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Tony came in the communal living room and did a double take when he saw both of their resident assassins curled up on the couch with their laptops and working away. "I thought you said you would be practicing tumbles," Tony reminded them. "I don't see any tumbling going on."
"What? Are you blind?" Natasha demanded, not glancing up from her laptop and clicking with her portable mouse.
Simultaneously, Clint protested indignantly while still typing furiously. "We are way past the practice stage of things."
"Do something useful, Stark," Natasha ordered, "and make an exclusive video or something. Of the coffee machine."
"Is that healthy?" Clint asked, incredulous.
Natasha shook her head. "Bribe."
"Ah."
"ItsAVeryDistinctiveFlavor suggested that for my theme this week," she added with a perkiness reminiscent of Pepper in a good mood.
The entire interchange might as well have been Greek (except Tony spoke Greek) and was also scary as all get out. "What are you two talking about?"
They exchanged puzzled glances.
Finally, Clint led out with, "You seem like a pretty well-versed guy."
Clearly impatient with her partner's slowness, Natasha interjected to demand, "You haven't heard of Tumblr?"
"Of course, I have," Tony replied, then the thought caught up with him. "Wait. You two are on Tumblr?"
Natasha beamed. "How to keep your superhero fed. Coulson ordered me to find a hobby years ago. Maria claimed I'd never learn how to cook, so we took a class. Together."
"There was a scary guy with a knife involved," Clint added.
Natasha sniffed. "He knew how to wield it properly—for food or for more important matters."
Clint's eyebrows came up. "Don't ever say it that way to him," he advised. "Food is life, remember?"
"You run a cooking blog?" Tony's still stuck on the point A of the alphabetical discussion.
Natasha nodded. "We can both cook." She sounded very proud of herself.
But seriously? "I've had Clint's hashbrowns, and I hate to tell you this, gorgeous, but—"
"Not Clint," she interrupted him, annoyed. "Maria."
Oh, right.
"And Pepper was looking for decent tips anyway," she added, waving her hand airily. "So, the sentient coffeemaker?"
"On a cooking blog." Tony tried wrapping his mind around this strange concept.
"It's not a cooking blog, Stark." Clint looked a little pitying. "It really isn't."
And it wasn't. Tony beat a retreat and asked JARVIS to bring up Natasha's Tumblr and was shocked at the first post he saw: a proportional diagram on how to tie a person down and forcefeed them with the only slightly reassuring note, "Not to be used until gentler methods have been exhausted."
"Wait, JARVIS." Tony straightened, thunderstruck. "Pepper's reading this."
"Yes, Sir. She seems to enjoy it."
Damage control was in order. Immediately.