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Zuko doesn’t remember how old he was, when his mother first took him to the turtle-duck pond.
Most likely, he was a baby, he knows. Because for as long as he can recall, when he was growing up, his mother would take him out to the palace gardens; would play with him, entertain him on the lush grounds. And as he grows up, it becomes their thing; they feed the turtle-ducks together.
The first time that he really remembers it though, is the first time that he finds himself by the turtle-duck pond, alone.
He’s only four years old. And he knows, that his mother doesn’t like it when he wanders the palace grounds by himself; but, she’s been away in some stuffy old meeting with his father all day, and he’s alone, and bored.
He could play with his sister; but Azula is only two, just learning how to walk, and stuck in the nursery, and he wants to explore.
So, he does. He makes his way through the palace, avoiding the servants as best he can, and eventually, he finds himself alone in the gardens.
He knows the way through; soon, he finds himself by the turtle-duck pond, taking a seat and staring in fascination down at the water.
At first, there’s nothing. No movement, save for a few dragon-spider-flies and waving reeds. But soon, he bends closer, and out of the tall grasses comes first one head, then two, then more.
Soon, the entire flock of turtle-ducks is sitting around him, making loud cries and watching him with big eyes.
He winces, to himself; he should have brought them food, but he’d forgotten. His mother has always done it for him before; he’s never thought about where the food comes from.
Eventually, once most of them realize that he has nothing for them, they return to the safety of the water; except for one small duckling, which waddles its way onto his lap and stares at him, cheeping.
Very slowly, Zuko reaches out a finger, and pats it on the head.
The duckling apparently decides that this makes him safe; promptly, it falls asleep.
He doesn’t dare to move, after that; instead he stays by the pond for hours, until he, too, eventually lies down, and falls asleep, missing dinner and Agni only knows what else.
The servants find him later that night, with the baby turtle-duck still curled up on his lap.
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He knows, that Azula has always had a mean streak.
She’s his little sister, and he loves her; but, she can be violent. At age five, she’s already got her bending, while he at age seven does not; and sometimes, she is prone to testing it out on him.
He’s gotten very good at dodging.
It’s one day, as they’re playing together in the gardens, that he brings her to the turtle-duck pond. She’s been before, of course, but always with their mother, together. Right now, though, their mother is busy, and he wants to feed the turtle-ducks, with her.
Azula looks- admittedly, somewhat bored, as the ducks begin to gather round him, as he breaks off pieces of bread, but it’ll just take some time. He’ll show her, how fun they can be-
Right as he’s reaching to hand over more bread, Azula snatches the entire loaf from him, and throws it at the ducks.
They scatter, quacking angrily, and he stares at her, feeling miffed. Why would she-
But she’s laughing, now. For the first time in a while, his sister is laughing, and smiling, with him, and- he doesn’t want to ruin the moment. Usually, she’s laughing at him.
So he smiles, back, tentatively.
Later, though, when he shows his mother how Azula did it, his mother scolds him. And one of the mother ducks who’s always been nice to him in the past nips at him angrily; he has to feed her several, smaller chunks of bread, before she will consent to him being near her or her babies, again.
And the worst part is that he can’t even blame them.
After that, he stops playing with Azula by the turtle-duck pond.
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When his mother disappears, he doesn’t leave the turtle-duck pond until he’s forced to.
He stays by the water, surrounded by peeping ducklings, and doesn’t move, because how can he? Nothing makes sense anymore.
Mother is gone. Gone. How can she be gone- how can she not be coming back? Mother has always been there for him, and now-
Now he’s left alone with no one. Because Lu Ten is dead, and Uncle Iroh, who he doesn’t know very well anyways, is away on a spirit-journey, no one knows where, and-
He has Azula, and he loves her, but as they’ve grown up, he’s become less and less sure if she loves him back; and Mai and Ty Lee are Azula’s friends, not his.
And Father, well- Father loves him, he knows. Father just doesn’t often show it, and never spends much time with him, so-
Zuko’s alone now, and all he has left are the turtle-ducks. They crowd around him, and listlessly, he pulls out chunks of bread; feeds it to them, and curls up on the ground when he’s done, staring at nothing. Several of the ducklings decide that this makes him a good napping spot, as they are prone to do- they fall asleep on him.
And it’s nice. He’s not sure how long he stays there, curled up with turtle-ducks. Except that eventually, servants come to fetch him; he is the Crown Prince now, and he cannot spend his life by the pond.
But, he wishes that he could; because it’s the only thing that makes sense anymore.
______________________________
The night before his first Agni Kai is a momentous one.
He goes out to the turtle-duck pond, because it is his place now; no one else’s. Not even Uncle Iroh, who has taken to spending more time with him of late, comes out here to join him; Zuko is alone.
And he likes it that way. Here, he can think.
He’s not nervous, about his Agni Kai. Rather, he’s almost excited.
General Bujing is old, and incompetent. Zuko knows, that he can beat the old general, even though he’s not a prodigy- even though he’s not the best bender. And this means that this is his chance.
Father is displeased with him, he knows, for speaking out of turn- which he shouldn’t have done. But- Father is always displeased with him for something, anyways.
He tries. Really, he does. And maybe, he doesn’t have Azula’s innate silver tongue for politics, or her bending prowess, and maybe he doesn’t fully understand the demands of war, yet, but-
But he tries. And this is his chance, now to prove to Father that he will be a good Crown Prince.
Beating Bujing will prove that he’s not as weak as people have always told him. It will prove that he has merit; that with time, he will be fit to take the throne from his father; fit to lead the Fire Nation into its next great era.
And of course, it will also mean that he'll have the authority to officially oppose Bujing’s plan; that he can save the forty-first division of soldiers, from what will certainly be their deaths.
He can’t believe, that Father would go through with that- but maybe, Father wouldn’t. Maybe, Father would have spoken against the plan first, before Zuko so rudely interrupted.
Either way, after tomorrow, things will be better. People will no longer laugh at him, or scorn him; he’ll have earned merit, through his own efforts.
So, he brings the turtle-ducks a large loaf of bread, that night; larger than normal. It’s a celebration, after all.
And he smiles, as they all crowd around him as usual; as they wake up from their slumber for the food. Like him, they’ve grown over the years; there are more of them than ever. The adults will be laying their eggs, soon- he can’t wait to see the newest batch of babies.
They’ll be adorable, he knows.
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There are no turtle-ducks in the open ocean.
Which, should be an obvious fact. Turtle-ducks are amphibious, for one; and it’s not as though they like salt water, either. There won’t be any turtle-ducks, here on his brand-new (old, repurposed, scrap-metal) ship.
It’s yet another of the facets, of this strange, horrid new life.
These days, Zuko wakes up screaming in the middle of the night, from nightmares of fire and pain and his flesh is roasting, he can still smell it-
When he looks around frantically, though, he’s not at home. He can’t leave the comfort of his bedroom, and go down to the turtle-duck pond, find comfort there. Instead, he’s surrounded by the cold steel walls of his ship; nothing around him for miles but open ocean.
And his face aches.
The first few months of being at sea are agonizing. He wants to go home. But he’s on a seemingly hopeless quest, and he has trouble walking, and balancing not because of the water but his depth perception is off-
And there are no turtle-ducks. He didn’t- he didn’t even get to say goodbye to them, not properly, and who’s going to feed them bread now that he’s gone?
Everything is upside-down and wrong.
He won’t give up, though. So he relearns how to walk properly; relearns how to fight with his dao and his bending. He adapts, promising himself that the faster he completes his mission, the faster that he can go home.
He scours the world, for any hint of the Avatar. Through the most remote terrain possible; the tiniest villages; anywhere, that a hundred-year-old airbending monk might be hiding.
And eventually, he does it. What none of his forefathers before him managed to complete; Zuko finds the Avatar.
The chase is on; across the entire world, involving pirates and prison-break-outs and bloody Zhao and the absolutely freezing wastes of the North Pole, with two stubborn Water Tribe kids and-
Through it all, Zuko doesn’t give up. He can’t.
It’s his only way back home.
______________________________
Zuko hates living in Ba Sing Se.
It’s dusty and dry, filled with the stench of humans packed tightly together and an oppressive, angry heat, nothing like the warm humidity that marks his homeland. Not to mention, the stuffy traditions, the completely useless mantra that these people seem to live by.
There is no war in Ba Sing Se.
He was the former Crown Prince; he was raised to know politics. He’s perfectly aware of the suppression tactics that governments will often use to keep their citizens quiet, broken and uninformed; and Ba Sing Se positively reeks of them.
(Though, as of late, his stomach has been squirming; the more that he travels through the Earth Kingdom, the more that he’s begun to worry that his father is doing the same, to their own people.)
But, he tries to put it all out of his mind; tries not to worry, and focus instead on the ‘new life’ that Uncle claims they are building for themselves.
After all, as much as he hates it, there’s nothing else for him to do. He is not a Prince here, not even someone remotely important; instead the lowest of the low, not worth being given a second glance.
And he cannot capture the Avatar, anymore, not like this.
One of the worst parts of living in Ba Sing Se, however, is the fact that at nights, when he crawls onto the rooftops and flies over the city in a need to expend his energy, he can see the Earth King’s Palace, in the distance.
Proud. Strong. Tall. Undefeated. Fit for a king.
It’s absolutely nothing like the palace back at home, in the Caldera. But it is a palace, the first one he’s properly seen since he was banished; and though unfamiliar, the sight makes him ache.
It’s a cruel taunt, really. It makes him long even more to be back home, to have the finer comforts that he’s missed, over the past three years. Not having to worry about starvation, about sleeping on the hard ground, not seeing the place where he grew up.
And the turtle-ducks. It’s been three years since he last saw a turtle-duck, and maybe that’s a trivial concern, but he wants.
He wants to see turtle-ducks again. He wants to be back home, in his own palace, by the pond, feeding the ducks bread. He doesn’t want to be here, struggling with his own identity and ideology, as he fights for scraps in a foreign land that he cannot stand.
It only gets worse when he and Uncle get moved to the Upper Ring. Because now, they actually have a bit of wealth, but it’s not enough, not the same, and the palace looms even closer, sneering down at him.
So, when the Avatar’s group does show up in Ba Sing Se; when he falls ill, warring with himself, and gets forcibly dragged back into the whole mess; when Katara stands in front of him, showing him a crossroads-
He cannot help but think of the turtle-ducks, think of the things that he wants.
And Zuko wants to go home.
______________________________
At least he has the turtle-ducks again.
There are less than he remembers, which makes him wince. Turtle-duck is, after all, a delicacy in the Earth Kingdom, nor is it unpopular amongst the nobles here, either; and he knows, that his Father used to sometimes crave roast turtle-duck. Back before- everything, he’d always done his best to keep them from being eaten, but-
Sometimes, a few would go missing anyways, and he’d hated it. But it seems, in the three years that he’s been gone, there’s been no one to subtly suggest different dishes; no one to try and protect the turtle-ducks.
There’s less than half of them, from what he remembers. But they’re still here.
A lot of them don’t seem to remember him; which makes sense. Many of them are younger; babies have been born, and they’re hesitant around him.
But he takes the time, to get to know them again; spends hours a day, each day, out at the pond, feeding them. Because he’s missed this- missed them terribly.
And out of everything, they’re the thing in his life that makes the most sense.
Everything feels different. Home is not… not what he thought it would be.
To begin with, it’s stressful. Azula told Father that he killed the Avatar, and that’s- a whole other set of problems. He sends an assassin, wincing at the curl of shame in his gut, because- he knows that trying to kill a twelve-year-old child is wrong, but the alternative will be bad, too.
Because- he knows that the boy is still alive. Knows it in his bones.
And then on top of that, home is… not the dream, the way he’d always thought.
He has no one to talk to. Not even Mai; because as much as they’re now dating, he doesn’t know her, anymore. Hasn’t known her in years. And his conflicting thoughts, about how he’s ended up back here, he can’t talk to her about.
He can’t trust that she won’t tell Azula; and he hates that fact. That she doesn’t even listen to him, half the time, and-
But he tries, there. Because he does like her well enough, after all, and- it’s expected of him.
She’s not all, though. Being back in the lap of luxury, as much as he’s craved it, is also strange. He’s gotten so used to living rough, taking care of himself, that having servants to constantly do it for him now is just weird.
And the worst part of all, is Uncle.
The guilt in the back of his throat chokes him, every time that he takes a breath. And he tries to make it right, tries to visit the old man, but-
But Uncle refuses to even speak to him.
And then he tries to tell himself that it’s all Uncle’s fault, but-
He can’t even believe that lie. Because as much as he wishes that he could, he can’t unlearn all the things that he found out, after three years away from home. How the rest of the world really sees the Fire Nation’s conquest; what people truly think of his father, his family.
And every day, it just gets worse, until home becomes less of a dream, and more of a nightmare.
So, he spends increasingly long hours, with the turtle-ducks. Because they, out of everyone here, are the only ones that still seem to love him, even with all his problems.
When the last straw comes; when he learns who his other great-grandfather is, and what his Father wants to do to the Earth Kingdom, though-
He can’t take it, anymore. He can’t deny the truth.
So, he packs his bags. Writes a break-up letter to Mai. Prepares to break Uncle out of jail, prepares to confront his father, prepares to do what he should have done all those months ago, when a twelve-year-old first asked him do you think we could have been friends?
But before he goes, he makes sure to say goodbye to the turtle-ducks, and properly this time.
Because he doesn’t know, really, if he’ll ever get to see them again.
______________________________
Living with the Avatar’s gang is difficult.
Not that he was expecting it to be remotely easy.
Frankly, he still thinks that it’s a bit of a miracle, that they’d even allowed him to join them. Even now, after he’s taken Aang to the den of the dragons, after he’s gotten his firebending back and he feels better than he has in years, they haven’t magically accepted him.
Which, fair. He can't blame them.
Katara, of course, hates him, and he’s certain that she’s just waiting for an excuse to shove him off the cliff-side of the Western Air temple with his body stabbed full of icicles. Sokka is… distrustful, and mildly antagonistic, but not as cruel as her. Teo, The Duke, and Haru avoid him, at all costs.
Toph is… interesting. Despite him burning her feet, she seems to be almost alright with him; she’ll seek him out and initiate conversation, and she’s not harsh the way that the others can be. She’s… friendly, even, which is a strange thought, because he’s not used to people being friendly.
He likes her, he thinks. She’s… like what Azula and he could have been, what he wishes-
And Aang, after their trip, is like a hyperactive ball of sunshine; by far the nicest.
Despite Aang and Toph’s kindness, though, it’s still not easy. So, Zuko does his best to avoid them all, most of the time. He doesn’t want to get in their way, or give them any reason to distrust him more than they already do.
He just wants to do what he came for; that is, train the Avatar, and help to stop the war.
It’s one day, though, that as he’s training Aang, he hears a very familiar call. His heart stops for a second, and he races off in the middle of their lesson, because he knows that call, and what is-
He finds Sokka, at the edge of a small pond near the base of the temple, with his sword held aloft, about to kill a wild mother turtle-duck protecting a flock of babies.
And Zuko sees red.
He dives in between the sword and the ducks, holding his arms out, because- he doesn’t want to hurt Sokka, and he’d really rather not get stabbed through, but he’s also not going to let these precious wild turtle-ducks be killed.
There are turtle-ducks here, after all. He wasn’t sure he’d ever see turtle-ducks again.
The Water Tribe boy barely stops the swinging blade in time, screeching at him about meaty goodness and stupid jerkbenders, but- Zuko’s no longer paying attention. Instead, he’s whirled around, kneeling to look at the turtle-duck-family.
They’ve retreated into the pond-water, and the mother is snapping at him angrily, while the babies are cowering.
All their commotion brings the rest of the group running. Sokka rants, for a good five minutes about how Zuko has deprived him of a delicious meal. Katara, ever quick to hate him, agrees that if Sokka wants roast turtle-duck, then Sokka should have roast turtle-duck.
Teo, The Duke, and Haru seem mostly confused, and uncaring. Toph, on the other hand, is amused. Zuko doubts that she cares either way, though she does point out that braised turtle-duck is a delicacy in the Earth Kingdom.
But Aang, ever the pacifist, immediately takes Zuko’s side and ends the argument; and he can’t deny that he’s pathetically grateful.
The Avatar tries to approach the turtle-ducks himself; but they’re scared of the boy’s loud nature. And it’s at this point that Zuko remembers they were in the middle of a lesson; they should really continue.
So, he herds Aang away, and the rest of the group follows, though Sokka continues to loudly protest.
Later, when the lesson is over and Toph has dragged Aang away for earthbending, he manages to beg a piece of bread away from Katara (though, not without intense arguing, and seriously, how on earth could he possibly use bread to drag Aang back to the Fire Lord-), and he goes back to the pond.
The turtle-ducks are, at first, hidden behind the reeds, and the mother is suspicious. They are, after all, wild creatures; nothing like the used-to-humans ones in the palace.
But, he manages to coax them out, with quiet words, and chunks of bread, and soon he’s got the whole flock surrounding him.
It’s comforting. It’s familiar. It’s the one piece of home that’s never changed for him, no matter what else has, and he loves it.
He takes to spending a lot of time there; in between training Aang. Sometimes, Toph will join him; other times, Aang will come too, though it takes a lot of effort for one of the babies to be near the Avatar without quacking in distress.
Sokka tries to sneak in a few more times, to grab himself a duck; but Zuko refuses to let the Water Tribe boy near. The Duke, Teo, and Haru pop by once, before getting bored. And Katara, of course, never comes at all.
Though, she does begrudgingly start giving him bread without him asking, acting as though he’s some strange, exotic creature that she has no idea what to do with.
Which, he’ll take it.
When they eventually, have to leave; when Azula crashes the Air Temple, and sends them running for their lives, it’s the second time in his life that he’s not gotten to properly say goodbye to turtle-ducks. Which, he doesn’t like.
He hopes, though, that they’ll be okay.
______________________________
Ember Island is a mess of contradictions.
On one hand, he really doesn’t want to be here. This place holds many memories, not all of which are bad in the least, but they’re… soured, now. He can no longer look at them through the rose-colored lens that he used to have.
Not to mention, the last time he was here he somewhat… trashed the place, so that’s awkward.
On the other hand, though, it’s a safe place. The best place to train and hide out, as they await the arrival of Sozin’s comet. So… he simply pushes his misgivings to the side, and deals with it.
Besides, it’s not as though the place is ugly. He can’t deny that Ember Island, and specifically his family’s villa, are some of the prettiest places in the world.
And more specifically to his own tastes, the villa has a turtle-duck pond.
It’s not like the one in the palace; not well-kept. There hasn’t been anyone here properly in years, after all, who bothered to take care of it. Nor is it like the wild-pond at the temple; this is a man-made space.
But, it still has turtle-ducks.
He didn’t visit it the last time he was here, too wary of Azula. But now, he goes out onto the villa grounds after they’ve all settled in, to find it, and gets the shock of his life.
The population here is huge. With no one coming to eat them, no one to disturb them, and plenty of plant-life to chow-down on, the turtle-duck pond is positively overflowing with ducks. Not to mention, the pond is bigger than the one back in the palace, anyways; it stretches out into the forest beyond.
And that forest is part of the villa grounds, with very few natural predators for the turtle-ducks; so, they’ve thrived.
It’s awesome.
Similar to back at the Air Temple, he takes to sitting with the ducks in the spare amount of free time that he has. This time, Katara does come to join him; so does Toph, and Aang, too, has learned to be more quiet, and aware of the ducks.
Suki even manages to drag Sokka out, a few times, though the warrior is constantly bemoaning his lack of meat.
There’s an air of tension running through all of them, of course. Every day, Sozin’s comet draws nearer; every day, the fight of their lives, for the fate of their world, looms ever-closer.
But, even in these uncertain times, the turtle-ducks are there for him. They’re calming and peaceful, in a way that nothing else ever quite has been.
No one else quite seems to agree with his description of them; Aang calls them excitable, Toph calls them trouble-makers, Katara claims that he’s building an army, Suki sees them as fierce, and Sokka only sees them as meat-morsels.
Zuko doesn’t get what they mean; but, that’s alright. After all, he’s still got the turtle-ducks.
______________________________
It is the night before his coronation, and he’s terrified.
No matter what Uncle says, no matter how hard he’s tried to be better, he’s sixteen years old. He has no idea how to rule a country.
Especially not a country that just ended a war; a country that the rest of the world still hates. If he makes even the slightest mistake, it could seriously mess up the fragile peace that they’ve all fought so hard for.
Alone in the chambers of a palace that he doesn’t know as well as he used to, and not wanting to contemplate the possibilities anymore, he does what he’s always done before. He goes to find the turtle-duck pond, bringing with him a loaf of bread.
It hasn’t been that long, since he left to join the Avatar. There’s one turtle-duck missing, and it makes him cringe; but overall, they’re still there, and they still remember him.
They wake up when they see him, and crowd around him as eagerly as they always have; eager for food, eager for the warmth that he naturally emits. He lets them swarm him, sitting back against the tree next to the pond, and inhales softly.
Here, he doesn’t have to worry about the things that are out of his control. Here, the only things that matter are the soft cheeping of the baby turtle-duck on his knee, the eager father duck stealing a huge chunk of bread away from the loaf.
He closes his eyes. Keeps his hand gently running over the head of the baby, with the whole flock of turtle-ducks sitting on and around him, and takes another deep breath.
Zuko falls asleep, to the quiet sounds of the turtle-ducks.