Work Text:
God provides us with the ability to change
But what happens when God isn't there?
What happens when you can't move on and change?
You've always liked the fall, not cold enough for winter but not too hot enough for summer.
You also enjoyed the colours.
The oranges scattered on the ground.
And
Ever since your son learned to walk
He's been stomping on those leaves
Crunching them underfoot
He says he likes the sound
You like it too
Because
You hear the joy in his stomps.
It was fall when you found out
A rare incurable disease.
Just his luck
Just your luck
He didn't understand the gravity of the situation
You never let him
You wanted him to keep enjoying the fall.
So
You took him to the forest.
You have been putting it off
You didn't want him to be scared
You found it scary when you were younger
You felt as if the walls were closing in.
But
When you saw the joy on his face, at all the uncrunched leaves
You knew, he never will find it scary.
You love the fall.
You love your son.
But now
You can only say you 'loved' your son
You can only refer to him in past tense.
You loved the fall.
You loved your son.
When you walk
You hear the crunching of leaves
But
It's only you doing it
There is no joy in the crunch
It just echoes
How could leaves sound so sad?
They say that God provides us with the ability to change, that it is a human right to be able to change.
But
You don't think you have the right.
You haven't been able to change
Things have changed, yes
But
You find yourself unable to change with it
You cannot move
Things change but you do not feel a part of it
To you
You're still there
You and Joshua, in a forest.
The joy in his face is forever in your brain.
Your memories.
Your heart.