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"You're gonna miss me" Tae Joo said to Guk with a smirk on his face while he was packing his stuff scramblingly
"Aren't you unhappy for that you can't come with me?"
"No I'm fine"
Tae Joo didn't answer just frowned
"Did you take your toothbrush?"
"Yes, haa I forgot it.."
"Here" Guk reached out to Tae Joo and passed him to his tootbrush.
"Oh Kang Guk you are so attentive"
It has been four days since Han Tae Joo travelled to Japan. Kang Guk couldn't even figure out what he must to do at first days. There was no one to waking up and pulling out the bed at morning. There was no one whining out of stiffness or taste of eggs at breakfast. There was no one to rummaging about where he was or what he was doing at that moment.. no Tae Joo to worrying and thinking about. Now Kang Guk has unusual freedom to spend days as how he wants to. He was not used to this autonomy. What a simple but essential thing had taken away from Kang Guk for a life time... He thought about the quag he stuck in while he was laying on the bed all alone.. He wasn't even used to sleeping alone.
After his mother's death Tae Joo has became a child not being able to sleep alone. At earlier Kang Guk has tried to leave his room after Tae Joo fell asleep but at each try in the middle of the night Tae Joo has ended up in Kang Guk's room as soon as he has woken up from a nightmare. So Kang Guk has stopped to leaving room and they've started to sleeping in same bed.
Until now that habit has not changed.
During those days Kang Guk has overseen how Tae Joo has been clenching his jaw tightly at his sleep. He's listened all his mournful mumbles while he has been having a nightmare. He's learned about how someone can cry loudly and still continue to sleeping how tears can be dropped from shut and dormant eyes to pillow non-stop for all night.
Kang Guk never had a family. So he couldn't understand Tae Joo's pain and couldn't find a way to comfort him properly. He was so concerned lest Tae Joo get sick and die like his mother. Tae Joo was so weak so infirm so inappetent. He lost so much weight. Kang Guk has been checking his breath at every night in dread that possibility of his sudden death. He couldn't go back to sleep until he has made himself convince that Tae Joo was alive.
Those rough days passed. But a certain boredom continued to nibbling Guk's mind insensibly after them.
"That boy, what would he do if i wouldn't stand by him?"
Chairman officially charged Kang Guk for protection of Tae Joo after number of threats reproduced. Tae Joo was only heir apperent of TB group and he was an open target for competitors of chairman. "They are easy" that was what Kang Guk has thought "They are only bunch of smoke and mirrors. The real affair is how can I protect him from you? From your repressive expectations? From your cruel punishments, your negligence? He was begging and crying for you at his sleep while he was shaking like a leaf how can I protect him from your apathy?" Kang Guk couldn't ask non of those questions to chairman. He was the man who pays for him who gave him a house who owned Kang Guk's life. He couldn't say anything but "yes".
After months from Tae Joo's mothers death, finally he started to recovering slowly and smiling again. As soon as Tae joo's chattering has returned back, pain in the Guk's chest has vanished away. Tae joo's nightmares has overed so Kang Guk could sleep in peace too.
"What would happen if there was only his father with Tae Joo? What would he do without Kang Guk's accompanying?"
No need to think. He would die with that pain. His father would kill him with his gazes with his words. How could Kang Guk protect him from his father? Chairman was a man who has everything and Kang Guk was just a guy has nothing.
"Han Tae Joo can't survive without me. His soul can't survive."
At the fifth night without Tae Joo, Kang Guk understood how that thought captivated him. Kang Guk was Tae Joo's liberation. The only place he can escape from his father, only place he can be himself freely, he can be childish, selfish, sassy. Only place his spirit can be alive. But for Kang Guk it was opposite. Tae Joo means to him slavery, unfreedom, being a shadow, being a servant who obeys to his master, someone secondary after Tae Joo.. not having a self. Tae Joo wasn't aware any of those sacrifices that Kang Guk made for him. He has never realized Kang Guk's suffering. He was just a child who cares about only himself and his own demands.
Kang Guk has planned many times quiting his job and looking for another way to afford money. He could do any job he has many abilities but what would Tae Joo do without him?
Kang guk couldn't leave Tae Joo he had to bare that sufferring..
And that suffering getting worse and worse. Now not only his mind and body, also Kang Guk's heart has became possessed. The strain on his chest became more than a burden of responsibility. Nowadays he had to hide his hands to his back to resist urge of touching Tae Joo and Tae Joo's teasings haven't help him at all. Tae Joo was attracting Kang Guk like he was hiding an invisible ethereal magnet under his skin.
Kang Guk has catched himself wanting to hold Tae Joo in his arms, to inhale his scent, to caress his soft hair..
..to kiss his lips..
Kang Guk took a deep breath and shut his eyes
"You lost your marbles Kang Guk, you ended up as a lunatic because of this guy"
How could it be possible?
How could the sky above Kang Guk collapse when Tae Joo started to talking about those girls, when he has gone a date with one of them.
What was that feeling?
Kang Guk opened his eyes and look across to side of bed where Tae Joo used to sleep. He couldn't believe the situation he involved in. He was mad at Tae Joo but he was mad at himself more.
He shut his eyes again and thought about last four days. Thought about how not being around Tae Joo made him more calm and relieved how it quieted down that long-time storm in his mind and heart. How could Tae Joo tire him that much? It would be better if he had never meet Tae Joo if Tae joo had never existed. It would be way much better..
Abruptly the ring of his phone distracted him from his thoughts. He reached out and grabbed his phone and checked the screen of it with dimmed eyes. There was a message from Tae Joo.
"darling, only 3 days left to our reunion"
Kang Guk huffed with a smile unwillingly. He put his phone back. Suddenly he felt that familiar warm inside of his heart again. Tae Joo's image appeared in front of him with his beautiful smile and clear eyes. His childish and naive aura.. his joyful chuckles...
Suddenly sleeping alone felt so silent, so lonely..
Kang Guk drew a sigh..
Only three days left...