Chapter Text
mood: rich man's frug- sweet charity
Sunday, November 18th 9:10 am
Ever since the morning after Louis spent the day with Harry at the river he had never felt so relieved. He didn't have his usual haunting thoughts that only made an appearance every now and then and it was easy to roll out of bed as if he lost ten pounds. Ten pounds of stress is what it was. He laid in bed with the biggest smile on his face, reminiscing the events that took place last night. Harry was his boyfriend. He had a boyfriend— his first boyfriend and a perfect one at that. Internally he really wished he spent the night over at Harry's just to see what it felt like to wake up next to his boyfriend but they had plenty time to do that and maybe it'd be moving too fast. Surely, Harry wanted Louis to stay over so that wouldn't have been a problem.
Today was different though. He woke up feeling so... content? For a moment he forgot that people didn't like him and that his past was the most terrifying thing someone could think of because all that mattered was Harry. He still couldn't believe that was real life. The fact that Harry actually liked him back and it wasn't a dream. Of course Louis was having his hesitations, who wouldn't? Harry was created by the gods themselves. They took their time to perfectly sculpt every inch and cranny he possessed and it totally was not fair for the rest of the human population but there was nothing he could do about it. And then there was him. He didn't think there was anything special about him and to call him average would be a compliment. He's tiny and can barely hold a conversation and rarely ever had an appetite. In his eyes he held so many flaws and for someone like Harry to even give him the slightest time of day should only be in fantasies.
But life wasn't a fantasy. This was real and Louis obviously second guessing it at first but the more time he had to think about it the more it made sense. Harry always wanted Louis close to him and not in a way where they were always together. He wanted him physically close and couldn't stand when Louis pushed him away. The kisses made perfect sense now and Louis couldn't believe how stupid he was to think Harry didn't like him back, because really. What straight boy would kiss back when another fellow boy kissed them? What straight boy initiated many of said kisses? What straight boy would crave and deepen the kisses and hold another boy so close and want to feel them? None. No straight boy did that but Harry did and Louis was too far into denial to think otherwise.
Sure, a kiss is a kiss and Harry had kissed boys before but he would never kiss them the way kissed Louis. Like with Niall, they kissed a handful of times but it was never how he would kiss Louis. Even the first time he kissed his tiny little neighbour. It was only a peck but he felt so much and he wanted more but knew Louis wouldn't exactly be up for it. And then he remembered the party they went to. Harry literally brought up to a room because Louis was uncomfortable kissing in front of all those people and still he didn't bat an eye. Harry had him sit on his lap and Louis completely waved it off. Harry held him so close and kissed and licked down his neck and still Louis thought it was just a heat in the moment which looking in retrospect was so dumb.
His mind wandered to the day after the party. He still didn't remember much of it, especially the bit where he disassociated, obviously, but the more time that passed the more bits and pieces he remembered. He remembered a few things of him and Harry in the bathroom where he was sat on the sink but it was incredibly hazy. He didn't remember anything that was said but he can vaguely see Harry crying and him wiping away his tears and kissing his nose and cheeks. He remembered Harry's wonderful smile and the way he took care of him without another thought. Louis loves Harry. That just may be the only words he remembered from that time. It was true and he didn't necessarily regret it because he was sure Harry returned it. He was royally foolish to think that Harry only viewed him as a friend after having showered him and dressing him. Harry did his laundry, folded and put away his clothes, vacuumed up the broken glass, and tried many different ways to remove the blood stain from the carpet just so Louis wouldn't be able to remember what happened. Sure friends wouldn't want their friends to remember things like that, but Louis didn't think people would go through such great lengths to do so.
And when Harry seemed sad to call Louis his best mate that day. How sad he sounded and his arms instinctively slackening around him due to his disappointment. Even still Harry stuck by his side when it was hurting him to pretend that he didn't want anything more than to be Louis' friend. Then Louis remembered the next day when Harry went to school just to satisfy Louis' nerves about not turning in his work. He went out of his way just so Louis could stay home and be in a comfortable place to cry and be sad without worrying about missing out on academics. Harry pulled Louis onto his lap to hold him and comfort him. Harry carried Louis up the stairs and tucked him into bed for him to rest. Oh god. Harry asked Louis to be his boyfriend. In the moment Louis laughed at it, but looking at it with everything he knew now he wanted to scream. Harry was being serious. Harry asked Louis to be his boyfriend and he just laughed in his face.
After a good hour of thinking about his and Harry's past relationship, Louis finally rolled out of bed and he might have fallen to the floor. See, the previous week and most days before then, rolling out of bed was one of the hardest things to do. Getting up felt so heavy but it was different that morning and he wasn't expecting to go flying. But he got up and sauntered over to his bathroom for a quick shower, rinsing off his body and doing a quick condition before getting dressed in a pair of sweats and a loose t-shirt that was awfully big on him and may or may not have been Harry's. In all honesty he didn't know but either way he wouldn't have minded.
His mum drove him to the hospital and only asked a few questions about Harry which made Louis quirk a brow. Her questions were suggestive and a little prodding but he was still oblivious to the fact that his parents knew about Harry's liking towards him. He answered shortly since Harry wanted to keep them quiet for a bit and he knew it was going to be hard to lie to his grandparents because they always saw right through him. He took years of theatre and only hoped everything he learned would pay off. He took a course on method so hopefully he could pull it off.
As usual, Louis was greeted upon entering the hospital by the receptionist and fellow nurses passing by the corridors that knew Louis. They granted him access to the C-wing where he went every weekend to see his grandma. When he walked into the room his nan was sitting upright in the hospital bed with his grandpa sitting next to her, holding hands as they watched a program from the small telly in the corner of the room. He stealthily walked in, trying to mask his extreme happiness as best as he could.
"Louis!" Rose greeted him with a huge smile that stretched to her ears.
"Hey nan," Louis responded with a small smile as he walked to the other side of the room to sit in the chair next to her bed. "Grandad."
"Hi son," William greeted with a warm smile and a short nod. "How're things? You feeling any better?"
God damn it. He was so close to keeping everything contained but that question only reminded him of Harry, obviously, and he couldn't stop his smile. But he did do his best to keep it small. "I'm doing okay, feeling a lot better than last time I visited." He looked down to his lap to hide the smile before composing himself and looking back up with a plain expression. "I've had time to think things over and I uh- talked things out with different people, ya know?" Both his grandparents nodded, their attention now geared to their grandson. "And, um, actually I-" a short laugh escaped his lips as he shook his head from side to side. "Harry says hi." He peered through his lashes to see his grandparents' reactions and they're exactly what he imagined it to be: shocked.
"You two had a chat?" Rose asked turning her body a bit more towards Louis.
"Yeah, yesterday. I didn't really want to talk but it was the least I could do, right? So we went to this cliff that overlooked the city and we talked things over."
"I'm guessing it went alright?" William butted in with furrowed brows, leaning his elbows on the bed.
"Yeah, we're friends again." That was hard to say, especially because they were dating. "We explained our own sides and worked things out. So yeah."
"Just friends?" Rose squinted her eyes and Louis couldn't help but squirm under the gaze. She was a god damn sweetheart but she had her moments.
"Well, um," the vibration in his pocket distracted him from his thoughts, hoping it was Harry. He really wished he hadn't forgotten that they were together like he did with Monet. Since this was Louis' first relationship, he didn't really know if he should have messaged Harry when he first woke up or not so he didn't. And when he woke he didn't receive a text from Harry that could've meant one of two things: he forgot or he was still asleep. Louis was leaning more towards the latter— at least that's what he hoped for.
Louis pulled out his phone to check what the notification was from and immediately smiled when seeing the message on his screen.
[Harry]: morning bubba (:
[Harry]: i didn't forget, i promise. how could i ever?
[Harry]: just not a morning person but you already know that
Louis smiled from ear to ear and bit down on his lip to keep it small but it was a failed attempt. "It's Harry, isn't it?" The question snapped Louis out of his thoughts and his entire face turned pink. He shoved his phone back into his pocket with a sheepish smile. "There's something you're not telling us Lou. What happened at the cliff?" So much for method acting.
"A lot?" He laughed and shifted in his seat, feeling uncomfortable under the gaze of his grandparents. "He told me he liked me and I did the same." He left it at that, not wanting to elaborate on it, especially since he turned out to be a shit liar.
"That's great son!" William had a genuine smile on his face. For as long as he could remember Louis struggled with trusting people and the fact that Harry and Louis liked each other made him extremely happy. He was on the right path to get his life back. "So you two are together?"
"Not exactly?"
"Dear god, this boy William. I swear." Rose rolled her eyes and let go of her husband's hand in frustration. "Why not?"
"He did ask me to be his boyfriend but I told him I'd think about it. It's my first relationship, you know? I know he's a good guy, I just want to make sure everything's right before anything happens officially."
Rose couldn't fight that. She completely understood where he was coming from, especially after years and years of betrayal. "Just don't push him away because you're afraid. Relationships can be scary at first but if you really want it you'd be able to get through it together."
"Yeah, he understood where I was coming from. Said nothing will change until then and that he'd respect whatever decision I make."
"Not to say I told you so but... I told you so."
Louis laughed and nudged his grandma's arm gently. "Yeah, yeah." The room fell silent when his grandparents just nodded at him, William's attention flicking to the telly for a few seconds before Louis spoke up again. "I really like him."
"What is it you're scared of?" William asked, scooting his chair closer to the hospital bed.
"Everything? I mean he's been in relationships before and I'm afraid I won't live up to any of them."
"You're overthinking it. If he really likes you, he wouldn't compare you to any of his past relationships."
"He wouldn't, he told me himself. I know it's all in my head but I just want to be enough for him." Just because him and Harry were boyfriends didn't mean he still didn't feel like he wasn't enough for Harry.
"So you taking time to think it over isn't because your second guessing his intentions but because you're lost in your mind? You're afraid you'd be together for a few weeks then he'd realise something and drop you for someone better and less complicated?" A mind reader is what she was.
"Exactly. I know I shouldn't think that way because he really does make me feel special and he's told me that I shouldn't think that way but how could I not? He's so perfect and I'm so flawed. We're complete opposites in that sense and I can't do things for him that people in regular relationships do. I know I can't satisfy him completely and I'm scared that'll be a deal breaker and he wouldn't want to be with me anymore."
Was it hard to hear such a young boy look so down on himself? Absolutely. It was justified but it was so terrible how torn down Louis was for him to think of himself that way and it was such a shame that he couldn't be normal. He'd put put down so many times that he started to believe it. His grandparents could just tell how much he wanted to be normal for Harry but the simple fact that he couldn't tore them to pieces. Louis would never be normal and Harry knew that but Louis was too lost to see that Harry didn't care for that.
"This boy, if he really likes you none of that should matter." Rose nodded her head in agreement as William spoke. "He should accept you for who you are and as much as I've heard, he does. You're getting too worked up about it. Get out of your head bub. It's all in your head."
"I know." Louis looked down to his lap, fiddling with his fingers to try and distract himself from the fact that his grandparents were looking at him very intensely.
"Harry seems like a good boy and from what I've heard, he's never cared about the severity of your past even if he doesn't know the details. He likes you despite all of that. He took care of you when you were at your lowest because he wanted to. He didn't feel an obligation, he genuinely wanted to and that was obvious when he said he cried. He felt bad."
"I don't know what to do paps. Am I even capable of love?" Louis hadn't expected it to, but the room fell eerily silent and at first he didn't understand why. The only sound came from the low volume of the telly and faint voices coming from the hallway. It wasn't until Louis replayed everything that he widened his eyes in realisation.
"Love?" His voice came out quite astonished and that was totally not something he expected Louis to say, especially so early on. As far as he knew he and Harry weren't together and for him to mention love was sort of bewildering.
After a few moments of awkward silence, Louis cleared his throat and looked to his lap, taking a very sudden interest in his fingers. "At the cliff Harry said a lot of things." He swallowed thickly and hated how silent his grandparents were as they waited for him to speak up again. "He was getting frustrated with me because I told him that we just couldn't be together. It didn't matter how much we liked each other, the world wouldn't allow us to be together and he kept drilling into my head that he didn't care. He just wanted to be with me and go on cheesy dates and road trips with me." Louis stopped, really contemplating whether or not he should tell his grandparents. He hated to lie to them but Harry didn't want anyone to know and even though he won't be admitting to anything they'd surely be suspicions after he said it. "He said he wanted to get the chance to love me and hoped that I would want to love him back."
The room remained quiet for what felt like an eternity until a nurse snuck in and broke it. "Sorry to interrupt- oh, feels tense," the familiar nurse, Lauren, said awkwardly. Lauren was well known within the Tomlinson family for the sole fact that she was the one who took care of Rose the most attentively.
"Just having a discussion on Louis' much complicated love life," Rose spoke up with a smirk. Louis hated talking about these things but she thought he needed to man up and start dealing with it.
"Nan! Oh my gosh." Louis turned red, red, red and his cheeks were extremely warm to the touch and he felt like combusting in that moment. That was not okay!
"Oh?" Lauren seemed extremely interested and Louis really wanted to disappear. "Didn't know you had a love life Lou." She walked further into the room, William having already stood from his seat knowing what Lauren came in for. It was just a daily check up to check Rose's vitals and all that.
"I don't." He groaned and ran a hand through his hair suddenly feeling extremely uncomfortable.
"It's complicated," William interjected.
"Oh do tell." She wheeled in a small cart with a few needles and vials for her blood work.
"There's nothing to tell! I don't have a boyfriend." Maybe visiting his nan was a bad idea after all. He saw her yesterday so what was the need to see her two days in a row? He could've spent the day comfortably in Harry's arms. But no. He's in a hospital room being interrogated by his grandparents and a nurse who thinks she's Louis' annoying sister.
"Not yet. They like each other but he doesn't think he's good enough for him." Louis had always loved his grandparents and he'd ever ever want harm to come their way but they were really testing him in that moment. He was a private person! He didn't like to go all willy nilly and tell people about things that certainly did not concern them.
"Aw, why would you think that Lou?" Lauren twisted one of the vials onto the tube with the needle. "Gonna be a pinch Ms. Rose." She was strong though, she felt nothing as the needle pressed through his skin. "Hello? I asked a question Louis."
"He's just... he's too perfect and I'm too me and it just can't work, ya know?"
"You're great, I don't see why you look down on yourself all the time." Lauren clamped the tube to switch out vials.
Louis always pushed it to the side that Lauren just didn't know. She didn't know much about Louis' situation but she knew he used to have panic attacks often and that he'd disassociate every now and then. She knew he was lonely and in need of company and she knew he had the biggest heart anyone could ever possess so she couldn't understand what was wrong. She could totally see why someone would take interest in Louis and she hated when Louis would always turn it down. He was adorable and anyone would be a fool to think otherwise. He acted as if no one liked him when in fact there were many people in the hospital who tried to flirt with him but he just waved it off as being nice. Of course it was a mixture of boys and girls— more girls than guys— and still Louis remained so oblivious. Some girl even bought him lunch. Granted it was the crappy hospital food, but still.
"He's pretty and popular and I'm just me. He's got no flaws and all I am is flawed. We're such opposites."
"Have a picture?" It wasn't really a question. She's heard some stories of the two teenagers from his grandparents and there's no way she would believe if Louis didn't have a picture of him. Especially after hearing about the brownie incident.
Without putting up a fight— because he knew it was pointless— Louis sighed and pulled out his phone, scrolling through his camera roll to find a picture of Harry or of him and Harry, either worked. As of recently the two hadn't taken many pictures together— of course they took pictures of each other without the other knowing. The last selfie they took together was that Friday before everything turned to shit. Harry really wanted a picture of them with their outfits and Louis was surprisingly compliant to it. He stopped putting up a fight because of how often Harry wanted to take pictures with him. Eventually he learned to just go with it but even if he did that didn't mean he'd smile in them (the only way Harry would be able to crack a smile out of him was if he tickled him or kissed him on the cheek).
There were so many he could've chosen from— not that he stored pictures of them on his phone, which isn't so bad but— since Harry loved to spam Louis with all the pictures he took and he'd even use Louis' phone sometimes if he couldn't find his and there were even times when Harry would steal Louis' phone just to take pictures of himself. Louis didn't know this at first until he went into his camera to search for a picture for his mum and saw a plethora of pictures of Harry and he swore that nightmares were made of that.
He finally picked a photo. It took a while since he had to scroll so far into his pictures but he settled on the picture where Harry was grinning like a god damn fool with egg whites dripping down his hair and cocoa powder splattered all across his face. The picture brought back so many wonderful memories from that day and he couldn't stop the smile that matched Harry's in the picture. In the photo Harry was grinning widely, standing in between Louis' legs with a hand on his cheek to press their faces together. And though Harry looked incredibly adorable, Louis' face was scrunched up in a pout because of the feeling of the egg in Harry's hair being smeared against his jaw. It was a wonderful picture nonetheless.
He handed his nan the phone and before she passed it to Lauren she took a quick peek. She had a fond little smile, proud of her grandson for not pushing Harry away like he initially wanted to. By the time Louis picked a picture, Lauren was done with the blood work and was waiting patiently for the phone. When she finally grabbed the phone her eyes widened and her eyebrows shot up. It was written all over her face. Shock. And Louis knew it was because Harry was so beautiful and she probably wasn't expecting that, no one would have.
The shock slowly turned into complete smite. She smiled and let out a light chuckle. "You two are so cute Lou." Of course Louis turned red from the somewhat compliment? The warmth spread from his cheeks, down his neck, and all the way down to his toes. Technically he was showing people pictures of his boyfriend unbeknownst to them and not only did he get a slight thrill from it, but he felt okay with it.
Louis didn't see a problem with handing over his phone to Lauren to show her the picture but he was soon regretting it when seeing her finger press on his screen and swipe over and over again to look at more pictures. "What are you doing?" His voice came out as a squeal and if his nan weren't separating the two of them he would've pounced on her. "Stop it!" He hurriedly rushed over to the other side where Lauren was stood. "Real mature Lauren. Give it!" Lauren was taller than Louis, mostly everyone was, and she was holding the phone above her head and continued to scroll through pictures, seeing a few screenshots and pictures of the board from lessons along the way.
She was laughing and teasing Louis for a minute and everyone found it humorous, even William and Rose. He was just so tiny. No one knew it was from a picture or a recent notification or whatever, but Lauren stopped the scrolling and just held the phone high. At first she did stood in mild shock but then she quirked a brow and lowered her gaze. "Louis," she began, her voice completely unreadable. "Will you step out with me for a minute?"
He hated how he couldn't gauge her voice and he hated the weird looks he received from his grandparents because, surely, they thought there was something bad in his camera roll— which there wasn't. He hated the anticipation in his veins and the intense anxiety of not knowing what happened. But he obliged and followed her out the room. Once they were out, she closed the door behind them and looked at Louis with knitted brows and a hard state. He felt like crumbling. It wasn't from the look, it was from the endless possibilities. He was scared she stumbled upon nudes but he had to remind himself that he'd never taken a nude before nor did he hold anybody else's. He didn't have any bad pictures, none bad enough for her to turn all serious at least. So it had to be a notification he received but even then he couldn't think of anything so bad where Lauren would get all serious.
Louis sighed and shifted awkwardly because Lauren was still staring at him and he couldn't help but feel like he was about to get reprimanded. "What, uh, what did you bring me out here for?"
As he spoke, Lauren squinted her eyes tighter and tighter until they were barely considered slits. "Is there something you want to tell me?" She crossed her arms and popped a hip out with Louis' phone still in her hand.
"No?" What could it possibly be? Seriously, there wasn't anything bad in his camera roll or else he wouldn't have given his phone to Lauren. Especially not so far back so he truly had no idea what was going on.
She sighed, obvious annoyance was in her expression with a bit of betrayal and Louis really wanted to know what he did. "You promised Louis." It was sad. She was sad.
"What did I do?" His voice came out in a whisper, feeling ashamed for an unknown reason.
Lauren looked at the phone one more time, sighing, before flipping it around to show Louis the picture she was looking at. "You tell me," she said.
Louis had never been more confused but he did hate Harry and was sure to have a chat with him later for taking pictures of him while he was sleeping! Louis was sleeping in his bed and he recognised it to be the day of Emily's wake. His hand was gently placed next to his face on his pillow and he was really close to Harry but only he could tell because he could just barely make out the outline of the tangled legs. Oh, and the fact that Harry's elbow was poking through the bottom. But Louis didn't see anything wrong about the picture. Literally, he was just sleeping.
"What's- I don't see what's wrong." His words were very apprehensive and confused as he tried to find something wrong with the picture.
Lauren sighed, clearly aggravated that Louis couldn't see what she saw. She looked down and furrowed her brows in sadness before quickly recovering to her betrayed expression. Grabbing his wrist, she lifted it up to eye level with a sigh. "What is this?"
Louis finally realised what she was thinking and his eyes widened. "Oh no, that's not- it's not what you think," he rushed, quick to shut down her thoughts. "It's not from that. I did hurt myself but it was nothing like that."
He received a very hard, very intense glare hearing a light tapping of Lauren's foot. "Explain then."
"Had a panic attack and freaked out apparently. I didn't remember anything really but Harry told me I broke some glass and that I was holding onto it with a death grip so.."
For a few moments she stayed quiet and stared at Louis' wrapped hand. Louis always lied about why he was wobbling or why he wore a sweater in hot weather so today shouldn't be any different but the fact that he mentioned Harry made her believe him a bit more than usual. "How come?" Louis quirked a brow and tilted his head to the side. "The panic attack."
"We were arguing me. It was my fault really because I was being stubborn and I know he has anger issues. I was kind of testing him and he was being a little rough with me." Lauren raised her brows at that, concerned for the small boy. "Wasn't too bad, he told me he can't really ever be completely angry when I'm around but... He was just holding me tightly and he pinned me to the bed. I'm not hurt from it physically but it reminded me so much from before."
"So you slipped away." Lauren almost felt bad for assuming but he didn't have the best track record.
"Yeah. He got mad and he stormed away to have a break and when he looked back at me it was just too familiar and it was hard not to." Lauren's fingers gently grazed the top of the bandage as she listened to him speak. "He took care of me after it all happened. Cleaned my hand and showered me as well. When I slept he cleaned everything up and did my laundry. He tried to get the blood stain out the carpets but it's still kinda there."
The only people Louis ever really talked about were his mum, Ryan Reynolds, and Hugh Jackman so it was a little out of the norm to hear him talk about someone else— someone his age, someone who liked him. But it was elating in a way because she was afraid Louis was never going to be okay again. She'd seen the progress every time he came back to the hospital but it was nicer to know that he was actually trying. "He must like you very much."
"He cares about me, yeah." Lauren nodded, looking back to Louis' phone and continued to scroll through pictures but, again, didn't get too far— maybe only a few pictures after— when she gasped.
"Oh my," she whispered, lightly placing her fingers over her lips.
"What?"
"You don't through your camera roll often, do you?" It was sort of a rhetorical question because the answer was pretty obvious. If Louis saw these pictures he'd definitely not be second guessing Harry's intentions. He shook his head with knitted brows, confusion plastered all over his face. "Take a look babes." He took a few steps closer to the nurse and pressed their shoulders together so he could look at his phone.
"Oh," was the only thing Louis could say. If these were the kinds of things Harry put in his camera roll, he definitely should check it more often. If only he checked his camera roll more often then him and Harry would have never fought. "I didn't- wow." They were all of Louis sleeping but each had different qualities to them. The first one Harry's thumb was stroking the apple of Louis' cheek. The second Harry's fingers were carding through Louis' fringe. The third was Harry's hand placed under Louis' arm. But the next one- The next picture was used with the front camera because Harry was now in the picture and Louis was wrapped around him. His head was snuggled into Harry's shoulder and his arms circled around his waist. When she swiped again, it was video just over a minute long and the thumbnail was Harry with a gentle smile. "Play it," Louis whispered.
Without hesitation Lauren pressed play and the video came to life. "Welcome to the bubba and curly sleepy vlogs." Harry greeted with a smile, his voice deep and raspy. "You're not having a very good start to your day but hopefully you'll start feeling better when you wake up again." He paused to look down at Louis who was peacefully sleeping next to him, his breathing even and steady and his features extremely soft. He looked at him with an expression Louis only saw last night when Harry grabbed his hand to place on his heart. When he looked back to the camera, his smile remained fond and his expression soft. "God Lou, I don't- I'm struggling here. I wouldn't be making this video if I knew you went through your pictures often but obviously you don't since you never said anything about my gorgeous selfies." Both Louis and Lauren chuckled at his comment. "Look, I'm going to be completely honest with you bubba and I'm sorry if you see this today or tomorrow or anytime soon but I like you so much. And it's crazy because I kind of just realised yesterday but I feel so much for you. It's kind of weird because it was confusing— all the things you'd make me feel— but I'm learning not to push it away anymore because I think we could have something special? Maybe? Sometimes I feel like you feel the same but then you run away or you don't want to talk about feelings and it hurts. But if you don't like me then I'll just have to live with it, yeah? I-" Harry cut himself off when Louis whined in his sleep and snuggled closer to Harry, tightening his grip around his body and taking a deep breath as he relaxed. "You fell asleep with your back towards me but separated yourself a few minutes later. But now-" Harry paused and looked down to his sleeping friend. He smiled and kissed Louis' forehead.
As he watched, Louis reached up to his forehead for his fingers to dance on the spot Harry had kissed in the video. "What?" Louis whispered in shock, but the video wasn't even close to being finished.
"Now you're all cuddled up with me properly and I really like it. I really like you and I know I probably shouldn't be recording this, but I don't know how else to get it through your thick skull. I literally asked you to be my boyfriend a few minutes ago and you laughed at me so... it's okay though. I know you think I'm a lady's man and although I very much am..." Louis scoffed and rolled his eyes with a smile. "...I'd much rather be your man." The sentence made Louis blush and Lauren was still in a state of immense shock. "You're gonna hate me for kissing you in your sleep but whatever. There's nothing you can do about it or this one." Another kiss was pressed to Louis' forehead and in response he gave Harry a squeeze and turned his head a few times before shoving it in his neck. His hand slid up Louis' arm and through his hair to massage at his scalp. He carefully rested his head on top of his neighbour's, looking at the camera. "If you keep making me feel this way, I'll be sure to fall in love by next week. For future purposes, please be my boyfriend." And with that the video ended without anything else.
In the immense state of shock they were both in, their eyes remained locked on the phone and Louis swore he wasn't breathing anymore. So many things he had to think about. That video was from over two weeks ago. Harry had just realised his feelings the day prior and he was talking about falling in love? They weren't even together for Christ sake! Harry had never told Monet he loved her after months of dating but there he was talking about the possibility of falling in love with Louis who was only a friend. It was nice to hear, maybe, and a little weird but also kind of out of place? Not that it was wrong but Louis couldn't help but feel like Harry was just lost in an ocean of emotions. He didn't know what he was feeling because he was feeling everything type of situation.
"Lou-"
"I can't." They were both filled with shock, not being able to remove their eyes from the screen for minutes on end. The only thing that brought them out of their daze was Louis' phone vibrating when he received a text from Harry.
"Here." Lauren handed the phone over to Louis for him to respond.
[Harry]: lou?
[Louis]: Sorry, I'm visiting my grandparents right now.
[Harry]: i know, i just didn't want YOU to forget
[Louis]: Didn't (:
[Harry]: <3
[Harry]: text me when you're finished yeah?
[Louis]: Sure thing Hazza.
[Harry]: you're still coming over, right?
[Louis]: If you want.
[Harry]: of course i want baby
Louis shoved his phone into his pocket and for a moment he forgot what took place before then and his smile fell away. "There's something you're not telling us," Lauren said as she watched nurses and doctors walk by. She felt it. After watching that video she had a gut feeling that there was no way Harry and Louis were just friends. Not when he said things like that. "He's your boyfriend isn't he?"
He looked to the ground with a sigh, forcing his hands into his pockets as he rocked back and forth on his feet. Harry wanted to keep it a secret but how could he stand there and lie when Harry said such passionate things in that video. At first he just nodded his head just barely before he whispered, "yeah."
"Why didn't you just say that?" Lauren made Louis look up at her and she had a look of betrayal. Not like the one she wore earlier, this one was more lined with concern.
"He doesn't want me to tell anyone." Lauren sighed and immediately her features hardened in anger. "N-not like that. He's doing it for me."
"Really? That's what he told you?" Despite all the things Harry said in the video and, yeah, Lauren believed him, she thought he wanted to keep it a secret 'for Louis' sake' when in reality he was ashamed.
"He said he wanted me to get used to the idea of a relationship before going public so I'm not entirely freaking out. I believe him. Now more than ever."
She eyed him with a very intense look, trying to find some kind of insincerity he was holding back but there truly was none. "Then I do too." They stood awkwardly for a few seconds before Lauren spoke up again. "Your secret's safe with me, bubba."
"Shut up." He rolled his eyes and pushed passed the door and back into the room, making his way back to his seat on the other side of the bed. Lauren finished doing the daily check ups in no time with a light conversation floating through the room and he really wished she stayed because he knew where the conversation was going to go.
"Louis," William said simply once the nurse left the room as he sat down in his usual chair.
"Grandad-"
"He already loves you Louis."
His eyes went wide in shock and confusion. They never met Harry so they really had no right to make assumptions about him, good or bad. "You've lost your minds."
"Think about it: he took care of you when you were at your lowest, he stayed by your side even when you continued to push him away, he wants to help you get better, and so much more."
Louis just shook his head; he didn't want to believe it. It was too early, way too damn early for that word and people need to stop throwing it around like he wasn't already on the edge of exploding. He didn't want to love Harry, not right now at least. He wouldn't allow himself because he was afraid he'd fall in love and then get his heart stomped on. He refused to love Harry without knowing without a doubt he felt the same. "Platonic love."
"Come on Louis, stop being so naïve."
"No granny, I don't want to talk about it anymore." And it was obvious to everyone in the room that Louis was afraid. Afraid of falling for a boy who he was unsure will ever feel the exact same.
1:13 pm
Louis stayed at the hospital a few more hours and luckily for him his grandparents changed the subject and they talked about Rose and her health. The doctors told her that if she kept making the improvements she was making, she'd be out of the hospital in no time. That was maybe the best news Louis had heard all year. He really missed going places with his nan like they used to when he was little and he was really happy that they'd be able to do that again soon. That is, if her health kept making significant inclines but Louis had no doubt she'd be able to do it. She was strong.
After an hour or so of talking, the room fell silent and all three of them watched the program that played on the telly. Louis laid his head on the railing of the bed, holding Rose's hand between both of his and William on the other side with his eyes glued to the tv and his hand in his wife's. It was nice and peaceful and for the first time in a week Louis' mind was able to rest. He was able to live and just breathe. He never knew how good it felt to breathe until he wasn't able to. Every intake felt so fresh and cleansing even when he was in the toilets. Life was just so great in that moment in time and he really hoped it was going to stay that way for a while.
When it was time for Rose to do her weekly chemo, Louis decided it was time to go. He never liked seeing her look so sick and weak so he never really stuck around for that. William was driving him home as usual with the radio playing at a low volume. They haven't said a word since Louis said his goodbyes to his nan, the nurses, and receptionist at the front desk but it wasn't anything awkward— sort of. He didn't want to talk about Harry anymore. It was like every time he was with them, they wanted to know the last bit of information about him and not that it's bad whatsoever but it was annoying. Louis understood that his grandparents just want to know to keep him safe, but there were other aspects to his life other than Harry.
As he thought that, he of course was sending a text to Harry telling him he was on his way home. He really had no idea what Harry had planned for them but it was like that every single time. "How're you feeling?" William asked as he turned at an intersection.
Louis placed his phone on his lap and flatlined his lips, looking out the window. "'m alright," he responded in a hushed volume— a volume just above the radio.
"I don't want it to come across like we're trying to force you to feel things. We just want you to see clearly what's happening."
"I know grandad, I'm just-" Louis sighed and shook his head slightly. "I'm almost eighteen. I know you want to protect me and have me live the best life I can, but I need to make decisions for myself sometimes."
"I know, but we just don't want you to miss out on a great opportunity because you're afraid."
"But you don't know it'll be a great opportunity. It just feels like you guys are wanting me to see things from how you view them and I'm sorry but you don't know everything that happens between us." He finished with a huff and slumped against the door. "I'm sorry, I didn't-"
"No, you're right son. I never meant for it to come across that way. Your judgement on Harry would be far more better than anyone else's."
"I do appreciate everyone's input and advice though." He turned his head to look at his grandfather who glanced over with a smile.
"Just want what's best for you."
"I know." The rest of the way was quiet and Louis peered out his window to watch the world pass by with his mind rattling. He felt bad for lying to his grandparents but it wasn't like it was a huge lie, right? He's never lied to him so there was a bit of guilt bubbling in the pit of his stomach but he knew it was for the best. Harry wanted no one to know and if they found out today, they could've possibly changed things between them. Hopefully the lie was for the better but only time will tell.
William pulled into Louis' drive as he usually would and sat there for a few seconds without anyone moving a muscle. "When can we meet him?" William asked out of the blue. Of course Louis knew his grandparents wanted to meet him but he didn't expect them to be waiting in anticipation.
"Dunno grandad," Louis responded, staring at his front door. "He wants to meet you guys, he pouted yesterday when I told him I was going, but I don't know if I'm ready yet."
"Why? He's been your friend for a while now and he went to Emily's wake. I don't see why he can't meet us."
"Him meeting family that hates me is different than him meeting family that loves me."
"Just don't wait too long, you know your nan's life is unpredictable."
"Yeah, in the next couple weeks, I promise. I'm heading over to Harry's so I'll see you next weekend. Love you." Louis leaned over for a hug then reached over to the door to let himself out.
"Love you son." When the door was closed, William watched Louis happily trot across the street to Harry's house. If there was something Louis was hiding about Harry, William had a feeling he knew but since he went out of his way to keep it hushed, he made a silent promise that he would too.
When Louis made it to the door, he rang the bell and linked his fingers behind his back, rocking from his heels to his toes. It didn't take long for Louis to be able to hear hurried rustling from inside the house. The door whipped open to reveal a extremely happy Harry with the biggest smile on his face. "Lou!" he exclaimed as he wrapped his boyfriend into the tightest hug.
"Hey Haz," Louis said through choppy chuckles from not being able to breathe all that well. Harry pulled away and was about to lean in for a kiss when Louis dodged it and pulled him back into the hug.
"What was that for?" As he pouted, his arms slackened around Louis' small frame in disappointment.
"My grandad is in my drive." Harry's eyes flicked across the street and saw an unfamiliar car in the drive.
"Oh yeah. Come then." He pulled away again and dragged Louis into his house after Louis turned around to wave at his grandad. Right when the door was closed Harry attacked Louis in an urgent kiss. It took Louis by surprise so he wasn't really able to return it before gently pushing him away.
"What about your mum? She might see us." Harry just shook his head and kissed along Louis' neck.
"She's having a meeting with her lawyer. Won't be home for a bit." After he finished talking, he reconnected their lips and it was almost too much for Louis. He knew Harry was clingy and affectionate but my god was this a lot.
"Hey," Louis gasped after pushing Harry away again. "Quit it. Let's go." He grabbed his hand and pulled Harry up the stairs. Just before opening the door, Louis turned around to look Harry in his eyes. "And don't think for a second that you're going to pop my cork."
The reference made Harry cackle, throwing his head back in laughter with pink cheeks, remembering what exactly happened during that song. "Where's that song even from? I've been meaning to ask you that."
Louis threw himself into Harry's bed, watching him sit on the chair tucked into his desk. "God you're such an uncultured twit, I swear." Louis scoffed and rolled his eyes, leaning his head on one of his hands facing Harry.
"Hey!" Harry gave him a pouted lip and knitted brows, offended by the statement.
"Sorry love, but it's true. Sweet Charity. It's from Sweet Charity." To say that Harry's heart didn't just drop would be an understatement. It'd been barely a day but Harry was dying without Louis calling him sweet nicknames.
"Okay smarty pants," Harry teased, plopping down next to Louis, his hand immediately resting on his cheek and using his thumb to gently rub across his cheekbone. "Educate me."
Louis smiled and placed his hand on top of Harry's. "'s about a girl who wanted to be loved. She had bad relationships in the past but remained optimistic." His eyes flickered all across Harry's features with his smile widening because, wow, that was his boyfriend. "She used her body for money, that's the whole Big Spender thing."
"Mm, makes more sense now. Is it one of your favourites?"
"Not really. The musical did numbers but the film not so much. It was released at a bad time. Popular genres were changing and old-fashioned Hollywood musicals weren't one of them." For a moment Louis' eyes shut feeling so content with life. This was technically the first time he's hanging out with his boyfriend and though it was a strange thought he still had to get used to, he really liked it. "It's a good musical no doubt, especially since it had one of the world's greatest choreographers, but it was just released at the wrong time, ya know?"
Harry hummed and slipped his hand back to Louis' neck, making his small hand fall off and play with the hem of Harry's shirt. "And who's that? The choreographer that is."
"God, you're really killing me here." Harry pouted his lip as he pulled Louis closer, their lips nearing and nearing before they touch but no kiss was exchanged. "Fosse, Bob Fosse Harry." His words came out in a breathless whisper the closer Harry got to him, his eyes shutting in anticipation.
"Mm." All Harry had to do was pucker his lips and he'd kiss Louis. The kiss was slow and gentle and lasted no more than a few seconds but there was a lot of emotion in it and it left Louis a little stunned. When Harry pulled away, Louis' eyes remained closed with his lips tingling from being touched in such a way. "You okay?"
"Yeah, I'm just- yeah I'm fine." Louis opened his eyes and Harry could tell his mind was bouncing all around his head and it made him chuckle.
"What made Fosse so great, huh?" Louis looked at him, baffled that he had no idea who Bob Fosse was. Sure, Harry wasn't into dance or musicals of sorts but everyone knew Bob Fosse. He had numbers in mainstream movies and as you knew his m.o. it's easy to recognise.
"How can you just say that as if he wasn't the best?" He sat up in frustration because this was Bob Fosse for god's sake! If it were Michael Bennett maybe Louis would have let it slide but Bob Fosse?
"Jeez, I'm sorry babe. Didn't mean to offend you." There was humour lining his voice because, come on, it was cute when Louis got passionate and flustered over something, even if he insulted Harry along the way.
"You didn't offend me, you offended the entire community of dance."
"Okay now that's a little extreme."
"Get your laptop." Louis tried to scorn Harry and for the first few seconds he was able to keep a straight face but it was so easy to crack. He got up with a laugh escaping his lips and a shake of his head to retrieve his laptop from his desk. He picked it up, opening it to put his password in so it was ready for Louis to do whatever it was he was freaking out about. "I don't even know why I agreed to be your boyfriend. This is truly unbelievable."
"Hey now, that's not so nice." Louis just scoffed as his fingers frantically pressed keys on the keyboard. "Sorry to tell you this, but no take backsies. You said long term and so that's what you're gonna get." Before he could push him away, Harry pecked Louis' jaw with a cheeky grin.
Louis took the laptop and scooted all the way to the bed so that his back was resting against the tapestry. "Come, look." He pat the space next to him for Harry to sit in. When he did, Louis pulled up a compilation video of Bob Fosse dancing. "Prepare to be amazed." He started the video and immediately a tap routine popped up on the screen. It only lasted maybe fifteen seconds before the next clip started to play but with Harry's lack of knowledge, he thought it was decent. He watched the other clips as they came and thought they were all good, but he didn't see something special in him the way Louis did.
"What's his trademark?" Harry asked about two minutes into the eight minute clip.
"Hold on, it's coming up," Louis mindlessly spoke as his eyes were glued to the screen and he was left in awe. He was only watching Bob Fosse through a screen and yet he felt so honoured to do so. "Look, right here. You see that?" Louis rewound the video to point it out directly. The number was from Kiss Me Kate and though the musical wasn't directed by him, he was allowed to choreograph a routine for the musical. "You see those sluggish moves and those small pulsing movements? That's kind of it. It's like doing things big things with doing absolutely nothing if that makes sense."
"It doesn't." Harry watched Fosse glide around the floor, dancing about but still couldn't see what Louis saw. He just looked like an ordinary dancer. "What's so special Lou?" He had to stop his laugh when Louis groaned again.
"Look how he dances, Harry! How do you not see it?" He let a few seconds pass by for Harry to watch him dance as if it was nothing. "C'mon, he makes dancing look like walking."
"And that's supposed to mean?" Harry's eyes followed Fosse as he completely owned the stage. He was beginning to see what Louis was talking about. His movements were so fluid and meshed into one another without it looking like he dancing but surely many dancers can do that, right?
"He makes it look so effortless. It's like he's not even trying to be good. Oh look!" Louis rewound the video again to show just how amazing Bob Fosse truly was. "Okay, this is his dance with Tommy Rall from My Sister Eileen. He's the one on the left. Now watch how he dances compared to an amazing ballet dancer." Harry wasn't sure if that was meant to be a good or bad thing but taking that Louis' been making a big deal out of Bob Fosse it's a good thing.
So he did. Harry watched and compared the two dancers as best to the little knowledge he had and he could definitely see the difference. Tommy Rall was good, great even, but he could tell he was dancing a choreographed routine compared to Fosse. He was just flying through it like it was nothing. "Oh wait, I can definitely see the difference."
"Exactly, and you can especially see it here. Look at their knees and legs here." It was the part where Rall and Fosse were sidestepping towards the left of the screen. "See how Tommy is putting emphasis in his steps to show character where Bob is casually going through it like that's what his character did on a daily basis?" He used his finger to demonstrate and point at what he was talking about just so Harry understood him better. "Now look at their arms." The part of the dance was where they were fluttering their hats and walking towards the side with their hands swinging from side to side. "See how Rall is more stiff than Fosse? Throughout this entire section Fosse is just more fluid."
"Yeah, yeah, I can see that now." The more things Louis started to point out, the more Harry felt himself be at awe from the way Fosse was moving.
"Tommy Rall is an amazing ballerino and he had a very successful career and you can tell that his technique is better than Fosse's in this bit where they do the pirouettes." Louis went back a few seconds to go over it again. "So in pirouettes, as you turn, your head is the last to leave and the first to return as you can see. And you've got to keep your hips forward and shoulders back, ribcage open, like Tommy is doing." They watched Tommy completely nail the pirouettes. "Now watch Fosse. His shoulders are kind of slumped and his turns are a lot slower and since his body isn't tight and his eyes were trained on the ground he almost fell out his last turn."
Harry couldn't stop the smile as he listened to Louis talk so passionately— the way he'd get angry if Harry didn't understand or the influx of his voice as he got excited. "If that's so, why is he such a great dancer?"
"Because he just is. He was trained but there were things he couldn't perfect. But it's not like he does pirouettes in every number. He's more of a jazzy dancer." They continued to watch the video, the next clip being from the same dance but a different section. "I mean, you can see just how great and smooth he is."
"Yeah, definitely." His mind was too focused on Fosse to even think of a response to give. Harry shifted down the bed and leaned his head into Louis' shoulder so he would be more comfortable.
"And look at his jumps and leaps. For someone who started training so late he's got incredible height. They compare to that of a ballerino and sometimes even better. It's crazy." They watched the rest of the video in silence and after it was done, Harry requested to watch another because he really did enjoy watching it. Then Louis had to explain how he was more of a choreographer than a dancer because he thought he had limitations as a dancer (which was complete rubbish in Louis' opinion). So they watched dances he choreographed and it was almost as good as watching Fosse himself. The only downside being is that no one ever did it like Fosse. "I know a Fosse inspired dance you've probably seen before."
"You sure about that?" Harry raised a brow and sunk further down the bed to rest his head against Louis' chest wrapping his arms around his waist.
The action made Louis' insides turn to mush and he had to try really hard to not blush. "Yeah, close your eyes."
"Lou-"
"Just do it. I don't want you to see where it's from."
"Fine," Harry sighed, closing his eyes and turning his head into Louis' chest with a huff, but kissed his shirt anyway.
"You know Fosse directed and choreographed Chicago?"
"That one's your favourite right? We've watched it before."
"Yeah, its great."
It only took a few more seconds before Harry started to hear the intro to Single Ladies by Beyoncé start to play and he couldn't help but laugh. "Seriously Lou?" He turned his head to look at the screen just to make sure he heard right and low and behold he was.
"Just watch." One of Louis' arms wrapped around Harry's back and he traced random patterns on his side. "A thing with Fosse, you've got to pay attention to the hands, feet, and neck mostly. That's where his signature lies. And the hips too, but."
"Oh wait. They're doing that pulsating hip jut thing."
Louis laughed and bent his arm so his hand could rub at Harry's scalp. "Yeah, but you didn't even notice the hands in the beginning."
"Well I'm sorry I'm no Fosse expert like you."
"It's Fosse. Emphasis on the O."
"Shut up." Harry laughed with a roll of his eyes and continued to watch the video. They got to the end of the video without saying another word until Beyoncé started to roll her hips.
"All those weird poses? Fosse. The way they contort and relax their torsos? Fosse. That hip roll?"
"Fosse, I get it babe." Louis laughed making Harry smile and feel warm all over. He snuggled closer to his boyfriend, giving him a little a squeeze. "Show me more."
"Beyoncé actually has another Fosse inspired music video."
"Give it to me."
"Okay, first I'm gonna show you what Fosse dance she was inspired from and then the music video."
"Kay." As Louis typed whatever it was he needed to pull up the video, Harry turned his head to look up at him with a smile. He pursed his lips and waited for Louis to peck them before returning his eyes to the screen.
"So this is a dance number from Sweet Charity and it's called The Rich Man's Frug."
"What's a frug?"
"The dance. The frug was popular in the sixties and changed into the twist and the chicken but Fosse's interpretation consisted of three different dances: The Aloof, The Heavyweight, and The Big Finish." Louis played the video and the two of them watched without any interruptions and the more Harry watched, the more he recognised all of the things Louis told him about Fosse's signature: the wrists, the hips, the neck, the legs, unusual and awkward posing, etc. It was quite fascinating actually and he was kind of shocked he didn't really appreciate it at first. He still wouldn't consider himself a fan, but he could definitely see why he was a great choreographer.
Fosse grew up in the cabaret nightclubs in Chicago and was completely taken by the moves and dances the strippers would do. He spent nights studying the way they moved their bodies and used that to incorporate in his style of dance hence why it tended to be more on the sexy and burlesque side of jazz. His tv debut was in a show called Your Hit Parade along his first wife Mary Ann Niles. Only a short three years later he made his Broadway debut in Dance Me A Song in 1950 only having been in the chorus. He became the understudy to the title role for Pal Joey and ended up taking the role for part of the tour. He proceeded to have a very successful career as a dancer and choreographer.
"It's kinda weird, not gonna lie," Harry commented just a few seconds after The Heavyweight started.
"Yeah, well it's art," Louis scoffed in a not so annoyed tone. He couldn't and shouldn't expect Harry to appreciate the masterpiece that was Bob Fosse because not even Bob Fosse himself could. "That's what made it good though. It's unique."
"I never said it was bad bubba. Don't get so sour. I think it's kinda cool but it's still weird. Very distinct though. I think I'd be able to pinpoint a Bob Fosse number if I see one now." They continued to watch for a bit, but Harry was getting kind of bored with it all. Not that it wasn't interesting, because surely it was, but it just wasn't one of his interests. "Tell me more about Bobby."
"God." Louis groaned and rolled his eyes at Harry. "He was really inclusive. Each dancer was given a character and that really set him apart from the other choreographers. He didn't just have a chorus, he had a group of people with individual identities with meaning behind every single movement. He wasn't one of those choreographers that needed perfect technique because there were things he couldn't do himself so in some cases he would take those hinderances and make it a feature in the dance."
"That's kind of nice, but isn't technique important? Isn't that what makes a dance look nice?"
"Sure, but this isn't ballet. It's jazz. Just like in jazz music, there are no rules. Jazz music makes up their own keys so why not do it in dance?" Harry laughed and sat straighter so his head was more on Louis' shoulder to stretch out his back from being slouched over.
"What imperfections did he have?"
Louis knew Harry kept going along just to entertain him. He didn't have an interest in dance and musicals like Louis did, but of course he'd want to learn something his boyfriend seemed so passionate about. "He had rounded shoulders so that basically means he hunches forward, hence the slouching. And he couldn't do a turn out, which basically meant that his heels were touching and his toes were pointed out at a one eighty degree, so he danced with them facing in. So that kind of became his style. He also had premature balding so that's why he features a lot of hats."
"That's kinda funny in a way, no? Kind of like a mockery to the dance world." See, Harry had no idea what he was talking about, but hopefully Louis would go along with it and understand. "Since dance is about being pristine and have wonderful technique then here comes this guy who can't stand straight or turn his feet out and yet becomes one of the greatest choreographers of his time."
"You're beginning to understand why he's so amazing." Luckily for Harry, the conversation ended there and they finished the video off and switched over to Beyoncé's Get Me Bodied. "This is almost like a direct inspiration. Watch." At first Harry didn't see the relation to Fosse as the video started and it wasn't until a minute and a half in where he recognised the scenes. Louis was right. The framing, posing, and acting is fairly the same especially when they repeat "who is it?" over and over again. The dancing throughout the entire video was either Fosse's choreography from the frug or moves inspired by Fosse. Was it entertaining? Sure, but Harry wasn't that big of a fan of Beyoncé so he sort of tuned it out.
"I can definitely see the similarities," Harry said in a very distracted tone when the video ended.
"Sorry for the huge rant," Louis apologised as he closed the laptop and pushed it to the side, turning in Harry's embrace to face him. "I know you don't care for any of that and were only engaging in the conversation because it's something I like but I got a little carried away and-" Harry cut him off with a quick kiss to his lips. When he pulled away Louis' entire face dusted in a deep red and he bit down on his lip and turned his head into the pillow.
"You're rambling love." Louis giggled into the fabric only removing himself when Harry tapped on his shoulder. "I don't mind. Yeah it's not my cup of tea, but at least I'm more educated than when you first got here. Plus, now I can impress some chicas with my knowledge."
Louis scrunched his brows and let a frown take over his face. "Not funny."
"'s only a joke."
"Yeah, but you like girls."
Harry sighed and wanted to shoot himself in the foot. Louis wasn't Monet. He couldn't just joke around about that stuff and expect him to be okay with it. Especially since he's had girlfriends in the past and he could only imagine how Louis was feeling in the moment and it wasn't good. "I liked girls." Louis huffed and crossed his arms with a pout. "Hey, but I like you now, yeah? Only you Lou."
It was hard to keep a straight face as Louis was rolling his eyes because Harry had that dumb, cheeky grin on his face from the rhyme. "Vous promettez?"
"Je te promets ma petite poupée." They interlocked pinkies and kissed their thumbs.
"Oh mon chou, de quelle façon vous avez un moyen avec vos mots." Louis mocked a swoon, clasping his hands to his heart, knitting his brows and fluttering his eyes.
"Don't call me your cabbage." Harry rolled out of the bed and walked over to his wardrobe to grab a jumper for himself.
From the bed, Louis watched Harry walk away and pull the jumper over his shirt before speaking up. "What'd you have planned for us today?"
"Well, it was kind of hard for me to decide something because I would love to go on a date, but since we're staying under the wraps for a bit I decided we should start watching The Office as promised so many weeks ago."
"Speaking of us, I made an oopsie."
When Harry turned around, Louis had an awkward look on his face and it made him raise a brow. "What'd you do?"
"When you were brought up, I denied our relationship but somehow the nurse figured it out and I couldn't lie then so she knows."
Harry sighed, but he honestly was not too upset about it because he didn't mind people knowing about the relationship. It was all for Louis to get used to the idea and be okay with it before having people judge them. "How don't your grandparents know?"
"We were having a side conversation in the hall for a bit. Asked me about my hand and stuff."
"I'm guessing I'm part of the stuff bit?" Louis nodded with a half frown and wandering eyes.
"I'm sorry."
"Hey, no." He approached the bed again, sitting on the edge of the mattress with urgent eyes. "I don't care if people know, Lou. If you want to tell people, fine. But the more people that know, the more pressure you're going to feel."
"I know, but still."
"Don't stress it lovely. I don't mind it at all. Just don't want you to worry about it."
"Just thought you would mind but I'm fine with it."
"Good."
"And I um- how long do you think we're gonna be hidden for?" When he first agreed to it, he understood where Harry was coming from but after seeing Lauren's hesitations that morning he was starting to have slight doubts.
"It's up to you. Whenever you feel comfortable baby. I don't care. It could be today, tomorrow, two weeks, a month, a year. You tell me." Harry walked over to his window to grab the blanket that was crumpled on the seat and got another from the shelf in his wardrobe.
"Definitely not a year," Louis commented as he sat up and leaned against his hand, watching Harry roam about his room.
"Well that statement could go one of two ways."
"Wouldn't want to wait an entire year before going public."
"So you'd want to be with me for a year?" Harry turned around with a smile on his face from the door that led to the hallway.
Louis returned the smile but was quick to raise a brow and show a smirk. "Let's see how long it takes for you to drive me crazy." Harry flicked Louis off, earning a giggle as he disappeared down the hall to do whatever it was he was going to do, leaving Louis alone for a few. He just fell back into the mattress, staring at the ceiling for a few seconds before sitting up and glancing around the room. There wasn't many things different with the room, besides the blackout curtains which... is a tad dramatic now that Louis thought about it. Sure he was upset, but jeez. Not even he was that dramatic.
He understood that Harry didn't know when they'd speak to each other again but neither did he. Maybe it could've been from the fact that Louis just left, but still. They were both hurting and in pain about everything that went down and sure, Harry was left alone, but Louis cried all night too. He cried as he ran across the street and as he passed through his house and as he laid in bed. He didn't want to leave and talking to Harry was very tempting but he couldn't stomach the thought of having his heart ripped out his chest and stomped on repeatedly.
And maybe he shouldn't trust Harry now. He couldn't deny that he seemed true to his word and though he said that Zayn and Aiden didn't matter, what if it was part of the game? His mind always wandered to that, but Harry wouldn't do that to him. He never had, but what if that was the point? What if it was just a game and it was all for Harry to convince Louis he was kind and sweet to gain his trust. But none of it would make sense with everything that happened last night. If it all was a game, Harry's heart wouldn't beat fast and his breathing wouldn't stutter when he looked at Louis, right? You can't make that stuff up. It's an involuntary movement. He couldn't control his heart beat or his breathing.
"What's on your mind?" Harry whispered into Louis' ear and he didn't remember him returning from the corridors or him wrap his arms around Louis. The sudden noise startled him a bit but he was too distracted to notice it all that much. "Is it me?" It was supposed to be a tease and Louis knew that but it was true and maybe not in the best way.
"Yeah," Louis whispered, leaning back into Harry's body.
"Is it good or bad?" He nosed along Louis' neck, leaving a few kisses along the way.
"Could go either way, I guess."
"Wanna talk about it?"
"I'm just- I'm thinking about a few things is all. Nothing too bad."
"Is it about my intentions?" Harry stopped his actions and rested his chin on Louis' shoulder.
"No. I was kind of questioning it yesterday, as you know, but I believe you. I'm just having a harder time accepting it all. I almost feel bad about it."
"How come?"
"I don't know." Louis turned around and reached a hand up to wipe away Harry's frown. "Like if we never met you'd still have a girlfriend, you know?"
"Hm." Harry stared back at Louis with no emotion on his face, his eyes flickering around his features.
"I'm sorry."
"I'm not upset Lou. I understand what you're saying and maybe it's true but it's not what happened. This was how it was meant to be and I don't mind it. I don't think we'd be here if I did." He pulled Louis in closer and held him tighter. "And it's kind of stressing me out how many serious talks we've had and it's only been a day of us dating."
They shared a gentle laugh together, the mood immediately lightening. "Sorry. I've just never done this before so it's a little weird for me right now."
"No worries sugar, it'll come soon." Harry kissed Louis' forehead and turned to reach for the laptop behind him. "Now get on the left side so we can lay and chill." He hadn't realised it, but every time they slept in the same bed or would just be laying down, Louis was always on the left with Harry on the right.
With a roll of his eyes, Louis crawled over Harry's body and got under the covers, snuggling closer to his boyfriend. "Why'd you bring the blankets if you've already got covers?" Harry was typing away, logging into his laptop and opening up Netflix.
"Oh yeah. I don't have many pillows so if you wanted to have your head higher put it under your pillow." Louis just hummed in response and moved his lower half back so Harry could put the laptop between them. The only sense of touch were the tops of their heads. The Office started to play when Harry reached out his hand for Louis to hold, kissing the back of his hands before resting it between their bodies.
In that moment, life was great. Louis was having his worries but he knew it wasn't going to last long. Harry was nice, he was so god damn perfect he wouldn't dare hurt a soul. Louis knew that and he really tried to push all the bad thoughts away, only keeping the positive but there those few negative ones stuck in the back of his mind. The only problem with his thoughts was that none of them were true. Harry wholeheartedly adored Louis to the core and Niall was right, he did love Louis but he wouldn't allow himself to believe it, not yet at least.
They spent hours upon hours watching the show until the sky went dark, now that the sun was setting sooner and sooner every day that passed. They fell asleep at sometime, Louis always giving in sooner than Harry and if Millie saw them asleep with their hands intertwined she wouldn't make a comment on it in the future. Besides, the room was dark and the only light that gave the room illuminance was from the hallway so she must've saw incorrectly. She left the two boys alone to sleep peacefully for the rest of the night until Louis woke in a panic. It was just those dreams where he was falling but he shot up, which ultimately made Harry wake up.
The night was prominent and the dark was rich. The clock read it to be half passed three and Louis would have fell back asleep if he didn't have school tomorrow. And maybe he still could've since he only lived across the street but Louis wanted to shower in the morning and all that. Harry tried to convince him to stay but ended up walking Louis to his house in the middle of the night, giving him a kiss on his forehead when they separated ways. Louis snuck his way into his room, thankfully not waking up anyone in the house and went to sleep with a good night text from Harry.