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It had been several months since the world didn't end. An angel and a demon had taken to spending more time together because of this. No longer afraid for their safety, they admitted their feelings for one another. It happened on a chilly October day, on the bandstand. Since then, everything seemed rather perfect. In the back of his mind, Crowley knew something had to ruin it, he just didn't see this one coming.
It happened in December. They were in the bedroom of Aziraphale's flat, just above the bookshop, when they were momentarily blinded by a flash of white light. Thankfully, the light took on a human form and they could actually focus on it without being burnt to a crisp. There, standing as a gorgeous 7 foot tall woman with brown skin, long and dark wavy hair, green eyes, and wrapped in a long white robe was The Almighty Herself.
The angel and demon froze. Aziraphale wasn't sure whether to bow down or raise his hands to start exalting Her. Meanwhile, Crowley didn't know whether to grab the angel and run away or get in between Her and Aziraphale.
"You both know why I'm here." She said, Her soothing voice bouncing off the walls.
"You'll destroy us Yourself since none of Your lackies could do the job." Sneered the snake.
Aziraphale glared at him, full of fear. "Crowley..."
She raised a brow as She focused on the demon in front of Her. "Who said anything about destroying? Those trials weren't approved by Me."
"What?" He glared at The Almighty, not believing Her. That was just his nature, of course. This was God, She had no reason to lie.
"Obviously, I had nothing to do with yours, Crowley. That was your lot's business. However, the Archangels were not following orders when they tried to kill you with hellfire, Aziraphale. They were doing as they pleased. They were punished for it... And now, you will be too." She explained.
Once the information clicked in the demon's head, Crowley quickly jumped out of the bed, fueled by anger and adrenaline alone. He stood in between God and Aziraphale, back straight, jaw clenched. His eyes had lost their white scleras, becoming jaundice pools with hair-thin pupils in the middle. No fear from his part, which made the angel behind him even more nervous.
"Leave him out of thissss." He hissed in a venomous tone. It was evident his tongue had forked too.
The Almighty gave him a sympathetic look, reaching for him. "Crowley, you know I can't do that."
He recoiled at the gesture, baring his teeth in response. "You're fucking God. You can do anythhhing. You can leave him be and just punissssh me insssstead."
"Crowley, stop it!" Yelled Aziraphale, still too petrified to move.
But Crowley continued, though, he had managed to get his hiss and tongue under control once more. "We both know he's the best bloody angel you've got! He doesn't deserve punishment, he deserves everything! The fucking world!"
The angel's voice wavered a bit this time. "Crowley!"
"Dammit Aziraphale, you know it's true! You've been treated like shit for millennia! You've only been free a few months and they're already trying to ruin your happiness again! I will not-"
The Almighty snapped Her fingers and the words died in his throat, literally. His hands immediately went to his neck. The outside felt normal, but the inside felt strange. His vocal cords had ceased to exist. He glared at the superior being in front of him, like a child who had just been scolded.
Behind him, Aziraphale was regaining the coloring on his cheeks. He had gone pale as soon as The Almighty had moved. It could've easily been a simple move like that to smite Crowley out of existence. Minimal effort, and yet, more powerful than both of them combined. More than they could ever imagine, truly ineffable.
Unable to insult Her, and certainly restraining himself from physically attacking Her to speed up his very likely discorporation, the demon made his way over to the angel's side of the bed. Aziraphale finally moved, quickly pulled him into his arms and breathed a sigh of relief. Crowley, unable to express it in any other way at the moment, apologized by hugging him back.
"You will be able to speak again once you've calmed down." She told him before She addressed the blond. "Aziraphale... Even with your good intentions, you went against The Great Plan. You cannot go unpunished. Neither of you can. You understand that, don't you?"
Aziraphale nodded sadly. "Yes, Almighty. I do... I just wish it were different." He admitted softly.
"I know, my child."
Crowley, who had calmed down considerably while engulfed in Aziraphale's warmth, spoke again. "It's not fair. Not fair at all..."
"I don't expect you to understand, Crowley. It's-"
A gentle growl left him. "Please, don't finish that sentence." Begged the serpent, not wanting to hear a spiel on ineffability right now as he clutched his angel.
"So if You aren't going to kill us, what are You gonna do? Rip our wings off? Make us human? Wipe our memories?" Asked the demon, who still had his face buried in his lover's shoulder. It took every fiber of his being to not look at Her and risk going mute again because of his rage. Hence why he hadn't faced her yet.
"Demon Crowley, Serpent of Eden and Original Tempter, I sentence you to Rise." She declared.
That certainly got his attention, because he let go of Aziraphale to face and question Her at once. "What?!" More shock than anger was what fueled him this time.
Not acknowledging the demon's reaction, She turned to the angel again. "Angel Aziraphale, Guardian Of The Eastern Gate and Principality Of Earth, I sentence you to Fall."
Fear returned to the blond's being, accompanied by sadness and a heart-shattering exhale. His life as he knew it was about to change in a very big way and he wasn't sure if he could handle the thought of it all right now. Though, he supposed he was better off than those who had Fallen before him. At least he was getting a warning.
After hearing those words and seeing Aziraphale's reaction, Crowley's entire demeanor changed in an instant. He realized what was going to happen to the creature he loved more than anything else in all of existence. He remembered going through it himself and how awful it was. Even if he couldn't stop it from happening, he had to do something to help him.
He looked at The Almighty, his eyes normal and his voice soft but pleading. "Let me go first. I- I can't let him go through that alone. Please!..."
Aziraphale's hand gripped Crowley's pajama top in response to that. If he had tried to speak, it would've been nothing but tears. Crowley placed a kiss on the angel's forehead in a failed attempt to calm him down. "I love you. You know that. Keep trusting me. Can you do that for me, angel?" He whispered and Aziraphale nodded.
The tiniest of smiles could be seen on Her face. If She hadn't been able to sense the demon's love for the angel beforehand, this would've been quite a shocking moment. A demon who was able to love, it was unheard of. Yet, here he was, willing to get his punishment first in order to ensure he could help his beloved through his own.
Both angel and demon looked at Her again and this time She nodded. With a small gesture, time stopped to ensure no humans heard or saw any of this.
Aziraphale felt that Crowley's grip around him was loosening. Before letting go, the angel pulled him in for a kiss. It was a desperate thing, one that he tried to use to say so many things all at once. It was a horrible way to stall, but The Almighty didn't rush them.
Eventually, Crowley managed to pull himself away. He gave Aziraphale's hands one last squeeze before walking toward Her. He knelt in front of Her, something he hadn't done for thousands of years. He shut his eyes and bowed his head to Her. The demon unfurled his wings and held them high. Crowley had loved his wings like this, black and beautiful. He took great pride in them, especially when Aziraphale would comment on how lovely they were. He looked at them one last time before bowing his head again.
A wave of Her hand is all it took for it to begin. Tiny flames appeared on the very tip of both the demon's wings. It didn't burn, not at first. And it didn't burn in the same way Crowley had expected. It wasn't a normal flame, or even hellfire, which he was quite used to. No, this was Her holy flame, like Aziraphale's sword but much more powerful and capable of healing. Unlike the weapon, which was meant to destroy all who went against Her.
The flames started burning and going down the length of his wings. It was like watching a wax candle melt, only instead of the whole wing disappearing once the flame had gotten to it, the top part had burnt away the black and turned white again. When the flames finally reached the skin of his back he let out a loud grunt, refusing to scream out in pain. He grabbed at the carpet on the floor, tearing it in the process. Suddenly, Crowley started gasping for air.
Aziraphale was about to go aid him, but The Almighty raised Her hand, assuring the angel that this was part of it.
Crowley was gasping because he was drowning. The fire had burned him, he needed relief. That relief came in the form of Her Grace being poured into his being. He wished he had gotten a relief like this after the lake of boiling sulfur all those centuries ago. He technically didn't need to breathe at all, neither of them did. However, having gone millennia without Her presence, he had forgotten how empty he had felt immediately after his Fall. Being full again, being filled by Her again, it took some getting used to. Hence the drowning sensation.
When his gasping stopped, he started touching his whole body. It felt the same on the outside but on the inside, he felt like a completely different being. And he was. His demonic presence had been melted, reduced to nothing and completely eradicated.
He stood, his legs threatened to collapse beneath his weight. Now is when Aziraphale was allowed to jump to his side. He held him steady, inspecting him to comfort or heal anything that needed tending to. As he did this, he locked eyes with the former demon. His mouth formed a perfect 'o' shape at the sight.
"What?" Asked Crowley, in a raspy voice.
"Your eyes are different..."
With that, Crowley turned towards the nearest mirror. It was his face, no doubt, but the eyes staring back at him weren't serpentine anymore. They were normal, human eyes. And they were green, same shade as the plants he terrified into obedience. "Green?"
"Just like before."
"I wouldn't know..." Demons don't tend to remember much about their angelic appearance. Their experiences, yes, but not anything physical about themselves. He kept staring at himself and noticed another difference. The snake sigil on the right side of his face was gone.
As he was getting used to the new visual of himself, he felt something swell inside of his chest. Love. Someone else's love. He hadn't felt that in ages. It was radiating from Aziraphale in waves and Crowley felt like he was drunk on it. And it wasn't just love, it was any positive feeling which was inside his lovely angel's being. No wonder he went on and on about it whenever he felt something when they were out and amongst people. You wanted to bask in it, savor it.
"Aziraphale, it's your turn." She called, snapping both of them out of their daze.
The blond angel took a deep breath and went to move, but Crowley grabbed his arm. "Wait...!"
He then pulled Aziraphale into the bathroom just a few feet away. With a snap, the tub was full of water. Crowley looked at his fingers as if they weren't his. Even his miracles felt different now. He shook away the thought and focused on Aziraphale once more. The redheaded angel helped him undress and step into the white metal tub. The blond let out his wings and admired them, just as Crowley had done with his own just a few moments ago. Only Crowley wasn't going to listen to Her if She had told him to stay away from Aziraphale during the process, so there he was, kneeling next to the tub and carding his fingers through those radiant white feathers one last time. He had no idea how to comfort him, he simply hoped some of the Grace that he was sending through his fingertips was helping in some way to calm him down. Their trials hadn't been nearly as stressful, even with the very real threat of destruction looming over them. During all this, The Almighty watched from the door, not sure which of the two was more terrified.
After a dozen more reassurances, Aziraphale looked at Her and nodded. Another wave of Her hand and it began.
The biggest difference between Rising and Falling besides the direction, which didn't apply to them this time, was an action. When Crowley Rose, something was pushed into an empty space within his being. When he Fell, something was being ripped out of his being. That is what was happening to Aziraphale right now.
His body began to heat up at an alarming rate, he felt as if he was on fire. He gripped the edge of the tub with his left hand, Crowley had been holding his right one as soon as She gestured toward the blond. He bit his lower lip and tried to not yell, but it was inevitable. It was much more pain than what he could withstand. Aziraphale's screams were, hands-down, the worst thing Crowley had ever heard, and he'd heard just about every horrible sound there was on Earth and in Hell.
Aziraphale was burning from the inside, out. He felt Her Grace being torn away from him. Imagine someone stabbing you in the back, reaching into you and proceeding to rip out your spine while you're still alive and struggling. That's how it had been for Crowley, and he could see it in Aziraphale's eyes that his experience was the same. White wings started to singe and change color, the scent of sulfur filled the room. His grip on the tub bent the metal and the only reason Crowley's hand wasn't broken was because he was using several miracles to keep it intact. As his feathers turned black, his tears turned to blood, he clawed at his face and throat. When he let go of Crowley, the redhead quickly placed his hands on Aziraphale's chest, trying to use miracles to sooth the poor thing. Nothing worked. He kept screaming until it had ended.
The blond was reduced to a whimpering lump by the time it was all over. Crowley dove fully clothed into the tub to hold Aziraphale. He was still hot to the touch, as were his wings. The angel looked at The Almighty, pleading for this to be done with, to be left alone, to show them some mercy.
Truth was, She had shown them some mercies. Neither of them actually went to Heaven or Hell thanks to the process. They didn't have to report to either side now, they were to stay on Earth. Apparently, humanity wasn't going anywhere and neither were they. She had also let them keep their memories and names prior to the change. The names had been a request on Aziraphale's part, who insisted and literally begged to keep at least one angelic thing of himself. After that was settled, there was another blinding flash of light and She was gone.
They were alone. A deafening silence surrounded them. The only sound would be the sloshing of water as Crowley gently swayed with Aziraphale in his arms. The demon was still crying into his chest, having apologized for getting blood all over his favorite pajamas. The redheaded angel ignored the comments and simply held him tighter. They stayed like this for hours, and in those hours, Crowley realized something that broke his heart.
Almost immediately after he had become an angel again, he felt Aziraphale's love. It was obvious, impossible to miss. That overwhelming feeling of love wasn't there anymore. He hadn't actually noticed it as it happened, but it had started to diminish as soon as Her Grace started being extracted from him. The more She pulled, the less he had felt it in the room, but his worry was so much more at the time that it hadn't registered until now.
Crowley finally understood how him Rising was a punishment. Why She had no issue whatsoever with letting him go first. He'd had a taste of what Aziraphale's love felt like with angelic powers, only to have it ripped away from him. The realization made him want to cry, and scream, and yell at Her for being so cruel. But he swallowed his feelings for Aziraphale's sake, who he knew was feeling a hundred times worse than him.
Eventually, Aziraphale felt strong enough to get out of the tub. With Crowley's help, he dried off and got dressed the human way. He really didn't want to use miracles right now. He let Crowley do that, miracling himself dry and clean after Aziraphale was all sorted.
They made their way back to bed, but even with their exhaustion, they knew they weren't actually going to be able to sleep. When they laid down together, that was actually the first time Crowley noticed Aziraphale's eyes since the change. His irises were the same shade of blue they had always been, but the pupils were rectangular, like a sheep or goat. He didn't comment on them. Instead he just placed a hand on Aziraphale's cheek, letting his thumb caress the very sensitive skin. The demon placed his hand over Crowley's and gave him a nod.
"Thank you, my love." He whispered as he shut his eyes. "Thank you for everything..."
The gratitude was genuine, but Crowley's heart ached at the pet-name because he knew it wasn't true anymore. Once again, he swallowed his feelings and followed suit, closing his eyes.
~~~~~
Crowley's POV:
Weeks passed, Aziraphale refused to leave the bed. He didn't even sleep, he just stared at things. Crowley would wonder what he thought of when he was alone, but he didn't bother asking. He figured he'd tell him whenever he was ready. It was strange seeing Aziraphale upset beyond recognition. He didn't eat or read. Crowley offered to put some music on but he had refused that as well.
Come on, angel. Give me something...
But he never did. Because of this, Crowley decided to start going out more. It had seemed like a good idea at first. Fresh air, sunshine, new surroundings. It was nice for a bit, but the overwhelming emotions from the people he'd pass by upset him. He'd scoffed at the sky, wondering if She could hear his thoughts.
You are clever, I'll give You that. I can feel everyone's love. Everyone's except his. That why you decided not to start Armageddon again?... You didn't have to make him Fall...
When Crowley came back to the flat, he found Aziraphale wrapped in a thick blanket by the lit fireplace.
"Hey, you're up... How're you feeling?"
"Cold, yet still burning at the same time."
"Want me to draw you a bath? It's been days since I looked you over, could try helping you with the burning, check your wings?"
"...If you wouldn't mind."
"Of course. Anything you need, angel- shit, I'm sorry, I-"
"It's alright, dear. Millennia-long habit. Tough to break, I'm sure. I won't hold it against you."
Doesn't mean I won't. "Thanks, I'll, uh, just go do that then." He said, getting up.
He prepared a bath the human way to distract himself for a bit. When that failed, he fetched Aziraphale. He helped him undress, having to peel off his clothes. The demon's skin was still red, like the world's worst sunburn. He winced as Crowley eased him down into the water.
"You alright?" Asked the angel, voice laced with worry.
The blond demon gave him a tight-lipped nod before he settled better into the tub.
Crowley knelt behind the tub and took his beloved's right arm, gently caressing circles on the still-raw flesh, trying to heal him using miracles. He went up the length of his arm, to his shoulder, to his neck. When his hands reached his back, the demon manifested his wings. Crowley quickly went to work, deft fingers working the feathers slowly. He straightened every single one, dislodged the more ruined ones and poured cool water onto his marginal coverts, which seemed to be the most affected area.
They had been silent the entire time, so when Aziraphale finally spoke, it surprised the angel.
"Is this what you felt like?" He asked, barely a whisper.
Crowley nodded, despite being behind him. "It hurt for weeks. Takes some getting used to-"
"No... Is this what you felt like with me? Like you shouldn't touch me out of fear of ruining something so holy?" Aziraphale looked over his shoulder a bit. His eyes were full of sadness.
Crowley's heart broke again. So that's why he hasn't touched me since the change...?
"We both know that's not how it works, Aziraphale... But yes, at first. I was afraid I'd make you Fall. That it wouldn't be seen as love, that She'd see it as a temptation... You still Fell because of me, but it wasn't for the reason I thought." He said, still dealing with black feathers and trying not to think too much about it.
"You didn't do this to me. You were there for me. Still are. I'm so sorry, Crowley. I don't deserve you." His voice wavered.
The redhead shook his head. "Hush. I don't want to hear it."
"But it's true. You're taking such good care of me, and I..." A quivering breath left him mid point. "I can't even love you anymore." He cried. Blood tears dripping into the bath water.
Crowley made his way over to the other side of the tub and he knelt again. He took Aziraphale's hands into his. "I know, angel..."
Upon seeing the look in the angel's eyes, he felt like he had been punched in the gut. "You still love me... It's not fair to you."
"Part of the punishment... Don't think it's supposed to be fair to either of us."
"And you're still here? My God, Crowley. Why haven't you gone back to your flat? Why haven't you left me?" He couldn't understand it.
"Because you can't love me back? Aziraphale, I've loved you for 6,000 years. 6,000 years thinking you would never, could never, love me back... I don't care..." That was a lie. He did care, but he loved Aziraphale far too much to actively leave him, like someone else would in a relationship. Of course, this wasn't a regular relationship.
Aziraphale squeezed the angel's hands and looked down at them. "But-"
Crowley didn't let him finish the thought because he needed an answer of his own. "I'm not leaving just because you think I should. Do you want me to leave you? Because if that's what you want, what you really want, I'll go... Do you want me to leave?"
Please say 'no'. Please say 'no' and mean it. Please don't send me away...
The blond demon shook his head vehemently, squeezing his hands even more, to the point where he actually hurt the angel. Not that Crowley let it show. "No! No, I can't bare being alone! I know it's selfish to want you near me even though I can't show you the same affection but your presence makes the pain more tolerable...! Please stay..." He was so hurt, so afraid. Crowley hugged him as gently as possible, knowing his skin was still immensely sensitive.
"Good, because I can't actually bring myself to leave you." He said, planting a soft kiss on the demon's forehead.
When they fell into another long silence, Crowley continued to bathe and sooth Aziraphale's body as much as possible. Afterward, he helped the demon into bed again. This time, he stayed in the room as Aziraphale slept and he noticed how much he shook, even with so many layers. Crowley then realized something else.
Fucking Hell, it wasn't just me being cold-blooded. No Grace makes you cold, he's craving Her warmth... Oh, angel...
Crowley sat on the edge of the bed, placed a hand flat on the demon's back. That alone seemed to warm him up a bit, so when Crowley actively let out some Grace, it was easy to see it helped Aziraphale's comfort. His face seemed more relaxed. The angel remembered all the times he would curl up next to him under the covers for that exact reason. Besides the feeling and warmth of love from Aziraphale, the warmth from his Grace was one of the best feelings Crowley had ever experienced since they had gotten together. He missed it terribly, but tried not to dwell on it, not while he was with him.
~~~~~
And so he didn't. Whenever he felt the need to think of it or needed to feel bad, he would go out. Usually he'd take the Bentley, go for a drive away from people to not feel overwhelmed by their emotions. He had enough of his own. He'd go to the countryside, take in the scenery, bask in the fresh air, cry for a bit, a lot, compose himself and then go back home to Aziraphale.
He'd need a trip like this every few weeks. During one of these trips, he ran into someone who seemed to be just as sad as he was. She was grieving, lost her older sister a few days ago. Crowley was compelled to send a blessing her way before they parted ways that day.
This woke something. His Grace lit up within him. It felt wonderful, like butterflies in his stomach, love and sunshine. He had forgotten what it was like, being an angel and blessing others. Sure, The Arrangement had him doing miracles for humans all the time but they only ever felt nice if he liked the person or when he knew Aziraphale would be especially happy about it.
A lightbulb went off in his mind as he climbed into the car. If I do a good job, be a proper angel, maybe She'll ease up on Aziraphale. Let him be happy again. He doesn't have to love me, I just want him to be happy again somehow...
His hands gripped the steering wheel, hope and eagerness coursing through his veins.
It might just work...
He pushed the thought to the back of his mind and decided to explore it next time he was out here by himself. For now, he just needed to get back to the bookshop and to his angel. Well, his demon.
~~~~~
For the next few months, Crowley had a very specific daily routine. He would wake up, he would tend to Aziraphale's wounds, tidy up around the bookshop and then he would head out.
First thing on the list every day was going to his old flat to check on the plants. He had considered bringing them over to Aziraphale's place but decided against it until things were more or less normal again. It was hard for him to intimidate them now. Considering the lack of an evil presence emanating from him, the plants were no longer afraid of him. Instead, his holiness seemed to alter them. He knew his plant-scaring days were behind him when one of his ferns sprouted flowers. It was like his angelic aura made made them want to be prettier. He wasn't happy about it but he kept them alive anyway.
Next, he'd go to St. James Park. He fed the ducks for a bit, listen to passing conversations and sent small blessings to those who needed them. Once he even helped a group of nuns set up for an activity they had. Luckily, these weren't the satanic kind and seemed much more competent than the last bunch he had met.
Some days he would head to the shops and get ingredients for some of Aziraphale's favorites meals. The demon hadn't eaten anything since he was an angel, but Crowley hoped that would change at some point. The two biggest reasons he had to go out to buy groceries were: 1: Because Crowley himself had actually started stress-eating. Worrisome in its own right, since he was never a fan of it. And 2: Because his angelic nature was steering him towards buying things more than just using miracles, much like Aziraphale when it came to his wardrobe.
The most surprising part of his routine, however, was when he would go to church. The first time was just to see what it was like without the burning coal sensation on the soles of his feet. As soon as he walked in, he was frozen by the overwhelming feeling of love. Both Her's and those who were praising Her. Again, he felt guilty. His Grace felt so lovely here and Aziraphale, who deserved it far more than he did, no longer had his. So church wasn't always on the list, but he'd go to listen or think sometimes, and that did lead to him volunteering at several church events.
Eventually Aziraphale's Fall injuries healed up quite nicely and he began puttering around the shop again to entertain himself, occasionally snacking and talking to Crowley. There was still no love there from the new demon but the angel could live with this. This was their new normal.
~~~~~
And then one day, something else changed.
"Thank you, dear boy." Said Aziraphale softly as he accepted the cup of tea and plate of biscuits. Crowley gave him a tiny nod with a smile before walking away to focus on his own work. He looked back once more, in hopes that he'd see the demon smile when trying the tea or a biscuits. Again, it didn't happen.
Suddenly, he sensed it. A flash of love, barely there, in the very core of the former principality as he sat at the end of the room and skimmed through the book on his lap. It was a blink-and-you'll-miss-it type of flash, and oh, was Crowley glad he caught it.
There it is... My mustard seed! I'm not the only exception after all... He thought as tears threatened to spill. And for the first time in millennia, Crowley genuinely thanked God.