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Only two people have ever seen Jason’s wings.
He has vague memories of them before he was thrown in the Lazarus pits, great skeletal shapes over his shoulders, held together simply by magic. Nothing like they are now; powerful and beautiful, all muscle and dark feathers. Bands of browns and reds so deep they barely show among the black. But in the right light they're dazzling.
It takes him months to learn control, changing them from flickers at the edge of his consciousness to manifesting physically in the sanctuary of his bedroom. Always alert, never feeling safe, he never considered the league's compound a home. He longs to see if he can fly, if feeling the wind beneath his feathers can possibly feel as good as he imagines; but the complex is in no way a safe place for experiments. He has dreams occasionally, or memories perhaps, of Superman carrying him through the air, their hair blowing everywhere, both of them laughing. He longs to find out if flying under his own power is better.
He can’t wait to fly away.
--
Jason knows what the league expects him to do when he is finally returned to Gotham, what Talia trained him for, but he's always prided himself on being contrary. He's been wound up tight, then pointed straight at the Bats; Bruce himself of course, and Dick, but mainly the new Robin. Tim. Talia called him a replacement, said that he didn't deserve the place at Batman's side.
But the thing is, he knows Tim. Their quiet neighbour, always willing to escape to an out of way corner at society functions, with plates stacked high from the buffet, hiding a brain that Jason had been sure would rival Bruce's. Maybe he does now. But he also knows the stubborn kid with a camera, the one he'd never told Batman about, the one that had worked out their patrol routes and identities both. That could climb almost as well as Jason despite his tiny size, that Jason had offered to teach how to throw a punch, dodge hits, and eventually use a grapple.
All that it seems to him, when Talia calls Tim replacement, is that he's succeeded in becoming what Jason always knew he'd be.
Talia always emphasises Batman over Bruce, the fact that he had a new sidekick rather than a new son. Which Jason reckons is smart, because he's seen the kid that trails after her occasionally, the one that looks too much like Bruce, and knows she's counting on the fact that Bruce will always accept more children. Jason's always known he'd never be the last.
So when he reaches Gotham, he instead goes straight after Joker, the thick walls of Arkham still not enough to hold him. Batman gets between them, of fucking course, and the Lazarus rage in his veins screams at him to kill them both for what they did. Or for what Talia claimed they did? He's hazy on the details, and honestly in general, clarity striking him the same time a batarang does, catching him across his collarbone, too close to his throat. Jason does the only thing he can, he runs.
He lies low after that, no one seemed to have recognised him, and why would they, he's dead after all.
--
Staking out a claim in Crime Alley is easier than he'd thought; once he drove out Black Mask's men, most others fell in line. He slowly learns how to look after himself. Between the rage, ptsd and depression it's a miracle he has good days at all. But on those rare days, he finds out that flying is exactly as amazing as he always imagined.
Batman comes after him eventually, dragging Nightwing and Robin into the mess. But Jason stands tall, helmet off but domino over his eyes, and argues for himself. Makes a promise that is both easy and hard to keep, all depending on how close he is to the clown. He tells them about a boy with Bruce's eyes, Talia's smile, and knives never far from his hands. Too young to be involved in this war of theirs, but weren't they all once? The Bats are all snarling and suspicion, and that's fair, he's just revealed he knows who they are after all.
But they still don't recognise him, and he still doesn't blame them, but they fall into a balance anyway. He hates the way it feels like both an act and coming home.
--
Tim's the only Bat that's seen his wings, a result of a shared case, rain across the metal of a bridge tower and a small army of somebody's henchman coming after the two of them. One slip and a brightly coloured figure falling towards the rock speckled water below, grapple missing the support bars by inches.
Jason just reacts instinctively, throwing himself after, wings manifesting with a half formed thought, and he sees Tim's eyes widen under his mask. He catches the smaller figure, tucking him against his chest and spreads his wings, almost screaming at the pain in his shoulders as they take the unfamiliar weight. He manages to get them to shore, collapsing in an unlit alley. Then Tim's tugging at his helmet, Jason unable to make sense of what he's trying to say, and his wings feel like they're on fire.
Everything gets a little blurry after that.
--
He somehow ends up with the Outlaws on an actual real life fucking spaceship. The exact details are kind of hazy; when, where, that sort of thing. He's definitely not been as in control as he used to be, and memory hadn't been his friend since before his death anyway. Too many gaps, too many things he wasn't sure were real, too many nightmares he hoped had just been that.
But now he's in a spaceship with Roy and Kori, both in some ways as broken as him, and who understood more than he would ever admit. They fit, the three of them. And home becomes metal walls, Kori's excited shouts and Roy's quiet laughter. They fall into a rhythm of research and fighting and film nights and evenings on deserted islands.
He starts to find himself again. No that's not quite right, he'll never be that Jason again; the bright eyed Robin, the teenager with dreams of an English degree, maybe not even the Gotham street rat. But there are still fragments of those boys, he just needs to build around them.
Pit rage comes less often now, although through time or distance from the Bats he's not sure. They have a numerical system for all of them, where a six is a bad day and a ten is something they're all terrified off but they’ve never quite reached. Jason doesn't like to think of the days that come close. His memories start to settle, but there's no one he can ask to check they're settling right, he can only hope. Things start to feel less syrupy somehow, the dull edges of his life starts to sharpen, everything gains more clarity. His head, his heart, the world around him. He starts cooking again, picks up a book for the first time in years, joins Roy in tinkering with gadgets and Kori in watching those awful sitcoms from her home planet.
Somewhere along the line he starts feeling like a person again.
--
Roy claims he almost gave him a heart attack the first time he sees his wings, and maybe Jason will admit it's not his finest moment either. A desperate kiss on a rooftop then nothing but the archer's shout in his ear as Jason grabs him round the waist and throws them off the edge, the explosion behind them close enough to singe the edges of his feathers. Been there, done that, no thanks.
It takes him a few weeks to ask if he could see them again, voice hesitant, reverent even. And Jason learns exactly how much trust he has in Roy, in the two of them together. He also learns it feel incredible to have someone else's fingers run through them, light at first but quickly gaining confidence. Jason’s never been complimented so much in his life, Roy presses kisses across his body and promises to do better.
He stops counting how many times the archer sees them after a couple of months. How many times he buries his hands in them, how many times his knuckles brush across them where they hang over the back of the sofa, how many times they wrap around the two of them, blocking out the rest of the world.
--
He returns to Gotham as often as he can between missions, making sure the people he protects stay safe. He never tells the Bats, although Tim texts him ever so often. Just updates on what’s happening with the major players, how Damian’s settling into their mess of a family and pictures of Dick falling off things. He wonders how Tim knows he would appreciate them. It starts to feel less like a chore, and more like speaking to one of his best friends again. It hits him one night, curled up against Roy’s side, exactly how much he’d missed him.
The second time Tim sees his wings the two of them are sitting on the edge Wayne tower, ironically. Jason knows the cameras are off and Tim is dying to ask, so he manifests them, pulling off his domino; entirely unprepared for the choked whisper of his name and a little bird, a little brother, slamming against his chest, fingers frantically tangling in his clothes. All he can do is wrap him in his arms around Tim and hold him as tight as he can, pressing his face into dark hair, and eventually answer everything he can.
--
After that, home becomes Roy's arms around him, face tucked against his shoulder and drooling on his shirt, fingers that build bombs gently running through his feathers. It becomes Tim's voice over the phone, arguing with him about his newest case or telling him about his lunch with Alfred, making something in his chest ache. It becomes safehouses in Gotham, his brother sprawled out on the sofa, tapping away on a laptop or talking a mile a minute, drastically over caffeinated. But most of all it's lazy kisses and whatever bed he and Roy curl up in to catch a few hours sleep.
Home has always been the people he loved.