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You moved the papers in your arms to one hand as you raised your hand to knock at the door to the Student Council room. On your way to the cafeteria, Miss Kawakami had asked you to deliver some papers to Makoto before the trip to Hawaii. It was a simple enough task, and a welcome one at that; you hadn't had time to spend alone with Makoto since she was so busy with the combined duties of being a Phantom Thief and Student Council president, so maybe now would be your chance to catch her alone.
Voices came from inside. Your hand froze on the door; Makoto's was recognizable as always, but you could also make out the sound of another third-year girl's that you placed as Takao Eiko, a girl in your social studies class that you were well-acquainted with. Even though you were close with both of them, the fact that they knew each other had never come up. How long...?
"So, Makoto...how are things going with you and that boy?"
Your heart jumped to your throat. You recovered your composure and leaned in a little closer. Boy? Since when?
"O-Oh, we've been doing...okay," Makoto replied, letting out an awkward little laugh. "The diner was nice. I think it helped strengthen our relationship, you know?"
You almost dropped the papers in your arms. You had always thought Makoto turned down most of your invitations after school because of her duties, but could she have been dating someone this entire time? You had to admit, the idea that your best friend and crush would keep something like this a secret from you and avoid you completely for it made your stomach churn.
"Aww, I'm glad you guys decided to come with us! I thought Akira wouldn't hold a candle to Tsukasa, but he actually proved me wrong. It's a bit weird between you two--like, you guys didn't even hold hands throughout the entire double date!--but he had a point when he said love comes in all different forms. I'm totes glad you got a boyfriend like that!"
You were glad there weren't any other students in the hallway. It was bad enough your knees were knocking together, but you felt a tear trace down your cheek. You lost your grip on the papers and the bound ream fell to the floor with a dull thump. For a second, you thought Eiko and Makoto wouldn't hear it; in fact, you hoped they didn't, because you could hardly bring yourself to move. The voices inside went quiet and you heard footsteps approach the door, shattering your optimism.
Makoto opened the door and her eyes widened when she saw you standing there, but before she could say anything, you stammered out an apology and hurried back to your classroom. Makoto called after you, sounding undeniably concerned, but the hot shame and misery your chest made you unable to do much but move faster. You half-hoped Makoto would come after you, because maybe then you'd be able to get an honest answer out of her, but your footsteps remained undeniably alone and you bowed your head to hide your face from your fellow students.
It was stupid to get this upset over something, especially something as simple as a crush, but you really couldn't help it. Ever since the Phantom Thieves had successfully taken down Kaneshiro and Makoto had joined your team, you had been working so hard toward developing a friendship with her, one that you hoped would eventually bloom into a relationship. She hadn't seemed that opposed to the idea; after all, you had already been acquainted because of your shared classes and she had been the most open to you as time passed. It was hard not crush on her; she was beautiful, strong, passionate, brave, and most of all, there was a mutual sense of respect and trust between you that you had worked hard to cultivate.
There had been a moment a few days ago when you had thought your crush was reciprocated. Makoto had finally been free and the two of you had decided to grab something to eat. It was raining that day and she had shared her umbrella with you. You could still remember the warmth of her body as she pressed up against you, stuttering an excuse about making sure both of you were covered with the umbrella, but you had looked at her face and found her blushing and avoiding your eyes. When you laughed, a soft smile had come across her face, and you'd entertained the notion of her leaning in for a kiss before she turned away and continued to lead you to the diner. You'd replayed that moment so often in your head, caught up in the simple beauty of her, and you'd wanted to take today as an opportunity to ask her about that.
You had shamelessly entertained the idea of locking the door and pushing her up against it, catching her breath with a kiss. Now that you knew Makoto was dating Akira, the latter had taken your spot, erasing your hopes with a single image. You took a detour to the bathroom to wash your face and calm yourself down. Your knuckles turned white on the edge of the sink and you stared at yourself in the mirror.
It made sense she would go after Akira. All you had to bring to the table was your Metaverse counterpart and the history you had with track, but even then, only Arrow had ever truly amounted to anything. In the real world, you weren't anything special, especially compared to the others. Sure, you were a good fighter and a fast runner, but in the end, any of them could take your place and it would be like you never left. All you had to your name were the golden days of track.
Akira was charming, intelligent, kind, dauntless, and talented. He was the leader of the Phantom Thieves. He had strength, both mental and physical. He was attractive.
Standing next to someone like him, what were you besides a reminder of Kamoshida?
Your grip tightened on the sink so much you swore you heard the ceramic crack. That question echoed in your mind. You couldn't help but observe it from every angle, trying to figure out if you were wrong, but no matter how you looked at it, you couldn't find an answer in your favor. You took a few deep breaths to calm yourself down and washed your face one more time before adjusting your uniform and leaving the bathroom.
In your self-induced daze, you didn't notice the person coming down the hall until you bumped into them. You uttered a hurried apology and began to leave when the girl said your name in a familiar voice and stopped you in your tracks.
"Hey, what's wrong?" Ann asked, her eyebrows knitting together. "You look like you've been crying."
You managed a laugh and rubbed your neck. "Is it really that obvious?"
"A little," she admitted. "Your eyes are puffy. Class is about to start...do you want to get something off your chest beforehand?"
You looked around. Sure enough, there were students beginning to come into the main body of the building, heading up the stairs to their classes. "Maybe later," you said. "You have classes upstairs, right? You should get going before you're late."
"But..." She frowned. "I don't want to leave you like this."
"Really, I'll be okay," you reassured her. "If you catch me after class, I'll tell you then, alright?"
She didn't look convinced, but she nodded regardless and hurried upstairs. You let out a sigh of relief and headed into your class, freezing up when you remembered that Eiko was with you. She was sat in the corner, tapping away on her phone and chatting with her buddies while the teacher got her lessons ready. You took a step toward her, wondering what she would say if you asked her about Akira and Makoto, but you quickly disregarded that idea and headed to your seat instead.
Classes passed by surprisingly fast, and you left before Eiko saw you. Makoto was coming out of her class as well, and you saw her look up and make eye contact with you. Before she could say anything, you hurried outside, keeping your gaze stoutly on the path in front of you.
The moment you were out of the gates, you cursed yourself. There was no good reason to run--after all, you really wanted to ask her if she and Akira were dating, just to get it off your mind--but now that you did, your worthless pride took over and you couldn't bring yourself to go back inside. Besides, you knew she had a Student Council meeting after school today, so it's not like she would have that much time to talk. Maybe if you mustered up the courage, you could text her later tonight and ask her then...yeah, that sounded like a good idea--
"Why are you running away from me?"
"Oh, Jesus!" You whirled around and found Makoto standing right in front of you, looking unamused and mildly hurt with her arms crossed. "You scared me."
"I wouldn't need to scare you if you would have talked to me in the first place." You winced, knowing full well that she was right, and she sighed. "Maybe today is an off day and I'm just being irrational, but this is twice already that you've made eye contact with me and ran. I don't think I've done anything, but if I have, please tell me. This kind of discourse would be detrimental in our line of work and I would hate for something bad to happen because we didn't talk our issues out as adults."
You stared at her, taking a moment to process everything that she was saying. When it clicked, you couldn't help but let out a laugh; you were supposed to be the one interrogating her, but here she was, doing such to you instead. "Well, I think this can all be answered with a simple yes-or-no question, yeah?"
This time, it was her turn to draw back a little. Her eyebrows knit together and she closed her eyes. The unamused expression fell away and left blatant guilt on her face. The sudden change wasn't one that you were expecting, but in your mind, it confirmed all of your suspicions. "It seems I was right. You heard what Eiko and I were talking about in the Student Council room and jumped to conclusions, didn't you?"
"Jumped...jumped to conclusions?" You shook your head, a bemused and mildly angered smile coming across your face. "I think it's impossible to say I was 'jumping to conclusions' when I heard Eiko talking about your double date with Akira. I mean, really, no matter how much you look, saying something is a 'date' immediately implies romantic connotations, not to mention she explicitly called Akira your boyfriend. I think I can assume that you and Akira have been dating for a while, right? So...what, was that moment under the umbrella a few days ago purely platonic, you messing with me because you don't seem to think that whatever we've been building up to isn't serious?"
You didn't mean to raise your voice, nor to snap the last word like it was poison, but by the end of your rant Makoto's head was bowed and there were a few students staring at you in disbelief. You refused to back down despite the telltale flushing of your face; sure, there would undoubtedly be rumors surrounding you and Makoto by tomorrow, but it wasn't like neither of you weren't accustomed to them in the first place. You'd rather deal with the brunt of rumors than leave all of this unsolved.
"Please, can we talk about this somewhere else?" she pleaded, finally looking back up at you. "This is obviously something pressing and private and I would much rather not do it where everyone can hear us."
You looked at your phone. "Let's talk on the roof then."
"The..." She trailed off and nodded. "Let's get going."
She followed you back into the school. You walked all the way upstairs and tried the door. You remembered seeing one of the third-years coming up here every so often to water the plants, which meant that the door should be unlocked. Sure enough, it swung open easily, and you gestured for Makoto to go in first before shutting the door firmly behind both of you. The smell of petrichor and damp stone filled the air with a calming aroma, and you walked over to the metal chairs sat up against one of the walls.
Makoto followed you and sat down directly in front of you. Your knees were almost touching, and you could see the fabric of her shirt rising and falling with every gentle breath she took. "I think you probably have more you want to say, don't you?" she asked. "Why don't you go ahead and start?"
You shook your head and sighed. Now that you were finally alone with Makoto, all of your prior rage had flooded out, leaving behind a dull pain and rapid heartbeat. "It's just...are you really dating Akira?"
"No." She huffed out a little laugh and managed a smile as you gawked at her. "Akira accompanied me to Shinjuku one day because I wanted to know more about what teenagers my age did outside of school. I believe you were spending the day with Ann and Ryuji, otherwise I would have asked you instead, seeing as how we are closer in both age and friendship. While at Shinjuku, I saw Eiko enter a salon."
"Eiko works at a salon?" you asked, baffled.
"It surprised me as well." She worried the hem of her skirt between her fingers, glancing up at you every so often. "Since Akira had seen her as well, I had him act as my witness while I questioned Eiko about her job. Long story short, she did confirm she was working there, but she misunderstood my relationship with Akira and thought we were dating. I soon learned that she was dating a host as well, a man named Tsukasa, and we ended up going on a double date with them at the diner in Shibuya to do some more investigation. Eiko is...very stubborn and refused to listen to me when I tried to tell her that Akira was just a friend, so I had to go along with it."
You were stunned into silence. "Is that why you've been so busy all this time?"
She shook her head frantically. "No, no! I promise, I've been telling you the truth about having a lot of Student Council duties recently. What with the Hawaii trip coming up, as well as all of the urgent assemblies and trips we've been having, I've been swamped with a lot of work. A-And..." Her face flushed a shade of pale pink and she dropped her gaze back to her skirt. "Well, I guess I have been avoiding you a bit as well. Not because you did anything, but..." She mumbled something under her breath.
"What was that?"
She made an embarrassed noise and looked up at you. "I like you! I've just been so flustered because I don't really know anything about relationships or the like and I don't want to screw this up. You mean so much to me, especially now that I've felt like I've had the chance to really cultivate something meaningful with you. Truth be told, I'd been using my fake relationship with Akira as both a distraction and a means to study about all of this...I'm so sorry, I should have told you sooner. That's completely my fault."
"Makoto..."
She gnawed at her bottom lip. "I mean what I said. I don't think I've ever been so certain of something in my entire life."
You closed your eyes. The self-loathing thoughts from before began to fill your head again. "Really? Even though compared to Akira, I really am nothing special?"
"What are you talking about?" She sounded so scandalized that you opened your eyes. Her eyes were wide and her jaw was slack. "Do you really think that way? I can't fathom why."
You shrugged helplessly. "I just...he's the leader of the Phantom Thieves. All I have to stand up against someone like him are the golden days of track and field, but even then I never really amounted to anything. Compared to him...am I not just a reminder of Kamoshida's abuse?" Repeating the question out loud made it feel far more real, and you looked down at your lap, trying to will the tears to stay at bay.
"How can you say something like that and not be joking?" You flinched as she reached for your hand. Her fingers clumsily interlaced themselves with yours, and although her grip was unnatural, you couldn't bring yourself to draw away. "Sure, maybe he's Joker and all of that, but you're...you. You're funny and brave and passionate. You stood up for me against Kaneshiro, both in the real world and in the Metaverse, remember? Even before all of that, you were the only person that stuck by Miss President's side instead of spreading all of those nasty rumors. You listened to me when no one else would. For that, you mean the entire world in my eyes."
"Y-You're being serious?" you asked.
"How can I not be?" She smiled at you and squeezed your hand reassuringly. "All this time, we've been walking circles around each other, but ironically I'm glad this came out now. Now, we can be honest with each other...That moment under the umbrella, I wanted to kiss you so badly, but I was afraid. If I'm not mistaken...you wanted that as well, didn't you?"
You managed a little laugh. "More than you could ever believe, Makoto. I didn't want to press something like that on you."
"I kind of wished you did," she admitted, her smile growing ever so slightly. "Maybe then, we wouldn't have to deal with all of this."
"That's true." You rearranged your hands so you were holding hers correctly and squeezed her hand again. "I think this entire time we've both been really irrational, and it's about time we took it rationally. Makoto, I like you a lot. We can start slow for now, but I want you to be my girlfriend, okay? I'll try my best to guide you along, hold your hand as gently as you want me to, and we'll move as fast as you want to. A relationship is all about mutual comfort and respect, and I want to make sure it stays that way."
A soft smile came across her face, reminding you of the one she had given you that day under the umbrella. "Yeah...Yeah, I'd like that. I like you. Thank you for giving me a chance."
You laughed and stood up, pulling her with you. You opened your arms and she immediately leaned into them, allowing you to trap her in a warm embrace. "I should be saying the same for you."
She rested her head against your shoulder. "Well, if it's for you, I think I'd do anything."