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Park Jimin had only a few people in his life who could turn his life upside down. First were his parents and little brother. He loved them so much and anything concerning them, he got involved too easily. But at times that would fail in comparison to how he felt for his best friend who he had been living together with for almost 6 years now; Kim Taehyung. Jimin had known from the moment he had laid eyes on his best friend that Kim Taehyung had power over him. It wasn’t like Jimin was physically weaker to him but Taehyung had this sway over him. Even when they weren’t on best of terms, Jimin’s rants were about the younger. When they did start to get along, it was all Taehyung and it has been like that ever since.
Jimin wasn’t embarrassed to talk about or admit he had a crush on Taehyung; a big fat crush. It was near the end of their high school when Jimin realised it. Coming out to his parents had been an okay affair. They had always had this feeling that Jimin was not attracted towards only one sex. Hoseok had been ecstatic for him and said he felt proud that Jimin opened up to him. Following this, when he told Hoseok about his crush on his roommate, the older only laughed and said ‘Finally!’. The older had an idea about his feelings and was just waiting for Jimin to open up.
But then came the real challenge; Kim Taehyung. Jimin wasn’t sure how to come out to the younger, especially while harbouring a crush on him as well. It had been an awkward and daunting period. Taehyung would go about like he was and Jimin wouldn’t know how to react. And then one day, he had kissed Taehyung after getting sloshed. He wouldn’t remember it the next morning and Taehyung didn’t bring it up for two weeks or so. Jimin still remembers watching Taehyung being that serious and calm for the first time.
‘Jiminie, you know you can tell me anything right!’ Taehyung said as he stroked Jimin’s hair as the older lied on the couch with his head on younger’s lap.
‘Hmm… Araa.’ he replied closing his eyes, clueless as to what Taehyung was on about.
‘Is there anything you want to tell me?’ Taehyung prodded, trying to be subtle about it. Jimin opened his eyes only to meet the eyes of his best friend. Taehyung’s hand had paused midway in his hair.
‘What do you mean Tae?’
‘It’s just that… Ah, I don’t know.’ Tae sighed and Jimin sat up, turning towards the younger and sitting with his legs folded.
‘Tae…’ Jimin was clueless till that point until his mind turned to the possibility of what he didn’t want to be to true, happening.
‘Jimin, do you have a crush on me?’ Taehyung asked in a whisper, afraid to hurt the older with his words. Jimin looked at him incredulously, before feeling his eyes tear up. Taehyung tensed at the reaction and immediately held Jimin’s hands in his own before Jimin broke down sobbing, looking down.
‘Jimin-ah!’ Taehyung couldn’t comprehend how to react to this. He wasn’t ready for the waterworks but he also couldn’t handle his best friend being in pain. So he did the only thing he could think of; hug Jimin.
They sat like that for long, Taehyug holding Jimin as the latter sobbed. It took a while but after some words of encouragement and soft nothings from Taehyung, Jimin finally stopped crying. He was still unsure and more than anything, he was scared and embarrassed. He wanted to be the one to tell Taehyung about it and thought he was doing a fine job hiding his emotions. Scared because he was afraid that if he told the truth, Taehyung would leave him.
‘I don’t know Taehyungie! I think I might like you, a lot!’ he muttered, wishing to disappear. Taehyung only nodded as he cuddled the older.
‘It’s okay Jiminie, we’ll figure it out.’
Taehyung had reassured him over and over again till Jimin fell asleep against Taehyung. The younger smiled at Jimin before drifting to sleep himself. He had a lot going on his mind as well but decided to talk to Jimin later and see how it went from there. He cared a lot for Jimin, maybe more than he would for a normal friend. He knew they were soulmates like everyone kept re-iterating. And so he didn’t want to hurt Jimin in the least. Though the probability of that happening was so much higher considering he only saw Jimin in a platonic sight and that would not change, simply because he was hetero, for lack of better explanation. He almost wished he wasn’t if that meant he could avoid hurting Jimin. But he knew he’ll have to talk with Jimin without leading him on to hope for more than what he could give.
The morning had come sooner than either of them would’ve liked it too. They both took a shower and sat on their bed, facing each other. Both felt the tension hanging in the air but didn’t feel confident to break it. Finally, after a lot of fidgeting and shuffling, Taehyung spoke up.
‘Jiminie, would you like to tell me everything from the start? Like how when…’
Jimin sighed, turning his form smaller by pulling his knees up to keep his head on and wrap his hands around the folded legs.
‘I always had this feeling. It didn’t matter to me if it was a boy or girl, I thought both were beautiful. Growing up, I guess it got toned down with me finding girls more attractive. Maybe it’s like how we are socialised. I still appreciated both but you know how it goes. And then I dated a few girls and it got muted. But then I shifted to school here and all of it kind of suddenly came back. I don’t know how to describe it really.’
‘It’s okay.’ Taehyung reassured with a little smile and Jimin looked at him.
‘I came out to my parents and they said they always had an idea. Hobi hyung too was supportive.’ Jimin spoke.
‘And… About me? Am I the reason why those feelings are back or like…’ Taehyung asked, unsure of how to go about it.
‘I am not sure. I knew it before you; that I like boys too. With you, I don’t know Tae. I just love you a lot of Tae. I can’t describe it. I just like to be with you, how you are, how you get me and care about me. I’m sorry for being a mess.’ Jimin sighed, burying his head between his knees.
‘I… Are you attracted to me? Like sexually? More than the emotional attachment?’ Taehyung asked, trying to assess things in his mind. He and Jimin were closer than normal friends were. Maybe it was that they were roommates and best friends and both were ‘clingier’ to each other and thus comfortable with extreme skinship. It could be anything.
‘I’m… I don’t know. Maybe. I haven’t thought about it.’ Jimin said looking confused as well. He had been stressing over a lot but physical stuff was not at the forefront of his mind. He had been thinking about how strongly he felt for Taehyung emotionally and how he couldn’t imagine living without the other.
‘Like have you ever thought about kissing me or fucking me?’ Taehyung asked shifting to the edge of his bed and Jimin shook his head with a dazed confused expression.
‘Jimin, I love you a lot too. I mean I wouldn’t imagine saying it earlier but I do. And yeah, not having you in my life or seeing you hurt, that’s like hell to imagine. I feel it’s same for you. But maybe it’s just you love me and are not in love with me.’ Taehyung spoke deliberately.
‘I don’t get it. I mean I… It’s just so confusing and messing up with my head.’ Jimin admitted, being more confused. Taehyung shifted to his bed, sitting beside him.
‘What I mean is, maybe you are confusing the feelings you have for me as like romantic. I don’t know. I don’t want to presume things or how you are feeling. And I don’t want to hurt you. I am straight. But I still have these intense feelings for you, like ‘you are a part of my existence’ strong. It hurts me to imagine life without you and I don’t know how to explain it really. It’s just how it is. I wouldn’t say I’m in love with you because I’m not attracted to you like that but I love you so much Jimin-ah!’ Taehyung said wrapping his hands around the frame of older and resting his head on the other’s shoulder.
‘Maybe. I have been just freaking out since I kind of like accepted it all inside. And like what I feel for you is so intense it makes my head spin. I’m not sure what the fuck is wrong with me.’ Jimin felt tears prickling the side of his eyes. It was so overwhelming, the only comfort being Taehyung’s hand holding him.
After a few moments of staying like that, Jimin turned to Taehyung who sat up straight. Looking in the eyes of his best friend, he said two words which could be fatal. Yet he decided it was worth taking the risk for.
‘Kiss me!’
Taehyung felt his eyes widen as he heard his friend. Not knowing how to react he looked over at Jimin only to see the determination burning bright in the older’s eyes. So Taehyung did what he was asked. He kissed Jimin.
It had started out as just press of lips against each other, before Jimin wrapped his hand around the younger and got on his lap, deepening the kiss. He licked at Taehyung’s bottom lips, and the younger opened his mouth. Jimin kissed him deeply, with tongues and teeth clanking against each other in a messy and intense snog. It went on for quite a few minutes before both of them pulled away, panting.
‘That was something.’ Jimin exhaled trying to catch up his breath, still sitting in the younger’s lap as Taehyung looked at him.
‘Uh… Jimin?’ he called the older’s name cautiously, not knowing what was going in the other’s head.
‘That was a nice kiss. You didn’t tell me you were such a great kisser!’ Jimin exclaimed as he shifted down to bed.
‘I… um, thanks!’ Taehyung said sheepishly, his cheeks flushed. They looked at each other before both broke out smiling.
‘I love you Tae! You really are the best friend one can have. I think I get what you were trying to say. I feel intensely for you but maybe not what I had been fearing for. Maybe it’s just a soulmate thing.’ Jimin said with a shrug.
‘Yeah. Maybe it’s a soulmate thing!’ Taehyung said and it felt like whatever tension was there between them had disappeared.
They went out to eat and the day ended with them cuddling on the bed; Taehyung sleeping as Jimin scrolled through his phone. It felt natural and just them. Jimin was still muddled up inside but he had much more clarity than before. He knew though, that he’ll figure it out with Taehyung by his side. He knew he loved Taehyung, maybe way more than a soulmate, but maybe not enough to risk his friendship by taking it in a romantic tangent. He knew Taehyung loved him too. It was enough for him at the moment, when he was exploring everything. And it meant a lot to him that Taehyung didn’t lead him on but never let him down harsh, always there to support him whenever he needed it.
Gradually, the small crush faded away. He realised he wasn’t ready to change things up between them and slowly, the crush faded to give way to pure adoration and love. Jimin was much happier, finally able to navigate things much better, understand himself and their friendship much better. And while it may look like he was absolutely devoted to Taehyung (a part of him was), he had his own life, his individuality. Taehyung had helped him a lot, never shying away from his touches, never complaining when Jimin wanted to cuddle or be comforted, never denied Jimin from sleeping in the younger’s bed when older laid awake for some reason, never backed down in his attempt to protect and shield Jimin.
By the second year of college, they were too close in a platonic sense that romantic sentiments never arose. Taehyung had been congratulating Jimin when the older began going on dates and vice versa. Taehyung was the one who held Jimin when he went through a sticky break-up and peppering him with kisses knowing Jimin liked them when he wanted to be comforted. So it was a big deal for Jimin when he found out about Taehyung’s crush. He had been so happy for his best friends that he couldn’t express it in words. It was a long time since Taehyung had been interested in anyone romantically.
Taehyung had been in only one relationship in their high school years which lasted only 6 months. After that Taehyung had turned away from dating it seemed. He had told him that the girl had used him only for sex and getting experience. Taehyung was very different when it came to things like sex and love and relationships. Earlier, with his exuberant personality, sharp looks and happy-go-lucky attitude, one would presume he would be okay with casual relationships and hookups. Though Taehyung was far from that kind of person. He valued relationships, whether familial, platonic or romantic.
So when after years of not showing any tangible interest in a girl aside from a few dates and drunken one-nights that he’d come to regret. Jimin wanted Taehyung to go after the girl he was crushing over. The way Taehyung talked about her was enough for Jimin to see how much of an effect she had over the younger. Taehyung only ever talked like that when he was invested and Jimin couldn’t help but be happy for his best friend. He tried his best to convince the younger to approach her, ask her out after they found out she was a friend of Jungkook. At this rate, Jimin would be asking her out sooner than
Taehyung. And if it were up to Jungkook, that would definitely be the case as the maknae was convinced it was Jimin who had a crush on her.
It infuriated Jimin beyond anything when Jungkook would tease the older about the crush he didn’t have. Always being bratty and annoying him, suggesting sexual innuendos regarding Jimin and her and how he’ll ‘love to dick down’ the girl in question, to quote the younger. He had once introduced her to Jimin and Taehyung at college cafeteria and constantly hinting how Jimin might have a crush on her when the truth was far from it. Taehyung had excused himself and if looks could kill, Jungkook would’ve been eviscerated right then and there.
Earlier today when he had seen her at Jungkook’s party, he had called Taehyung right over. He was planning to get them together, scheming meticulously in his mind. Until Jungkook went and told him she had a boyfriend, and Taehyung along with him and maknae had seen her making out with the said boyfriend. Taehyung had rushed out and refused to talk to Jimin and it broke Jimin’s heart. This had to hurt Taehyung a lot since he had tried to let this crush go and had almost succeeded in forgetting about it due to the events that had transpired. But no, Jimin had to be dumb and open up his wounds alongside giving him many more. As he sat, waiting for Taehyung to come back, he was mentally slapping himself for being such a pabo.
Suddenly, the front door opened and walked in his best friend. Jimin’s expression shocked and worried about seeing the younger dripping.
‘Taehyung-ah!’
The younger looked Jimin in the eyes and the older winced. He could see the puffiness of Taehyung’s cheeks, lips set in a thin line and the burning pain in the eyes of the younger. Jimin quickly got up and went to hug the younger who hugged him back, seeking comfort in the arms of the one he trusted the most. Jimin held him tightly, not caring about the front of his clothes getting wet or anything.
‘Taehyungie! What happened Taehyungie?’ Jimin asked in a calming tone, not wanting to overwhelm the younger.
‘I’m sorry Jimin-ah! I am so fucking sorry!’ the younger muttered and Jimin felt himself feeling warm.
‘Why are you saying sorry Tae? I’m the one who called you at the party before even considering other things. I’m sorry Tae! I should’ve asked Kook before calling you over.’ Jimin said feeling bad.
They parted from each other and Jimin could see it was more than that, what was being said and the party.
‘There’s something more, isn’t there? You know you can tell me anything Tae. What is it?’ Jimin asked holding Taehyung’s hands. Taehyung looked at him and Jimin could see the unshed tears in the younger’s eyes.
‘I saw her Jimin. In the park.’ Taehyung said and Jimin found himself confused.
‘What do you mean Tae?’
‘I went to the park to think about some stuff and I saw her there Jimin-ah. It suddenly started to rain and there she was, under the same tree I saw her first and she was crying. I couldn’t even go to her, and she was crying so hard and it hurt to see her like that. I couldn’t Jimin, I could never. And then she disappeared as if she wasn’t there. Am I being crazy here? Was she there or…’ Taehyung trailed off, a lone tear slipping off the slope of his cheeks.
‘I think you are crazy for her Tae. That’s why it hurts.’ Jimin replied wiping the tears off Taehyung’s cheek. Taehyung looked at him, conflicted.
‘Why can’t I approach her then? Why? Why am I like this? Why do I can’t move when all I wanted was to hold her? Why didn’t I ever pursue her? Why… Why am I… Why?’ Taehyung said not getting himself. It didn’t feel like he could be okay and he wasn’t at the moment. Jimin could see his best friend being conflicted and felt a searing pain.
‘Taehyungie! Listen to me. Nothing is wrong with you, okay? Nothing. You are just… afraid.’
‘Afraid!?’
‘Yes Tae, you are afraid of falling for her; falling in love with her.’ Jimin stroked the back of Taehyung’s hands, trying to calm the younger down.
‘But I think I’ve already fallen for her Jimin-ah!’