Archive of Our Own

"So, can you just... do it?"

Benrey glanced up for only a moment to look at Gordon leaning against the archway before going back to the game on the Switch. "huh?" was all he replied with, but he knew the other would understand.

He'd been coming over from Tommy's almost every weekend for some time now. It'd taken the better part of a month for Gordon to truly get comfortable being around him (and it likely would've taken longer if his kid hadn't taken a shining to him), but once they'd moved past that, all three had learned a good deal about one another.

Benrey always wore a hat of some sort, whether it be a beanie, a baseball cap- even the helmet from Black Mesa (it was usually the lattermost). Saying 'huh' one time was often just him asking for clarification regarding something. It was too easy to hit the wrong key by accident for computer games, so he didn't like those. Although he found it funny, he agreed to stop calling Gordon 'Feetman' when asked. Other things.

Gordon had a hard time monitoring his own volume levels, especially if he was getting excited or angry. After the Science Team had gotten out of Black Mesa, he'd attacked the HEV suit with everything he had, only stopping when he could fit all the pieces into a trash bag with room to spare. No matter what hair products he put in his hair, his ponytail wouldn't accept it, reverting to its usual mess within hours. Other things.

Joshua was six. He was very cute, even if he wasn't trying to be. There was no swearing to be done if he was around. 'Benrey' was currently too difficult for him to say, so he'd taken to calling him 'Benny'. Many, many other things.

"Oh, the- the sweet voice," Gordon clarified, pausing for a moment as he watched Benrey dodge a fast-moving creature. "Are you able to just do it with no meaning in it?"

To answer him, Benrey opened his mouth, translucent gray smoke forming into the usual orbs. There was no sound that accompanied this, for once, and although he was expecting it, it still didn't quite sit right with him. "that's actually sorta got a meaning, but it just means there's nothing to say. so it's all faded like that."

"... wait, but you made no sound when you did that. So do you just do this?"

"huh?" He paused the game, turning to look at him, then made a face when Gordon kept his mouth open for a second and then closed it. "no, you- you're doing it all wrong, you look dumb. dumb idiot freeman looking like a baby waiting for food."

"Okay, well- I don't how the fuck you even do that!" Gordon started, punctuating his speech with the usual hand gestures he started doing whenever he was getting loud. "Humans can't just make colorful balls out of their voice- a sound isn't something you can see!"

"you can see my voice sometimes."

He sputtered, then threw his hands up in defeat. "Yeah, but that's because you're somehow able to do that. That doesn't change that it's something humans can't do."

A moment of silence passed, both men thinking about different things linked to the sweet voice, and then Benrey patted the spot next to him on the couch. "hey, sit here. if you're not doing anything else. i'm almost done with this boss, and then i can show you how to do it."

"How to do... what, play the game?"

"no, man, the sweet voice. i can teach you."

Gordon blinked as the game was unpaused, then came over to sit where the couch had been patted. The creature onscreen had jumped up to the ceiling, and orange blobs were now raining onto the ground. Benrey was dodging them effortlessly. "Is that even possible for a normal human to do?"

"dunno. but we're gonna find out real soon, huh?"

"I guess." A more comfortable silence fell between the two, and then: "What game even is this?"

"you don't recognize it? sad. it's hollow knight. metroidvania hack and slash."

"... Huh. You seem like you're good at it."

"i've beaten the game twice already. trying to speedrun i-" Orange dust clouds began showing up onscreen, and Benrey laughed. "yeahhh, take that, that's- that's what you get for being really fast. okay, gimme a sec to get back to the bench and then it's sweet voice time."

Gordon didn't answer, but he got the feeling he'd nodded. It took him less than a minute to get to the closest bench, and once the game had saved Benrey turned the switch off, setting it on the table. "'kay, we're gonna do green," he started, turning to face Gordon, and promptly realized he had no idea how to actually go about starting this in the first place.

Well, shit.

"... you, uh, any good at singing, freeman?"

Gordon shrugged. "I'm... decent? I hum along to songs sometimes, and I sing lullabies to Joshie. It's not perfect, but..." He narrowed his eyes slightly at the grin forming on Benrey's face. "Don't-"

"woooow. you sing n stuff but basically to yourself? that's pretty lame, bro."

"Singing isn't something you can really do in most places without it coming off as rude!"

Benrey made a face and held up a hand, making the blah blah gesture with it. Gordon just rolled his eyes, but Benrey could tell he was fighting off laughter from the way his shoulders were pulled in a bit. "okay, so... first you needa be able to keep your voice steady. match my pitch." He sang out a note, holding it for a couple of seconds before stopping and looking to Gordon.

Gordon opened his mouth to do the same, made eye contact with Benrey- and started chuckling. "Fuck, I can't- I can't do this with you just looking at me like that!"

"looking at you like what?"

"Just- the look you have on your face-" One hand on his knee, he shook his head, still smiling. "Anywhere else. Look ANYWHERE else."

"sure man." Benrey shifted so he couldn't see the other, and after a few seconds he heard Gordon sing the same note, a little bit more weakly than he himself had. "s'not bad. uhhhh. next bit's harder, you gotta put the- the- the essence of not being mean into your voice."

Gordon laughed again, and Benrey looked over, one eyebrow raised. "What the fuck? How the fuck am I supposed to do that? Is it like- putting emotion into your voice?"

He only got a shrug in response. "maybe? dunno. it's just how it's done. once you get that, though, you'll be able to do it."

"I... okay. Gordon's not mean, Gordon's not mean..."

Benrey snorted at that. It was true, but there was something about Gordon saying things in third person that was always funny to him. He heard Gordon repeat the same note after a bit, mumbling something under his breath that Benrey didn't catch. When he looked over, there were no green orbs floating in the air. He went to go say something, but Gordon trying again got him to immediately shut his mouth. Still no green orbs.

"i think you're trying too hard," he said impulsively.

"I think I'm not trying hard enough! It's harder for me than it is for you, putting the essence of not being mean into my-" Gordon let out a breath and moved both hands out horizontally before letting them drop back into his lap. "-okay, no, I can- I can do this."

It went like that for a few minutes, Gordon trying many, many times to do the sweet voice and Benrey making a comment every few attempts or making some more green orbs. Most of said comments were unhelpful as usual, but he didn't know how else to help.

Gordon finally leaned back into the couch, shaking his head. "... It's probably not possible-"

"What's not possible?" a small voice said. Both men turned their heads to find Joshua now standing in the archway, holding a stuffed raccoon. Benrey waved at the child with a small smile, who giggled and waved back.

"Hey, Joshie," Gordon started, sitting up a bit. "I'm just trying to do something tricky. Are you looking for something?"

"M'hungry," Joshua said. "Is dinner soon? I want paninis."

"... again? Sure, okay." He stood, looking to Benrey. "We can keep trying the tricky thing in a bit? You heard the little guy."

Benrey just nodded, eyes flicking to Joshua a moment later. "hey lil buddy. you wanna- you wanna help me play the bug game while you wait for dinner? you and mr. snackman there?"

"Yeah! Mr. Snackman likes the bug game!" Joshua held up the stuffed raccoon in question as he got up onto the couch. Gordon stood up and went for the kitchen, but backtracked a moment later.

"Benrey, are you h- wait, no, you're never hungry. Are you in the mood to eat something today?"

"whuh? uh- yeah, I think- yeah," he replied as he picked the Switch up again. "panini sounds good."

"Got it." Gordon left the room, leaving Benrey and Joshua to themselves. Benrey switched the file over to the other one he had going, which he used for when Joshua wanted to help him out, and leaned back into the couch as the game showed where they'd left off.

"alright lil buddy. we found the mantis people last time and challenged the ones guarding the big door, but lost. should we try again or go explore a bit?"

"Uhhhh..." Benrey let out the smallest of laughs at the look of concentration on the child's face. "... Let's try and beat the ones guarding the big door! Because you said if we do that the mantis people will stop trying to attack us, right?"

"yeah. okay, beat the ones guarding the big door it is." He started moving the knight back to where the boss fight was, fighting Mantis Warriors and Youths, Joshua chipping in to tell him where the enemies were.

Once they'd gotten the knight's shade back, Benrey heard a soft noise from the kitchen. It didn't take him long to register it as Gordon humming, and he let out another small laugh. So he hadn't been kidding when he'd said that he hummed along to songs. He wondered what song-

"Benny! There's a flying mantis!"

Joshua's cry in Mr. Snackman's voice quickly brought him out of his thoughts. Onscreen, the knight had just taken damage from a Mantis Youth- he must've accidentally hit the jump button and engaged with it. "thanks bud," he said after he'd defeated it. "got a bit spacey there, dunno what I'd do without you and mr. snackman helping."

"Onto the ones guarding the big door!"

"heck yeah, here we go."

The knight was brought into the Mantis Lords' boss room, and the fight was started.

A lot can happen in thirty seconds or less. Benrey lost two masks of health. Joshua made incoherent noises of excitement due to the Mantis Lords' attacks being too quick for him to call out.

Towards the end of those thirty seconds, neither of them were able to hear Gordon go from humming to quietly singing.

"Don't be so serious..."

And Benrey was completely unprepared for his vision to turn into baby blues and grays.

A burst of teal sweet voice left him, but he didn't even register it. He frantically jabbed at the pause button, looking around wildly once the game was successfully paused- what was happening? What was this? Joshua said something, but he wasn't listening- these colors, he knew these colors- but why? Why was he seeing these colors, and why like this?

"Bennyyyy! What happened?" This finally got through to Benrey, and he looked down at the child.

All he said was "bbbbbbb."

He set the Switch down, standing up. "bbbb- guh- give- give me a minute, i gotta-" Gotta find the source of this, his mind supplied for him.

The colors were brighter when he looked towards the kitchen, and he followed the brighter colors, still trying to figure out what was causing him to see them.

It clicked exactly three seconds after he'd stepped into the kitchen.

Gordon was standing in front of the counter, assembling the paninis. He had earbuds in. The baby blues and grays were brightest around his figure. The colors dulled for a moment, but with another soft "Don't be so serious..." they became brighter again.

It was Gordon doing that, and he didn't even seem to be aware of it.

Benrey stood there, completely silent, for about a minute. Though he didn't understand why it was happening, it was a strangely beautiful thing to watch- the colors dulling and strengthening with Gordon's singing. He didn't register Gordon turning around, until-

"jESUS CHRIST- Benrey! Don't ffffffffreaking- stand there like- like some sort of stalker!" More teal orbs left Benrey's mouth- whoops, he wasn't prepared for that. But he didn't move, didn't even laugh at Gordon waving a plate around while he was yelling.

"... uh. Benrey?" Gordon asked, removing an earbud. Benrey was looking everywhere but at him- the baby blues and grays were fading now that he wasn't singing.

"... gordon," he started. The other blinked, but nodded- he knew that Benrey calling him by first name meant a more important thought was coming, but it might take a bit to get out. "you have... something different. you do it different. because i do it my way but you got a whole- a whole other way- of doing the sweet voice."

"I do?"

Benrey nodded hard enough that his helmet almost came off. "yeah, you- just now, you were singing and it was EVERYWHERE in the air. baby blue and gray."

"... Huh." Gordon set the plate down on the counter, then took out the other earbud. "So... what's that mean?"

"i dunno which one it was. but baby blue to gray means, uh..." He did baby blue to gray himself so he could remember it. "means everything's finally okay, and gray to baby blue means what you're seeing is true."

Gordon looked away, and Benrey frowned a little. "s'okay if you don't wanna talk about it or whatever-"

"No, it's..." The other sighed. "... I've got this one song in my playlist, and I listen to it sometimes when I need a reminder that all this is... y'know. Real. Because of everything that happened at Black Mesa. Sometimes it feels like I'm going to fall asleep and be back there."

"... both," Benrey said after a moment.

"Both? What?"

"yeah. both. both meanings of the sweet voice apply to how you feel. but uhhh. all this stuff is real bro."

"I know! I know it's all real, I just-"

Benrey stepped forwards before Gordon could say anything else, and hugged him. He heard him make a confused sound, but he returned the hug after a couple of moments. "i'm showing you," he explained. "all this stuff is real. i'm real, you're real. your kid's real. this is, uh... the here and now."

"... Yeah. Yeah, you know what? You're right." Gordon stepped back, and Benrey let him (despite wanting to maybe hug a bit longer, but he'd never tell). "... Thanks for that. The song wasn't quite doing it for me this time."

"sure thing." Benrey gestured to the unfinished paninis after a moment. "so, uh. the food?"

"Fu- fudge! Let me get back to that-" Gordon went past him to the fridge. "I was going to get more cheese and then you scared me-"

He grinned toothily at him. "not my fault you were so jumpy for no reason. freeman's feeling jumpy? like a frog? you a slimy little frog now?"

"Oh, shut up!"

"YEAH! WE DID IT!" Joshua yelled as the last Mantis Lord went down. "Now the mantis people won't attack us anymore!"

Benrey hummed for a moment, pleased with himself. The Mantis Lords weren't a very difficult boss fight, but their speed made it easy to mess up in the second phase. "that's right. hey, remember what we gotta do now?"

"Uh... oh, yeah! Sit on a bench!"

"yeahhhhh, there we go."

"Hey, thought I heard a racket in here." Benrey looked over to find Gordon standing in the archway once again, this time with three paninis on plates. "Anyone up for some paninis to celebrate?"

Joshua made grabby hands at Gordon, who chuckled as he gave a panini to him, then to Benrey, and finally settled down on the couch with his own.

About a minute later, Benrey shifted so he could lean on Gordon, who didn't complain. Now that he knew, he'd make sure Gordon knew that everything around him was was real, and that it wouldn't change back. That included his own feelings towards the guy...

... but that would be a later thing.