even though it was chilly outside. Wakatoshi shivered a bit and shoved his hands into his pockets as a way to calm his nerves.
“Toshi!” Satori shouted happily,” Look!”
Wakatoshi looked up to see that Satori was holding his chocolate ice cream with one hand but pointing with his other. Wakatoshi followed his gesture to see he was pointing at an animal shelter. Wakatoshi was confused for a moment before seeing what really had caught Satori’s eye. Standing outside the animal shelter was many volunteers, all of whom were holding onto leashes with dogs. Wakatoshi let a small smile of amusement grace his features before looking back at Satori. Satori was now holding his ice cream precariously; it was practically forgotten in fact as Satori stared in wonder.
Wakatoshi’s breath caught in his throat as he saw the way Satori’s hair fell in his face. (Satori had decided not to put much effort into styling it today.) Wakatoshi didn’t even have time to question exactly which dog had caught Satori’s eye before the red head was dropping his ice cream and dashing off towards the shelter at a speed Wakatoshi hadn’t ever seen him move at before.
“Satori wait!” Wakatoshi says, watching in panic as Satori barely misses being hit by a car. The red head making it to the other side safely, completely oblivious to the fact a car had almost just hit him. The red head slowed to a walk a dropped down next to a cocker spaniel. The dog was jumping excitedly and yipping happily as Satori instantly started playing and petting the dog.
Wakatoshi finally made it over to the other side of the street, having actually waited for the light to turn red. He walked over to where Satori sat playing with the dog.
“Are you guys looking to adopt a dog?” The puppy’s handler asked with a soft smile.
“We haven’t really talked about it,” Wakatoshi says honestly,” But we make enough money and we both have always wanted a dog. Space wouldn’t be an issue either.”
The handler smiled slightly before looking back over at Satori and the spaniel,” It’s actually kind of incredible,” The girl says smile morphing into a gentle one,” I’ve never seen her act like this. Cocker Spaniels are supposed to be a hyper breed. Really playful you know? But we rescued her a year ago when she was about one. Her owners were really mean and cruel people. I guess they didn’t like her hyperactivity, or they got a kick out of hurting her. Either way when we rescued her, she didn’t act like a dog at her age should at all.”
Wakatoshi watched Satori’s back tense a bit as the handler talked about the spaniel’s past. He can tell what Satori is thinking.
She’s just like me.
“What’s her name?” Satori asks.
“Yui,” The handler responds.
“I think she would be a perfect addition to our household,” Wakatoshi says to the trainer. And nothing can quite beat the look of happiness that crosses Satori’s face. The way his eyes lit up and happy tears filled them.
Yet again Wakatoshi found himself at a loss for words. He wasn’t able to propose. But they walked home with a new dog and a bag full of dog supplies.
The ring remained in Wakatoshi’s pocket at all times though. Even when he went to practice for volleyball.
“Are you going to propose to him soon,” Hinata asks watching as Wakatoshi fiddles with the ring in his hands,” You’ve been holding onto that for months. Are you really that nervous?”
There was background noise of Bokuto running around the gym and doing acrobatics while Kuroo enabled him to keep going. In the middle of all of it Kageyama and Oikawa were serving and receiving serves.
“I’m not nervous,” Wakatoshi says instantly. Part of him screamed about what a lie it was.
Hinata laughs,” You are nervous. You have nothing to be worried about, trust me, he loves you so much.”
Wakatoshi sits for a moment not really knowing how to respond,” Have you ever been scared of not being good enough? Do you ever get that feeling that maybe things would be better without you.”
“Of course,” Hinata says smiling at Wakatoshi,” I get that feeling every time I am with Kenma and Kuroo. But I think the fact that I want to be worth it is what makes me worth it.”
Wakatoshi watches as Hinata sends a fond smile in the direction of Kuroo, and even though Kenma was not in the room, Wakatoshi knew it was meant for Kenma as well.
Even though Hinata’s words stuck inside Wakatoshi’s mind. Wakatoshi still didn’t propose. Maybe it was the fact he was nervous, maybe it was the fact he wanted to prove his worth to Satori, or maybe it was because he was a blatant perfectionist and the moment wasn’t perfect yet.
Even so, more weeks passed where Wakatoshi woke up next to his soulmate. He would watch as gentle breaths filled Satori’s naked chest. He would watch as Satori’s hair fell in his eyes and around his head. Weeks passed as he watch Satori hunch over his drawing desk trying to make the pictures of his final draft absolutely perfect. His face scrunched up in concentration.
Every single time his hand found his pocket, and every single time the hand came out empty. The same words echoing through his head.
Do you even deserve him?
It was a month after the conversation with Hinata that Hinata made his way back over to him during practice.
“Why don’t you feel like you are worth it?” Hinata asks. Hinata was obviously done with his dancing around the issue.
Wakatoshi’s water bottle froze halfway up to his lips and he sat there for a second before taking a drink and setting it to the side. The entire time Hinata waited patiently for an answer.
“Can we talk after practice?” Wakatoshi asks politely. “It’s almost over anyways. And I won’t be staying after since Oikawa and Kageyama are still out. I guess Oikawa injured himself somehow.”
“Yeah I know,” Hinata says pinching the bridge of his nose,” Don’t remind me about the incident. There is glitter all over my house STILL! But yes, we can talk after practice. I’ll wait for you.”
Wakatoshi watches confused as Hinata walks away. Images of what this “incident” might entail flashing through his mind. He shook it off not really wanting to dwell on it for long.
True to his word, Hinata waited for him after practice to talk. “So, spill.” Hinata says smirking.
“I don’t feel like I am enough for him,” Wakatoshi says simply,” I was never there for him even though I knew him during the time he was still being hurt. And I’ve hurt him so many times after that. I know he will say yes, but I don’t know if he should.”
“Of course, he should,” Hinata says smiling,” You might not see it, but you’ve helped him more than you could ever realize. Did you know that the first-time you guys had sex he told us about it.”
“What?” Wakatoshi says blushing. He felt his face heating up quite a bit.
“Yeah,” Hinata says smiling,” he had been nervous forever about the fact he might never be able to have sex with you. He told us that it was hard to have contact without flashbacks. But then he came to us one day, telling us all about how gentle you had been. And about how he had to hold back tears of happiness the entire time. He told us all about how he felt like that was such a huge bridge to cross and he crossed it because you were there. And it wasn’t just that time. When you adopted Yui only a few months ago he raved about how understanding you were. He also raved about how happy you make him.”
Wakatoshi felt his heart hammering in his chest. His eyes widen as Hinata- no Shouyou wraps him in a hug.
“Just ask him,” Shouyou says,” I promise you deserve whatever response he gives you.”
It was a few nights later after a night filled with passion that Wakatoshi really had no other choice.
Satori lay there breathing heavily, his eyes half closed. His hair was completely down and splayed around his head. Sweat gleaned on his body and made him glisten. Wakatoshi was still inside but was stunned by the beauty that was laying underneath him. Something was so beautiful about the way Satori laid there. The last light of the day cast across his form. Wakatoshi almost forgot how to breathe. And in that moment, there really was no other choice.
Wakatoshi reached to the other side of the bed where he had thrown his pants and grabbed the ring out of the pocket before going back to staring at Satori from directly above the red head. Satori opened his eyes and stared at Wakatoshi before letting a sleepy smirk grace his feature.
“See something you like Toshi?” Satori says teasingly before closing his eyes again, still trying to catch his breath.
“Everyday,” Wakatoshi says, and his hands are shaking but there is no question in his mind about what he wants.
He wants to deserve Satori.
“Everyday I see something I love when I look at you,” Satori’s eyes snap open when Wakatoshi says that but Wakatoshi plows forward,” Marry me Satori.” Wakatoshi brings the ring that he had been carrying with him for months into Satori’s vision.
Satori’s eyes go wide and Wakatoshi watches as tears start to fall down his face. For a brief moment Wakatoshi loses heart.
What if he says no?
“Yes,” Satori says smiling,” God I love you so much.”
The lanky arms are suddenly pulling him into a hug, and Wakatoshi finds himself hugging back with matching tears in his own eyes.
“What did I do to deserve someone like you?” Wakatoshi asks quietly, more to himself than anything.
“You didn’t have to do anything,” Satori says smiling into his shoulder,” I would have loved you regardless.”
They fell asleep in each other’s arms. And Wakatoshi found himself smiling down at his soulmate’s sleeping form.
“I guess I don’t have to deserve you to love you with everything I have,” Wakatoshi says smiling.
Love isn’t about deserving.