Work Text:
Depression is something you don’t want to have, Frank knows this because he has it.
Some days are good, happily for Frank, he’s been having a lot of good days since he started to play more his acoustic and then they got even better when he met Gerard. But of course, they were still days where he couldn’t bother to get out of bed, what’s the point either way? He thought “We’re all going to die, everyone is alone in this horrible planet” Why are we here, why do we have to work, get money, why do we have to breathe? What is the point?
Today was a bad day -no, erase that. Today was a horrible, terrible, despicable day. He just wanted to stay home and mope all day and he didn’t want to take his medicine –he fucking hated medicine.
He felt the bed twitch when Gerard woke up and went to the bathroom, when he came out he looked at Frank’s frame under the sheets.
“Hey”
Frank groaned.
“Are you feeling okay?” Gerard asked, like he did every morning.
He just groaned yet again and pulled the covers down his chin to look at Gerard, who gratefully hadn’t opened the curtains.
The older pursed his lips and looked at him worriedly. “Okay, baby” he said, then reached down to give Frank a kiss on the forehead, “I’ll call in sick for you”. He got out of the room and closed the door so the noise wouldn’t bother him.
While Gerard was out, he couldn’t stop thinking of how good he was, he was such an awesome boyfriend, he took care of Frank and always gave him tea and helped him when he got ill and he even was mostly vegetarian now, just because of him. He started to think he didn’t deserve such a kind and thoughtful boyfriend, Frank thought of himself as someone that was always so needy and helpless, Gerard was so attractive and gorgeous and a beautiful person, and he wasn’t that cute, he couldn’t help people often because he was so fucked up in the head, he couldn’t even take care of Gerard when he was sick because his boyfriend’s immune system was so strong, he only caught a cold twice and Frank caught it too, but harder.
He didn’t even realize he had a tear running down his face, he could only think about how he didn’t deserve Gerard, but he loved him so much, and he felt like he was holding the other back from living a full on happy life like he should, with someone that wasn’t a sick and ugly bastard and that could travel miles and miles at a time without getting sick or anxious in the middle of it all.
He was crying silently, calling himself names in his head, when Gerard opened the door, he was holding a cup of something –if he put it in his side it was coffee, if not, tea- in his hand.
“I called in sick for both of us, I’m going to stay here with you becau—Frank? Are you crying?” Gerard stopped suddenly to say, he put the cup carefully on Frank’s bedside table and then cupped Frank’s cheek and rubbed his thumb under his eye.
Frank didn’t even tried to hide it, he just closed his eyes, letting more tears stream down his face.
“Oh, Frankie why?” Gerard said and when Frank didn’t answer he put his hand away and walked to his side of the bed.
He climbed on it and cuddled close to Frank, getting under the sheets and becoming the big spoon, he gave Frank kisses on his hair and his neck and then put his nose in his hair, smelling the clean, flowery and fluffy mess.
“Let it out, it’s okay” he whispered, “I’m here, I’ll be here for as long as you want me to”
Frank let out a shaky breath, then said his first words of the day, so quietly that if Gerard hadn’t been so close he wouldn’t have heard him “I love you, I don’t deserve you”
Gerard pulled away just a little, just enough so that he could look at Frank in the eyes. “Hey, no. Don’t think like that. Yes, you do deserve me, I can’t believe I have you with me right now, you are amazing Frank”
“I don’t believe that” Frank whispered.
“I’m not asking you to force that thought on yourself, I’m asking you to accept the fact that I love you, that I do believe you’re amazing, that for me you are the most beautiful person in the whole world, inside and out.” Gerard answered in the same soft tone.
Another tear escaped Frank’s eye, but this wasn’t one of sadness, it was of love. “Stay with me here?” He asked, finally grabbing Gerard’s hand that was in his chest and squeezing.
Gerard smiled sweetly and gave him a kiss on the tip of his nose. “Of course, I’ll be your big spoon”
They stayed like that until they fell asleep, then they woke up at 3:00pm but they didn’t move from bed, Frank let Gerard drown him in kisses and licks and nips, touches and caresses and pure, pure love.
FIN