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Ethan threw his body down onto the couch, exhaustion written all over his face. They had just finished their last Unus Annus video for the day. Mark, who wandered around in the kitchen, took notice as soon as a hasty groan flew from Ethan's mouth. While Ethan attempted to push down all his worries, especially when he was around Mark, it seemed it couldn't be helped this time. Worry lines were engraved on Ethan's forehead from his furrowing eyebrows, and a pouty frown formed to match the mood.
"Hey, are you ok?" Mark asked, putting down his glass of water and striding over to the couch.
He sat down next to Ethan, his weight sagging the couch as he wrapped an arm around Ethan's shoulders. Ethan shook his head tinily and dragged his hands through his hair which was difficult considering it was still growing out.
"I'm fine...really," Ethan replied.
"Ok, that's a bunch of bull," Mark said softly, a faint smile appearing as Ethan huffed out a laugh, "Come on, Ethan, what's going on?"
Ethan sighed dryly, eyes examining Mark's face as if he was deciding whether or not to share. Mark raised his eyebrows and nudged Ethan gently, not liking his effort at secrecy.
"It's just—" Ethan nibbled his lip nervously, "—I hate how I look right now,"
He crossed his arms in a defensive stance, feeling vulnerable at his admission. Mark's mouth gaped, and he scooted closer to Ethan, feeling the heat spark when their thighs grazed.
"Ethan," Mark tried to keep his tone non-judgemental, "What are you talking about?"
Ethan sighed, but it was brimming with bitter tension this time, "I haven't been working out as much, and my hair looks like shit in every fucking video. I know I make jokes all the time about hating my body but sometimes..."
Ethan trailed off, deciding that finishing his sentence would sound much too pathetic. Ethan's eyes flickered up to Mark's and saw incredulity glazing them. Ethan chuckled humourlessly.
"Of course, you don't get it," Ethan stated, "You look amazing in every video. The fans go fucking crazy over you every time,"
Mark scoffed and gave Ethan a pointed look. Gently he placed his hand on Ethan's knee and began caressing it.
"Are you kidding me?" Mark exclaimed, "Ethan, I don't understand because you are the hottest man to walk this fucking earth, and somehow you don't see that,"
Despite himself, Ethan blushed and averted eye contact. The words were too good to be true, and Ethan hardly could look at himself in the mirror, much less give himself that title. Mark's eyes flitted over Ethan, who looked so utterly uncomfortable in his skin that it was heartbreaking.
"Mark, stop," Ethan breathed out heavily, "I know you're just saying that too—"
"—To what?" Mark interrupted, "To make you feel better? Ethan, I know I tease you in videos sometimes, but you are genuinely one of the nicest, most funny, most attractive people I have ever met,"
Ethan's eyes widened due to the sincerity of Mark's voice. Hell, when they were doing the roasting video, Mark could barely get the compliments out. Generally, in life, he didn't give much praise to other people. Not because he didn't pay attention to others' achievements but because he was so busy pursuing his goals. And the thing is, Ethan wanted to believe the words pouring from his mouth. But that's the thing about body issues. They don't just disappear from your mind and get replaced by the kind words spoken.
"God, I just—I feel so...ugly sometimes," Ethan's voice got quieter near the end.
Then after seeing the earnest look on Mark's face, he let out a small dull giggle trying to defuse the situation of all serious undertones. Mark's heart ached with distress at Ethan's words. He viewed Ethan with such high regard that listening to him put himself down almost felt like an insult to his thoughts. Mark grabbed Ethan's cheeks and pulled his face to look at him.
"I'm sorry that you feel that way about yourself," Mark smiled sadly, "I wish you could see yourself the way I do,"
Ethan's bottom lip trembled like a leaf in the wind until he sucked in a huge inhale and chuckled faintly, "Hey, don't get all serious on me now,"
Mark laughed briefly and pulled Ethan into a hug, knowing that no matter the words Mark chose, Ethan wouldn't listen. Sometimes he just felt this way about himself, and while Mark hated it, he wasn't about to invalidate his boyfriend's feelings. In his eyes, Ethan was a complex galaxy filled with wonder and mystery, something Mark couldn't stray his eyes from. Ethan was his space, and as the internet knew, there was nothing he loved or admired more.
Mark breathed deeply, musky cologne with oaky undertones wafting into his nose. Mark associated that smell with Cards Against Humanity and Hot Fuzz. Ethan was so much more than a person—he was a presence. A feeling Mark got deep in his chest when they were laughing over some dumb joke that no one else got. He was late summer nights editing side by side and early morning sex, their eyes locked on each other because they had nowhere else to be. Connected, not only as people but as souls. Though, Mark would never say that sappy bullshit out loud. Even to Ethan, who he knew wouldn't make fun of him for it.
Ethan's nails dug into Mark's back as he held on tighter, afraid to let go of his rock. Mark hushed a snicker in his throat, the sharp pain reminding him of memories that sent a rush of heat into his stomach.
This set off Mark's brain. His wires crossed every time pain was introduced, though he'd never claim the masochistic title. It was natural with Ethan now, natural that everything was linked to sex. They had waited so long for anything to happen that months later, Mark was still high-strung, antsy at the promise of waiting for next time. And though it was an inappropriate time, an idea drifted into Mark's head.
Perhaps Ethan couldn't appreciate these amazing qualities of his, but Mark sure could. And maybe if Mark showed how much Ethan deserved to be appreciated...a switch in thought could be provoked. Mark pondered the many ways he could show his appreciation, but none of them shone a light on how connected they were during sex. How Ethan could lose himself in Mark's touch. It was a perfect idea in the most imperfect of times.
Mark hoped Ethan wouldn't be offended by Mark's sudden change of speed and was nearly positive he wouldn't be. They tended to be on the same track whether they knew it or not. He pulled his head back gently so his lips were brushing over the lobe of Ethan's ear, making him shiver. Though unintended, Mark's faint breath tickled the sensitive skin setting Ethan on edge as pressure built in his chest.
"I have an idea," his voice adjusted low and rough, almost a habit of seduction by this point.
"O-Oh?" Ethan inquired, swallowing firmly, his tone faux curiosity and underlying interest.
Ethan's hands had fallen from Mark's back down to his sides, fingers digging gently into the supple skin. Mark let his hand drift from Ethan's back down to where they were placed and grasped one of his hands, interlacing their fingers.
"Come on," Mark growled, grazing his teeth against his ear.
They got up, and Mark led him off the couch, the walk practiced from late-night hookups that needed more space. Ethan was oddly quiet, most likely stuck in his former headspace of insecurity though he was shoving that away at the sign of sex. Mark glanced back at him, a smile ghosting as he waggled his eyebrows, forcing Ethan to roll his eyes in response.
"What? Are you not entranced by my natural seductive essence?" Mark joked.
Ethan heaved out a slow sigh but played along anyhow, "Oh yeah, I'm trembling just thinking about it,"
Mark smirked and pulled him into his bedroom, swinging them around so Ethan was pressed against the wall. Ethan's eyes softened as Mark watched him idly, running steady hands down the expanse of Ethan's chest. A thorn of anxiety splintered in Ethan's heart as he thought about his appearance. Could Mark feel the protrusion of his stomach?
Mark immediately noticed Ethan's panicked look and attached his mouth to the side of Ethan's neck, distracting him from his intrusive thoughts. His lips moved lightly and teasingly across his skin, causing Ethan to bite back whimpers, the pleasure overriding his thoughts. As Mark placed gentle kisses, Ethan tilted his head to the side, allowing more room for Mark. His agile fingers shifted to Ethan's buttons and quickly undid them, letting his shirt open to reveal his pale chest. Ethan shrugged his shoulders, allowing the garment to fall off him. Mark nipped at the skin, forcing moans from Ethan's mouth as his arms came off the wall and tugged upwards on Mark's shirt. Mark chuckled, understanding Ethan's goal, and forcefully grabbed at the back of his shirt to pull off the article.
Once shirtless, Ethan's hands roamed over his chest, landing on his hips as Mark fell back into kissing an irregular pattern up his neck. His lips fleeted along Ethan's jaw until he was back at his lips which he promptly captured with his. His arousal was a fierce flame now from listening to Ethan's breathy moans sparking the kiss to become rough and feverish. Mark's warm hands cascaded over his torso like a stream of water, leaving heat and energy wherever they touched.
"Bed," Mark finally growled, and Ethan wasted no time stripping off his jeans.
Before any negative thoughts could latch onto Ethan, Mark recaptured kissing him holding his head and back as he lowered him to the bed. It was such a protective move. Ethan felt a bit dizzy from it. Mark had never been so delicate with him, and while it trembled on the side of annoying, it was endearing enough to astonish Ethan. Mark continued cupping the back of his head, lacing his fingers through the thicker parts of his hair. Suddenly Mark broke away from the kiss and lay his forehead against Ethan's as their breath intertwined. While sometimes their sex was saturated with stupid jokes and teasing, something was different this time. An unspoken settlement.
Mark's hand caressed Ethan's cheek quickly. His fingers warmed, exposed to the flush of Ethan's roseate skin. He trailed a hand down the side of Ethan, brushing along the skin gently to make Ethan shudder. While Mark was feeling the effects of fast and burning passion making him want to delve into fucking Ethan, there was a quiet voice demanding that he stop. Forced his eyes to remain on Ethan's, which were swirling with honey and hazelnut and edged with obsidian, while he kissed from the base of Ethan's collarbones down to his belly button. Ethan held his breath, feeling entirely too exposed while also preening at the attention. For years that was all Ethan wanted from Mark, and to be held under the microscope like this with the focus zoomed in was terrifying and exhilarating.
Mark slipped his boxers down tinily and kissed along the revealed line of skin, Ethan's eyes glued to every movement. The air was stiff with tension and held a palpable weight as Mark continued this process. Until the shivery anticipation embedded in his chest became too much to stand, and he ripped them down the rest of the way. Ethan's dick landed hard and heavy against his stomach, the purple hue colouring the tip, making Mark salivate. If only Ethan saw what Mark did, maybe he would change his mind about his appearance. Ethan sucked in a sharp breath as Mark nipped love bites into his thighs, red splotches marking up his pale skin. Ethan wondered how he looked now, covered in Mark's stain and blushing prettily from his cheeks to his collarbones. It must look immeasurable, considering the eye-fucking coming from Mark's end.
"Mark,"
Ethan's voice was faint and trembly, unmatched his strained thighs. Mark hummed in response as he let his teeth graze over the fresh bites, noticing how Ethan's fists tensed and his Adam's apple bobbed.
"I—I need..." Ethan swallowed harshly, eyes glued to the ceiling as he breathed steadily, "...please,"
Nothing ignited the fire in Mark's chest more than Ethan begging, and Mark wanted to explore every section of Ethan's body until he knew it better than Ethan did. At some point, he was going to coincide. Mark nodded briskly, and full lips placed a row of kisses up the length of Ethan's dick. It twitched at the contact, and a shocked whimper dropped from Ethan's mouth. A spurt of precome budded in the slit as Ethan tensed his jaw, feeling every nerve-ending kindle. Mark took his time. Wrapping a gentle fist around his dick and lifting it to his lips, painting the slick on. It wasn't so much the taste that made Mark's heart pump blood faster or cause ringing. It was the sick raw power he derived from seeing Ethan so helpless under his touch. Giving himself over to Mark with not a flicker of doubt shadowing his judgement. It gave Mark a heady rush as he dipped his tongue into the slit to lick away the rest of the precome, and Ethan growled anomalistically.
"Fuck...fuck..." Ethan panted, gripping the bedsheets in bundled fists.
A sultry smirk slithered onto Mark's face as his tongue swirled around the tip, skirting against the sensitive underside. Ethan whined desperately, the veins popping out of his forearms. Watching Ethan go insane was fun, but Mark's interest was shifting, and the urge to see him lose it was increasing, which influenced Mark's decision to abruptly wrap his mouth around him. A fluttering moan floated from Ethan's mouth as he ignored the burning ferocity in his chest. With the ease of normality and practice, Mark sucked, using his hand to massage Ethan's balls gently.
Mark was straining against his pants, listening to Ethan's capricious moans but couldn't find it within himself to stop. This was all about Ethan. He could wait. Besides, his satisfaction came from watching Ethan's face scrunch up in pleasure, his abs tightening with each bob of Mark's head. While blowjobs were typically a fleeting foreplay side stop on the road to sex, this time, Mark was pulling out all his tricks. The feeling of Ethan in his mouth, throbbing and twitching, precome spilling down his throat, was enough to please Mark.
Finally, Ethan's hand came down and tangled itself in Mark's dark curls, wrapping around his fingers like vines. He tugged on the side of rough, which forced a moan from Mark's mouth vibrating around Ethan's length.
"Fuck me," Ethan groaned breathlessly, "Mark, I—"
Though the statement stopped, Mark could piece together the thought himself. Ethan's eyes shut tightly, which allowed Mark to admire the flat plains of his pasty chest, nipples perked up from the chill of the room. Where in the hell did Ethan get the impression that he wasn't breathtaking? Mark readjusted his grip on his thick, muscular thighs, tightening as the precipice neared. His skin was smooth, soft and apart from the marks he created, completely unblemished. Ethan was a masterpiece that even Da Vinci couldn't do justice to recreating with a brush.
With one last hard suck, Ethan's fingers squeezed Mark's hair painfully, the responding wavering groan only aiding his orgasm. Mark swallowed it all down, used to the taste by this point. Choking whimpers and moans pushed their way out of Ethan's throat as the red flush darkened on his chest. Lovingly, Mark brushed his thumbs against Ethan's hipbones as he came down from his high.
Once he pulled off, as a last consideration, Mark kissed Ethan's leg affectionately, a dopey grin forming. Ethan sighed restfully, eyes fluttering open and squinting at the harsh light.
"You...are unbelievable," Ethan said, soft fondness decorating his tone.
To distract from the pleasant thrum of adoration that embraced him, Mark smirked and crawled up to lie next to Ethan, "No, you,"
Ethan's eyebrows furrowed as he rolled his eyes, understanding the callback to Mark's birthday message on Twitter.
"Wow, the Markiplier can't take a compliment?" Ethan grinned teasingly, "There is a first for everything,"
Mark gasped obnoxiously and clutched his chest, making Ethan giggle lightly, his lips spreading into a wide-mouthed grin. His love for Ethan hit him hard and heavy like a cold rainfall, and it was so intense it scared him. Ethan's face screwed up in happy, sated laughter suddenly looked down at Mark's body and settled into amusement.
"Oh yeah," he exclaimed, "Your turn,"
Ethan gestured for Mark to move closer, which he did, but only to grab Ethan's wrist gently and push it away.
"I'm good," Mark smiled warmly with no trace of joking, "This was about you,"
Ethan raised his eyebrows, crinkling his forehead. Mark could hear his brain whirring while he studied Mark's face.
"What? You think I'm not good for it?" Ethan teased, tongue poking out.
Mark snickered, "Oh, I know you are, you dreamboat,"
Ethan scoffed, and a determined glint flashed in his eyes as he bit his lip deviously. Before Mark could do or say anything, Ethan sprung up, surprisingly skillfully for someone lying down and straddled Mark, pinning his arms to the bed.
"What the—" Mark exclaimed, shock infiltrating his expression.
Ethan smiled wickedly, dropping his face closer to Mark's so his breath wafted across his lips.
"If you think for one goddamn second that I'm not gonna rock your mother fucking world Fischbach then you don't know me at all,"
A bewildered laugh escaped his mouth before he could stop it as he examined the dark glaze entrancing Ethan's eyes. A spike of arousal stabbed through him at Ethan's confidence, his grip tight but not painful on his wrists. One nice thing, that's all Mark wanted to do—but that was not in his cards.
"Alright then...do your worst," Mark replied effortlessly with a smirk, "Nestor,"
Ethan leered sinfully and released Mark's arms so he could quickly remove Mark's pants, uncovering his tenting boxers. Ethan groaned lowly in his throat as he made swift work of those too. More desperate than originally let on. Mark gasped quietly as his erection met the cold air but was silenced immediately due to Ethan's warm agile hand wrapping around it expertly. Mark had been leaking precome ever since he began blowing Ethan, and the added spit from Ethan helped ease the friction of his strokes.
"How's this?" Ethan inquired softly, actual interest present in his tone.
Mark almost laughed despite how badly it would be received due to the sheer fact that Ethan still was insecure about how he made Mark feel.
"Perfect," Mark stated, with no room for error.
Ethan's smile grew as his strokes became more confident, his thumb sliding gracefully over the tip, making Mark whine. The intense ardour in Ethan's eyes was sizzling Mark's skin wherever they landed. He scratched softly down the inside of Mark's thigh, causing Mark to bite off a groan. Ethan's lips quirked into a much dirtier smile as he repeated the action to the other leg.
"Seems like someone does like a bit of pain," he simpered, raising an eyebrow suggestively.
"Fuck off," Mark said breathlessly, a smile on his face that softened the harsh words.
"If only our subscribers could see you now," Ethan purred, digging his nails deeper and relishing in the frantic moan that left Mark's mouth, "What about..."
Ethan trailed off and took his free hand up to Mark's hair, sliding it in gently before winding the strands into his fist and tugging. Mark gasped and bucked into Ethan's grip, a light blush colouring his cheeks.
A smug smile tugged at Ethan's lips as he quickened the speed of his strokes, and his eyes lit up with delight, "Thought so,"
With that, he seemed to drop it as Mark plunged deeper into pleasure, the pricks of pain enhancing his arousal. Ethan became focused on twisting his hand at every upstroke and sliding his thumb into the slit, becoming empowered with each struggling whimper from Mark. He was dancing on the edge of just there and bit his lip roughly to contain the flurry of moans about to spill over. Ethan somehow intuitively knew this and pulled harder than before on his hair. Mark winced as a throb stung his head, however, the reverberating thrum of pain was enough to push Mark over. Gasped groans flooded the room as he spilled over Ethan's fist, his hips bucking without his consent as he rode out the waves of pleasure.
Once Mark went sensitive, Ethan let him go so he could grab a tissue from the bedside table and wipe off the remnants. Afterwards, he snuggled up to Mark's side, settling his hand over Mark's sweaty and heaving chest. Mark panted breathlessly as Ethan laid his head on Mark's shoulder, brushing a damp strand of hair from his forehead.
"I think you might wanna reconsider that masochism thing," Ethan whispered snidely, clearly trying to hold back laughter.
Mark huffed a groan and shoved Ethan's arm, which only elicited a sharp laugh splashing from Ethan's mouth, "Hey! Don't forget our masochism test scores, buddy,"
"Well, we're not talking about me right now, Fischbach," Ethan countered, poking his cheek gently, "And you're projecting,"
"Ooo fancy word, professor," Mark moved so he was on his side facing Ethan.
"Somebody's in denial," Ethan singsonged, a grin shaping on his face.
"Somebody's an asshole," Mark singsonged back, replicating Ethan's tone.
Ethan giggled lightly and kissed Mark's neck, hand still laying on his chest, feeling the pulsation of his heartbeat, "Don't worry, Mark, I'll still love you even if you're a bad, bad boy,"
Mark shivered when Ethan's tone fell into a dirty, dark place, a lump forming in his throat as his brain went cloudy. When the haze cleared, Ethan stared at him with a knowing smirk and raised an eyebrow.
"Told you so," he said, eyes glistening with wonder despite his teasing.
"You're not—that wasn't—" Mark garbled and, finding no words to explain himself, ducked his head, "Shut up,"
Ethan snickered tiredly and let his eyes shut, encompassing silence relaxing around them. Embarrassment eased in Mark's body as he watched over Ethan, seeing him more carefree than he had been in weeks. Even if Mark was no more than a distraction, a happy little getaway from the dark creatures prowling in his mind. He would take it. Mark couldn't talk like this with anyone. Couldn't love anyone like this. So, if sometimes Ethan couldn't love himself—he'd love him enough for the both of them.