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It’s been a particular hard afternoon when Owen gets the strange call. He had chemo the day before and, while he thought he finally had gotten used to it by not throwing up a single time in the next 4 hours and being able to sleep the entire night; by the next day mid-morning he’s wrecked . Of course, he wouldn’t admit to anything if he could, so he sent everybody out on a call under Judd’s authority. Michelle gave him one staring down and told him she’d keep them all in line and that he should drink some water and eat something to recover the color in his face, as usual being ten steps ahead.
TK didn’t intervene, he rarely did when they were on the job, used to the chain of command and the work ethics they both agreed on years before; when TK decided to work under his father, to avoid calling HR’ s unwanted attention to their father-son work relationship. Besides, he was too distracted with something else, him and Judd giggling around all day long like ten-year-olds. Owen knew there was some tension between them in the beginning, but he was sure things would end exactly like this: TK and Judd joined at the hip like they were twins. They joked around, but sometimes he genuinely did feel like he was a father to 5 infants.
He was trying to hold down the half bottle of gatorade he was able to swallow when his phone screen lit up with the number of Kwasa’s office. He felt his stomach drop a little before taking it. TK seemed to be doing fine. It was the first time she called him in two months.
“Good afternoon, Kwasa. How are you?”
She, obviously, could feel the tension on his voice even if she wasn’t a trained professional in the art of human relationships.
“Good afternoon, Captain Strand. I’m good, thanks for asking. What about you? First of all, I just wanted to say there’s no need for concern. I’m just calling to say I’d like to meet you sometime this week, I’m hoping we could have a chat…” She had amenities to say, but she didn’t wait for Owen to return them before getting to the point. Owen felt like she was still sugar-coating something and it made his skin crawl. Or maybe it was the chemo effects. He couldn’t tell.
“Of course. Whenever you need, I’ll make time” Owen got a little nervous with the call, so he lost all his greetings and got straight to the point as well .
“Chill, Captain. I said it’s not reason for concern -” In her defense, the woman really did try to sound casual and light; but a father’s instincts could rarely be tricked.
“But this is about TK, right?”
“Yes, it is. I would like to talk about this in person, but I can see his anxiety has som e genetic roots. Don’t worry. Does tomorrow at 3 pm works for you?”
“It does, doctor”
“Fine, I’ll see you then. Bye, Owen”
“Bye, Kwasa”
He didn’t realize, but his leg started bouncing up and down exactly like TK’s would in every chemo session he had been with his dad so far.
—§—
Fifteen minutes before 3 pm, Owen was already seated in the waiting room. Overnight, he was kept from thinking too much about the meaning behind their meeting by Zoe’s visit. He and his girlfriend had an adorable take out dinner. By the time TK a rrived, they were already in his bed, no clothes . She ended up crashing there and, just like two roommates, TK didn’t say a word. They did try to keep it down, but Owen couldn’t help but wonder if it was as uncomfortable for TK to hear his father having sex as it was for him to think that TK was two doors down. He could argue that he had his fair share of moments with his son, walking in on him having sex more often than not since he’d rather TK brought his boyfriends home than to develop his sexuality God-knows-where in a city that could be very violent. Overall, they were very liberal and comfortable around each other, specially being firefighters, but everyone had their limits. Now, this was something Owen hadn’t thought about when he insisted he and TK lived together again. And to be fair, his son didn’t bring anyone home in all this time. He would disappear on odd hours sometimes and at first Owen was really concerned, but after a couple of times and seeing his son was completely sober upon arrival, he was able to breathe a little easier knowing he could start trusting TK again. So if TK wasn’t using again, the reason for his late-night escapades could only be one thing. That meant adult TK was a little more self-conscious about the people he brought home and preferred to avoid the discomfort of having sex with his father in the house. Honestly, this was trauma obtained from his mom and her relentless lawyer personality that made every boy TK brought home feel like they were being interrogated. Owen wasn’t able to indulge too much because Zoe was really good at keeping a man’s mind occupied. But he was sure it was something worth his attention some time later.
He was lost on his thoughts when the patient inside left. He was checking his phone to see if everything was ok when Kwasa went out and greeted him.
“Hi, Owen! Good afternoon. Good to see you. Come on in”
“Hey, doctor” He followed her inside her office.
“Nice to see you after all this time, how are things going? Do you want something to drink? Water? Coffee? Tea?”
“No, thanks, I just had lunch. Well, you know, in my line of work things are what they are and we just react to it. Firefighting is busy and hard as always. I’m finding my footing in Austin. I guess things are going to be alright. But you called me here today to talk about TK, not me” Owen had always had difficulty to understand when a question was rhetorical, since he liked talking about himself so much.
TK’s therapist, Kwasa, was an immigrant young woman of color, if Owen had to guess, about to turn 30. She was tall and lean, with short hair and smart livid eyes that seemed to always know what you were gonna do next. He searched for ‘therapy austin tx’ on google and got excellent reviews, so he and TK went for a test consult and loved her. She was incredibly intelligent and a warm person in general. She had ways to enroll one in the treatment even if you weren’t the most comfortable person with this idea – hello, TK – and the best part was that she wasn’t connected to the Fire Department in any way and she agreed to keep it that way as long as she judged TK’s case wasn’t breaking any laws, codes of conduct or the ethical lines of her work. Having TK’s overdose rule as accidental on the books could cost TK his job, so, officially, nobody could know about his addiction.
Unofficially, he had trust issues that had to be dealt with before he could confide in anyone that wouldn’t be as kind or understanding as a therapist or his NA buddies. Or his hot arresting officer that was definitely boyfriend material.
Kwasa stared Owen down with a smile dancing on the corner of her lips, like she was just having fun at his expense.
“What?”
“Oh, nothing. It’s just that you and your son are so much alike it’s fun to watch” She let it grow into a full-blown grin now. People had a lot of problems in need to be worked for them to grow in life; and one’s parents are one of the main reasons why a person can face difficulties in life. It was nice, as a therapist, to actually get some refreshment and see a healthy relationship between a parent and their child. At least now, anyways.
“I’m glad we’re at least entertaining. But I suppose this is not the reason why you called me in today”
“It isn’t. But I can tell you’ve been overthinking this, Owen, and I told you that the reason I called you here today wasn’t to give you bad news. It’s quite the contrary, actually” She looked at him with the warmest expression and it was working, on some level, to relax him. “TK has been making some remarkable progress. He has his hardships with being forthcoming, it’s true, but communications problems are very common. However, we have been able to talk a lot about issues in his past and I believe he’s very comfortable with me and trusts me”
“That’s great, doctor, honestly. I was afraid he was going to find a way to run shut down his treatment and say he can deal with it alone. He has done it before”
“But now he knows better. And you know better. He doesn’t want to cheat. He wants to do it for real this time, he’s really putting the effort in. I know it has not been easy for him to talk with you about everything he was going through in the past and it’s still not easy, even with your closer than usual father-son relationship… Owen, I have to commend you for the work you’ve been doing so far. You had been through a few hardships in your life and you’re an American hero – just to think you were there on 9/11 -”
“A friend told me recently that it’s not that much of a deal, actually. My life has revolved around that event and it’s aftermath for so long… It took me almost ten years to realize how I almost forgot I had a son. I’ll always wonder if while I was concerned about my fire family, I was setting my own to implode” Owen didn’t want to get in too deep with things because, after all, Kwasa was not his therapist – he had his own, has had since before 9/11 – but it was really hard not to admit, when reflecting about his actions in the past, if he was not to blame for what happened. If he did not set his son up in the path to drug addiction. Deep down, he thought he’d always believe he did.
He and his hero complex that drove him to take on the weight of the world on his shoulders after the greatest terrorist attack in contemporary history, so he’d take on the responsibility of rebuilding a firehouse from the ashes, of comforting the families of his fallen brothers and sisters, of the guilt of being the one that stayed behind… For so long, Gwenyth tried to hold on for dear life, to raise Tyler on her own; but Owen just forgot about them. He’d go home once each two weeks. His wife was a modern woman and never gave up her career in order to have a family, but when he had both feet out the door; she found herself overwhelmed with a house, a son and a highly demanding career she didn’t know how to juggle. When she finally filed for divorce, he couldn’t say he was impressed or surprised even. At that time, he didn’t take into consideration the damage he could’ve done to the woman he once loved, or the damage that damage could cause to his son. He barely had any contact with Tyler for years – God, how he regretted that -, until his son was around the age of 15 and Gwenyth took an even higher lawyer position on the firm and started taking jobs overseas. He felt so guilty now, for being annoyed then when he had to take in his 15 year old son into his new-barely-with-anything-in-it apartment for two months. He did such a poor job, Jesus fucking Christ.
His wake up call only came when TK was 17 and he got called to the hospital to attend at his son’s first overdose. By this time, he had already divorced again and…
This woman was telling him he’s a great father, but Owen feels like nothing he can ever possibly do can make up for the lost time, for the time he wasn’t in TK’s life. Or placate the guilt in his chest and convince him that he was not to blame for his son’s addiction, or his ex-wives mental health issues.
Owen, at times, felt like there was no other man in the world with as many ghosts as him.
“Captain Strand, are you with me?” Owen came back to himself after a few milliseconds, following the voice of TK’s therapist calling for him. He hated getting lost in his own head, but it happened more usually than he’d like to admit. Not being able to afford himself to be in his own head was one of the main reasons why he loved being a firefighter.
“Yes, I am. Sorry. I zoned out for a moment”
“I could tell. Where were you?” Kwasa was not Owen’s therapist and she didn’t meant to do a therapy session with him, but with such emotional issues, she had to at least ground him enough so she could get her point across.
“I was thinking about all the things I did… And all the things I didn’t, for TK”
“You blame yourself for his addiction” She stated bluntly as a fact. There was no judgment, or emotion, in her voice.
“How did you-” Owen’s eyes showed the panic he was feeling. For some reason, this secret was his to keep and TK could never find out about it. There was no logical reason, he just couldn’t. “Does TK-”
“No, he doesn’t know. God knows the boy is oblivious. But you don’t make a good job at hiding it, all of your emotions are at display in your facial expressions. It’s not a bad thing, don’t get me wrong, Owen. However, it does reaffirm my theory that you seem to make everything about you . Your feelings, your narrative, your experiences, your story. Everyone else is either a spectator or an extra. I called you here today to talk about your son, Captain” This time, there was judgment in her voice, but even so it was controlled, almost concealed.
“Right. Right, of course. Please, go on” Owen shook his head. He wasn’t used to being called out for his wrong doings. It made him equally pissed that someone would address him in such way and turned on that a beautiful, smart woman did it.
Nope. He couldn’t go down that way. Kwasa is TK’s therapist. He can’t. He won’t.
[Not again]
[Owen fucked up a lot in the past, ok? But he’s trying]
“As I was saying, TK has been doing better. Every time he gets a new NA badge, he barges through the door with a huge smile and honest happiness that, in his words, he hasn’t felt in a long time in New York. He still has his adjustments to go through with Texas life style, but he seems to finally be setting into a good healthy relationship with his co-workers, or his ‘fire fam’ as you guys say it… However, there’s one part that concern both me and TK, for different reasons” She looked at him like she was waiting for him to say something.
The truth is, as a therapist, you’re legally not allowed to share what your patient shares with you in confidence; unless it’s dangerous to himself or somebody else. It was something like this, but not entirely, it was kind of a gray area, so Kwasa was trying to rationalize what she was doing now by convincing herself that if she didn’t give Owen the complete puzzle, but only the dots for him to connect them, she wouldn’t be crossing an ethical line.
No one is safe from their own mind. Not even people trained to deal with it. The great secret nobody tells you about adult life, or professional life, is that just as when you’re a child, or a teenager, or a beginner at anything; nobody has a fucking clue of what the hell they’re doing.
Owen looked back with a surprised expression. He didn’t follow. And was waiting on her to provide more details. Damn.
“What I’m saying is that TK’s communication problems and trust issues do not limit themselves to you or his co-workers. His biggest trauma in New York had to do with his romantic life…” She trailed off again.
“Well, yes, I know, Alex was a bastard” Owen added, hissing sideways. “I never liked him. Or any of TK’s boyfriends, for that matter. I just didn’t feel like it was my place to say anything, until shit hit the fan…”
He didn’t have to finish. Both knew what he meant. Until shit hit the fan and I failed my son again . Another time TK overdosed and Owen blamed himself for it.
Kwasa already knew this, however. This was not the answer she was fishing for.
“As a result, TK actively works to not trust people, to not open up, to not let anyone in. And with his inability to express his feeling s through words might be responsible for doing more damage than good. For him and for others. Do you understand what I’m saying?”
“Well, I did not expect TK to jump immediately back in the dating pool after what happened, but-”
“I’m sorry, Captain, but I’m saying that he already did” Kwasa cut Owen’ s line of thought, which she didn’t usually do, but this man was as fucking oblivious as his son and she was getting flustered because how could that be possible ?
“Oh”
“Indeed. And I’m saying that he’s at a tipping point where he might find something good for himself or throw out the window all the good he accomplished this far. He’s already seeing someone”
“What? No! It’s not possible. I’ve seen him sneak out in the middle of the night sometimes, but thought it was some Grindr hook-ups… You should’ve lead with that! Is he in danger? Is the guy a drug-dealer or something?” Owen’s mind, of course, ran to the worst possible scenario. TK’s lowest point. He swore he’d never let anything like it happen again, but was he doing enough? Was TK at a low point enough for that? He promised he’d never do it again, no matter how bad his addiction got. But Owen didn’t know if he could hold TK accountable for a promise he did when he was 17. He could only hope his son wasn’t in such a bad place that he was willing to trade his body for the object of his addiction.
“Calm down, Owen. Take a breath” She raised an eyebrow at him, clearly not willing to continue unless he obliged. He did. Owen was a sucker for powerful women. “It’s not that. I believe TK has become the destructive force he’s trying to run away from”
Once again, Owen just stared at her, waiting for more.
“He met this guy who sounds like an actual good and considerate person and he developed some feelings for him, but from what I’ve gathered; TK won’t let himself feel them. By doing so, he’s actively hurting himself and the other parties involved, while pushing himself towards a cliff…” Now she felt like she was about to cross a line, because TK had said he didn’t wanted his father to know about his bar-fighting and his arrest at all, but how to explain her urgency without evidence? “Earlier this month, he had an incident that exemplified how much he was hurting himself with his actions and I believe his reason to do so, even if he didn’t admit it, was because he felt like it was either this or to use again”
At those words, Owen took a deep breath.
“What happened?” He asked, in a serious demanding tone that was not of a Captain, or a man that’s used to holding power; but of a desperate father.
“He got into a bar fight” When Owen opened his mouth to say something, Kwasa cut him off. She raised her hands to placate him. “It was not like that! It was not like that, Owen. He went looking for it. He said pain and adrenaline helped to ground him and while I cannot agree or recommend this practice, none of us can deny the fact that violence can be effective sometimes. It didn’t help, however, that he met the subject of his affection immediately in the aftermath”
“What? I don’t understand, did he fought the guy he was seeing? TK was never a violent person”
“No, he didn’t. This is the part where I warn you that the guy TK is seeing is an acquaintance of yours. His crush was the Officer responsible for his paperwork”
“TK is seeing a cop?” Owen couldn’t hide his surprise. TK used to march against the mere existence of police force, back in the day, and although Owen thought it had more to do with his criminal boyfriend and friends at the time; Owen could not disagree that the police [and military forces, in general] in the United States had an unacceptably bloody past and present that could not go on as it was. But he was still curious, and interrupting TK’s doctor. “I’m sorry, please go on”
“Indeed he is Officer Carlos Reyes. From what I’ve gathered, you’ve been on some calls together”
This… This actually makes sense. He saw Carlos and TK exchanging looks – flirting looks – in the middle of calls. He saw the way Michelle giggled at that. He didn’t have much of an opinion on the guy because it hadn’t been relevant until now. But he seemed like a sweet guy. Always polite, professional, with very kind eyes even towards the people he was arresting. And good looking, Owen had to admit. Good looking and built like a brick house.
Kwasa was at the brink of not being able to hide her discomfort anymore. She didn’t think she’d need to be so explicit with breaking a patient’s trust, but she would, ultimately, tell herself she did it because she believed he represented danger to himself.
“Okay… So he and Carlos have been going out. Things got deep, TK ran the other way. You say it’s dangerous for him. I just don’t understand how”
Kwasa stared at him. She knew he also was seeing a therapist because it was a colleague of hers. Should she break it down for him or…?
“Ok, Owen, truth time. For five minutes I want you to forget I’m a professional and I’ll forget you are the father of a patient too. No ethics, no rules, just facts. I’ll just be real with you. TK’s addiction is rooted in his relationship with the men in his life. He felt abandoned by you at first. Then he recovered you, but was with an abusive boyfriend. Then he wanted to part ways with that person. Then he wanted to feel good about being alone again. Then he met someone else. He bets all his cards. He starts over. The new guy walks away on him with no explanation just like you did . This time around he wants to protect his heart at all costs, but this cop doesn’t make it easy for him. He is constantly pushing and pulling away from or towards different men in his life, mostly reproducing patter n s he learned with you. He can’t enjoy himself, really, because his thoughts, feelings and desires are always at conflict with each other; the noise is too much and he just wants it to stop, in his words. I’m concerned, Owen, TK is hurting himself by not letting himself feel again, because he’s so terrified of getting his heart broken and being abandoned again. I’m worried this will be the final trigger that drives him to not want to keep his desire to use again at bay. I’m worried he’s hurting this guy, this Officer, that seems to be hanging the moon for him. That’s why I called you here today. I made some remarkable advancements with TK here about recognizing what happened, what he did, what was his responsibility and what wasn’t. But he won’t let me intervene with his emotional walls. And they come from his relationship with you, Owen. I believe you’re the only one that can reach him” She felt out of breath. How long was it since she lost her cool like this? With a patient? Never. This case was under her skin and this fact was deeply troubling for the young woman.
“I-” Owen was at a loss of words… He… How couldn’t he ever realize this? How did he have his head so far up his ass all this time?
“Owen? Owen?!” Kwasa was preoccupied she might finally broke the man. TK was his Achilles heel, as it was also true the other way around.
On a fuss, Owen gathered himself, checking twice to see if he wasn’t forgetting anything, hadn’t dropped his keys or a coat on the couch and was on his feet ready to leave. He needed… space. Needed air. To breathe. To understand what the hell was he supposed to do now. TK was getting better. Owen knew an addict’s life wasn’t easy by any means, that the need and the pull to use was always there, even if dormant in the back of their mind, but somehow he knew their little paradise bubble in Austin was too good to be true. Owen let himself get accommodated, let himself sit back and trust things would just fall into place… He should’ve known better. To know better, that was his job, his calling in life.
“Owen, wait!” Kwasa moved closer now, one hand on his shoulder before he could turn towards the door. “ Calm down. I think you can help TK, but not like this. You need to cool it off, think it through. And, honestly, I don’t think you should do it alone”
Over his shoulder, Owen had troubled eyes, but raised an eyebrow at her.
“You’ve been taking the weight of the world on your own for all this time and where has that gotten you? TK is trapped in a loop. You need fresh eyes. TK has been torn between you and the men in his life ever since he was a teenager. I think this time, you need to tackle the subject together ” She looked at him in a way that didn’t really express it as a question.
“ What?” Owen preferred to believe he didn’t hear it right, didn’t understand what she meant .
“You never have been on the same page with any of TK’s boyfriends, but from what I’ve heard, this Carlos guy is the first good one you might actually like. He’s also trying to help TK the best that he can, TK told him everything. What if the two of you united forces?” Owen was really taken aback. TK told this cop everything? How can this be any communication problem?
“This makes no sense, I don’t even know the kid”
“Exactly. You should. And I believe that if you two work together, you can reach TK and make him realize there’s no reason to be afraid to feel again. That there’s no reason for him to jump out of his skin enough that he just wants to silence everything again ” The man understood the metaphor.
Owen stared inside her dark brown eyes for a moment. He tried everything. God knows he tried. He was a desperate man trying not to lose his son. He wasn’t really in a position to refuse help, or hope, wherever it came from.
“ Alright. I’ll talk to him. See what this is about”
“Awesome! I do believe this might work”
“Okay. It better. I don’t know what else to do, doctor” Owen looked tired. His vanity was never a secret, he did everything in his power to take care of himself. To age with quality. Nobody matched him, at first sight, with his real age. But now, suddenly, if felt like he was 20 years older.
She laughed humorlessly , not knowing what else to do. She risked her entire relationship, advancement and credibility with her patient in the name of this theory. It did, indeed, feel like time was running out and Kwasa was running out of options, but if this mission went sideways, the consequences for her career could be severe.
She could only hope.
—§—
Owen sat back behind his steering wheel in deep thought. TK had had trouble trusting people since way before Alex. What had Kwasa meant when she said about a few of TK’s boyfriends being abusive? How did Owen not know about this? It was his damn job! Tyler is his son, he’s supposed to protect him at all costs. He failed at that, apparently way more than he imagined. But he survived. He was here. TK was here . Freaking over water under the bridge would help no one. Owen had to focus his energy on what he could do now for his son.
Carlos seemed, well, like the better choice Tyler made so far, so if that was a win, Owen would take it because he really needed one of those right now. He drove back to the firestation, thinking about stopping by the police precinct for he had no idea how to contact this officer, but he remembered once he saw Michelle laughing around with him like they had some intimacy; therefore Owen thought again and judged better to ask her for Carlos’ number than the other option.
When he arrived, still on his shift hours – the perks of being the boss -, Judd ran to question him if everything was ok, if he was feeling anything, which… Was both heart-warming and endearing. A red neck cowboy not afraid to show his affection in deep Texas. This world had come a long way and Owen could only hope it kept on going.
He went straight for Michelle’s office, the identical glass aquarium across the lounge he projected and didn’t even got a thank you note for. Talk about women with power getting under his skin. He didn’t knock, but she heard the sound of the door opening and raised her head from the paperwork she was currently engaged into.
“ Hey, Captain Blake, got a minute?” He didn’t even change into the uniform. Luckily it was TK’s day off so he wouldn’t have to fake a straight face to him. Not that it was something hard to do.
“Of course, Captain Strand. Come in” She fired back with that always daring tone that kept Owen on edge. Sweet Lord , one of these days...
“Actually, I just need a quick favor. I need your friend, the officer, I need his number”
Michelle stared at him for just a microsecond, like if her brain was trying to pick up when she was really busy thinking about something else – not the boring paperwork, something more serious -, and then she gave him that side smile that at this point seemed reserved only for him. Owen could almost hear the gears rotating inside her head, the internal debate and he could never shake the feeling that this woman always, always was going to know more than him about any given situation, always was going to be ahead in this surreal race for control – for power – they started when they first met. Owen thought about claiming his potential losing before, but he was not a man that just gave up on a challenge.
“I would usually ask why, but somehow I don’t feel like I wanna know this time” She replied in a way that kept the conversation in the light, funny, teasing side; but opened to interpretation that she understood way more of the situation that she let on. Owen thanked God, mentally, because he liked their little dance, but he was not in the mood in this specific day.
Situations involving TK always drown out Owen most primitive side. It was the one place Owen always allowed himself to lo o se his cool. It doesn’t mattered if TK was 17, 23 or 103. Owen was Tyler’s father and he chose this motherfucking hateful name and he’d make it up to his son for the rest of his life.
“ Thank you, Michelle” He said, while she wrote the decorated number on a piece of paper, not dwelling twice on Owen’s vulnerable tone of voice. She knew something was up, and in the right time she’d come to know all the details – tonight, by farthest, because Carlos could not keep any secrets from her even if he wanted to.
Owen took the information and left without another word.
He dwel l ed on it the whole night, with himself, if he should really do this. After confronting himself, honestly, with the results he got so far; he believed he did.
Young people did not call. So he texted Carlos, introducing himself and setting a time and a place.
It was a date.
It was not the first time Owen went on a date with a gay guy. There was this newbie on his firehouse in ‘94 that invited him to a Whitney Houston show on Madison Square Garden, but Owen did not understand it was supposed to be a date until the guy kissed him at the end. His brothers and sisters teased him about it, because Owen was that oblivious. Now he found it to be funny, but the guy left the firehouse because of it.
The next day, as usual when it’s important, Owen was there 15 minutes before the set up. Carlos was there 30 minutes before.
Both men were sweating cold in the Texan heat.
They discussed it and decided it was best for them to meet in a public place – where, if things got too out of control, Owen could have an escape route -, with lots of people, after Carlos suggested this Latino Food Truck Fair that was happening in the south-side that week. Owen wasn’t the keenest person on jalapeno spice, but he wasn’t really meeting Carlos for his amazing taste in food.
It was packed with people, and Owen did not expect that. Not only latinx people, but seemed like every liberal in the city decided to go down in that same day. There were a lot of food trucks, obviously, but he suspected things got a little out of control for the city of Austin because it was the equivalent of the space of a football stadium full with tents – huge variety in delicacies -, but also artists performing music of all genres at each corner. Some with just a guitar , some with full set-up, making it really interesting in a way Owen didn’t think he’d find so soon after New York’s blink-and-you-might-miss-it number of cultural activities. There were street artists doing their thing, some serious painters and sculptors and even people making political protests. It was loud, bright and colorful. Owen decided he liked it.
And he had to tell his team that was new in town and didn’t know much interesting things to do here yet about this. Maybe they’d be able to take a look before the end of the week.
H e was in a tent analyzing a particularly intricate bracelet he thought Zoe would like when Carlos found him.
“Good evening, sir” He called out, hands in his front pockets like didn’t what to do with them .
“Hey, Carlos. Nice to finally, and properly, meet you” Owen extended his hand. He tried to keep his voice neutral. His objective was not to spook or threaten Carlos in any way. He was, indeed, tense; but he didn’t want to push this good guy away from his son. “You can call me Owen, if you like”
“It would be… Weird, but I suppose now is a good time as any to start” Carlos wanted to beat himself for letting it slip in his first line that he expected to be close to Owen someday. That implied, of course, that things with TK would get serious. If TK allowed it, Carlos would like that very much.
But then again, if it wasn’t because of his and TK’s fling; why else would Fire Captain Owen Strand, too proud and new yorker to even give you a second look unless you had or were something of his interest, ever contact Carlos and ask him to meet to talk in person?
M ichelle wouldn’t even have to pressure too hard to extract everything about this night from either of them.
Owen forgot about the bracelet and motioned for them to go for a walk. It was loud, not tha t different from Manhattan, and Owen felt a streak of comfort over the familiarity.
“ Would you like to eat something, Cap – I mean, Owen?” Carlos felt like he was in fucking high school again, tripping over his words for a man.
“ Nah, I’m not hungry yet. Let’s keep walking, there’s too much to see here. We can grab something to eat later”
They stopped in front of a singer doing a version in Spanish, only in her guitar, of an Ed Sheeran song. W hen the song was over, they clapped and left a tip; the air between the two men was heavy. Neither knew exactly what to say, but Owen took the responsibility to keep things at least amicable.
“So…” Carlos offered. He was a huge man, massive arms, however all Owen could see when he looked at him was a puppy.
“So, I obviously called you here to talk about TK”
“It was what I imagined then”
“Well, don’t get me wrong, you seem to be a nice guy, but I don’t really swing that way” Owen gave him a nonchalant grin tha t was too much alike TK’s flirty one. “It came to my attention that you and my son have been seeing each other and things got… A little out of hand. Am I right?”
Carlos stared at him for a moment. TK didn’t seem like the kind of guy that would like for anyone to know about his hook-ups with Carlos, so for what reason was his father in front of him right now?
“Yeah, we… I don’t really know how to do no-strings-attached, apparently”
“TK doesn’t either. I never knew of any of his relationships lasting less than 6 months. But he’s been through some stuff back in New York… It actually comes to my attention that you know of some of it”
“Yes, I do” His shoulders locked into place immediately. Should Carlos tell TK’s dad and boss about the time he got arrested?
“Relax, kid. I know of TK’s arrest. I wasn’t happy with it, nor will I ever admit it to him, but I’m glad you were there when I couldn’t reach him” Carlos let out his breath, finally.
“I was worried if I told you, then you’d have to take some measures that might not please TK. We know he’d blame me, things would get even more complicated between us” They didn’t have to say it. If Owen had to pull TK away from working the field, hell would break loose.
“You know, TK didn’t use to be like this. He was a genuine kid wearing his open heart for the world to see. Some people took advantage of that, and now he has to protect himself in an instinct to survive. I t might come across as disinterest, but I assure you deep down he’s the same bright-eyed innocent boy. You’re good for him”
“ I’m sorry, sir, but I-”
“Oh, you know you do. The only times I see TK relaxed nowadays are when he’s on his way to you” Carlos couldn’t help to smile at that. TK liked him. It was good to know, if the man himself wouldn’t tell him.
“What I’m concerned about is TK’s addiction. I know you know about it. You’re the only person he has trusted in a while, the only one to whom he disclosed this. The night of the fight, he went looking for trouble in a desperate attempt of both getting attention and not feeling lonely-”
“ He said he felt everything was gray, that he was numb all the time here in Austin and he just wanted to feel something” Carlos didn’t mean to step out of his lane, but he didn’t feel Owen quite got what TK went through yet. Then again, they’re father and son and Carlos couldn’t make assumptions about other people’s relationships. They’ve been doing this forever.
“ Right, and I’m sure he felt something with you; I suppose that scared him” Owen was so natural talking about his son’s intimacies with another man, it made Carlos uncomfortable. B etween being jealous TK had a relationship like this with his father and if a father-son bond was really supposed to be like this. “Maybe it wasn’t the only factor, but I feel that was a variable that pushed him to want to use again. Honestly, I’m just glad he didn’t and you were there and everything turned out fine”
“ You’re concerned it might not turn out so easily the next time”
“ Exactly”
“Look, I do care about your son, Owen. But I don’t understand what I’m doing here. I’m not Tyler’s boyfriend, he won’t allow me anywhere near his personal and emotional life… I don’t feel like I can do much for him”
Owen could not let it go that Carlos used TK’s first name on a sentence with such ease like that. Ok, he was a cop and arrested his son, so it was logical he had his way of finding out TK’s real name; but even so, if he did use it close to the man himself, TK would throw a temper tantrum parade. The only reason for this man in front of him to be using his son’s real name without a second thought was if TK himself allowed it. Which meant… Oh, poor kid. He had no idea.
“That’s where you’re wrong, Carlos. TK is into you way deeper than you realize. Definitely way more than he lets it show” Owen licked his lips and held Carlos’ attention in his gaze, because this was indeed important.
“Maybe. Maybe he’s just playing with me. I’m sorry, Owen, this makes me very uncomfortable. I made dinner for us last week and he flipped on me. We haven’t really spoken since, except for the arrest . I don’t know how we stand, if we even do”
“You made dinner?” Owen was an independent man, but he couldn’t say cooking was his strong suit. Neither was his son’s. In fact, never had he ever heard about any of TK’s boyfriends cooking for him. It had partially to do with the fact that in New York you had all the possible types of food for an incredible low price being offered of take out apps, but it also had a lot to say about the men TK had been with.
To take time, to put in the effort, to make something nice for someone with your own hands said a lot about the kind of person you are. Owen was getting a bigger picture on this man. Was he going to be able not to root for him and his son to be together before the night ends?
And, also, you know; the fact that this one actually had a serious job, seemed to be on his own feet emotionally and financially and wanted to be good for TK.
Carlos didn’t know how to answer to Owen’s surprise, so Owen judged TK told him some of his past; but not all of it.
“ Yeah, and it blew out in my face spectacularly” Carlos offered him an unsure look.
“I guess what I’m trying to say is: do not let this attempts to keep you at arms length drive you away. You might not understand yet, son, but you’re doing good. Keep trying. That’s all I’m asking for”
Please do not give up on him, please do not forget about him and walk away. Please do not leave him like I did. Please don’t be me. Were the things Owen did not say, but meant to say.
And Carlos, well, Carlos was thrown off by both his request and the fact this man was calling him son. He had daddy issues, ok?
“Okay… I think I can do that. I don’t like to, but Tyler is worth it. You know, a friend gave me similar advice not long ago”
“Was that friend Michelle?” Somehow Owen just knew it in his gut. Once again, ten steps ahead of him.
“ Yeah” They both laughed it off, tension dissipating a little.
O wen felt like his mission was accomplished. And he had a new friend, hopefully.
“I’ll take that offer to eat something now”
“ Good. My aunt has a truck just around the corner and she makes enchiladas to die for” He gave a proud grin.
Oh, boy. Owen was not one to put anything on his body, specially with his chemo, but if Carlos’ mother was able to teach him anything, it was that the way to a man’s heart was through his stomach. Sooner or later Carlos would have to sweep Owen off his feet too, if in any possibility things between him and TK ever moved forward. Now was as good as a time as ever. So why don’t star now?