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The first time Tine actually thinks about it is when Green presses the small flyer into his hand during orientation and dashes off with a wink, shouting a gleeful “See you there, Tine!” over his shoulder. (He draws out the last vowel of his name for so long Tine’s sure people can still hear him going “iiiiine” in the parking lot.)
At first he’s confused. And amused. He’s not a first-year anymore, so why would Green include him any kind of hunt for new club members? It’s not like he doesn’t know Tine has his hands full with the Music Club and Cheerleading already. And despite the fact that they’ve been good friends ever since Tine’s botched performance of “Wish” on that fateful day last year, there is no way Tine is joining the Cooking Club (unless they just let him in to eat all the leftover congee and sticky rice).
When Tine finally looks down on the flyer and takes in the rainbow design and the words LGBTQ+ Club printed on the top of it in cheerful hot pink letters, though, the dots begin to connect.
Oh, Tine thinks, stopping mid-step, the wheels in his head turning as a door opens next to him and students begin pouring out, chattering loudly, providing the perfect white noise backdrop for his thought process.
That’s right.
Let’s be honest, any other guy would probably cotton onto the fact that he’s really not as straight as he originally thought way earlier and not when he already has a live-in boyfriend of one year whom he finds infuriatingly attractive… but when has Tine ever done anything like any other guy?
Now that he thinks about it, his eyes zeroing in on the “B” in the acronym, he was probably overdue for some kind of identity crisis, wasn’t he? But honestly, looking at it objectively, there’d never been time. Sarawat swept him off his feet so suddenly and unexpectedly that there literally wasn’t enough space in Tine’s brain to think about much else besides “SarawatSarawatSarawatSarawat”, not if he also wanted to fit in all of his classes and at least three guitar chords per semester. (Priorities.)
But maybe now’s the time to freak out? Or maybe not freak out? Tine hesitates, his eyes gliding over the rest of the text.
We want YOU! the flyer announces boldly. And Tine knows he’s the YOU. He’s the fucking YOU, right? Or rather, he’s the damn B. And that’s… nice?
He’s got a community. This is a thing that he’s already a part of. There are no try-outs. This is a world that’s already accepted him without having ever met him. And that’s… new?
Here’s the thing: Tine has to work hard to be accepted – always has – and so he’s got strategies. He puts on his Mr. Chic persona, does everything in his power to make everyone around him happy, always puts everyone else first… He does it because he needs to make sure he isn’t judged, isn’t disliked, rejected, abandoned...
Hell, he even wormed his way into his oldest and dearest friendship with Fong by pretending to like Pokémon and spending all of his pocket money on cards he had no use for. Of course, the ever perceptive – even as a young child – Fong realized this pretty early on and scolded Tine about it before treating him to a Blue Hawaii to make up for all those Baht lost on the dozens of Psyducks and Pichus strewn across Tine’s bedroom. Fong and their close circle of friends were an exception, though (and so is Wat who never gave him a chance to be anything else but his real self, Tine’s brain adds helpfully as a familiar blush creeps up his neck at the thought of his boyfriend). Other than that, though, Tine always has to work hard at fitting in before he can even think about slowly starting to reveal his true, authentic self, praying that he’s accepted anyway when he does. At school. With his family. With his ex girlfriends...
But he doesn’t have to do that here, does he. In this community… he can just be… himself? Right from the start? Shit, what a revolutionary thought.
Tine feels something pleasant bloom up in his chest and then settle down in his belly as he takes in the rest of the flyer which invites him to the first semestral meeting of the club.
Your new siblings look forward to meeting you! Tine smiles as he folds the flyer and slides it into his back pocket, his heart picking up speed.
* * *
Sarawat had always known that he was gay. Actually, no, scratch that, he hadn’t known known it until one particular boy stomped on his foot and turned his world upside down, but when he thinks about it retrospectively, it had always been there, brewing just under the surface, like a sleeper agent waiting to be activated.
The thing is, he’s never thought it was a big deal. When he realized it, it registered in his brain like yeah that tracks, and then his primary objective became finding his foot-stomper rather than occupying himself with thoughts of identity and community.
That was until he met Earn last year and every conversation they had somehow took a gay turn:
“You’re my only functional gay friend, Wat,” she says one week into their tentative friendship, jabbing her finger into his chest accusingly as if it were his fault personally. “Therefore, you have to talk about gay things with me.”
“But we don’t even like the same gender?” He protests feebly. “I don’t know the first thing about girls. Why don’t you join an LGBT group or something? I’m sure there are more lesbians in Chiang Mai.”
“I’ve never really gotten much from those groups,” she shrugs. “I mean, I understand the merit and all, of course,” she corrects herself, waving her hand wildly in the air, “but I guess I’m just more of the ‘talk it out with your best bro’ kinda person, you know?”
And Sarawat does know, because he’s exactly the same, which is why he indulges Earn and therefore himself by talking about “gay things” with her. Funnily enough, for a person that doesn’t want to join any queer societies, Earn turns out to be surprisingly knowledgable about Thailand’s LGBT history and culture, educating Sarawat in the process. Which is nice of her since his only contributions to these Gay Talks™ are reminiscences about Tine’s smile and eyes and back-muscles and that tiny waist… and sue him, but he has a really attractive boyfriend, ok?
Sometimes when he and Earn hang out in the courtyard and see the LGBTQ+ Club running around with pride flags, they smile at each other in amusement, not judging the group, but content in knowing that they have carved their own corner of this particular community that suits them and that that’s ok too.
It’s only when Tine comes home with little glittery rainbows painted on his flushed cheeks, wearing a pink, blue, and purple tie-dye t-shirt that’s way too short for him on the second week of the new semester that Sarawat truly sees the merit of the LGBTQ+ Club for the first time.
* * *
“Sarawat! I’m home!”
Tine can’t help but feel giddy as he closes the door of the condo, kicks off his shoes, and quickly darts upstairs in search of his boyfriend whom he finds sitting on the sofa still dressed in uniform, tapping away on his phone.
“I said I’m home,” he repeats, putting his hands on his hips in annoyance.
“I heard you the first time, nui-” The look on Sarawat’s face is well worth it when he finally looks up from his phone and takes in Tine’s appearance, his jaw going slightly slack and his eyes very glassy as he leaves the nickname hanging in the air.
“Did a cartoon princess throw up on you on your way from class?”
Tine rolls his eyes, dropping his bag on the floor so that he can smack Sarawat’s arm as he sits down next to him.
“No, Wat, but listen, I’m bi!” He’s feeling one of those 1000-watt smiles threatening to take over his entire face as he pronounces that syllable, tasting it on his tongue like foreign food. He decides that he likes it. That it indeed does fit him. (In fact, he’s feeling an incontrollable urge to doodle it all over his law textbooks and put it in his IG bio right now, though something tells him P’Type wouldn’t be too excited about the latter.)
Sarawat, to his credit, doesn’t falter at this extremely random coming out that’s suddenly happening in their condo on a Tuesday afternoon, though one of his eyebrows – the one that isn’t hidden behind a tuft of hair – quirks up.
“That’s …good?” He finally says, his gaze soft, though it slowly turns cheeky. “It would be very awkward for me if you realized you were, in fact, straight one year into our relationship… which, given what you let me do to you last night, I wouldn’t think-”
“Oy!” Tine leaps forward to smack his hand over Sarawat’s mouth before he can finish that sentence. He can feel Sarawat’s mouth stretching into a smile under his palm, which automatically makes him smile in response (and really, when did he become such a Pavlovian dog about Sarawat?).
“This is not about our relationship,” he clarifies, removing his hand with a grimace when he feels a wet tongue touch his skin. (He wipes it on Sarawat’s shirt, smirking at the shocked look on his face.) “It’s about having a community. About being accepted.”
Sarawat cocks his head to one side, his hand finding its way into Tine’s hair – and honestly, whenever he does that, Tine’s insides turn into liquid and brain to mush, so he almost misses the concern on his boyfriend’s face.
“Has anyone been making you feel like you’re not accepted, Tine? Are you getting harassed? Give me their names and I will sic Boss on them.”
Tine snorts at that, shaking his head. “No need to release the dogs. Though I will say that I’m pleasantly surprised you didn’t just offer to beat everyone up personally on my behalf.”
Sarawat shrugs, his gaze turning a little sheepish. “I would, you know, but I promised you I’d be more careful after getting beat up so many times. Wouldn’t want to break your trust. Besides, Boss would enjoy it way more than me.”
And really, Tine is a simple man and he’s coming to understand that he might have a slight kink for communication after that Pam debacle last year, so when his boyfriend starts talking about trust, all he can do is lean in and kiss his perfect face, arms coming up to rest on Sarawat’s shoulders as he sighs into his mouth.
“I joined the LGBTQ+ Club and I really, really enjoyed the first meeting,” he finally says after concluding the kiss with a little smack, his face still so close to Sarawat’s face their lips brush against each other as he speaks, which sends little sparks up and down his body, making his skin itch for another kiss.
Sarawat is the one who snorts this time. “I can tell, nuisance, you’re getting glitter all over me.” He pulls Tine into another kiss – long and sweet. His voice is a little breathier when he speaks again and Tine can’t help but feel proud about affecting him like that. “I’m glad you found your people. I didn’t realize you were having trouble feeling accepted, though.”
Tine sighs, leaning back on the sofa, fingers brushing against Sarawat’s neck as he considers his answer.
“It’s not like that, really. Being a part of that club is a similar feeling to when I’m with you or Fong or even P’Type for sure, but…” his hand tightens in Sarawat’s hair and he feels Sarawat squeeze his waist back in silent encouragement to keep going, “it goes even beyond that, you know.” He wets his lips, struggling to collect his thoughts. “I’d never walked into a room already feeling welcomed.”
Sarawat gives him a fond smile and Tine can almost cry, because he can tell that Wat just gets it. Gets how that kind of environment would feel like a spa day for Tine’s soul. Like a balm for his ever-present anxieties.
“But you did in the LGBTQ+ Club,” Sarawat nods. One of his hands sneaks under the thin material of Tine’s too-short tie-dye shirt, slowly caressing Tine’s hipbone. “Good.”
“That’s distracting,” Tine frowns, the butterflies in his stomach intensifying. He doesn’t pull away or remove the hand, though, of course, so his thoughts are jumbled when he tries to carry on with his speech. “Anyway, I wondered why you never joined? Green said that you’re probably allergic to glitter and smiling, but I already knew the latter wasn’t true and we just debunked the former, so…”
“So…” Sarawat parrots, leaning in to drop a kiss on Tine’s nose. “It’s not my kind of thing,” he shrugs. “Me and Earn have these… conversations… instead. She calls them our Gay Talks. It’s mainly her who talks about actual gay things, though. My contributions are usually limited to talking about how pretty you are.”
Tine rolls his eyes. “Isn’t that the gayest thing of all?”
Sarawat squints. “I suppose.”
Tine wants to know more, though. He can’t believe that something so monumental has happened to him today and Sarawat is so chilled out about it, has been so chilled out about it, so he presses on. “It’s weird, isn’t it. We’ve never really talked about this. Being a gay couple, I mean. What that means. And stuff.”
“We’re not a gay couple, though,” Sarawat’s hand shifts higher, his fingertips almost-but-not-quite brushing against Tine’s nipple. “I’m gay and we literally just established that you’re bi. So that’s what we are.”
Tine releases a breath he didn’t even know he was holding. “Yeah. Yeah. I like that.”
Sarawat grins, his hand finally sliding high enough under his t-shirt to be able to squeeze. “You mean this?”
Tine yelps, though the sensation isn’t unpleasant (it never is). “Stop it, asshole! I’m trying to have a serious conversation here.”
“I can’t take you seriously with all that paint and glitter all over your face and definitely not in that t-shirt,” Sarawat mumbles against the skin of his neck and how did he even get up there again?
“Do you think it was silly of me to join the club? Since you never did?” Tine finally asks, his heart stuttering as he waits for the answer (either from anxiety or arousal, at some point during Sarawat’s ministrations and their conversation those two have mingled together and he can’t tell them apart anymore).
Sarawat shakes his head against his neck, his hair tickling Tine’s nose. “Of course not, buffalo. You should always do what makes you feel happy. And if covering yourself in rainbows and glitter makes you feel that way, then that’s what I want for you.”
“But you won’t join with me.” Tine doesn’t pose that as a question nor does he say it accusingly.
Sarawat hums against his neck, nibbling on the sensitive skin. “Not unless you really want me to. But I’m content just to watch you guys’s adorable hijinks from afar.” A beat. “I’m really proud of you, by the way.”
Tine smiles at that, his eyes closing in pleasure as Sarawat finally sucks on his neck, signaling that their conversation is over.
* * *
Later that night, after they slide under the covers and turn off the lights, Sarawat feels the mattress shift as Tine turns towards him, his heavy gaze visible even in the dark.
“What is it, nuisance?” He’s expecting a kick in the shin for the nickname, but instead, Tine’s hand comes forward between them to lightly touch his bare chest, making his brain short-circuit for a hot minute.
“So, I know you don’t want to join the LGBTQ+ Club, but what would you say to going to Pride together this June?”
Sarawat gets a flash of a red-cheeked Tine at a pride parade in tiny shorts and a giant pink, purple, and blue flag tied around his neck like a cape. His heart stutters.
“I would like that,” he swallows around the words and then makes an annoyed sound as Tine draws the hand back and cocoons himself in the blanket again, settling in for the night, as if he didn’t just shamelessly caress his boyfriend’s naked torso without any intention of following through. (Sarawat makes a mental note to pay him back in the morning.)
“S’good, yeah?” Tine mumbles, amusement and sleep mingling in his voice as he gently slips away.
Before he lets himself follow him, Sarawat pulls out his phone, firing a quick (but not too quick, because she enjoys teasing him about his typos way too much for his liking) LINE message to Earn, the corner of his mouth curling into a smile:
We’re all going to Pride this year. Dig out your leather jacket, we got the glitter.