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Draco stared at the high ceiling of the hospital wing. It was dark so he was barely able to see it. He had no damn clue what time it was, but it was definitely way past midnight.
Of course he was bloody tired!
For a fact, he’d been tired for the past 9 months. Not that anyone would care. But as it was, he couldn’t give himself up to sleep. He had a job to do and he would finish it! He had to! Sleep was a waste of time!
Now you’d ask “well, isn’t staring at the ceiling even more of a waste of time?” Yes, it is! But Draco was in pain. Whenever he made the smallest of attempts to move, agony would spread from his torso into the length of his limbs. Meaning there was no chance of him grabbing his wand from the nightstand in order to summon some pain-killing potion from Madam Pomfrey’s stock in order to drink it in order to reach a pain level at which he could leave the hospital wing on his own in order to make some progress on that bloody task!
And once again this was all on bloody Potter! Fucking idiot. Thinking he’s entitled to listen in on people’s conversation just because he’s The Boy Who Lived. And what even was that curse he used on him? Draco was sure he’d never heard of it before and that’s definitely saying something. The only thing he knew about the curse now was that it’s bloody painful if you get hit by it. Seeing as he wasn’t actually able to move at the moment, he hadn’t taken a good look at the wounds yet, but Madam Pomfrey had said there would probably be scarring. Not that she knew because obviously she had never heard of the curse either. The only one who apparently did know something about it was Severus, but he-
Draco’s thoughts were interrupted as a small noise over at the door caught his attention. Someone was coming in. A visitor? Probably not. If Pansy - or anyone else for that matter - had wanted to visit him, they would’ve done it during the day. No one had, though. Which was no big surprise. He had ignored and neglected his house mates for the whole year, fully concentrating on the task he needed to accomplish. If he had learned one thing in his time at Hogwarts, it was that you can’t expect people to care for you, if you don’t show them you care for them at all. Or if you don’t really care for them in the first place.
There were footsteps approaching his bed and Draco’s heart was beating out of his damaged chest in fear. If whoever was coming was here to do him further harm, he’d have no way of defending himself. The bed to his right creaked a little as someone was sitting down on it. They probably thought Draco to be asleep. What did they come here for? Watching him lying unconscious? Weirdo. For the next few minutes, the room stayed dead silent and with each one, Draco grew more and more uneasy. Who was it? What did they want?
Eventually, he decided to find out. Slowly, he angled his head a tiny bit to the right and then glimpsed through his eyelashes at the bed next to him. It was empty. That left three options. Either Draco was so sleep deprived that he had started hallucinating, or the person had already left again without him noticing because he was too deep in his own thoughts. Or…
“Potter, I know you’re there!”
Fuck, that hadn’t sounded half as intimidating as intended. His voice had come out all croaky and weak. He was already completely exposed physically! He didn’t need to sound like a whiny baby, too! Good thing that there was currently no other bed occupied in the infirmary. Bad enough Potter got to see him like this. Ugh, why did it always have to be Potter.
There was a movement to Draco’s right and soon that annoying prat had revealed himself. Draco made sure to steady his voice before he spoke again but it still sounded a little raspy.
“What are you doing here?”
It was hard to spot in the darkness but Potter shrugged. Draco decided it wasn’t worth it to push him further. Potter had come to him after all, not the other way around. If he wanted to speak, he should speak. If he wanted to leave, he should leave. Draco didn’t really have the means to stop him from doing either of these anyways. It took a while but finally Potter broke the silence.
“I came to apologize. I never meant to hurt you. At least not like that.”
“Right…”, Draco replied, obviously doubting that statement.
“So I’m gonna say it. I’m sorry.”
Draco’s first reflex would have been to snap at Harry that he didn’t need to worry as he would get back at him, but then he realized something. He believed Harry. And while his mind was boiling with anger and hate, his heart had long forgiven him. Draco wished he was able to move his arms so he could punish himself for letting his stupid crush surface again.
“Fuck off,” Draco replied in a resigned voice. He was so done with the world right then. But Harry wasn’t all finished, yet.
“And I wanna make it up to you.”
Draco’s head jolted up to look at Harry causing a fresh wave of pain to flood his body. He hissed and Harry looked at him with concern.
“Didn’t you get pain killers?
Draco had to close his eyes for a moment before he was able to focus again.
“I did.”
“Should I get Madam Pomfrey for you?”
“No! No, it’s fine.”
“If you say so…”
“So how the hell do you think there was any chance you could make it up to me?”
“What? Oh, yeah. I don’t know. I’ve been thinking… I know you’re behind those attacks that have been happening. And that you’re probably a Death Eater-“ Draco tensed at his words. Crazy times. Apparently you couldn’t even count on Potter being oblivious anymore.”-But I’ve also noticed that you don’t seem very… excited about your new position. You know, the bathroom, you’ve been missing meals, you don’t play Quidditch anymore, you’ve become paler than usual-“
“Get to the damn point, Potter!”
“Right. Yeah. Sorry. You probably need rest. Well, I thought maybe I could help you figure out a way to escape this situation. I could ask Dum-“
“Stop right there! You don’t know shit, alright! I have no choice in this!”
“There’s always another choice!”
“No! Not this time! Just… forget it! Leave, okay? I don’t need you to make this one thing up just so we can back to ‘normal’ or whatever. I don’t need your bloody help!“
“Wait, I think you got that wrong. I don’t want to go back to how it was. The thing is, when we met you were an asshole. And you pretty much kept that going for the past few years. Which is why I hated you. But the situation you are in right now and the pain I’ve caused you… I- I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. Except maybe Voldemort and Bellatrix.” Draco shuddered as Harry said the Dark Lord’s name as if it was second nature to him. “And don’t you think we are old enough to sort out our differences? I mean, being your enemy was kinda fun every now and then but right now it’s just kinda exhausting. This is not a I’ll-say-sorry-so-we-can-go-back-to-hating-each-other thing, this is a peace offering. And of course it would be an advantage for us if Voldemort doesn’t have you on his side anymore but that’s mostly a side motive. So… what do you say?”
Draco was absolutely stunned into silence. He needed some time to comprehend all that information he’d just been drowned in. A certain expression kept nagging at him.
“You- you don’t hate me anymore?”
“I- I- Well, yeah. I guess. I don’t know.”
The following quiet was weighing on Draco’s lungs. His mind was spinning around in all directions and he started to get dizzy from all of it. With that statement, the very last thing Draco had always firmly believed in was proven to be wrong. The first one used to be, that Voldemort was irrevocably dead. The second one, that everything his father had taught him was the plain truth and that he was everything Draco would ever strive to become. The third one, that his parents loved each other. The fourth one, that everyone looked up to him and wouldn’t deny him anything and that therefore he would never have to suffer from unrequited love. And the very final one being that Harry Potter would forever hate his guts. Once again bloody Potter had managed to turn his world upside down.
“Is- Is that a problem for you? I’m sorry, I’ll go if you want me to.”
“I- wha- No! Just… give me a minute I-“ Oh wow, now Potter had managed to get him to stutter. By Salazar, what even was happening here?! Draco clenched his fists and immediately unclenched them when the pain flared up again. Fuck this bullshit! “Your timing is pretty shit, Potter. You know that, right?”
“I guess.”
“It is.” Draco would never agree to making a deal with Dumbledore and he would never reveal his plan to Potter. He wouldn’t be able to hide something like that from the Dark Lord for long and if he found out… But Harry didn’t hate him and maybe he could let himself pretend that they could be something else than enemies. Just for tonight. “Argh.”
Harry’s expression immediately went from nervous to concerned. “Are you sure I shouldn’t get Madam Pomfrey?”
“Yes, it’s just… it hurts a little to angle my head like that. If you could just… come over here?”
“Oh. Okay. Yeah, sure!” Harry moved from the bed to stand about two armlengths away from where Draco was lying. “Like this?”
“A little closer?”
Harry followed. “This okay?”
Draco suppressed a smirk. This was fun. “A little more? I still have to squint to see you.”
Harry made a tiny final step forward and hesitated there.
“Come on, I won’t bite you. Not quite physically able to at the moment, am I?” Oh, this was so much fun!
Harry made a weird spasming motion, as if he was not sure at all if any closer was still legal. “Can I-?” He pointed at the small stripe on Draco’s bed that he didn’t already take up.
On the inside, Draco was grinning wider than ever. Finally! But on the outside he kept his always-stoic expression. “If you must.”
Harry carefully sat down next to Draco. He made sure they weren’t touching but Draco still felt the heat radiating off the other boy and seeping through his sheets. Draco took in a shuddering breath. The sensation was overwhelming. All he wanted to do right now, was to close his eyes and drink it all in. To keep this moment forever. Forever.
Harry cleared his throat awkwardly, ripping Draco from his thoughts once again. “So…”
“So.” Draco tried his best to focus his thoughts. Just for a moment, so he could give a coherent and plausible reply. “You are pretty annoying, but I don’t like hating you either, I guess.”
Harry looked at him as if he was expecting more. “And…?”
“And nothing. There is no way you can help me out. You don’t even have a real plan and I am certainly not talking to Professor Dumbledore.”
“But-“
“No! You don’t understand! There is no way out! No way! Not a chance!”
“But-“
“Pull up my sleeve.”
“Wha-?“
“Pull up my sleeve, maybe that will help you get to your senses.”
“Which one?”
“You know which one.”
Harry stared at him weirdly for a while. Then he slowly reached his right hand across Draco towards his left arm, his gaze constantly flicking between the arm and Draco’s eyes. Like he was checking if Draco actually meant it.
Draco gulped and his heartbeat just about tripled it’s pace. In his movement Harry had shifted a little so now his hip was digging into Draco’s side. It wasn’t unpleasant and it didn’t even hurt. On the contrary, the pressure and the heat created such an intense sensation, it was absolutely overwhelming. Draco thought there couldn’t be a better feeling on this earth. And then, once again, Harry proved him wrong the moment he took Draco’s hand into his own. It was warm, big, a little rough and calloused and it felt perfect and Draco’s heart skipped multiple beats at once. This right now, he thought, this was the perfect moment to die. Because it sure couldn’t get better than this, right? But it also left him wondering, how would a kiss from Harry make him feel? If these simple touches already made him go out of his mind, what would his lips be able to do to him? Draco knew though, these thoughts went much too far for this reality. There was no chance Harry Potter would ever…
Except. What if Draco just took it? This here was already a way too huge risk. What would it matter if he went one step further? This was a one time thing while he was too injured to work on his task. So what if Potter wasn’t gay? He would be able to pull away any time! It’s not like Draco would be able to stop him. Also, Harry did say he wanted to make it up to him.
And for the first time in his life, Draco decided to act like a Gryffindor. Daring and stupid.
“Wait, Potter! I need to tell you something.”
Harry stopped in his tracks but kept holding onto Draco’s hand softly. “Okay?”
“I can’t say it out loud. I- I just can’t. Would you lean a little closer?” And the game started anew.
Harry leaned forward in small steps, all the while having his eyes locked on Draco’s. Draco inhaled and suddenly he could smell him and butterflies were dancing in his stomach. “Closer,” he whispered.
And then he was close enough and before Harry could turn his head so Draco would be faced with his ear, Draco raised his head just a little and grazed Harry’s lips with his own. Fuck! There were absolutely no words to describe how absolutely amazing and right it felt to kiss Harry.
Harry on the other hand had jerked away after a second, dropping Draco’s hand. “The hell do you think you’re doing, Malfoy?”
There was a sting in Draco’s heart, letting him know that he would probably die if he never got to feel this again. And it pretty much looked like he wouldn’t. And maybe what he did then wasn’t really the right thing or appropriate at all, but when had he ever been known for doing those things?
“You owe me Potter. You want to make it up to me? This is the only chance you’ll ever get. Kiss me. Just this once.”
Harry was visibly struggling with himself. “Why would you want me to do that?”
“Does it matter?”
“It kinda does.”
“It doesn’t. Look, Potter. Easy choice: get over yourself and give me one kiss or go back to your dorm, never talk to me again and sit on your guilty feelings for the rest of your life.”
Harry gulped loudly. “One kiss?”
“That’s what I said, isn’t it.”
“Yeah.” Draco could see Harry’s mind spinning. “Okay.”
Draco’s heart lurched happily. Apparently this was his lucky night. “Great. What are you waiting for?”
Harry started to move back towards Draco again stiffly.
Draco smirked. “Relax, Potter,” he whispered, “I want a real kiss. If it’s bad, it won’t count.”
Harry squared his jaw and almost looked like he wanted to revoke his consent. Well, Draco couldn’t let that happen. Not now. “What? You’re chickening out now? I thought you were a Gryffindor?”
That did the trick. An angry and determined spark lit Harry’s eyes and in a swift motion he leaned down and closed the distance between them again. And he kissed him. Really kissed him. It was heaven. It was the only thing Draco ever wanted to feel again for the rest of his life. Forever.
At first Harry’s lips were very firm on his, just a simple press. But as soon as Draco started to return the kiss, he softened up a little and hesitantly began to move as well. Draco sighed and opened his lips, flicking the tip of his tongue across Harry’s bottom lip. That was the moment Harry started to lose himself in it. His kisses became more open and demanding and deep, he started to use his tongue and Draco wished it would never end. It would forever be like this. Forever.
But forever was not an option. Not for him. Not for them.
And so it happened that, when Harry started to touch Draco with his Hand again, he grazed the covered cuts on Draco’s chest, causing him to jolt in pain, biting hard on Harry’s lip in the process. Harry pulled away quickly, sucking his lower lip into his mouth while Draco took deep shuddering breaths in order to calm down again. Draco wished he was able to use his hands properly, he would just pull him back in and keep kissing him all night. Maybe he would do it anyway, it felt like it would be worth the pain.
But when he looked into Harry’s eyes, he knew he couldn’t do it. There was confusion – a lot of confusion – and anger and also something else that Draco wasn’t able to pinpoint. It was clear enough that he had given Harry plenty to deal with for now. And he got what he’d wanted for tonight. Of course he wished for more in the future, but no matter how close it had seemed for a moment, that would always stay a distant dream.
So Draco didn’t move when Harry stood up hastily. “I’m- I’m sorry. I gotta go.” He grabbed his cloak from the other bed and fled the room.
The dream was over.
Draco closed his eyes and sighed. He would have a hard time hiding this memory from the Dark Lord. When he inhaled again, he found that Harry’s sent was still lingering around him. He inhaled again, more deeply. And again and again and again and again. Maybe he would find sleep tonight after all. Or not.
The door to the hospital wing flew open and Harry stormed back in. He looked dangerous. Dropping his cloak on the way, he approached Draco’s bed again and glared at him. “You know you’re a manipulative bastard, right?”
Draco returned the stare. “I thought this was a peace offering?”
“Fuck you!”
Draco raised an eyebrow. What even was going on? Finally Harry did something Draco would have never hoped for. He leaned down and reconnected their lips.
It was the first time Draco even considered, Harry might feel it too. That there was a chance, no matter how tiny. That maybe, maybe, forever was an option.