Chapter Text
Death is both natural and unnatural, a bridge built by both hands of the entity who goes feared for something they can't stop. understand the poor souls whose lives have been dealt the card of their fear. death is fear, fear is death and yet it cannot be missed, it creeps everywhere and we have nothing more to do than allow it. allow its claws to take us to a place of paradise to rest once more upon the beaches and the trees that stand tall in the corrupted sky. trust
Ben however never took deaths hand, he walked with it to the point where that oh so beautiful bright light was almost a blanket his mother would wrap him up in after a mission or a horrible nightmare but he couldn't accept the light when he had made others walk towards the light before their time. the dripping blood from his hand is a message of both his death and the blood of others he had showered in. trust
His death was something he would never speak about even if Vanya had put his death into words or a lack of but it was still in her book, a horrible reminder that he can no longer breathe, no longer sleep, no longer eat and no longer enjoy the wind on his face when he walks through this shitty city. death watches until it can no longer help his soul, death has no grudges to those who wish to stay and view the world from dead eyes. Ben stays quiet after his death, he doesn't tether himself to Klaus. he sits in the dark corners of the city, hand red with blood, eyes tearful and mind filled with so much anger, anger at everything and nothing.
People walk by him, walk through him and it angers him, he wishes he could touch, wishes he could throw something at anyone, he wants to scream so loud that the city comes running to his help but instead he sits on the dirty ground and stares at nothing, he can't cry and it infuriates him. hands still shaking with the aftermath of death, blood pooling at his feet and he wants to sink into it. drown himself in his own blood to the pits of hell, commit a sin in death to be dragged from the life he wishes he still had. Instead all he does is look up to the sky, the stars are bright, the moon is alive and smiling at him, a sight he wants to touch, to reach up and hold the moon in his hands and marvel at her beauty.
he stares and stares until a cloud breaks the tension between beauty and death, so he hangs his head in pity for some more until he stands when the wailing of the dead begin to grab at his arms and ask to him to join them in the flames of agony, Ben was never one for anger, for rage or for pure fury, he was just a kid who wanted to see the world, yet what he got was eldritch creatures inside of his own stomach, can't exactly sunbathe on the beaches with them hanging out.
the breeze he can tell is soft by the way old newspapers float on by him and the slight up skirting of women's dresses and skirts as they walk past the alleyway he begins to leave, life is so, so pure in the way everyone takes it for granted, or takes it way too seriously to enjoy the small things, to enjoy the hangover everyone hates getting, or getting a spontaneous idea to go on a road-trip with their friends, even a McDonalds at 3am is something that is worth doing. Life has no reason until you give it a reason, and what Ben would do to get that back, to get his heart racing again, to relive the memories of him and Allison sneaking out in the middle of the night to sit in the hill to talk, or to go skateboarding with Diego again even if it wasn't Diego's forte.
His life was beautiful, loud, energetic, crazy and harsh but it was his, his own life. it wasn't his brothers or sisters lives, it was his. every move he made wasn't decided by others, every feeling was valid in his term and his love was bursting so much it felt like he was floating above a kingdom made of glass. love is something he hid, hid from everyone apart from the cracked mirror in his room he spoke to when the nightmares got loud or if he lost control of himself in missions that spread more guts than butter on bread.
He can feel a pull and he knows it Klaus, or he think it may be him trying to tie his soul with another, but he tries to ignore that warmth that is brighter than God's light and he stops, stops dead in his tracks and almost goes to apologise to those behind him until he feels the shiver ride up his back, his chest is warm like hands are pressing against him pushing him backwards and he pushes the feeling away, and runs, runs and runs until he finds himself outside of the academy. He stares and stares then leaves when he hears the loud laughter that is followed by the sounds of cheering.
He'd love to laugh again, love to get that smile back on his face and dance to awful music, sway to the beat with a drink in his hands and a buzz that is alcohol, they'd all dance upon the table, each of them are absolutely horrendous at dancing and that's what makes it so fun, fun just to be young, bad karaoke followed by too much drinking, dancing and the Chinese orders that come flooding in the doors curtesy of Allison.
Family is strongest when they are all weak, hands touching close and words of comfort is all they relive on and to touch again would be a gift to him but no, he knows his mind is rushing to him, the sicking thoughts to hold everyone close to his heart is the devil in disguise laughing at him because he's dead, he's dead, he's dead, dead, dead.
Until he connect himself to Klaus.
Until Five sent them back.
He was alive, alive, alive.