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Being temple-bound, Qui-Gon decided to himself, was not nearly as bad this time around as it had been in the past. Already the time spent resting and reflecting had done the Jedi Master a great deal of good. The previous few months had been a true test of strength, but he had learned a great deal as well.
While Qui-Gon had lost one padawan for good, he had also gained another one back. One who Qui-Gon had stubbornly resisted over and over, and had done a great disservice through his foolishness. But Obi-Wan was here now, safe and sound, and Qui-Gon was his master once again. Although technically on probation, Obi-Wan would continue to learn under Qui-Gon’s instruction.
Presently, Obi-Wan was stretched out on the floor of their shared quarters, with his datapad and several sheets of flimsi in front of him as he worked diligently on his course assignments. Qui-Gon, who had signed up for an experienced Master’s seminar as something to do during his time being templebound, had spent the evening focusing on some assigned reading. It was oddly soothing, to spend a quiet evening like this with his padawan. However, they had both been into their respective tasks for several hours now, and Qui-Gon suddenly became aware of the time.
“It’s getting late, Padawan,” Qui-Gon said. It was a gentle request that Obi-Wan get ready for bed now.
“Yes, Master,” Obi-Wan said, but rather than gather his things and prepare for bed, he hesitated for a moment. “May I stay up for just a few minutes longer? I’m not quite finished…”
“Alright,” Qui-Gon consented. “You may have a few more minutes. The rest can be finished in the morning.”
“Thank you, Master.”
Qui-Gon had to fight back a smile. It was relieving, seeing Obi-Wan act his age for a change. Most nights Obi-Wan would retire to bed without any prompting, which was unusual for a thirteen year old boy, even one who was training as a Jedi. For that very reason, Qui-Gon felt the need to indulge his student by giving him a few extra minutes. Not too long though, because Obi-Wan needed his sleep now more than ever.
Melida/Daan had taken its toll on his padawan, not only mentally, but physically too; He had lost much of the baby fat in his face, but it was concerningly not the aftereffects of a teenage growth spurt. It was instead the result of spending too long on a war-torn world with inadequate food and resources.
What he needed now, according to Master Che, was a combination of rest and routine, and being on probation would allow this to happen. Since a new rotation of core classes for Padawans had only just begun, Qui-Gon was able to sign Obi-Wan up for several. Being enrolled in temple classes once again would prove to be a positive distraction from the deaths of Cerasi and Bruck, both of whom Qui-Gon knew Obi-Wan was still grieving.
Most importantly, Qui-Gon was also set on putting his full effort into his training bond with Obi-Wan. After the events on Telos, Qui-Gon was finally able to move on and understand how important it was for him to take Obi-Wan back as an apprentice. He no longer held a grudge against his padawan for choosing to stay on Melida/Daan. It was clear that Obi-Wan regretted his choice; he wanted to be a Jedi more than anything. He was only thirteen, merely a boy, and so his actions were understandable. And, through much reflection (and Tahl’s helpful input), Qui-Gon had come to realize that he was not without fault as well.
Obi-Wan was kept busy throughout most days as they continued to establish a routine. After sharing morning meditation together and eating a light breakfast, Obi-Wan would then attend any scheduled classes or lectures that he had for the day. Afterwards, he would take the midday meal with his peers and then spend the afternoon under Qui-Gon’s supervision, practicing katas, lightsaber skills, and everything in between.
As a requirement of his probation, every three days Obi-Wan was required to meet with one of the council members. Typically this would happen sometime late in the day, before or after the evening meal. On those days, Obi-Wan was always more anxious, despite his attempts to conceal it.
Today, though, Obi-Wan had met with Master Koon. The Council Member’s calm and gentle manner left Obi-Wan less anxious when he had emerged back into their quarters. Since then, he had been quietly and studiously attending to his coursework. Qui-Gon could still sense a certain sense of distress radiating from Obi-Wan’s mind, but it was at least better than it had been this afternoon, directly after his classes had ended.
Qui-Gon waited exactly ten minutes before he cleared his throat. “Alright, Padawan.”
“Yes, Master.” Obi-Wan rose from his place on the floor and gathered up his things. Qui-Gon watched him go to the ‘fresher to change and wash up. Qui-Gon looked up a few minutes later to see Obi-Wan standing at the edge of the room, and raised an inquisitive eyebrow.
“Goodnight, Master,” Obi-Wan said, flushing pink.
“Goodnight, Padawan,” Qui-Gon said, suddenly feeling quite fond of his apprentice.
Once Obi-Wan had gone to bed, Qui-Gon went to their quarter’s balcony, where he intended to have a brief meditation session before retiring to bed himself. It was easy to fall into a light trance, but what was meant to last a few minutes turned into a meditation session that lasted almost two hours.
He emerged from the balcony, feeling at peace but exhausted, intending to get some much needed rest himself. On the way to his quarters, however, he stopped at the sight of bright light illuminating from a crack in Obi-Wan’s door and frowned. He had sent Obi-Wan to bed almost two hours ago; his padawan should be sound asleep by now.
Perhaps, Qui-Gon thought to himself, he had been too lenient with his apprentice as of lately. He was well aware of his unfair coldness to the boy in the beginning of his apprenticeship, which was why he had been trying to make amends. But all padawans, especially young ones like Obi-Wan, often needed a firm hand as well. A padawan who did not obey his master was a potential danger; during field missions, it could get one or both of them killed. That was why obedience was stressed to all younglings, from infancy all the way up to taking the trials.
After taking a deep breath through his nose, Qui-Qon palmed open the door, ready to give a lecture on why sleep and obedience were both important. All of his plans, however, were thwarted at the sight before him.
Obi-Wan was sitting at his small desk, hunched over the same project he had been working on earlier. He had his face hidden in his hands, and his shoulders were shaking as he cried quietly.
“Obi-Wan!” Qui-Gon stepped into the room, alarmed. “Padawan, what is it? What’s happened?”
In all of the time that Qui-Gon had come to know Obi-Wan, never once had he witnessed his padawan cry. Not when he was on the transport to Bandomeer, in a medical bed with bruises on his neck from the Hutt who had choked him. Not at the top of the mining platform that Xanatos had imprisoned him in, collared and ready to accept death. Not on Melida/Daan, when Qui-Gon had left him completely alone. Even when young Bant was in Bruck’s clutches, Obi-Wan had fallen into a near panic attack, but he hadn’t cried.
What could possibly be worse than any of those occurrences?
“I’m having trouble with my a-astrophysics assignment,” Obi-Wan answered him, hiccuping as he rose from his seat. His face was flushed a bright red, from equal amounts of tears and embarrassment.
That was the problem? Qui-Gon was immediately overcome with relief. He had expected something far more severe than a troubling homework assignment. But it was still a great cause for puzzlement.
“Surely astrophysics is no cause for tears,” he said, in an attempt to provide comfort.
“Y-Yes, Master,” said Obi-Wan. “But we have an exam the day after tomorrow. If I don’t understand it by then, I’ll fail the exam. And t-then…”
“Padawan, there is no shame in failure,” Qui-Gon soothed, though in all actuality he was baffled.
“But I'm on probation. The Council told me explicitly to prioritize my coursework while I’m temple-grounded. If my grades plummet, t-then…”
“Then?” Qui-Gon prompted gently, a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach.
“Well, surely it won’t be good. The Council could extend my probation, or have second thoughts renewing my apprenticeship to you. I’ve been on thin ice since the very b-beginning…I mustn't fail, Master. Not when I have been given a second chance like this, I-”
Qui-Gon could not listen any longer.
“Padawan,” he held up a hand, stopping Obi-Wan from saying anything further. “Come with me. No, leave your assignment there.”
Obi-Wan followed obediently as Qui-Gon led them to their small kitchen. He pulled out a chair and gestured for the boy to take a seat. Then, still at a loss of what to do, he automatically began to heat water for tea. This would essentially provide two benefits: he would have more time to think, and drinking tea would aid in sedating them both. He selected one of his favorite nighttime brews, with calming herbs that would undoubtedly soothe his distraught padawan.
Although he was no longer openly crying, Obi-Wan hunched in his chair, anxiously tugging on his stubby learner’s braid. He looked so young , which gave Qui-Gon an entire new sense or urgency to fix this, however he could.
Once he had provided them both with some much needed tea, he sat across from Obi-Wan and prepared himself for a very serious discussion.
“Obi-Wan, why didn’t you tell me that you were having trouble on your assignment?”
Obi-Wan looked down into his steaming teacup. “I don’t know, Master.”
“Obi-Wan.” They both knew that it was forbidden for a padawan to lie to his Master.
“I’m sorry, Master. I deliberately chose not to tell you,” Obi-Wan finally confessed. “I just- I didn’t want to bother you about it. I thought that if I tried hard enough, I would be able to understand it. And- And I was anxious about coming across as helpless.”
Qui-Gon took a deep breath, closing his eyes and focusing on the calming aroma of his hot brew. There was a lot that needed to be said, and he wasn’t quite sure where to start.
“Padawan,” he started, opening his eyes. “You are many things, my very, very young Padawan learner, but helpless is not one of them. Astrophysics is a very challenging course. And besides that, the padawan curriculum is meant to challenge its learners. Do you know why?”
“No, Master.”
“Because all padawans have masters. It is a master’s role to teach his padawan. Not just the art of the saber, or the will of the force. Masters have the responsibility of ensuring that their padawans are prepared in all aspects of life, academics included. If you excelled at every single class or skill, then what use would I be to you?”
Obi-Wan’s shoulders drooped. “I- I hadn’t thought of it that way. I mean, I understand the role of a Master, but I thought…”
“Yes?”
“I thought that my case was different.”
“Because of Melida/Daan?” asked Qui-Gon. “Padawan, I thought I had made myself clear on Telos. I am proud to continue and be your Master; you will make a fine Jedi Knight. This probation period will give both of us time to get to know one another, through the force and beyond. Our temperaments may be different, but they complement one another.”
Obi-Wan began to look contemplative, which was encouraging to Qui-Gon, so he continued.
“Moreover, failure should not always be looked at as a negativity. Through failure comes success; life is continuously a learning process, and it is our mistakes that aid us in learning.”
“But the Council, they-”
“The Council understands that no Jedi is perfect. I’ll have you know, Padawan mine, that I failed many tests during my own apprenticeship. In fact, I even had to retake theoretical mathematics entirely as a senior padawan. But here I am now, many years later, as a Jedi Master. And just between the two of us, to this very day I still loathe mathematics in all forms. We all have our strengths and weaknesses, Padwan.”
“I’m sorry, Master. I never meant to disrespect your role as my Master. I’ve just put you through so much already.”
“And I have put you through even more,” Qui-Gon admitted. He reached across the table to pat one of Obi-Wan’s hands. “Padawan, it will take time, but eventually we will find balance in one another. Already you have taught me much, and I know that I will only continue to learn from you. A Jedi never stops learning. You’ll understand that once you are a Master yourself.”
Obi-Wan looked endearingly bewildered at the prospect of becoming a Jedi Master one day. He only said modestly, “Yes, Master. Thank you for helping me.”
“We will work through this together,” Qui-Gon decided, confidently. “And I’m not talking about just astrophysics. We will spend the next few evenings meditating on what we have discussed tonight.”
Next came the more difficult part. As much as Qui-Gon wanted to indulge his young apprentice, he needed to maintain balance. Obi-Wan had disobeyed him earlier through deception. Even though it was mild, Qui-Gon’s job as a teacher was to address it through guidance and discipline.
“From now on, I would like you to leave all of your coursework out here on the table every night, so that you will not be tempted to work when you are supposed to be sleeping.”
“Yes, Master,” Obi-Wan ducked his head, but he seemed more relieved than anything. This was probably because Qui-Gon was acting like a master should, which in return made him feel more secure. Qui-Gon needed to remember that.
“Come, it’s time for bed now.”
They both went back to Obi-Wan’s room. Qui-Gon helped him settle onto his sleep couch, pulling the blankets up to his shoulders. Obi-Wan snuggled down into the bedding, his grey-blue eyes half-lidded with exhaustion.
Qui-Gon hesitated, and then cupped the side of Obi-Wan’s cheek with one hand, brushing his thumb over the delicate cheekbone. “Sleep well, Obi-Wan.”
“Goodnight, Master,” he sighed, closing his eyes.
As Qui-Gon turned to leave, he could already sense that Obi-Wan was quickly drifting off into a peaceful sleep.