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Fingers smoothed over the envelope - waterproof, and strong enough to weather any test the environment would put it through over the last day or two he’d stay on the island before heading to face the jury - and his eyes pressed shut of their own volition. A gulp caught in his throat, tears budding behind his eyes. He’d known - he’d known - that he would feel this way if he’d made it this far, but god….
God, he missed his baby.
He popped open the envelope tab and tugged out the sheaf of papers from within it. Four letters, he counted. One, in his pere’s flourishing cursive on his dad’s signature stationary. Another in his brother’s steady hand. Nat’s precise cursive on the fancy parchment Ivan had bought for her birthday. And then, probably the single most heart-wrenching one…
Curved bubble letters spelling out his name on a bright cartoony piece of paper, unfolding to reveal his son’s uneven cursive letters bubbling happily all over the page.
He pressed his lips together to try and hold onto some semblance of composure, knowing the camera was watching him, but he blinked. His face was warm and wet.
Oh. He was crying.
He brushed away the warm wet streaks. But he knew they wouldn’t be gone for long.
Alfred tucked the rest of the letter stack under his son’s bright yellow sunflower printed paper and started to read.
Dear Daddy,
I hope you’re doing well! Grandpa says you’re probably having too much fun making idiots out of people, but I didn’t know you could have too much fun. And how do you make people stupid, Daddy? Do you make them go all pale and funny looking like when Grandpa goes into the courtroom? Grandpere laughed when I asked him about it, but I still don’t get it. Uncle Mattie only smiled at me, and Aunty Katya wouldn’t help me either! Aunty Nat was smiling on the computer when we called her, but I think that’s just ‘cause Uncle Mattie tripped over something Grunkle Al left out and started cursing. Aunty Katya tried to cover my ears but I learned tons of new words for my vocab list! I promise I’ll show you when you get home (as long as you don’t tell Papa)!
I miss you and Papa so much! I want you to come home, but you’ve gotta stay there as long as you can. Promise me, Daddy. I love watching Survivor on the tv with you and Papa, and I’m so excited that next time we see it, you’re gonna be on there! You and Papa both! I’m writing another letter for Papa as well, though Grandpere told me I should use my full name for Papa’s and my nickname for you because you’re doing something with wool? What does pulling wool mean, Daddy? And why are you putting it over people’s eyes?
You need to come home soon Daddy, so you can explain things. Everytime I ask Uncle Mattie, he starts laughing so hard he starts crying! I know you and Papa told me about happy laughing, but it looked like it really hurt Uncle Mattie.
Grunkle Rhys and Grunkle Al wanted to write letters too, but Daddy said they couldn’t fit all of them in the envelope, so Grandpere said they’re sulking. Grunkle Rhys told me to say hi for them, so they said hi! Grunkle Reilley said hi too, but he did it with a lot more happy crying. Grandpa looked kind of mad with him when he did, and he smelled kind of funny, it was weird. Grandpere just shook his head like Papa does when you and Uncle Mattie make hot chocolate and pancakes at 4am.
I love you so, so, sooooo much Daddy. I miss you so much, and I can’t wait to see you, when you come home. Aunty Katya said she and Uncle Mattie were going to get to see you if you made it far enough in the competition, and I was upset. I know why I can’t come - Grandpa and Grandpere sat me down and told me. But I want to see you. You haven’t been gone for this long before, and I miss you both.
LOVE YOU DADDY!!!! I HOPE YOU WIN!
Sasha
He swallowed down the knot in his throat and then blinked away the blurriness in his eyes. He brought the back of his hand up to wipe his eyes, leaving the streaks of heat against his cheeks where they’d dripped down to his chin.
He looked across the camp, catching a glimpse of Eliza and Yao reading their own letters from home. He kept his own glance over at just a glance, not willing to intrude on their feelings anymore than everyone else was doing. He knew he’d be pulled aside for a confessional about the letters, but he’d hold it close to his heart for now.
The only person he’d want to share this with right now was sitting on the jury. Right where Alfred had put him.
There was a small part of him - the part of him that was melting to pieces at just the sight of his family’s indisputable display of love, the reminder that they missed him - that wished his husband could’ve written him a letter. That he could speak to Ivan without needing to watch every word he said.
He missed his husband.
His game was played, every challenge done. The only thing left was to convince the jury tomorrow night that he was worth being picked as the winner. That he’d played the game, that he’d outwit, outplayed and outlasted every single one of them. That he deserved a million dollars.
He’d spent nearly forty days on this island, and half of those he’d been living in the same camp as Ivan, even if they couldn't be together, or even out as married to each other. Not without compromising their game. And he’d lasted this long, he could last a few more days.
But damn. He hadn’t realized how hard it would be.
A rumble of thunder off in the distance shook him from his thoughts, and he looked up, over the horizon. A line of ash-gray clouds were swinging their way towards their little island. The wind that tumbled their way tasted of rain off in the distance.
He tugged the envelope open a little wider to tuck the precious letters away - he wanted to read the rest of them later, when he gathered himself a bit - and then, something fell out.
He blinked, staring at a single piece of parchment paper sitting in the sand. It was a thin strip, but long. Almost like… his heart started pounding.
Like the ballots at tribal council.
He plucked the parchment from the ground, idly glancing around and noted - for a surprising first - that the camera crew wasn’t filming him at the moment. He brushed the sand off of the parchment and smoothed it against the wide envelope, biting back another wave of tears when he saw the little note written in a familiar hand, a heart tucked on the end.
Keep winning Fedya.
He would.
He promised.
And then, he could see his family again.