Archive of Our Own

It should be easy to apologise… But it isn’t. Last night San had done something unbelievably bad. He groaned, pressing backspace on yet another apology and explanation he’d been typing to Wooyoung. Then he tossed his phone behind where he sat on the edge of his bed. There was no way to explain this and fix things, not without facing the whole truth.

It was almost unbelievable how quickly everything unfolded. What started out as (what San assumed to be) simple curiosity quickly turned into a whirlwind of events. He’d gone from just wanting to kiss his gay best friend to doing practically everything with him but have actual sex. And it was wonderful while it lasted, easy and natural.
Everything between them was always easy… But not anymore. Their dreadful conversation from the night before replayed in his mind, vivid with imagery as it had taken place in this very room.

“What are we, San?” Wooyoung asked.

“Best Friends.” He replied simply, and it was the truth.

“Friends don’t do what we do… They don’t-”

San cut him off with a sigh. Yes, he knew it wasn’t conventional for friends to be sexually involved. But they’d agreed at the beginning of their arrangement to remain as they were. San really didn’t want to lose what they were. “I thought we agreed this wouldn’t change our friendship,” he said.

Wooyoung met his eyes and stared expectantly. San shrugged and looked away, unable to handle the pressure of that look. “We’re just having fun.”

“Yeah, that’s right.” Wooyoung paused. “I can’t do this anymore,” his told San, voice small and clearly upset.

When he stood and began to leave, San caught his arm. “Wait-” Wooyoung turned to face him as he yanked it out of his grasp.

“Find someone else to play around with. I’m sorry but I can’t be a toy for you anymore,” his words were sharp but San could sense tiredness behind them.

Taken aback nonetheless, San frowned. “What?? You’re not-”

“You’re sure making me feel like it.” San silently watched Wooyoung shut his eyes and take a calming breath. When he spoke again it was gentle, but his question was loaded and his eyes burned with scary intensity. “Don’t you feel anything when we’re together?”

San clenched his jaw, his thoughts and emotions jumbling into a mess. “Wooyoung, just because you’re gay you can’t expect any straight guy who touches you to magically fall in love with you.”

“Nooooo, whyyyyyy??” San wailed into the empty air. He dropped his head into his hands and whispered. “Why did I say that to him?” Guilt weighed him down heavily and he sighed.

He dropped his back onto the bed and blindly searched for where his phone had landed. Finding it, he held it above his face with both hands and read their chat from yesterday.

You [4:22 p.m.]: Wooyoungie~ You free right now? Wanna come over?

Wooyoung <3 [4:35 p.m.]: Heyy~ Yeah I’m free :) see you in a few

You [4:35 p.m.]: Ok :D I’ll be waiting

Wooyoung <3 [4:35 p.m.]: I saved you some meat from yesterday. Should I bring it?

You [4:37 p.m.]: Yes please T.T Let’s share it!

Wooyoung <3 [4:38 p.m.]: Sure <3

Wooyoung hadn’t been online since the incident. San had tried to call him last night when he somehow gathered the courage but his best friend wasn’t answering. He knew Wooyoung didn’t want to talk to him when his third attempt at calling - worried about his friend now - got cut off quickly, meaning he’d rejected it.

He couldn’t blame Wooyoung for being upset. And his friend was usually the type to push people away when he was upset, but it had never been San. San was always the one to comfort him. His heart ached when he recalled Wooyoung’s words “I can’t be a toy for you anymore”. San sat up again and clutched his chest.

Wooyoung wasn’t a toy, a plaything to him. Was he? San thought hard about everything they’d ever been through. They were great friends, fantastic friends. Their “benefits” arrangement had felt the same… it was too perfect. Everything was too perfect. “Don’t you feel anything when we’re together?”

San was so stupid. His eyes prickled with the start of tears as the image of Wooyoung and his glossy eyes brimming with hurt after what San had said to him last night came to the forefront of his thoughts.

Of course. It was obvious. He’d known it deep down for a while but hadn’t paid it any attention – Wooyoung, his best friend, his angel, liked him as more than a friend. San began to cry, and for the first time, he regretted all the things that happened between them from the time they’d first kissed.
It must have hurt Wooyoung to do all the things they’d done when he’d liked him the whole time… and San had wanted it all to be meaningless. “Don’t you feel anything when we’re together?”

Was it really meaningless? No. Not for Wooyoung… and not for him either. It was time for San to admit to himself that what started this whole thing in the first place, him wanting to kiss Wooyoung “just to see what it’s like”, had stemmed from his fondness of him; it came from the elated feeling he’d get every time he made Wooyoung smile; it grew from how comfortable and content he was when they were together.

And now he might just lose their entire friendship because he’d been too scared to realise that he liked a man, his best friend. San panted, his tears ceasing. He wiped his eyes dry on his sleeve and looked at his phone again. He had a new message.

The message was from a group chat with some friends, including Wooyoung. It said that whoever can make it should go out to the club tonight. San started typing a response to turn down the invitation when he froze.

Wooyoung <3 [9:20 a.m.]: Count me in!

San stared at the message, heart thudding. It wasn’t like Wooyoung to go out partying if he didn’t feel okay. San had wanted to try calling him again, texting him if that didn’t work, to ask for them to meet up so he could apologise and explain himself properly.

Perhaps tonight was his chance to talk to Wooyoung, he’d just have to take him aside. Their friends were always going off on their own at clubs anyway, only coming together when it was time to leave. Yes. Tonight he’d talk to Wooyoung.

You [9:23 a.m.]: I’ll be there

After sending the message, San fully realised what he had to do tonight. He didn’t just have to save his friendship with Wooyoung, he had to confess to him.

San tilted his head to the ceiling, “If there’s a God or Goddess of the Gays out there, please give me strength.” He clasped his hands together. “Seriously. I have wronged one of your sons and I am so sorry. I need your blessing to make it right.” He dropped his hands to his lap. “Ahhh what am I doing?!”

*****

Wooyoung started to get ready for the club a whole three hours before the time to leave. He spent more than half that time getting his makeup just right. He wanted to look classy and sexy at the same time, and he definitely wanted to cover all signs of him having cried his heart out the night before.

When he was ready, he scrutinised the mirror. His legs were complemented by his leather pants, and his semi-formal white shirt showed his collarbones just right. His upstyle hair worked well with his makeup to make his face look sharper than it would usually. He added a few accessories and then he was satisfied with his look.

Wooyoung clenched his jaw and whispered, “Fuck you, Choi San.”

*****

Despite himself, Wooyoung’s heart jumped when he saw San. Their friends had gathered outside, getting ready to leave for the club. He saw San standing a little apart from them, looking down at his shoes like he always did when he was really nervous. His outfit was simple but he still looked dashing. A streetlight from across the road illuminated his silky hair, almost making it glow.

Wooyoung strengthened his resolve and approached the group. “Hey, guys!”

A chorus of greetings and compliments on his outfit showered him all at once. He could tell San had remained silent through it, he would’ve been able to hear his voice above the rest otherwise. Wooyoung made sure not to even glance in his direction.

A friend shouted excitedly, “Okay, let’s go!”

On their way to the club, Wooyoung stayed as far away from San as he could. A few of his friends looked at them curiously but no one said anything.

At some point, he felt a gentle tap on his shoulder and heard a soft, “Wooyoung…” It could only be San. He ignored him.

***

The club was pretty packed and the vibe was pumping. After getting one drink together the group of friends went their separate ways. When everyone else was gone, San tried to talk to him again. Usually, Wooyoung would stay with him in this situation but he didn’t want to this time.

He waved San off swiftly and made his way into the crowd. He wasn’t actually a big fan of crowds so he pushed through it to an area with more space. Now that he couldn’t feel San’s eyes on him, he relaxed.

“Don’t fancy crowds?”

Wooyoung turned to the source of the unfamiliar voice. It belonged to a man who looked to be around his age but was taller than him. The man was smiling at him warmly. Wooyoung returned it, sensing friendliness. “Yeah, not really my thing.”

“Same here, believe it or not.” The man laughed, “Quite funny for two people who don’t like crowds to meet in a crowded place.”

“It is,” Wooyoung replied. They had to speak louder than normal to hear each other over the music. He got a better look at the man, taking in his features. He was handsome.

“You’re handsome.”

For a moment Wooyoung thought he’d spoken his thoughts. Then he met the man’s eyes, “Huh?”

He laughed. “I said you’re handsome. Cute too, it seems.”

Wooyoung blushed, suddenly remembering how it had been before he became fixated on… He shouldn’t think of him right now. “Ahh… Thank you.” Wooyoung smiled, switching on his charm, “Thank you so much, you’re quite handsome yourself.”

The man stepped in closer but respected Wooyoung’s personal space. “Thank you,” he said with a warm smile.

Looking into his eyes, Wooyoung could see now that this man was a little tipsy... and that he was clearly attracted to him. Wooyoung thought it over quickly and then moved closer to him too. The other’s sweet smile stayed in place but his eyes dropped to Wooyoung’s lips suggestively.

Suddenly nervous, Wooyoung bit his lip. He used to kiss random guys easily but right now he wasn’t so sure of himself or this situation.

“You okay?”

Wooyoung snapped out of it. The genuine care in this man’s eyes and body language calmed him. He released his bottom lip and nodded. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

The handsome stranger studied him silently for a moment, seemingly checking if he was indeed okay. Satisfied, the man smiled softly. Then he gently placed a hand on Wooyoung’s shoulder and began to lean in slowly. “Is this okay?” he asked, eyes back on Wooyoung’s lips.

Wooyoung focused on the other’s lips too and didn’t move as he got closer. Then, when he was close enough that their noses touched lightly, Wooyoung nodded and then tilted his head.

The man pressed forward and brought a hand to cup Wooyoung’s cheek as he kissed him. It felt good.

When Wooyoung kissed back, however, his whole being screamed that this wasn’t the right man. He pulled back with a gasp.

The handsome stranger seemed concerned and looked like he was about to ask him something when he suddenly looked over Wooyoung’s shoulder.

Just then, a hand gripped Wooyoung’s wrist and tugged him away from the man. Wooyoung almost yelled in shock but the sound died when he turned and came face to face with Choi San. His heart thudding loudly, he forgot about the handsome stranger in an instant.

San’s jaw was clenched and he had that look in his eyes Wooyoung recognised as determination... and something else. Without a word he turned, still holding Wooyoung’s wrist, and began to walk into the crowd.

“Hey! Who are you? Where are you taking him?!”

Wooyoung suddenly remembered the man who was still there and who had now come after him, worried. San turned back and was clearly about to go off at the guy but Wooyoung stopped him with a hand on his chest. San relaxed a little and chose to glare at a wall instead.

Wooyoung smiled at the handsome stranger reassuringly. “Don’t worry, this is my friend. I kinda just ran off earlier and left him on his own.” He felt San stiffening under his palm. He dropped his hand to his side but he could still feel the tensity from San’s grip on his other hand’s wrist. He felt a little guilty about his dramatic behaviour towards San, but he brushed it off, needing to deal with the current situation.

“I’m really sorry.” He gazed into the man’s eyes with sincerity and said, “You seem like a really nice guy but…” he trailed off.

The man nodded, “It’s okay. I understand.” He looked carefully from Wooyoung to San and back again. “Goodbye, Stranger.”

Wooyoung smiled gratefully, “It was really nice meeting you.”

“Likewise.” The man smiled back. He and Wooyoung just stood there, smiling at each other for a few moments more before San lost his patience.

“Okay! We’ll be going now.” He told the man. Then he turned and lead Wooyoung through the crowd. Though San’s grip was firm, it was just loose enough not to hurt him. Wooyoung followed him with mixed emotions.

When they were outside, San rushed him to a secluded spot behind the club building where he finally let go of Wooyoung’s wrist. San didn’t say anything - just huffed in the chilly air for a while with his hands on his hips, still worked up.

Wooyoung frowned. He was still upset about last night and just because he’d followed San here, it didn’t mean they were on entirely good terms. He was about to let him know that when he was startled by San approaching and taking hold of both his shoulders.

Then, suddenly, San leaned in and kissed him. Somewhere in Wooyoung’s mind, he thought he should push him off and shout at him for making them do this meaningless stuff again. But he felt a passion in how San kissed him now and he just couldn’t pretend like he didn’t want this, not when everything in him craved San. Wooyoung whimpered and kissed him back. San dropped one hand to his waist and walked him backward, still kissing him, until Wooyoung felt his back gently meet a wall.

San held his shoulder tighter and pulled back. The cold air turned white between them as they breathed. Wooyoung saw that determination in San’s eyes again but there was also anguish? He didn’t get to think about it much because just then San brought his lips to his neck and slid his hand to the back of Wooyoung’s head, threading fingers in his hair.

Wooyoung melted, fully giving in to San now with his eyes sliding shut and body going limp. He felt San’s ministrations become hard enough to leave marks and he gasped in surprise because that hadn’t happened before. San continued to his collarbone, where he detached from Wooyoung’s skin and left a contrastingly gentle peck there before he stood up.

The hand at Wooyoung’s head left it to bring a thumb to his cheek, ever so gently caressing it. Wooyoung let out a shivering breath and opened his eyes. And there was San, standing close and looking at him like he was precious. Wooyoung’s heart squeezed at the sight.

San dropped both his hands to his sides and stepped back a little. He kept eye contact as he spoke, “Wooyoung, I’m so sorry.” His voice was raw with emotion. “I’m sorry for being so blind. For using you. For saying what I said last night. For not seeing what’s between us. I… I know you want me… W-wanted me. I’m sorry I didn’t see that before.”

San broke eye-contact for a moment and took a breath, and then he looked at Wooyoung with the anguish he thought he’d seen before clear in his eyes now. “I know it’s selfish but… I don’t want you to want anyone else. Just… me. Please.” San’s voice cracked on the last word. He dropped his gaze and hung his head now. “I’m sorry I hurt you. So sorry.” He looked up again and now his eyes were teary when they met Wooyoung’s.

“Wooyoung, I want you. I want so much more than just the physical things. You mean everything to me and I-” his voice cracked again and now a tear slid down his cheek. “Shhh…” Wooyoung pulled him into a hug. He stroked San’s back in comfort while he cried into his shoulder. Wooyoung sighed and said, “Idiot.”

San came up and looked at him with those eyes again. “I… I know,” he said. Wooyoung shook his head, “How could I want anyone else?” San froze and then he smiled. Wooyoung returned it softly.

San leaned forward slowly and kissed Wooyoung’s cheek. He sighed and pulled his soft angel into a hug. For a while he just held him.

Then he spoke cautiously, “I was really thoughtless. I hid from my own feelings and from yours too and I hurt you. Please forgive me.” San shifted his chin and at this angle, he could smell Wooyoung’s hair. It always smelled so good. He breathed him in.

“I do forgive you.” Wooyoung’s reply was a little muffled into San’s clothes. He pulled back so San could hear him better. “I understand it can be hard to accept change, and I’m very different from people you were attracted to before.” Wooyoung sighed, “And I’m actually also to blame. I’ve never said anything to let you know how I felt… I was too scared.”

Then he glared at San playfully. “Just… Don’t say something stupid like last night again. If anything, my gayness did magically make you fall for me,” Wooyoung huffed.

San laughed, “But that magic was just you.” Wooyoung shoved him. “Eww don’t get cheesy now.” But he couldn’t hide his smile.

“Do you want to stay and dance or…” San asked.

“No, let’s go. I wasn’t in the mood anyway.” Wooyoung shrugged. Then he shyly added, “I’d rather spend time with just you right now.”

San smiled at him and nodded. He took out his phone and shot a message to the others to let them know he and Wooyoung were leaving early.

***

They went to Wooyoung’s apartment as it was closer to the club. San eyed Wooyoung’s shirt as he stepped in behind him. “Weren’t you cold?” he asked.

Wooyoung shook his head. “I have a low cut thermal vest under this.” He turned and walked towards his room.

“Ohh…kay.” San wasn’t sure he knew what that was. His eyes dropped to Wooyoung’s bottom half as he walked away in those leather pants. “God of the Gays does exist,” he whispered to himself.

San slowly entered Wooyoung’s room. He found him in the bathroom removing his makeup with a wipe by the sink and small mirror. He glanced at San and continued with his task. “Hey,” he greeted.

San smiled fondly. “Hey,” he replied. They were silent for a while. Then Wooyoung sighed. “It took me so long to do this.” He was staring into the mirror, turning his face to one side and then the other. San came up behind him and saw that he’d removed the makeup on one side and left the other untouched.

The side with makeup was defined and classy… and sexy. The side without it was softer and just plain Wooyoung… San noticed a few love bites beginning to bloom on that side of Wooyoung’s neck. He didn’t think Wooyoung had seen it yet but he felt a strange satisfaction knowing he’d see it eventually and think of him.

San brought his eyes back to Wooyoung’s face. “Let me do the other side?” he asked.

Wooyoung met his eyes in the mirror and nodded, “Okay.” He handed San a new wipe.

With Wooyoung facing him now, his eyes closed, San’s heart soared at the intimacy of it as he wiped off Wooyoung’s makeup as gently as he could. He briefly wondered how it hadn’t even smudged until now but he didn’t dwell on it. When Wooyoung’s face was bare San smiled and pecked him softly on his lips. Wooyoung’s eyes shot open in surprise.

San cupped his face in one hand now. “You’re gorgeous either way, you know?” Wooyoung blushed furiously. San grinned and left the bathroom to go lie on Wooyoung’s bed.

That night San made sure not to do anything even remotely sexual with Wooyoung. He wanted to prove to him that he meant what he’d said about wanting more than that.

Before he left, he pecked Wooyoung’s forehead sweetly and whispered, “Good Night.” at his cute face.

*****

“So…” Wooyoung bit his lip nervously. “Are we… dating now?”

San looked at him incredulously from across the table. “Wooyoung. We’re on a date right now.”

Wooyoung sighed. “Well yeah, you did say it was a date but that doesn’t mean we’re together.”

San laughed and took both of Wooyoung’s hands in his. “Yes, you and I are dating now. We’re together.” He leaned down and kissed Wooyoung’s knuckles. “You’re mine.”

Wooyoung smiled deliriously. “I just… It’s unbelievable. I feel like I’ll wake up from a dream any moment.”

“This is real.” San stroked his hands with his thumbs, gazing at him lovingly.

Someone cleared their throat, bringing Wooyoung and San back to Earth. It was a waitress. She blushed slightly as she said, “Sorry to interrupt.”

San let go of Wooyoung’s hands, his own blush forming. “Ahh… not a problem.”

The waitress smiled and bowed slightly. She looked to Wooyoung and then back at San. “What will you two gentlemen be having?”

Wooyoung wanted to laugh at San’s flustered face but he held it in. San gathered himself and looked at Wooyoung expectantly. “He’s going to choose for me,” Wooyoung said, pointing at San.

“Oh?” San quirked an eyebrow and then picked up the menu. He gave it a quick glance, having already looked it over thoroughly before. It didn’t take him long to order and the waitress bowed a little with a polite smile before leaving.

“Why’d you want me to choose?” San asked.

Wooyoung smirked playfully. “Maybe it was a test?”

“For?”

“I wanted to see what you’d pick. Hmm…” Wooyoung smiled and tilted his head. “If you chose something I actually like, you’d have my permission to…” he trailed off and looked at San suggestively.

Colour filled San’s cheeks and he looked down. “Umm… Actually, I want to ask you something about that.”

“Sure.” Wooyoung folded his arms on the table and rested his weight on them, leaning in to San a little.

San took a moment and then leaned forward too, voice only loud enough for Wooyoung to hear. “When you had sex, which position were you? You know…”

“Oh?” Wooyoung was surprised at the question but it was always easy to speak openly with San, so he replied easily, “I can do both. It depends on who I’m with I guess.” He shrugged, “I enjoy both top and bottom.”

“I see,” San nodded, taking in the information.

Wooyoung tilted his head questioningly. “San, are you perhaps… ready to-”

 “Yes.” San looked embarrassed, but only a little. “I want to go all the way.”

Wooyoung smiled at him reassuringly. “Okay. It’ll be strange at first but I won’t let you have a bad time.”

San nodded. “I know. I trust you.” Then he frowned. “Wooyoung, when we were… involved… if I had wanted to go all the way would you have… actually done it?”

“Yes.” Wooyoung didn’t hesitate. “I’m sure I would have.”

Regret entered San’s eyes but it left when he sighed shortly and then he smiled. “I’m glad we haven’t done it yet then.”

Wooyoung understood what that meant and his heart filled with love for this man. His man.

When their order arrived San said, “Well?”

“What?”

“How’d I choose?”

Wooyoung giggled. “You know you chose my favourite.”

San laughed and handed him utensils. “Yeah, I know.”

*****

The night of their second date was a rainy one and they had only just made it to San’s apartment before it began to pour. They had planned to stop at Wooyoung’s apartment to pick up some clothes for him to stay over, but their plans changed with the sudden change of weather.

Now San searched his cupboard for something comfortable to give Wooyoung. His boyfriend had dressed to impress (and impress he did) but his clothes didn’t look like the type to relax in. San wanted him to relax. He settled on a large sweater and some loose pants with a drawstring. These could serve as pyjamas too.

“Wooyoung! I’ve got a change of clothes for you!”

He entered the room quickly. “Thanks,” he said before San had even handed them to him.

“Ohh, I know this sweater! I like it.” Wooyoung smiled.

“You can have it.”

“What? No, I wasn’t-”

San cut him off, placing a hand on his shoulder. “I want you to have it. I don’t wear it that much anyway.”

Wooyoung nodded slowly and then smiled. “Thank you.”

“Maybe you can keep some of your clothes here from now on? You already have a toothbrush and some other things here anyway.”

“Yeah, I should.” Wooyoung went to the desk and dropped the clothes there, starting to undo his own. “You should do the same. It’s the same situation at my place, you know.”

San saw him stretching to reach for a button at his back and went to help. “Okay, I’ll bring some next time I come over.” He moved Wooyoung’s hand away gently and undid the button for him.

Wooyoung turned around and thanked San with a small smile before slipping out of his top smoothly. San’s breath hitched at the sight of him. It had been a while since he’d seen Wooyoung without a shirt on. Wooyoung stepped closer and put his hands on San’s chest, smiling up at him cheekily before slowly unbuttoning his shirt.

San just stood there and let Wooyoung take it off him. Soon after his shirt hit the ground he cupped Wooyoung’s face and pecked his lips, smiled against them, and then tilted his head and parted his own lips to encase Wooyoung’s bottom lip between them.

Wooyoung hummed happily and brought one arm up and around San’s shoulders and the other around his waist, pulling him in close. Their kiss deepened and before they knew it they were on the bed, Wooyoung firmly on San’s lap, straddling him where he sat with one leg stretched and the other bent. They panted between kisses as Wooyoung swayed his hips back and forth and San clutched at his waist helplessly.

“Wooyo-nnghh… Wooyoung.” San called against his lips, tapping him repeatedly on both thighs to signal him to stop. San panted, “I-mmm!” Wooyoung had stopped his hips, but he swiftly leaned down to kiss at and suck a bruise on San’s neck. When he sat back up San felt hazy.

He blinked a few times to clear his head and then he saw Wooyoung cleary, his hair disheveled, lips darkened from kissing and parted with small pants coming from between them, and his eyes lidded and screaming “I want you”. He groaned and flipped them over.

San kissed him so hard and long that Wooyoung didn’t know whose air he was breathing anymore, he clutched at San’s back for dear life. As soon as San broke the kiss Wooyoung pushed him up and scrambled to undo his belt. San watched him with dark eyes, then took over and removed his pants once his belt was loosened.

Wooyoung fell back to the bed as San unbuttoned his own pants. He giggled when San huffed in frustration after a few tries at pulling them off.

“How in the world did you even get these on?” San laughed.

Wooyoung grinned. “It involved a bit of jumping. Was worth it to see that look on your face when you saw them though.”

San leaned forward and pecked his lips. “I give up. Can’t believe I’ve been defeated by a pair of pants.” He shook his head and sighed dramatically. “Please, take them off for me?”

“Sure, Baby.” Wooyoung smiled and his eyes crinkled and San was utterly in love.

Wooyoung managed to get them off fairly quickly. He tossed them aside and pulled San to him again immediately, craving contact. He shifted a little to get comfortable as San hovered above him and dropped little kisses on his neck and shoulders. “San?”

“Mmm?”

Wooyoung waited for him to look at him before he asked, “Are you still sure you want to go all the way?”

San smiled before nodding. “I even have everything we need ready. It’s in that bottom drawer.” He tilted his head to show Wooyoung where.

Wooyoung’s eyes widened a little. “Ohh. Okay, then.” He tightened his arms around San’s shoulders to bring him closer. “How’d you know what we’d need?”

San blushed a little. “I… did some research. Wanted to be prepared… good… for you.”

“Ohh gosh, come here.” Wooyoung pulled him down into a hug. His fingers were stroking through San’s hair. His boyfriend turned his head so he could talk to him.

“Wooyoung, I want you to be my first time.”

Wooyoung smiled. “I will be your first time with a guy, yeah.”

“No, I-” San sighed and buried his face between Wooyoung’s neck and shoulder. He spoke softly but Wooyoung heard him loud and clear. “I want you to top.”

Wooyoung’s heart stopped for a second, then beat faster. He’d always assumed San would want to top if it came to this, especially for his first time. “A-are you serious?”

San nodded into the crook of his neck. Then he shifted in Wooyoung’s hold to speak properly and placed a hand on his stomach. “I want to try it. And I want to show you that I’m serious about you.” He traced a pattern on Wooyoung’s soft skin. “And I want to try it with you, of course.”

Wooyoung turned to be face to face with San. His boyfriend had the most uniquely sexy face he’d ever seen, angled and sharp yet somehow sweet features. Wooyoung could see the sincerity in his eyes along with strong desire that ignited his own. He surged to meet San in an increasingly heated kiss.

***

San swore, covered his glistening face with his hands, and swore again. “That was so worth the pain at the beginning.”

Wooyoung grimaced a little. “Yeah, sorry about that. I tried to make it as painless as possible.”

San uncovered his face and looked him straight in his eyes. “You were amazing, seriously. I enjoyed it a lot. Thank you for being so patient with me.”

Wooyoung smiled and put an arm out to cuddle him. “I’m glad you enjoyed it.”

“Can’t believe I missed that all these years.” They laughed heartily and then San said, “I want to top next time.”

Wooyoung hummed. “I have a feeling you’ll really enjoy that.”

“I’ll make sure you do too.” San winked at him.

Wooyoung had no response for that because frankly, the wink had ended his ability to think straight. So instead he mumbled a “Good Night” and turned around to hide his blushing face from San.

San shifted into spooning him from behind. He smelled Wooyoung’s fragrant hair and hummed happily, his eyes closing. “Good Night, Baby.”

*****

They didn’t get much time to themselves for a while after that night with life becoming busy. But whenever they could manage to be, they were together. It was more than welcome when their schedules eased up and they arranged a third date. They went out to dinner followed by the theatre for a movie they’d both wanted to see.

The credits had just begun to roll when San leaned over to whisper in Wooyoung’s ear.

“I love you.”

The words came so out of the blue that Wooyoung couldn’t comprehend them. In the dim lighting of the cinema, he stared at San dumbly with wide eyes until his boyfriend laughed at him and said it aloud this time. “I love you, Wooyoung.” The lights to aid people leaving the movie theatre came on.

Wooyoung felt his eyes start to prickle with tears of joy as he stared at his boyfriend, best friend of many years, and favourite person in the world. He blinked rapidly, forcing the tears back. “I love you too,” he said. “I’ve loved you for so long.” His emotions were raw and exposed in his words but it felt so good to say them.

San covered his hand on the armrest with his own and smiled softly, as if in apology for how long Wooyoung had waited. Wooyoung’s gaze dropped to his lips.

A spark ignited between them and without a word spoken, they left the cinema quickly and made their way to Wooyoung’s apartment with equal speed, holding hands along the way.

As soon as they were indoors, San pushed Wooyoung’s back to the nearest wall and kissed him as if his life depended on it, running his hands down along his sides to rest at his hips.

Wooyoung tugged at the hem of San’s shirt to untuck it from his pants. San stepped away for a second to pull it over his head and toss it behind him before he was back on Wooyoung, showering his face with little kisses.

Wooyoung smiled and let his hands roam all over San’s exposed skin, taking in the contours of his body. San moved to his neck and he marked Wooyoung religiously, making him whimper at the feeling. When San’s lips were on his again, he said “Bedroom” against them between kisses.

San pulled away and nodded, then took Wooyoung’s hand and let the man rush him into his room.

Once there, they shed all their clothes quickly and came together on the bed. Soon Wooyoung was on his back, caged between San’s arms. San gave him a fond peck on his nose and Wooyoung scrunched it cutely.

San’s dimples were on full display as he smiled down at him. It was a cute moment before his hips ground down on his and Wooyoung gasped.

They hadn’t had enough time for sex since the last time, but they had taken a few opportunities to be sexually involved in quicker ways. It was always good between them. Regardless, Wooyoung was never ready for just how good San was at topping.

Wooyoung hadn’t done this in ages but he knew that this was better than he’d ever felt. Each moment was pleasure as San took him apart and put him back together again.

***

“Are you sure you’ve never been with a guy before me?” Wooyoung’s hair was stuck to his forehead with sweat.

San reached out and brushed the strands out of his face. “Yes.” He smirked, aware of Wooyoung complimenting him right now.

“You… seriously… I…” Wooyoung laughed and then smiled at him with those crescent-shaped eyes. “It’s unbelievable how good you are. I swear, you could have anyone with moves like that.”

San’s smirk faded and his eyes turned serious. “I just want you.”

Wooyoung’s heart leaped in his chest and he reached out to touch San’s face, caressing it. “I love you.”

San’s smile lit up his whole world. “And I love you.”

*****

The End