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“Fine,” she huffs.
It certainly doesn’t sound fine. She sounds angry and maybe hurt, too. He’s confused by it. He’d expected relief. His stomach is starting to feel sour from more than too much ale earlier.
“Fine?” he queries back.
“Whatever you want, Jon,” she sighs. It’s a very exhausted sounding sigh.
Honestly, she should be exhausted. He is. From the moment they’d reunited to take back Winterfell, it seems like there’s been one unexpected obstacle or hardship after another thrown their way, spoiling that precious little moment of peace they’d shared from gaining something of their family back.
She is his family still though everything is different…even though he’s ceased to see her as a sister for sometime now.
But, she doesn’t know that and he’d not entered this union expecting her to feel the things he does. He’d hoped to find some peace from it though. He’d hoped to not be huffed and sighed at tonight.
She’s withdrawing. They’re both like that. They get angry and then they withdraw. Sometimes, a person has to work through their anger on their own. But this isn’t one of those times. Like a splinter, he cannot let it linger. This arrangement is far too new for that.
“Sansa, something tells me this isn’t fine.”
Silence.
Definitely not fine.
She’s burrowed under the furs now which should make it possible for him to think more clearly at least. Walking into the lord’s chambers to find his new wife in nothing but her shift had threatened to undo his carefully rehearsed speech about how he would never presume to pressure her for intimacy or anything. The marriage is a political one, arranged to keep the North bound together after the wars. Yes, heirs will be expected at some point but for now…well, he’d thought she’d be sighing with relief.
What had she said? ‘Whatever you want, Jon.’ What does she want?
He blows out the candle by the bed and gingerly lies down beside her. Maybe this will pass. Maybe they’ll both go to sleep and things will be like always between them in the morning. Maybe everyone else in the castle will assume their marriage was consummated tonight but they’ll know truth.
Maybe he doesn’t want that.
“Sansa, did you mean ‘fine, I agree with what you’ve suggested, Jon’ or ‘fine, have it your way but I think you’re an idiot, Jon?’”
More silence.
“The latter then,” he grumbles. She’s perfectly still but he’d be an enormous idiot indeed if he thought she was really sleeping. The tension is rolling off her in waves like a physical entity. “Sansa, are you going to speak to me about this or are we just going to…”
“What is there for me to say? You’ve made up your mind about it already.”
“Because I thought that’s what you’d want!”
“Well, maybe you shouldn’t put words in my mouth!”
“You didn’t say anything!”
“You decided how I felt about this without even asking me!”
“I…” He clamps his mouth shut before he digs himself in any deeper. Thinking through his little speech and her reaction, he begins to see how he’s completely bungled this. “I did, didn’t I?”
Her voice is still angry but maybe not quite as much when she replies, “Yes, you did.”
“I didn’t mean to,” he says more softly, reaching for her hand. “This is new to me. I never thought to wed. I’m not all that sure of myself when it comes to guessing what a woman wants me to say.”
“Obviously,” she huffs though she accepts his hand. Her huff becomes a snort and soon she’s laughing. Her laughter unspools that uncomfortable, sour feeling in his stomach.
“What do you want, Sansa?” he asks with his fingers still laced with hers in the dark.
She’s quiet and then…”I want children.”
“I do as well.” He shouldn’t have suggested waiting to consummate their marriage. Alright, he shouldn’t have stated it like it had been decided already between them. He’ll have to do better. “What else do you want?”
“I want…”
She hesitates and he can picture her chewing at her bottom lip though he cannot see her face clearly. “What else do you want, wife?”
There’s a hitch in her voice when she answers. “I want to be your wife. I want you to be my husband.” They were wed hours ago but he knows what she means. “But not if you don’t want me.”
“Don’t want you? Sansa, you’re mistaken if you think I don’t want you. I want you very much but then I suppose it’s my fault if you thought otherwise. I only wished to give you the choice…but instead I didn’t make it a choice at all. I’m sorry.”
He can feel the bed shift as she turns towards him. Her free hand reaches out in the dark and he can feel her fingers tracing his eyebrow and then sliding down his cheek and to his mouth. He kisses her fingertips.
“I forgive you,” she says at last with a tenderness that makes his heart pound with joy.
“Thank you.”
The tension from earlier has passed and he’s grinning in the dark. He swears he can feel her grinning, too.
“So, this is new. Us lying in the same bed.”
“It is,” she agrees, a giggle bubbling up.
He draws a little nearer. She lets him. “I could get used to it.”
“So could I.”
“Alright, fine.”
“Fine? What does-“
Her words end with a delighted shriek when he pulls her close for a kiss.