Chapter Text
Pain.
Lena was very aware it was going to happen, she tried to make herself ready to face it, she read tons of books and talked with people who could explain it in vivid details, but there wasn’t enough knowledge that could prepare her for the amount of pain she would feel.
It started slow, an hour after she walked inside her office at CatCo. Just a small discomfort assembling cramps, then it started moving to her lower back. There was a fair amount of time between these jolts of pain, so Lena decided she could ignore it for a while longer. It was a terrible thing to think, but maybe she could hold it back until her body changed its mind about being ready to give birth.
Rather if it was wishful thinking or just how things worked, Lena managed to finish her day of work, wish a very good night to Jess, her most loyal employee, and head home. Deep down, she knew it wasn’t home that she should go to, but there was exactly where she went to. She took a shower and went to bed with her wristwatch and a notebook to write down the times of each contraction.
Because, yes, she was having contractions.
Lena had no idea what she should do after that, though. She never had to plan what to do if she went into labor with no one else around to help her. Every time she pictured it, every plan she made or thought about, every time she dreamed about it, Kara was there right beside her to help. To hold her hand, to calm her down, to remember her how to breathe, to take her to the hospital.
They planned this together. All of this. Kara helped her put the maternity bag together, they attended the stupid Lamaze classes that Kara was eager to go after Sam told her about it, and they discussed where to put it until needed, they figured out what was the best way to get into the hospital – flying was a veto, but so was let Kara drive, so they agreed to call for Lena’s driver or one of their friends. In every scenario, Kara would be there with her throughout the entire thing.
But Lena was alone. Kara wasn’t there. All she had was an empty apartment, a silent house, and no one to tell her it would all be okay. Lena was scared, not for the first time in her life, but the difference was that she wasn’t sure she could go through that fear alone that time around.
She needed Kara, but her wife was gone. She wasn’t there to hold her hand, to tell her to breath, to grab the bag, to call for a ride. Kara wasn’t there because she was gone and, out of sudden, Lena felt like crying in more than just pain. Crying came more easily for her now these days, especially at the quiet and solitude that fell over her apartment in the last two months.
The contractions were happening ten minutes from each other and Lena knew it was time for her to get to the hospital unless she wished to give birth to her daughter alone at home. Which was discussed several times between them before they agreed to do it. With Kara’s Science background, Alex’s biology knowledge, and Lena’s bossy ways, they figured out they could do it. Plans changed since Kara was gone, so she needed to find a way to get to the hospital or risk it being too late to move.
Picking up her phone, Lena dialed the number and waited as she took deep, shaky breaths through her mouth. There was a brief beep when the other line picked the call, a small groan, and then a sleepy yawn that made Lena feel bad for having to wake people up. To be honest, she hadn’t realized it was already past midnight.
“Alex?”
“Lena? What is it? Why are you calling me this late at night?”
Lena gulped, one hand clenching the sheets underneath herself, green eyes filled with tears that were slowly rolling down her cheeks, and then she gasped for air when a sob threaten to escape. Of course the other woman heard and, when Alex spoke again, she sounded completely alert.
“Lena? Are you okay?”
“I-I’m having contractions.”
“Oh?” The other woman sounded as surprised as her for that information and, if they were in any other situation, Lena could have made a joke about it. 37 weeks pregnant and getting surprised for going into labor? No one should be that stupid, Lena chastised herself. “Where are you?”
“I’m at home,” Lena bit her bottom lip when another shot of pain ran down her spine straight to her lower back. They were happening closer and closer to each other, and the pain was starting to get more located in her stomach area. It was going to happen, no matter her own feelings about it.
“Okay. Wait for me there. I’m on my way.”
Lena bit back the wish to snarl or scream, to demand where exactly Alex thought she was going, but another rush of fear silenced her complaint. She was alone, in pain, with a baby on the way. Things were not looking good for her.
“Alex...”
“It’s going to be okay, Lena. I just need you to stay there and wait for me. I will take you to the hospital and we will figure things out, okay?”
“Alex...”
“I’m already out the door. I will take Sam’s car and...”
“Alex.”
Either the way she called out for the older woman or the heartbreaking voice she used shushed the agent. There was a pause, Lena could picture Alex halfway outside the hallway in Sam’s apartment complex, jacket hanging from one arm while she balanced the phone with the other shoulder. As scared as Lena, probably. As lost as her, for sure.
“I need Kara,” Lena wailed, followed shortly by a broken sob.
There was a sigh on the other side of the line, another pause, then the rush of steps. “I know. I’m sorry, Lena. I’m so sorry.”
Neither of them spoke for a while. Lena closed her eyes, one hand resting on her big pregnant belly, tears rolling freely down her face now as she listened to Alex moving around, unlocking a car and closing a door.
“I will be there in a few. It’s going to be fine.”
33 weeks ago:
“Is it time yet?”
Rolling her eyes fondly, Lena didn’t even bother looking down at her watch. “No.”
There was a beat of silence, two seconds at max, before Kara peaked at the box on top of the sink again. “How long does it take?”
They were both sitting at the bathroom on their master suite, Lena on the toilet closed seat and Kara at the laundry basket she pulled out while ignoring the glare the other woman sent her way, but it allowed her to sit almost right in front of Lena, which was all she wanted at that moment. The proximity, the comfort from the other’s presence, to be able to look at her wife’s beautiful face while they waited.
“Five more minutes, Kara,” the brunette replied while picking on her nails.
“You said that last time,” the blonde whined like someone had just told her that potstickers were banished from America.
“Yes, because it has been less than a minute since the last time you asked me!” Infuriating. Yet, Lena had a glint in her eyes that softened her expression.
“I’m excited!
Yes, like no one else had realized it by the way Kara kept fiddling with her sleeves and tapping her foot on the floor. Lena, who was literally watching her throw a glance at the cup every two seconds, would never be able to tell her wife was excited about it.
“I know, darling.” Softening her features even more, Lena tried to express all of her concern with only a look. “But don’t get your hopes so high, it might not have worked again.”
That was attempt number 3. The other 2 weren’t a disaster, per se, although it caused some amount of hurt they hadn’t anticipated and neither was ready to deal with afterward. The ‘what ifs’ and forged memories can sometimes be too hurtful. So Lena would try to keep both feet on the ground this time and spare herself more emotional pain.
“No, I have a really good feeling about it this time. This is going to be it.” Bless Kara and her ‘cup half full’ personality.
“Well, keep in mind it might not work,” Lena tried again, this time in a gentler tone and forcing a small smile out.
Kara nodded far too fast for her to even be able to see the movement. “We will just try again, then.”
“Kara...”
Lena sighed and, at the sound, Kara’s eyes went wide when she realized what she had said. “If you want to! I mean-“
The brunette chuckled softly at the panic the other woman was showing and leaned over to cup Kara’s face between her warm, soft hands. “I know, darling. I just need you to calm down.”
“I am calm!” Kara denied quickly, her head bobbing up and down.
“No, you’re not,” Lena chuckled again, letting go of her wife’s face to cross her arms in amusement. “You look like my mother just invited us for dinner.”
At that, a grimace twisted Kara’s face in an almost laughable way. “Rao, can you imagine that? Can Lillian even cook?” she added as a later thought.
“She can, actually,” the Luthor replied with a nod, satisfied with herself when her mission to distract her wife seemed to work.
“What?”
Unable to hold back her laugh from the pure shock on her wife’s face, Lena threw her head back. The sound of her free, delighted laugh filled the small space they were in, ending all tension there might be around them. Smiling, an honest, large smile, Lena looked back at Kara, only to find a twin smile on her face as well.
“Yes. She didn’t cook all the time,” Lena explained softly. “God forbid a Luthor to stay at the kitchen, but she knows how to do a very good lasagna.”
Still too surprised by the mental image of Lillian Luthor – Lillian Luthor – cooking, Kara only blinked back at her. “... What?”
“I know. She did a cake once too. Craziest shit. Lex sneaked me a bite.”
“Was it a chocolate cake?” Kara asked, suddenly very interested in having a glimpse of Lena’s childhood to finish painting the image in her head.
“Of course not,” Lena scoffed. “Some vanilla cake with whipped cream or something equally boring as that.”
“Wow,” the blonde mouthed before smiling again. “So, about the lasagna, did you get the recipe?”
“Well, she gave me this cooking book with all of the recipes that run on the Luthor family for generations. She gave it to me on our wedding day, right before giving me something blue and her blessing.”
Rolling her eyes to the sarcasm on her voice, Kara nudged Lena’s knee with her own and crossed her arms so they were basically a mirror to each other. “Did Lex get a copy too?”
“Why do you think he invited us for lunch next Sunday?” Lena shrugged, trying to keep her smile at bay. Their bickering was one of her favorite things on any day.
“Oh, we can’t go next Sunday.”
With a glint in her eyes for having Kara joking back at her, Lena wondered, “why? Do we already have plans?”
Kara shook her head, lips pressed tightly together. “Prison visits are Tuesdays and Saturdays.”
Lena gasped, shocked by Kara’s bluntness, and her mouth hung open. Kara barely had time to worry that she went too far on their teasing as the younger woman cough a laugh, clearly trying to hold it back.
“Did you just make a jail joke on my family?”
After hearing the amusement on the woman’s voice, Kara shrugged. “Just your brother, technically.”
“Oh, really?”
“Yes.”
“Technically, huh?” Lena leaned forward and Kara imitated her move until their noses were brushing and their foreheads were only a few inches apart.
The blonde scrunched her nose in the adorable way that Lena always loved to see. “I learned from some fancy folks not to incriminate myself, so now I use these words to take me off the hook.”
“Well, Miss Smartass, you know what else is technically ready?”
“What?”
Lena laughed this time, putting some space between them, and Kara watched her with confused eyes but with a careless smile. “The test, Kara.”
“Oh!”
Before Lena was even done laughing, the blonde had already jumped from her improvised stool and was moving to the sink. One of her hands moved like she was about to grab the stick inside the cup, but she stopped just before her fingers could brush it. Lena watched as she bit her lip and furrowed her brows, looking down at the test like it was a very hard puzzle to solve.
Sensing not only her distress but also the fear Kara was trying to hide for days now, Lena also got up. She approached the blonde with soft steps and carefully put her arms around Kara’s waist, hugging her side while her wife dropped her right arm across her shoulders to pull her closer.
“This is it,” Kara whispered after a couple of seconds.
“It is.” Despite it, neither of them moved to grab the test or tried to take a look at it. After another minute, Lena spoke again, “if we don’t look soon, the result might change. It’s affected by the environment the longer it gets exposed.”
“Okay.” The blonde nodded and her hand reached out again. Like the first time, she couldn’t bring herself to touch it. “What if it didn’t work again?”
Kara’s voice was barely audible and there was enough pain attached to her words that Lena had to squeeze herself harder against her to stop her tears. It had been hard the first time, they had this crazy idea that it would work and they would become parents after the first insemination, but the cold shower they received back was a shock of reality. The second time, they were ready for the disappointment, yet hoped for the best.
So Lena not only understood where Kara’s sudden fear came from. She also felt it in her bones.
“We will just keep trying,” Lena replied, pressing her lips against Kara’s soft cheek. “And, if we can’t have a baby of our own, we have enough love to bring a child into our family in another way.”
“You’re right,” Kara smiled down at her before pressing her lips into Lena’s forehead. “Are you ready?”
“Whenever you’re ready, darling.”
Lena rested her head on Kara’s shoulder and watched with eager, bright green eyes while her wife picked up the test between slight trembling fingers and turned for them to look at it. For a second or two, her heart stopped. It sank to her stomach, making her legs go cold and wobbly before it caused a warm feeling to spread all over her body. Her fingers dug into Kara’s waist and it would have probably hurt her if she was human.
Two lines.
Lena wasn’t seeing double, she was sure. There were two lines, two perfect aligned lines.
“Holy Rao,” Kara breathed in such a state of awe that broke Lena from her own shock. “Holy Rao, Lena. You’re pregnant.”
Lena raised one hand to hold the test as well, her fingers brushing against Kara’s. “We’re pregnant, Kara. We’re having a baby.”
Before she knew what was happening, Kara let go of the test and curled her strong arms around her torso, lifting Lena from the ground to swirl her around in the small bathroom in a pure state of happiness. Lena laughed, wrapped her legs around Kara’s waist and her arms around her neck. She raised the test to look at it again behind the blonde’s head and tears started filling up in her eyes.
“We’re having a baby, Lena!” Kara shouted excitedly against her ear.
They sure were.