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I freakin' hate snakes.
I mean, I didn't mind em' so much back home because I never really saw any, but they're freaking everywhere out here. Engie and Sniper know all about this stuff, but when one of the little legless fuckers bites me, it's not like I have any idea if it's gonna kill me or not.
So I go to see Medic.
I hate going to see the Doc.
Not because he's a doctor (well, that too), but because every time something happens to me during a ceasefire, he always lectures me about it.
"Ach, you shouldn't be vandering off outside zhe compound alone!"
"Ach, it's not safe to be trying ozher people's veapons wizhout zheir permission!"
"What do you mean you took candy from a stranger!?"
But I don't have a clue what to do about snake bites or if its poisonous or not, so I gotta go see him anyway. So I limp over to his office (it's supposed to just be the infirmary but he calls it his office all the time) , and I'm not limping too bad, but it hurts whenever I step with the foot, so I just keep the pressure off. One time Spy twisted his ankle and had Engie help him walk back to his room. He sure can act like hot shit, but man, what a pussy.
So I get to the Doc's office and open the door and Medic is there alright. He's normally up later than everyone else anyway since he's writing shit down and keeping track of like fifteen gajillion things, so I figure I wouldn't be waking him and he won't be that pissed off.
But he is pissed. He looks like he's staring at me with freakin' laser beam eyes.
And the lights are off, and the Doc is sitting there with his spare desk in the middle of the room (completely out of place for the guy I tell ya) with a couple of emergency candles lit on it. So he's sitting on one end. And Heavy's in there too, sittin' across from him. And of course I go with the first thing that comes to mind.
"You said we were out of steak!"
So I'm pointing my finger at him as I say this (I'd normally do something more manly like stomp really hard) and it's really important because they're both eating steak even though last week Medic said we were out (and for some reason we never get red meat out there).
So now the Doc looks super pissed like I just barged in on him while he was about to propose to his girlfriend or something, but seriously he's waaaaaay too old to have a girlfriend so I dunno what he looks so mad about. Heavy just looks confused, but he rarely knows what to say anyway since he can barely speak English as is.
So anyway, Medic has his wine glasses and liquor out too. He always kept that shit up and I've never even seen him touch em' except to wipe em' down every week (or maybe even more often than that for all I know). So Heavy's got a glass of wine and a steak, and Medic's got a glass of wine and a steak, and they got the lights off with candles burning in between em'.
"What the hell are you two doing?"
The Doc looks like he's about to pop a gasket. I mean, I honestly think for a second some part of his face might actually explode because of how pissed he is. So I turn to Heavy and he just looks sorta stunned. I back outta there as slowly as possible and shut the door while I’m at it.
My maybe-but-probably-not life threatening snake bite takes a back seat on the way to my room. Medic and Heavy were having dinner together? Like, a date? No way. Doc always seemed kinda faggy to me, but not really gay. And Heavy? Ain't no way in hell he's a fag.
So I limp back to my bunk and I'm just sorta chilling reading this book Sniper leant me (it kinda sucks, but honestly what the hell else am I supposed to do out here when there's nobody to shoot?). I figure if the bite is poisonous, then I'll just respawn, but I hate respawning. Doesn't seem to bother anyone else but it gets me real sick sometimes (hell, if I ever tell that to anyone, I'd never live it down). The bite is pretty numb at this point anyway so it's not like it hurts (don't know if that's good or bad) as long I don't step on it.
It's getting late and I really should be asleep but my head is wracked with Heavy and Medic being on a date that I just can't. Heavy can't speak English too well anyway, so the Doc musta tricked him into it, like he didn't know he was doing something totally gay, but actually thought it was something actually cool like sky diving or playing baseball.
So now I've got this knock at my door and I'm so wrapped up in thinking I'm not even reading the damn book anymore, so I just toss it aside. I answer the door and I was kinda expecting Soldier since every now and then he'll drag one of us out of bed at two in the morning to run laps or some shit. Guy's nuts.
But it's Heavy, and I don't think he's ever actually been to my room before. He's probably about to ask something like "yo why'd you break up my totally masculine, not-at-all-gay hangout time with dock-tore?"
But no, he doesn't ask that. At all.
"Scout, do not tell anyvone."
Woah. I guess the death glare should have clued me that he was pretty serious. It’s not quite a Medic death glare though, who’s definitely a 10. Heavy’s is more like a 7, 7.5 here.
"Tell the others what?" I bet I'd piss myself if I saw my face when I said that. The whole situation is just freakin' out there.
"About Doktor and me."
Oh shit.
"So, wait... you and the Doc are actually...?"
I mean, what the hell do I even say to this? So Medic and him are really... queer? Seriously?
Heavy doesn't answer me so I just keep staring at him with this total guffaw look on my face. I mean, I guess if he's actually queer with the Doc then it makes sense why they wouldn't want anyone to know. I could seriously see the others hassling them about it. But then I think...
"Hold up, ain't this against our contract?"
Heavy just nods at me slowly, still makin' that serious-as-hell face. "Scout, ve don't vant to lose our jobs..."
This is where I wanna say "well you shoulda thoughta that before smacking skin with ANOTHER GUY," but I guess he is my friend (and I’m really not in the business of being on the BLU-friendly side of his knuckles right now).
"Okay, okay, I won't tell anyone. But man... what the hell!?"
So Heavy comes in and we sit on my bunk (the damn sinkhole he made with his ass is still there by the way) and after he asks about my injury (I told him not to worry) we start talking about the whole thing. I mean, I've never met a queer before, and the fact that Heavy of all people was one of them was just nuts.
"So like, why do you like guys? Why not chicks, man?"
And Heavy just shrugs. "Do not know. Just vay I am."
"But like, have you ever liked chicks?"
Heavy was quiet a bit, like he was thinkin', before shaking his head. "I don't tink so. I vas alvways afraid someting vas vrong viz me. I talked to Doktor, to see if I vas sick, but he said I vas fine."
Sick, huh? Yeah, that stuff is gross as hell but being gay ain't a disease, right? Shit I hope I don’t catch anything.
"So like, you two like each other, like a guy and a chick would?"
Heavy nods at me. "I tink it's zhe same. Not complicated, Scout."
"Yeah, but it's definitely weird."
"Maybe to you, but is just man loving ozher man."
"I guess so..."
I mean, even when he puts it like that, it still seems kinda weird, but it's so simple, I guess it's hard not to get even if it's still pretty fucking gross. So like, how I would feel about chicks, he just thinks that about other guys. I dunno why but I guess I always thought it would act sorta like a, I dunno, brain condition or something and be really screwed up.
And then he gets all quiet for a sec.
"Scout, you don't tink it's vrong, do you?"
I've worked with this guy for months now. I do like him, like we're friends, so is this really that big of a deal?
"I dunno man, this is still like, freakin’ out there for me. It's just really strange. But I mean, that'd be a pretty dumb reason to hate someone."
Heavy starts laughing a little. I'm glad he's lightened up some. "Thank you, Scout, for not telling anyvone about zis."
I never noticed it, but Heavy actually says 'thanks' the right way.
So he's starting to leave and I'm still kinda pissed that Medic hid the rest of the steak for a date with Heavy, but now it comes to me that that was probably a really big deal for the two of em'.
"By the way, sorry for ruining yer uh, dinner with the Doc."
So he just smiles at me a bit. I mean, how can you hate this guy (as long as you're not on the opposite end of his gun)? He just seems too nice at times, like Engie. It would be bullshit to hate someone for something as stupid as being a fag.
"Is okay Scout. Many more chances for dinner."