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Remus had seemed nervous. Roman has known his brother long enough to know when he’s a little too in his head, and the day of his wedding is certainly no exception. Roman had been expecting that; I mean, who isn’t nervous their wedding day? But this, this exceeds all of his expectations.
Remus is nowhere to be seen.
In all honesty, Roman was a little surprised when Remus had asked him to be his best man. I mean, yes, they’re brothers, but they’re also brothers who bicker nonstop and haven’t always had the best relationship. It’s gotten better in recent years, but still…
“You know me about as well as anyone,” Remus had said simply, “And I’m fairly certain you’re the only person who’ll be able to handle me when I turn into a total bridezilla!”
Remus wasn’t kidding, either. He gets worked up over the littlest things, sometimes to the point of tears, oddly enough. His patience is even more at its limit than usual and honestly, Roman doesn’t know how Logan is managing through it all. Roman loves his brother, despite all of their bickering and the fact that Remus once switched out his shampoo with mayonnaise, or all of the horrid names Remus has called him in the past, but he’s a hell of a lot to deal with sometimes.
Even so, Logan has seemed as resolute as ever to make the process of preparing for their wedding as seamless and on-track as possible. It’s still strange sometimes, seeing Logan so head-over-heels in love with Remus of all people. Listen, Roman doesn’t mean to sound harsh, but Logan can do better. He’d never in his wildest dreams imagined the two of them as a couple, and yet here they are, deliriously and obnoxiously happy. And really, Roman is thrilled for them. He remembers fondly when Remus had called him at nearly four in the morning, asking: “Roman how did you propose to Virgil? I need to know all of the things to avoid when I ask Logan to marry me.”
Okay, maybe Roman remembers the moment with more annoyance than anything else, but still with some fondness nonetheless.
Roman’s also happy that this whole wedding thing is about to be over. He’d foolishly offered Logan to help plan the wedding, knowing Remus in charge of such things was not the most intelligent idea. But it seems he’d forgotten all of the intricate details that go into pulling off such an affair, because yeesh, it’s a lot to wrap your head around. But finally, the whole thing is going to be over and everyone can get on with their lives.
Except Remus is missing!
Roman noticed that he’d seemed a little squeamish this morning, but he’d chalked it up to wedding-day-jitters. I mean, he’d been acting the very same way when he was going to marry Virgil. He listed all of the things that could go wrong and was afraid that Virgil might decide he didn’t want to get married in the end, or any other disastrous scenario. Though come to think of it, he’d said a lot less obstinacies. But still, surely Remus was just a little nervous and would get over it.
Well, apparently not!
“Remus? Remus, where the fuck are you?” Roman hissed as he combed through the rooms of the hotel, searching his and Virgil’s, Remus’s and Logan’s room, as well as Patton and Janus’s. “Come out come out wherever you are, you little shit! If you don’t show up to your own wedding I’m going to kill you – or worse, Logan’s going to kill you.”
“Why am I going to kill Remus?” Roman hit his head on the bottom of the bed he’d stuck himself under, foolishly hoping Remus might be underneath.
“Uh – no reason! No reason at all, everything’s fine! Don’t even worry about it!” Roman says far too quickly, about as suspicious as one could seem.
Logan crosses his arms over his chest, a stone-cold expression settling over his face.
“Roman.” Roman’s bound to crack under the slightest bit of pressure, and sure enough, he does.
“Okay – okay. Please don’t freak out!”
“When have I ever been known to ‘freak out’?”
“I can’t find your fiancé anywhere. He’s kind of, uh, lost?” For someone who claims he’s not going to freak out, Logan looks about three seconds from losing it.
“You’re telling me that Remus, who I specifically told you to pay close attention to because he seemed a little off yesterday, is nowhere to be found?” Roman gulps.
“Uh…maybe?”
“Maybe?!” Logan motions to run a hand through his hair before remembering it’s already been styled, and he highly doubts there will be time to fix it, “Roman, the wedding is starting in an hour. God damn it, I told him that if he was feeling anxious he should talk to me! You said you would watch him!”
“I – I was! I just lost sight of him for a minute and…” Roman trails off, seeing the look of growing terror etching itself into Logan’s face. “But don’t worry! We’re going to find him! I absolutely refuse to believe he wouldn’t go through with this after all of this planning and time –,” Logan looks like he’s going to be sick, “And also because he loves you! Loves you so, so much! Don’t you worry, Microsoft Nerd, I’m going to fix this!” Logan pinches his temple and sighs deeply before taking out his cell-phone.
“I’m going to call him. If he knows what’s good for him,” Roman fails to miss the snarl to his friend’s voice, “he’ll pick up.”
Evidently, Remus doesn’t know what’s good for him because there’s no answer. Logan throws his head back, letting out a dramatic: “FUCK!” that’s incredibly unlike him before his eyes meet Roman’s again, determined.
“Okay. This is fine. Not optimal, but manageable. Where was the last place that you saw him?”
“I was fixing his makeup in Virgil and I’s room about a half an hour ago or so.” Logan glowered at him.
“And tell me, how did you get distracted?” Roman opens his mouth. “And if you tell me it had anything to do with your husband, I am going to become very, very upset.” Roman closes his mouth.
“What’s most important is that we find Remus,” Roman says, hoping the changing of subject will distract Logan from his correct suspicions. Logan huffs out a sound of exasperation.
“Fine. Let’s spit up, we’ll cover more ground that way.”
“Should I get Virgil to help? Or Pat and Jan?”
“No,” Logan says a touch to quickly, earning a look of concern from Roman. He clears his throat. “I don’t need anyone else worrying about Remus’s warbots, it will only cause more trouble.” Roman shrugs.
“Fair enough. But, really, I’m sure Virgil would be happy to help.” Logan grits his teeth.
“I think Virgil has helped quite enough today,” Logan fails to miss the way Roman’s Adam’s apple bobs with a nervous swallow, “Of all of the times to become consumed with lust…”
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry! We just lost track of time – and time, is what’s important here, right? Let’s go find my shit-head brother. I’ll go this way,” Roman points vaguely left, “You go that way,” Roman points right.
“Fine,” Logan says through a sigh, “Call me immediately if you see him. And, for the love of god, please be patient with him. I can’t even imagine what he’s thinking presently …” Logan trails off, deciding not to continue nor allow Roman to respond before walking out of Roman’s hotel room and wandering down the hall.
He sincerely hopes he doesn’t run into anyone wondering why one of the grooms is wandering the hotel looking like he’s trying to find a lost, frightened animal. To some extent, he supposes he is.
Mentally, Logan’s cursing himself for not checking on Remus more diligently last night. He had seemed gnawed away by anxiety, but foolishly, Logan had chalked it up to mere nerves. After all, he was rather nervous himself. Declaring one’s undying love for another in front of friends and family is a decidedly nerve-racking affair.
Logan doesn’t doubt Remus’s love. In the four years they’ve been together, he almost never has. Remus has his moments – that is to say, many moments – of crudeness and distasteful behavior, but that doesn’t negate the fact that Logan couldn’t miss the fondness in Remus’s eyes every time he catches his gaze if he wanted to. Before Remus, Logan had highly doubted he would ever find a long-term romantic companion. He’d been thoroughly that perhaps he simply wasn’t meant for such things.
And then he’d met Remus, a horror novelist and immediately flirtatious man. He’d met him through Roman, who’d been more than a little apprehensive to introduce them. It was odd they hadn’t met prior, considering their being twins, but Remus quickly realized how different the two brothers were, and perhaps the assumption that Logan would want nothing to do with Remus. That couldn’t be the furthest from the truth.
Logan didn’t always like to admit it, but he was swept off his feet immediately. Remus’s charms, though unorthodox – he’d muttered facts about the best way to kill a man will maintaining a semblance of innocence between kisses – were incredibly affective. For the first time in so long, Remus had someone who could keep up with his conversations, switching effortlessly from topic to topic. Remus was endlessly fascinated with the macabre and strange, something that Logan, a scientist, could certainly appreciate. Remus loved to discover how things worked, more than happy to dissemble things in the process and he had a curiously for the world that Logan couldn’t help but admire. He still can’t help but admire most things about Remus.
Logan never expected to be wooed by a man like Remus, but yet here he is, set to marry him in less than an hour. He’d been the one to propose, the gesture much clumsier than he liked to think back on. He’d dropped the ring-box, twice, and yet Remus’s response was passionate and giddy as though he’d done a stellar job.
Logan loves Remus fiercely and he knows his fiancé loves him just the same…so why has he disappeared?
He rounds a corner, thankful that most of the guests are probably bustling around the seating area, otherwise he’d be dealing with an even bigger mess. Sure, a search-party might be of use, but the embarrassment that it would surely bring him, and his fiancé was a much less appealing option than finding him himself.
Logan finds himself combing the halls of the hotel, finding nothing, before walking out into the garden. It’s a lovely, sprawling green area – and he’s lucky that it’s on the opposite end of where the wedding is being held, in the front of the hotel. He’s going to find him, and they’ll be married, and then everything will be fine. That’s what Logan’s telling himself, but it can’t still the thunderous beating of his heart. He finds himself beginning to give into hopelessness before hearing a sound that makes him stiffen where he stands: a sniffle.
Logan treds lightly, mindful of the leaves crunching underfoot before finding Remus’s leaning against a bush, holding his knees to his chest and trembling some few feet away. Quickly, Logan sends a quick text, “Found him”, to Roman, before approaching cautiously.
“Remus?”
A shiver runs through Remus’s body as he scrambles to face Logan, his eyes blown-wide and bloodshot. His makeup is smudged against his cheeks, and he looks a few seconds from collapsing altogether. Oh dear.
“L-Logan,” Remus stutters out weakly. Logan kneels at his side, keen not to touch Remus right away. His mind is already scrambling for something to say, to soothe him.
“Remus, I’ve been terribly worried.” Perhaps it’s not the best start, but apparently, it’s all he’s got at the moment.
“You don’t…you’re gonna…” Remus trails off, sniffling.
“I’m going to, what?” Remus hides his face in his hand.
“You’re not gonna want me. We’re – we’re gonna get up there, and you’re not gonna want to in the end. Or, or people are going to laugh, ‘n say I’m no good for you.” For someone who was sure for so long that he lacked a heart, Logan’s sure he can feel it breaking. Hesitantly, he reaches a hand out, his fingers brushing lightly against Remus’s shoulder. Logan expects him to push away, but he doesn’t. He just keeps crying.
Logan’s never so much as considered the fact that Remus would believe such a thing. It’s no secret that, much like his brother, Remus has his own issues with self-worth, but this is so much further than Logan’s allowed his mind to reach. He knows it’s the deadly cocktail of wedding jitters and insecurity that’s lead his fiancé to such a conclusion, but it fails to take away from the pain that his words illicit. Remus presently believes, with some level of sincerity, that Logan isn’t absolutely over-the-moon in love with him. That has to be a crime, right?
“Remus,” Logan’s voice is even and slow, trembling only slightly, “I owe you the sincerest apology if you believe I would ever leave you. Darling, I love you. I love you more than I was aware I was capable of loving another person. Of course, you’re good for me. And the people who are with us today are our friends and family. No one is going to laugh, I promise.” Remus’s breath stutters, wheezy and scared.
“But – but you can’t promise all that. What if they decide I don’t deserve you? What if – if you decide I don’t deserve you?” The last sentence cuts through Logan like a rusty blade, agonizing, slow torture. Logan tightens his pressure on Remus’s shoulder, only slightly.
“I will not make such a decision, because that’s entirely untrue. You are as deserving of me as I am of you, which is to say we deserve each other completely and wholly.”
“But – but I’m –.”
“Do you not wish for us to be married?”
Their eyes meet again, the look in Remus’s panic-stricken.
“Whu-what?”
“I said: do you not wish to be married?” Logan knows the answer. Not even a fraction of him doubts that he knows the answer; it’s Remus that concerns him.
“I…of course not!” Logan raises an eyebrow. “I mean – I want to marry you. Of course I want to marry you. I love you, with all of my f-fucking heart. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me and…” Remus trails off, wiping his eyes with his sleeve.
Remus’s suit is somehow only somewhat crumpled. His hair is a tad ruffled, but nothing too bad. The makeup is smudged, but Logan doesn’t believe that will take very long to reapply, if they hurry. More than anything, it’s sad to see him like this. It’s so unlike the man he’s fallen in love with. Remus is always so big and loud, larger than life and not taking shit from anyone. He’s flamboyant and crass and so much all the time, so much more than Logan ever thought he’d be able to handle, but even so he does. He does more than handle Remus, he trusts him, he revels in his company, he loves him.
Right now, though, Remus seems like none of those things. He’s a man crying in a garden, terrified out of his mind. Logan wants nothing more than to take that fear away from him, to see his love light up again.
“And I’m scared,” Remus finishes finally, “’M scared of all of those things I said. Fuck, Lo, I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry…”
Logan finds himself engulfed in Remus’s embrace, warm and tight and trembling. Logan’s rubbing his back, slow circles he hopes are doing something to soothe Remus’s nerves. He’s crouched in the dirt, holding tight to his crying fiancé. Not exactly what he expected his wedding day to look like, but hey, Logan’s doing what he can to roll with the punches. He’s learned a lot of that from Remus, how to keep going when life throws you a fast one.
“It’s okay, love,” he says softly, “It’s perfectly alright that you’re afraid. But as I said, I promise, everything is going to be alright. I assure you, I want you by my side always.”
“Even – even when I’m being an idiot?” Remus asks through a snuffle. Logan laughs lightly, feeling the tension beginning to disperse.
“Always, my dear.”
Remus pulls out of his grasp before cupping Logan’s cheeks and kissing him a little too hard, the embrace all teeth and tongue, but Logan can still feel the tremor of his hands. He’s shaken, but he’s going to be fine. He’s okay.
“Oh, shit!” Remus curses loudly, the entirety of the situation finally dawning, “We’re about to get fuckin’ married!” Remus whips out his cellphone, letting out another string of expiative. “I’m – oh my god, I didn’t even realize the time. Shit. I’m sorry, Logan, I’m sorry! I don’t know where my head is and I’m such a mess. I’m so –.”
“Hey,” Logan’s voice is grounding, snapping Remus out of whatever rant he was about to launch himself into, “It’s alright. They can’t exactly start the wedding without us, now can they?” Remus’s frantic, worried expression melts into something closer to relief.
“Shit, baby, I’m rubbing off on you too much, aren’t I?” Remus says through a watery laugh, referencing Logan’s usual insistence on being punctual.
“Perhaps,” Logan says, standing up and offering Remus a hand, “I feel I have to check: are you still interested on becoming my husband?”
Remus grips his hand tightly.
“Of course, yeah. I’m just…” Remus swallows the building lump in his throat, “…what if I fuck it up?” Logan helps him to his feet, watching as Remus brushes the dirt off his pants.
“You aren’t going to “fuck” anything up, love. Fear is not equal to being inadequate in any sense. I’ll have you know…I’m afraid, myself.” Remus face shines with an incredulous look.
“Really?”
“Yes. It’s perfectly reasonable to be a little nervous on your wedding day. It’s quite the common thing, you know.” Remus’s grip on Logan’s hand tightens as he takes a deep breath.
“Okay. Okay, I’m good.” Logan gives him a careful look.
“Are you sure? If you need another minute…” Remus quirks an eyebrow.
“Do we have another minute to spare?” Logan steels a glance at the time. Shit.
“No…not really.” Remus’s face is graced with a smile so wide and bright Logan knows that his Remus, larger than life, bolder than anyone he’s ever met, is back.
“Then let’s get going!”
And they do. They run through the garden and back into the hotel room. Hastily, Remus’s smudgy makeup is wiped off and reapplied. His hair is combed to a passable degree. A few anxious, excited kisses that they really don’t have the time for are shared.
Guests look utterly baffled to find the grooms walking to their wedding hand in hand, after all, it goes against so much stupid tradition. Not to mention they're seven minutes late. Even so, Logan catches the relief on Roman’s face as well as Virgil mouthing a quick “sorry.” He fails to elaborate past that, doesn’t need to.
Remus is walked down the aisle by Roman. Logan watches as Remus walks to the sound of the wedding march, his eyes already misting. It’s preposterous, isn’t it? Logan’s already seen him today, he’d known what he looked like in his suite. But if Logan’s learned anything in his time with Remus, it’s that emotions rarely have much logic behind them.
He was just scrambling to find Remus, and now here they are, face to face and crying like children. Logan almost never sheds a tear, but this is different entirely. It feels like a facet has been twisted that he can’t manage to shut off. He was sure that he was going to be more composed than this, but he isn’t at all.
He worries, distantly, for Remus as things proceed and their vows are read. He worries he’s going to become consumed with fear again and crumple right in front of all of their friends and family. Logan wouldn’t fault him or be upset, just worried. It doesn’t happen, though. Remus simply trembles and cries through his vows, words Logan knows to be true with all his heart, and then Logan does the same.
And then those words are said: “I pronounce you husband and husband. You may kiss the groom.” Logan’s brain has been filled with so much Television static, standing here, Remus’s hands clasped in his as they promise their lives to one another. But then, abruptly, everything is clear. Remus’s lips are on his, hands tangled in his hair. Surely the kiss is far too amorous to be considered decent, but neither of them seem to care much.
“I love you Logan Knightly,” Remus breaths against his lips as he pulls away just slightly. The cheers and clapping of their friends and family are ringing in his ears, “I love you.”
It dawns on him. Yes, he’s Logan Knightly now. He took the name with pride. He has a husband – Remus is his husband.
“I love you too,” he manages to avoid kissing Remus again long enough to say, “Madly. I love you madly,” before their lips are connected again.
The anxiety of their moment together prior has not entirely dissipated. It’s lessoned considerably, though. Logan knows Remus is still worried, still wonders if someday Logan might decide he doesn’t want him anymore. Nothing like that will ever happen, and it’s still mixed with the jitters of the day, but it’s still a concern. One that Logan’s determined to convince Remus is ludicrous, for the rest of his life, if he has to.
They love one another and for Logan, that’s enough.
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