Work Text:
Fam Bam Group Chat
Bebie Schuyler - GUYS!!!
Bebie Schuyler - THIS IS URGENT
Bebie Schuyler - GET UR ASSES HERE NOW
Bebie Schuyler - HURRY UPPPPP
Lizard Schuyler - Peggy are you okay?!?
Lion Bebie - Peggy??????
MWash - Peggy are you alright?
French Fry - U ok??
God? - ??
JMads - do you need like? Assistance??
Bebie Schuyler - OKAY SO LIKE I WAS GETTING DONUTS
Bebie Schuyler - AND I BUMPED INTO A MAN
Angel Schuyler - Did you get my donuts to???
Bebie Schuyler - YES, NOT THE POINT
Bebie Schuyler - SO I BUMPED INTO THIS DUDE
Johnny Appleseed - Was it a cute man??
Bebie Schuyler - OH MY GOD CAN YOU CALM YOUR GAY DOWN FOR TWO MINUTES WHILE I TELL THIS STORY?!?
Johnny Appleseed - the gay never calms down.
Bebie Schuyler - BUT SO I BUMPED INTO THIS MAN AND HE WAS LIKE JASMINE? AND I WAS LIKE JOHN? AND WE JUST KINDA STARED AT EACH OTHER FOR A MINUTE EVEN THOUGH MY DONUTS! WERE! ON! THE! GROUD!
Bebie Schuyler - AND HE WAS LIKE, “YOU’RE NOT JASMINE”
Lizard Schuyler - WAIT THE DONUTS SOME OF THOSE WERE MINE
Bebie Schuyler - NOT THE POINT RIGHT NOW
Bebie Schuyler - AND I WAS LIKE “YOU’RE NOT JOHN”
Bebie Schuyler - THEN HE NOTICED THE DONUTS AND APOLOGIZED AND OFFERED TO BUY ME MORE AND I WASN’T GOING TO SAY NO CUZ LIKE, FREE FOOD???
God? - you’re??? Rich???
Bebie Schuyler - AND I’M ALSO A COLLEGE STUDENT??? yOU’RE POINT???
Bebie Schuyler - BUT ANYWAYS BEFORE I WAS RUDELY INTERRUPTED
Bebie Schuyler - SO WE WALKED BACK INTO THE DONUT SHOP AND HE LET ME PICK OUT THE DONUTS I WANTED AND HE PICKED OUT HIS OWN DONUTS
Bebie Schuyler - BUT HE GOT LIKE, A LOT OF DONUTS SO IT TOOK AWHILE
Bebie Schuyler - AND WHILE HE WAS WAITING HE WAS LIKE, “I’M ANTHONY RAMOS BY THE WAY”
Bebie Schuyler - SO I WAS LIKE “NICE TO MEET YOU I’M PEGGY SCHUYLER”
Bebie Schuyler - BUT THEN HE WAS LIKE, “OH, YOU’RE A FAN OF THE SHOW????” aND HE WAS REALLY CONFUSED AND I WAS REALLY CONFUSED AND HE WAS LIKE “YOU’RE NAMES ACTUALLY PEGGY SCHUYLER??” AND I WAS LIKE “YES?? MY FULL NAME’S mARGARITA SCHUYLER??? WHY???????”
Bebie Schuyler - THEN WE JUST KINDA STARED AT EACH OTHER FOR A MINUTE
Bebie Schuyler - AND THEN HE WAS LIKE, “HAVE YOU HEARD ABOUT HAMILTON?”
Lion Bebie - wait me???
Bebie Schuyler - I’M GETTING THERE IF YOU WOULD JUST LIKE, NOT INTERRUPT ME??? THAT WOULD BE NICE
Bebie Schuyler - AND I WAS LIKE, “ALEXANDER HAMILTON?? YEAH, HE’S MY FRIEND??”
Bebie Schuyler - AND HE WAS LIKE ??? SO I PULLED UP A PICTURE ON MY PHONE AND SHOWED HIM AND HE WAS LIKE “LIN??” AND I WAS LIKE, NO THAT ALEX?? SO THEN HE PULLED UP A PICTURE OF THIS DUDE NAMES LIN MANUEL MIRANDA ON HIS PHONE AND IT LOOKED LIKE ALEX BUT OLD
Bebie Schuyler - SO I WAS LIKE ??? AND HE WAS LIKE ??? AND THEN WE BOTH GOT OUR DONUTS AND I PAID FOR MINE CUZ IT WAS CONFUSING AND I FELT BAD
Bebie Schuyler - BUT LIKE WE SAT DOWN BECAUSE WE WERE BOTH V V CONFUSED
Bebie Schuyler - SO HE WAS LIKE, HAVE YOU HEARD OF THE MUSICAL HAMILTON? AND I WAS LIKE NO? WTF??
Lion Bebie - wait what?!?
Aaron Burr Sir - Alex she’s going to yell at you again stop interrupting
Bebie Schuyler - THANK YOU AARON. ALEX SHUT UP.
Bebie Schuyler - SO WE SAT DOWN AND HE WAS LIKE, THE MUSICAL HAMILTON? KINDA POPULAR? BASED ON LIKE, AMERICA’S FOUNDING FATHERS?
Bebie Schuyler - AND I WAS LIKE NO??? SO HE PULLED UP A LIKE, WEBSITE ABOUT IT AND APPARENTLY IT’S REALLY POPULAR AND EXPENSIVE AND STUFF AND WE’RE JUST OBLIVIOUS FUCKS
Bebie Schuyler - BUT THEN I SAW A CAST PHOTO? AND IT WAS LITERALLY LIKE, US??? AND I WAS LIKE, WHO’S THAT? AND HE POINTED AT ME FIRST AND IT’S THIS GIRL NAMED JASMINE WHO LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE ME AND AND I WAS LIKE, WHO ARE THEY? BECAUSE THEY LOOKED EXACTLY LIKE ELIZA AND ANGELICA AND HE NAMED THEM AND SAID THEY PLAYED ANGELICA SCHUYLER AND ELIZA SCHUYLER AND I WAS LIKE ???? !!!!
Bebie Schuyler - SO I PULLED UP A PHOTO OF US (we looked bomb by the way) AND I WAS LIKE, THAT’S MY SISTERS ELIZA AND ANGELICA?
Bebie Schuyler - AND HE WAS LIKE ??? AND I WAS LIKE ??? AND HE WAS LIKE “OKAY AT THIS POINT I FEEL LIKE YOUR ENTIRE FRIEND GROUP IS THE SAME AS THE CHARACTERS??? AND I WAS LIKE, POSSIBLY???
Bebie Schuyler - SO I PULLED OUT THAT GROUP PHOTO GWASH AND MOTHER WASHINGTON HAD US TAKE DURING CHRISTMAS CUZ WE’VE BECOME THAT CORNY
Bebie Schuyler - SO THEN WE WERE COMPARING EVERYONE TO THE PEOPLE IN BOTH PHOTOS AND THEY’RE BASICALLY US BUT OLD AND LIKE, THEY PLAY CHARACTERS WHO WERE APART OF HISTORY THAT WE ALL APPARENTLY SHARE NAMES WITH
Bebie Schuyler - AND HE GAVE ME HIS NUMBER AND SAID THAT HE CAN GET US DISCOUNTED TICKETS TO THE SHOW IF WE WANT TO GO CUZ IT’S LIKE EXPENSIVE EXPENSIVE AND LIKE YEAH NOW WE NEED TO GO
GWash - One, I feel like that could have been explained in one long paragraph instead of 34 messages.
Bebie Schuyler - Dramatic Effect™ GWash
GWash - And two, how did you guys not know that you’re named after founding fathers???
Angel Schuyler - all the 74 schuyler children,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, are homeschooled so we didn’t have a very in-depth American History class
JMads - my names just kinda common that I didn’t think about it
Johnny Apple Seed - Same
French Fry - I’m literally French. I did know I was named after Marie-Joseph Paul Yves Roch Gilbert Du Motier, Marquis de Lafayette though because I technically inherited the same title.
Lion Bebie - I’m from the Caribbean and literally like, didn’t go to school?? from like, unnamed reasons
TJeffs - I knew I just like, didn’t care, kids bullied me for it a little in school but didn’t really care that much either?
God? - My parents named me after the god, not the dead dude and I guess I just never made the connection? Idk he wasn’t that important i don’t think?
Mario.A - MMaria Reynolds didn’t really matter that much in history? Except for like the affair which i googled a while back but like, that wasn’t in school?
Real Sia - Theodosia Bartow literally had zero importance in school i guess?
Bebie Schuyler - i just googled it and literally like Lafayette is French like the dead dude (has the same title too??) Alex is from the Caribbean and stuff just like his dead double. GWash/Jefferson/Madison are all from Virginia like their dead doubles and so on.
Johnny Apple Seed - are we like, reincarnations, or something???
JMads - ???
French Fry - i t ‘ s
God? - a
Lion Bebie - p o s s i b i l i t y
Angel Schuyler - It’s so creepy when you guys do that
Lion Bebie - it’s just like our poly powers
Lizard Schuyler - p ol y p ow ers
Lizard Schuyler - i’m dead
TJeffs - i hate this group sometimes
Lion Bebie - -_-
Lion Bebie - fiGHT ME
French Fry - Alex no, sit down.
Johnny Apple Seed - I feel like you all should know that he sat down and is now pouting
Lion Bebie - I AM NOT POUTING
God? - he’s definitely pouting
French Fry - yup
French Fry - he’s pouting more now he’s gtg because i’m going to cuddle the shit out of him to make it better
God? - he just glared at Laf then sat in his lap and is now putting his head in the crook of Lafs neck while Laf rubs his back and this is so cute I’m about to cry.
Bebie Schuyler - OKAY BACK ON TOPIC
Bebie Schuyler - WE SHOULD ALL GO SEE HAMILTON
TJeffs - James and I are down
MWash - George and I will go
God? - John said he’s down and I’m down, dunno about Laf and Alex though cuz Alex may or may not be crying…
Real Sia - Aaron and I are would love to go
Lizard Schuyler - angie said she’d wanna go and i wanna go but also where are my donuts???
Mario.A - i’m so down///
French Fry - I’ll go and i’m pretty sure Alex will go but also he’s crying and now’s not the time to ask him so like…
Bebie Schuyler - is he like, okay???
God? - no.
Johnny Apple Seed - i think bringing up the Caribbean made him sad i gtg we’re doing group cuddles now
Bebie Schuyler - maybe we shouldn’t go?
Johnny Apple Seed - he said that if you all want to go that he refused to stop you and that he will suck it up because obviously it can’t be exactly the same and now he’s crying more so at this point if we don’t go he’ll feel really bad and I don’t want that so like we’re going @ everyone figure out a time and we can probably make it.
Johnny Apple Seed - bye
Bebie Schuyler - I feel kinda bad but I looked at their website and there are enough open seats for us to go this Saturday at like 7:30.
GWash - Martha and I can make dinner beforehand for everyone then we can take the van.
Lizard Schuyler - oh my god The Van™
Mario.A - wait whats The Van™???
JMads - oh my god I forgot she’s new she doesn’t know about The Van™
Angel Schuyler - her and Eliza like just started dating of course she doesn’t know about The Van™
Lizard Schuyler - We aren’t dating!
Real Sia- mmhmmm
Mario.A - can someone please just tell me what The Van™ is?!?
MWash - I will dear. It’s a van that George and I bought once Alexander started to bring a whole bunch of people around and we would all go places together. It’s a 15 passenger van and they like to make it dramatic.
Mario.A - Thank you MWash!
MWash - you’re welcome
GWash - I just called Lafayette and they said that all of them are free and willing to go that night.
Angel Schuyler - Is alex ok?
GWash - probably not i could hear him crying over the phone
TJeffs - even i feel bad and he’s my Mortal Enemy
Aaron Burr Sir - when do you guys even have time to come up with this stuff???
TJeffs - remember that one time the elevator stopped working and we were trapped for a couple hours? We talked a lot and cried a lot and we declared each other Mortal Enemies even though we’re like, kinda friends now cuz we’re both dramatic
Bebie Schuyler - okay ignoring all that except alex i hope he’s okay he’s my only friend my age
Bebie Schuyler - but also i texted Anthony Ramos and he said that if we’re willing to get out tickets at like, the theater thingy they’ll be like 15% off and our seats are reserved and nice
Bebie Schuyler - he also said that after the show he arranged for us to meet the cast because like, they’re basically our twins
TJeffs - I’m li t eral ll y s o ex cite d
JMads - he’s literally shaking
Lizard Schuyler - OH MY GOD PEGGYS BACK AND SHE HAS DONUTS AND SHE HAS THE KIND I LIKE AND I’M CRYING GOODBYE
Angel Schuyler - omg Peggy got the kind i like and i didn’t even have to ask for it and i’m so Happy and yissssssss
Bebie Schuyler - she says that like i wouldn’t get the kind she likes even though we literally live together and she’s literally my sister???
Real Sia- Now I want donuts
Real Sia- Aaron go get me donuts
Aaron Burr Sir - I’m leaving now
TJeffs - that boy is Whipped
JMads - anywaysssssss
GWash - so since most people are leaving now Martha and i thought you could all come anytime after 12 so that we can have some time child free. We’re also providing lunch for everyone here and dinner will be around 5. We’ll leave at 7ish.
Mario.A - will dinner really take that long?
MWash - it normally does, or at least eating and cleaning all the dishes does.
Mario.A - ooh that makes sense, thank you.
GWash - you don’t have thank us
Mario.A - :)
MWash - I just checked the chore chart and it’s Alex, John, Hercules, and Lafayette’s turn to clean up
JMads - hecc yess
GWash - if you keep going like this you have to clean up lunch alone.
JMads - I’m sorry Washington
GWash - you better be.
GWash - go finish the essay i assigned last class because i still haven’t gotten it and like, it’s due tomorrow
JMads - wow mood killer
GWash - and you’re doing lunch dishes
JMads - :(