Work Text:
This morning
When the sun rose
It lit up the ocean
The ocean looked like it was on fire.
It was beautiful
I wonder
What it would feel like
To swim in those fiery waters
Would the oxymoron kill me?
Would swimming in a paradox be inescapable?
I plan on swimming in it
One day
I wonder how you'd react with me now
With who I've become
You never thought I'd take the job
I remember
That night
We made a pact
You'd never let me do anything stupid and I'd never let you do the same.
Where are you?
Because
I really needed you then
And I need you now
I've made so many mistakes in my life.
If you were there
I'm sure
You'd convince me otherwise
You'd stop me
You
You would never let me
I remember
You told me
How you'd never have kids
Why did that break my heart?
You said
You never would become responsible enough
You said
That
You don't think I would either
My father fucked me up
You said I shouldn't do the same
You said
How it sounded like my father just had me to carry on his legacy
And how I should never do the same
If I was to have a kid
But for myself
But
That's also selfish
You always joked
Everytime I asked
If I was selfish
Because
I love the ocean
"Shell-fish"
You always had a joke.
But
When we were serious
When you had drunk too much
You told me I wasn't
That I always cared for others
That night I told you why
You called me a super hero in the making
As they use their powers to help others
I
I don't think I was lying that night
But
Now
I'm sure I must have lied
All my powers have done is make things worse
All I've done
All
That
I
Have
Done
Has made things so much worse
I
I fucked up big time.
There's nothing more to say
Why could you be there for me
You wouldn't let me be stupid
You wouldn't let me make the same decisions my dad made
You
You wouldn't let me be worse then him
Atleast I got my freedom
Atleast
Atleast
Tommy hates me.
My own son hates me.
I'm sorry
I
I'm sorry that I no longer believe in you
Believe that you exist
That is
In my mind you do
As a concept
But I don't think you've ever existed
Not physically
Just something in my memory
My back story
I
I am aware of who I am
Fully
My concept.
My creation.
I understand.
So
I understand that you don't fully exist
I understand that
This
Is
Fake
So I'm sorry
For you being fake
For me not actually caring about you
Because
I can't
Emotions
Are irrelevant
I don't exist
This
That I feel
For you
Has been designed
Not of my free will
Free will?
I'm aware of that
I hate it
Free will
I hurt Tommy
I was free from any generic response I was designed to give
So I gave him my own
And it
Was
A hurtful one.
I wish I could feel sorry
I mean
I do
But
Emotions aren't real
It's a horrid thing
To know
Your son
Your pride and joy
Isn't real
And what part of him is
Hates you
For what you've done to him.
I know he won't take the job.
He shouldn't have to.