Archive of Our Own

"something's missing," changbin said. he was standing right next to chan, with one hand on his broad shoulders.

chan was sitting, his chair really cozy and a huge screen in front of him mirroring what his laptop had. they were in the studio late at night, a very comfortable and familiar place for them.

"you mean the melody?" chan asked, his mind confused. the song was good for him. "maybe the rhythm, we can try something else. or if you prefer, you can re-record your parts, although i think it's already perfect."

chan looked at him and changbin seemed to think very deeply, but he shook his head as if everything chan had said was wrong.

they were producing a changbin solo song, and it was almost done, but changbin suddenly thought there was something wrong. it was 4am and chan was tired, but used to it because he couldn't sleep early anyway. he'd never been able to sleep properly.

at this time, past midnight, the whole world is asleep, but he feels more awake and alive than ever. that's when his productions take the best course, but his head doesn't always take the same path. luckily, changbin was by his side today.

3racha in general never slept early. the stress and excitement of producing and wanting to finish a song, or a part of it, always took over them. mainly chan, but changbin and jisung had their moments too.

jisung had already gone home, or rather, to chan's home. maybe their home now? chan just gave him a copy of the key, it's what he should have done a long time ago, before they even started dating. chan realized that jisung was tired and a little out of his mind today and asked (begged) for jisung to go and rest. after some protests, jisung agreed and said he would expect chan to cuddle him later.

chan honestly thought he would finish early today, but he got carried away and didn't even notice time passing by so fast. changbin also didn't notice, the boy had a lot of coffee earlier.

"no. it's not the melody, nothing wrong with the music itself but there's something missing," changbin answered chan. the boy was still thinking deeply, even closing his eyes for a few seconds.

changbin then, as if a light had turned on, opened his eyes and looked at chan smiling.

"you," changbin said, making chan even more confused.

"what about me?" chan asked. he started to think that somehow he had messed up the song or that changbin had decided it wasn't good enough.

"your voice is missing. i feel like if you sing the last part with me, it'll give more light and life to the lyrics," changbin said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world and he hadn't noticed before.

"nah. i don't know about that, binnie. it's supposed to be your song, i don't want to somehow mess everything up. for me, it's completely perfect," chan said wondering if that was really a good idea. he wanted it to be a song where only changbin could shine, but changbin apparently thought something different.

"exactly, it's my song. and i, the composer, am saying there's something missing in my song and it's you," changbin said rolling his eyes, he knew chan was just being selfless and insecure. "c'mon, record this part with me. the song is called streetlight but i can't see the light. you'll help."

chan let out a giggle, he was almost shy. changbin wanted chan to participate in an extremely personal and special song and chan felt so honored. even if they were 3racha, chan didn't feel like he was doing his two precious members justice.

the song is really good. chan had goosebumps while helping changbin finish everything. be able to hear changbin say that what was missing in his song was his voice, made him feel very good.

so he decided to obey changbin's orders, he recorded those final specific parts while changbin guided him. chan put his heart into every word so that the music would remain perfect. changbin smiled every time chan sang and that only encouraged him.

at the end, an hour later, changbin was pleased. chan also liked it a lot, because his part wasn't that big, and changbin was still the only one who stood out and shone brightly.

"now i feel like the music is complete," changbin said getting up from chan's chair. he had to take chan's place in order to finish the last touches. now, chan was on the small couch they had in the studio and changbin decided to sit next to him, his thigh touching his lightly. "your voice made a big difference and showed what i wanted to express."

"i liked it too, but you did all the work, truly," chan replied. sitting on the sofa, he felt the tiredness taking over his body. "i can't wait to post this masterpiece on soundcloud, it's literally one of the best things you've ever done."

changbin looked at him and smiled, thanking him silently. they were like that, they didn't express things directly but they both knew how they felt. how grateful they felt to each other.

"jisung will kill me for keeping you here until 5am," changbin said laughing, putting his hands over his face and making strange noises, as if he was really afraid of what jisung was going to do to him.

"if he didn't text, he's definitely asleep. i just feel bad because i said i'd hold him tonight," chan confessed softly.

"sorry to interrupt the lovebirds' night, music is a priority," changbin said, joking. chan just laughed, he knew changbin liked to make fun of them. jisung was bolder and always had a little fight with binnie, making fun of him back, as well as his boyfriend, seungmin. "but seriously now, he only sleeps in your bed and you sleep better with him, i know that for sure. have you ever thought about asking him to move in permanently?"

chan sighed, a rather deep subject for that time of night (or morning).

"actually, yes. but i don't want to scare him, obviously. we've been together for a very short time and soon we're going to my parents' house, it's already a big step," chan tried to explain almost stuttering.

"you wouldn't scare him, trust me, but i just asked, do things in your time. i'm starting to look for an apartment with seungmin now after years so i can't say anything," changbin said, taking the opportunity to vent about his relationship as well. "and also, you and jisung have been together for a short time as boyfriends, but as friends you guys have been inseparable for a long, long time. not to mention that you guys have been in love with each other for so long that i was starting to get tired."

chan laughed at that. it's true, chan only now realized how much he was in denial.

jisung has always been the one.

"so... australia," changbin said carefully. "how long will you stay there?"

chan smiled, his friend was worried they'd be away for a long time.

cute.

"i don't know, binnie. i think i'll move there for good with jisung," chan said sighing, but he was kidding, he just wanted to see changbin's face.

and changbin's face was priceless. he immediately pouted and frowned. chan started laughing non-stop and patted his arm.

"i'm joking if you couldn't tell," chan said, rolling his eyes. "just a few days, binnie. i don't know for sure but it won't be much."

"huh," changbin said, looking down at his hands. "you can't leave me, understand? neither you nor jisung. you gotta stay with me."

chan looked at him sweetly. how could he leave changbin?

"never," chan said, squeezing changbin's cheeks. "c'mon, it's late. you need to rest. we worked hard today."

chan stood up and changbin did the same. the sun was about to rise, but he had a good day. being with changbin is always good. and now, to finish (or start) his day, he would go into his boyfriend's arms. chan was feeling so good, just looking at his teammates he feels so good.

-

jisung was sad. or rather, impatient.

he was about to leave and changbin didn't want to hug him.

can you believe that? such a heartless person.

"what if i never come back?" jisung blackmailed him, with his arms open. he just wanted a fucking hug.

chan was by his side, at the airport, with a giant black bag on his shoulder. they had two suitcases on the floor too, full of stuff so they could spend their days happily in australia.

the point: jisung was going to travel with chan, and changbin didn't want to give him a goodbye hug. something completely unacceptable.

changbin never hugs jisung, they show affection in other ways. but just once, jisung wanted a hug from his best friend and fucking quickly before the flight was called.

"i already warned chan about this. if you never come back, i'll kill you," changbin replied, pointing his finger at chan and then at jisung. chan just laughed at them. these two idiots were everything to him.

changbin pretended to think more, making jisung wait with open arms, until he finally decided to give the younger what he wanted. jisung sighed almost relieved to feel changbin hugging him. the feeling was so good. he rarely felt it because they didn't hug at all, but when this lucky day happens jisung almost feels like crying.

jisung hugged him tight, holding his best friend as if he were going to disappear. it's only a few days but jisung would miss him.

with his head resting on changbin's shoulder, jisung could see hyunjin right in front of him. the boy went to the airport with them, claiming he was bored and not because he would miss them, of course.

changbin let go of jisung's arms first, a difficult task now that they had started. and then, he kissed jisung's forehead very softly and quickly. they didn't need to say anything else, they could understand each other just by looking.

they would miss annoying each other. it's funny.

changbin looked at chan again, as if he had remembered something important.

"tell uncle that i really want to exercise with him next time and that i'm sorry for the last one," changbin said with a sigh.

3racha had already gone to chan's house once, a long time ago, and changbin had worked out with chan's dad, who's like a personal trainer.

but last time, changbin left chan's dad waiting and didn't go to the last session. changbin still felt guilty.

"i'll tell him, i'm not sure if he'll forgive you but i'll try," chan replied, joking.

hyunjin approached jisung and they made their special touch, bursting into laughter. only they knew the moves, obviously. he's going to miss kkami's dad too. honestly, the touch was kind of a childish thing to do, but they didn't care.

"bring me vegemite, always wanted to try it," hyunjin said laughing, messing up jisung's hair. "did you hear chan hyung? i want vegemite and lots of pictures of berry," he concluded speaking louder looking at chan behind them.

chan was just smiling watching their goodbyes. he had already said goodbye to changbin and hyunjin. he didn't like that feeling much, so he kept it simple. after all, he would come back soon.

"i'll bring it to felix, i don't know about you though," chan answered laughing.

"wow, did you see that changbin hyung?", hyunjin said dramatically going to binnie. "he started dating jisung a few days ago and already became like him."

"fool," jisung answered hyunjin, rolling his eyes. and finally, he held his beautiful boyfriend's hand.

the flight was announced and they looked at each other one last time. nothing too dramatic, because they would come back soon indeed, but it's just as hard as if they would go for a long time. mainly changbin, because they always see him, every fucking day. fortunately, there's internet these days so no worries.

chan held his hand, squeezing sometimes to remind him that he was there. jisung was anxious, he would travel with chan to his hometown and meet his parents... but as his boyfriend.

what if his parents don't like the idea at all? chan had already reassured him about it, but still the doubt and fear remained.

they got on the airplane and found their seats quickly. jisung would sit by the window and chan by his side. no one sat next to them, the flight relatively empty.

"today is the day to fly away," chan said smiling at him. jisung smiled back. everything finally looking more real.

jisung suddenly realized this was maybe the third time in his life he entered an airplane. the first time he was just a child, he had moved from malaysia to korea. the second he went with changbin to chan's house. the third time is right here, right now, with chan to australia again. just the two of them. overall, he didn't fly much. he didn't travel much in his life.

a sense of fear washed over him. he couldn't remember what it felt like to be flying. and worse, his insecurities were hammering his head non-stop.

chan, of course, noticed and looked at jisung sweetly, running a hand behind his back.

"are you afraid, baby?" chan asked, a smirk on his lips. jisung immediately felt safer just listening to his boyfriend's voice.

"it's not like i'm scared. it's just that i haven't been on airplanes much in my life, you know?" jisung replied trying not to show that yes, he was scared. nothing out of control, but he was feeling his heart beating really fast.

"do you want to switch seats with me?" chan asked suddenly worried about his boyfriend.

"no need. if you hold my hand it'll help," jisung replied.

chan then held his hand tight, interlacing their fingers. jisung just took a deep breath.

"i know something that will calm you down a bit," chan said close to his ear, almost whispering and smiling.

jisung laughed, chan was an idiot. he was teasing jisung about that time he had kissed chan while watching a horror movie.

clearly one of the dumbest ideas jisung ever had, but it worked, didn't it? they're dating now because of that kiss, all thanks to jisung's gay ass.

"deja vu," jisung replied, pretending to be annoyed. "yeah, you can kiss me," he rolled his eyes.

chan held his chin and pressed a quick peck on jisung's lips, smiling right after. he kissed jisung again, putting one of his hands on jisung's round cheeks and the other holding his tiny hand.

he felt safe.

"so kissing really helps calm down huh," jisung said, remembering again their first kiss.

"happy it works for you the same way it did for me," chan replied, kissing jisung again slowly. whenever they started kissing, it was hard to stop. "hey, everything's going to be fine. when we're flying, you're going to see a beautiful view out of the window, a blue sky. you'll look foward to the cloud bed. and australia is nice, i'll take care of you there, baby."

"i have no doubt about that," jisung kissed chan once again holding his face.

jisung was still kinda scared, but chan was by his side so nothing else mattered.

"next time we can travel for real," chan suggested. maybe he was trying to distract jisung from his thoughts. "what about paris or london?"

"anywhere with you sounds good," jisung replied, leaning his head against the seat and still holding chan's hands. soon the flight would really begin.

"maybe even new york or LA," chan kept daydreaming. "i feel like flying whenever we meet."

jisung couldn't help but smile. being so close to chan still makes him dizzy, as if none of this was true.

"me too, baby. let's go far, far away together," jisung answered in love, and finally felt the airplane begin to move somehow.

chan kissed jisung's cheek last and jisung snuggled in the seat to feel more comfortable.

he waited for this moment for days. he wanted to enjoy all this.

jisung was eager to live many moments next to chan.

-

sydney. past 11pm. it was hot but windy too. the weather was nice. the sky so clean that stars could be seen. so many hours of flight left them tired, so they went straight to chan's house.

he wouldn't cry, chan refused to cry.

being back in the city where he was born is always good, he always feels relieved and almost feels like crying, but he wouldn't cry. not now that he was happier than ever and had jisung by his side.

his parents met them at the airport. chan warned that jisung would go with him this time and his parents were happy. after all, they loved jisung and changbin too much (sometimes he thought his parents loved them even more than he does). chan "hid" the breaking news that jisung was now his boyfriend. he was going to tell them later that night.

being able to hug his parents was like washing away any worries chan might have in his head. his mom was always so caring, even with the distance, she always sent homemade food and anything chan needed. his dad was his hero, so hugging him is a special moment for chan. he always gives the best advices and says how proud he is of his son. chan didn't think he was doing enough to make them proud, but he always tried to be a better person. all the time.

chan didn't let go of jisung's hand, not even for a minute, because he knew how nervous jisung was about the situation. and also in australia, they could hold hands more freely than in korea, unfortunately.

his brother and sister welcomed him with open arms, chan was shocked by how much they grew up. or maybe he was just getting old. in fact, lucas had grown up so much that he would be over chan's height soon (he didn't want to admit it but he wasn't the tallest person in the world. he's tall enough, fun-size. even jeongin was taller than him and jeongin was probably the youngest person chan knows besides his siblings). hannah was also so pretty and tall now. his parents' best genes were certainly for his two siblings and not for him.

berry came running to see who had arrived. chan had missed berry so much that he was sure he had the biggest smile on his face right now. he picked up berry and petted her immediately. she was loving the attention, obviously. jisung also took the opportunity to pet berry. she wasn't surprised by jisung's presence, since he had already been there once. quite the opposite, she was so happy with affection.

and finally, after seeing everyone again, after the happiness and euphoria, the time has come. chan had this issue to solve: tell his parents that jisung was his boyfriend. jisung said he didn't want to be with him when he tells them, so chan already had a ready-made speech in mind.

chan decided it was better now than later or never. he didn't want to prolong this thing unintentionally, he wanted jisung to feel as comfortable as possible and as soon as possible.

so... he kissed jisung's forehead softly and winked at him.

"you remember my room is just up stairs, right? lucas and hannah will take you there anyway," chan said looking at his siblings. they were actually excited about a new presence.

jisung just silently agreed and went to chan's room, carrying their bags along. he knew chan needed to talk to his parents.

honestly? chan thought they already suspected something.

he didn’t exactly hide it, and he didn’t make that much of a mystery when telling them. of course, he was nervous about the small possibility of them getting pissed, but chan knew better. he really tried to convince himself that everything would be okay.

the first reaction is always a shock, because that's when everything is actually said loud and clear. and saying things, unlike just thinking, makes everything even more real.

chan wasn't going to lie. he became thoughtful after his conversation with changbin days ago about liking jisung. he was scared, but also relieved that it was jisung. deep down, everything makes sense. chan felt so safe around jisung all the time, his discovery just showed that everything really makes sense and he's not crazy.

but he started thinking about his career, about 3racha. his thoughts took him to a dark place as always. he even considered following the opposite of changbin's advice for a moment, but then he thought it over and, if he didn't confess, maybe he would lose the first and only chance to be happy in his life.

after thinking, thinking and thinking, he finally managed to keep his mind in a good place again. it's not like the whole world is going to be like "back away", right? no. there's gonna be people who will open up and accept you as well.

and loving jisung is easy. everything with jisung is better and happier. loving this boy another day, every day, is so easy.

his father was more shocked than his mother, but they both knew that jisung coming on this trip meant more than he could explain.

i mean, you holding his hand all the way here have said it all. i'm your mother, i can feel these things, but jisung is a good kid.

without him even realizing it, he felt like crying again. his parents were obviously everything to him, and their approval has always meant a lot on any subject. his father just needs to say something now, anything, please anything...

just do what makes you happy, chris. love whoever you want, as long as you're happy.

his dad was serious, but his words were sincere and chan felt completely relieved and blessed.

he truly makes me happy, dad.

chan confessed, almost whispering. his father just nodded, looking at him.

that's all that matters. you'll always be my son and i'm incredibly proud of who you are today.

chan wasn't going to cry, he had already made up his mind, remember? he was happy and he wouldn't cry now, not now. maybe later, but not now.

he just wants to smile today, he would forever remember this moment.

he hugged each of them individually, thanking non-stop for always supporting him since he was a child. when he decided to be a singer, they agreed. when he moved to korea, they supported. and now, dating jisung, they loved him just as much. chan wanted, one day, to be a father as good as his father was being for him.

he was tired, so he decided to go straight up to his room and be able to rest with jisung. he knew he couldn't sleep for more than 2 hours, but he had to try and also reassure his boyfriend about the conversation.

he opened the door carefully, just in case the boy was already asleep. right away, he felt nostalgic. everything was mostly in the same place, as he remembered. his bed was made, probably his mother cleaned it up before he arrived. all the medals he won during his high school years were there, all the star wars paintings, superheroes and things he loved too.

he could see his other ukulele right in the corner of his room, as well as some music equipment from years ago. the only "new" detail that made chan genuinely smile was: jisung lying on his bed, focused on his phone, probably assuring changbin, hyunjin or minho that they arrived safe.

when jisung saw him entering, he immediately put down his phone and searched for an expression to show what had happened.

"you were such a nerd, i'm surprised every time," jisung said, pointing to all the paintings hanging on the wall, and keeping the mood lighter at the same time. "you have medals for things i didn't even know existed here."

"i'm still a nerd," chan laughed. he went towards jisung and lay down beside his boyfriend, sighing.

"yes, i don't even know why i'm in love with you," jisung joked holding his boyfriend's hand as soon as he lay down. "okay uhhh... so?" jisung finally asked, raising his eyebrows. he was smiling, but he was nervous. chan could feel it.

"they support us," chan said, reassuring jisung. "i promised i wouldn't take you to a place where you're not welcome."

jisung let out a deep breath, as if he was holding it the entire time. he could breathe properly and chan understands, he felt that way too. now he could be himself, they could.

"it feels like a huge weight has come off my back," jisung said quietly, closing his eyes for a moment. "tomorrow finally maybe i can look them in the eye," jisung confessed and wrapped his arms around chan's waist.

"for me too, baby. i was more nervous than i thought," chan said, sliding his hands behind jisung's back as he hugged him.

jisung raised his head to look at him and placed a kiss on his neck sweetly. then, he kissed chan right where his pulse point was and could feel that chan was really nervous, managing to calm down just now. jisung held his face and stood up a little so he could kiss his boyfriend's mouth properly.

chan returned the kiss, smiling with each touch. both were so much lighter now after knowing that everything was right, this trip would really just be a good thing and they could enjoy it.

"are you hungry?" chan asked as soon as jisung stopped kissing him.

"yes, for you," jisung replied giggling, trying to kiss him again. chan immediately started laughing with him.

"no, silly. do you want some food? i can make something for us," chan replied caressing jisung's face.

"i just want to be with you," jisung said, kissing chan's cheek.

"all right then, baby," chan smiled. "but we need to shower first before going to sleep."

jisung just mumbled and continued to kiss all over chan's face.

whenever chan smiled, jisung could see his small dimples and he liked to take advantage of that and kiss them at every smile or giggle that chan let out. chan didn't care, he loved it.

"shower with me?" chan asked, holding his boyfriend's face gently so he would stop and focus on him.

"yes, love," jisung replied smiling, placing his hands under chan's shirt.

seeing his boyfriend smiling is probably the most beautiful thing chan has ever witnessed. he could write an essay about jisung and how his kisses are too sweet. about how his boyfriend makes him feel good, happy, smiley and think life is worth it.

for real, his smile.

he wanted more and more to be the reason for those smiles. if he could only make him smile, he would.

if he could just kiss jisung, he would too. he was completely addicted to kissing the boy. chan was fucking lucky to be able to kiss him.

maybe there's something about his mouth. jisung was so sweet every damn time, it's unbelievable. kiss him and then make him smile right after it's an experience from another life.

chan kept it gentle but jisung wanted, needed more. he was so impatient and deepened the kiss himself. chan tried to keep up the pace with his hands all over jisung's waist, squeezing lightly. he loved feeling this close to jisung, loved to feel their bodies pressed together.

"can i trust you to be quiet? remember, we're at my parents' house," chan asked laughing. he lightly bit jisung's lips, teasing him. jisung was clearly already worked up, which was cute.

"and have i ever behaved badly?" jisung replied confidently.

"i don't think so," chan pretended to think. "come on then, sweetheart. i'll take care of you."

chan said this on the flight and would repeat as many times as needed, he's going to take care of jisung in every way possible.

he started kissing jisung again, eager this time to please him. he could feel jisung's hands everywhere on his body and he loved it.

jisung lifted chan's white blouse until it was completely removed, showing his well-defined abs.

"stop working out, please," jisung begged, joking. he returned to kiss his boyfriend, his neck. he couldn't decide where to kiss him first. his hands touching chan's abs and coming down to unbutton his jeans.

jisung starts sucking a special spot on his neck and he swear he listens to chan groan and gasp. jisung was really pleased and tried to work hard on leaving a mark, but his main goal was to hear chan again. unfortunately, chan had other plans and was also trying to take off jisung's plaid shirt.

after a lot of struggle, chan finally succeeded without ripping it. chan also took his time to admire his beautiful boyfriend. everything about him was beautiful and chan was amazed every time.

"pretty baby," chan said unable to control his thoughts, making jisung smile for the hundredth time that night. chan placed a sweet kiss on his lips again and made the biggest effort to get up to take jisung to the bathroom.

jisung made the way to the bathroom more difficult, as he didn't want to stop kissing chan for even a second. chan didn't care, as long as they didn't fall in the middle of the room and actually managed to take a shower today.

their bags were still on the floor, they hadn’t taken anything out and he didn’t even have time to calmly observe every detail of his room. with jisung he couldn’t focus on anything because the boy made him daydream.

but no problem, they still had a lot of time. and now, he just wanted to enjoy and rest with his boyfriend. runaway from any worries and be able to relax his body and mind. they deserved it. the stress of producing music over and over was almost overwhelming these days.

jisung was chan's haven. and chan felt safe.

-

everyone has their own special place. a place where you need to be. for chan, that special place is the beach.

why? he couldn't explain it properly. perhaps because he had been there many times as a child. perhaps because he loved to see the waves of the sea and to feel the sand touching his skin.

the ocean, the beach, the sea is very, very important for chan.

being in australia means having to see the beach and chan really wanted to take jisung there.

and that’s what he did. as soon as they had time, chan took him to a beach in melbourne.

chan drove. the road was really calm, jisung turned on the car radio and played his favorite songs. mostly summer songs. they even managed to make a video call with changbin, who pouted whenever jisung told things they had already done. changbin claimed that he was so lonely in the studio, but he would survive.

here, chan couldn't help but remember felix too.

felix must surely miss this place just like chan. driving, chan could see places from his childhood and without even realizing he remembered the youngest australian. if he had the chance, he wanted to come back here not only with jisung, but with the freckled boy as well. and hopefully, hyunjin can come too. like a double date, but make it a trip.

after an hour, two hours on the road, they arrived.

even the air was different, he could feel the calm wind and he immediately felt in the right place.

he was wearing a tank top and shorts. more comfortable than ever. he took his bag from the trunk and some foods he prepared. he brought his camera only if he decided to photograph this moment (he wanted to take lots of pictures of jisung). lastly, he made sure his phone was in his pocket and held his boyfriend's hand leading him to the beach.

jisung also wore something similar, held chan's hand tightly and kept humming songs. jisung didn't really like beaches, but chan promised he would try his best to change his mind. jisung would always have the same thought: anywhere with chan looks good.

the view was so beautiful.

the sun was shining.

the beach wasn’t crowded at all and it looked like the whole heavenly place was just for them.

exactly what they needed.

chan sat on the sand, leaning his back against a wall facing the sea and jisung sat between his legs. he put his bag on the side and his camera on top. soon they could eat a little. chan always wanted to make sure that jisung didn't skip any meals.

chan hugged him from behind and kept his hands around his tiny waist. their bodies pressed so close together was the only thing chan needed. jisung was so warm.

"this is actually healing," jisung confessed, pressing his head to chan's chest, sighing.

chan played with jisung's fingers and agreed just looking at him. he took the opportunity to kiss him quickly.

he was so in love.

jisung smiled feeling his lips on chan's and turned to look at the sea again. chan heard jisung humming this view by surfaces and he almost felt sleepy.

he felt so calm right now and hearing jisung sing softly was like a lullaby to him.

"i always wanted to propose to someone in a place like the beach," chan confessed. he couldn't control his thoughts. he felt so good and confessing this to jisung just seemed right.

"someone?" jisung asked. chan could hear him smiling while asking.

"yes, someone. i never had anyone so special that made me think oh now i can fulfill my dream," chan completed, he was just letting his thoughts out loud. "i mean, until now."

he looked at jisung again and smiled.

"it's a secret. don't tell anyone," chan whispered. "but considering that someday i decide to ask you to wear a special ring, or if i say that i want to be by your side forever, or even that i want to wake up every day with your smile... what would you say?"

chan was so in love that he didn't care about anything he was saying. everything just felt right.

jisung was smiling (and a little nervous), as if he couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"well, i would say it's the best idea i've ever heard," jisung replied turning his head to see chan properly. "i'll wait for that day."

"good," chan smiled at him, kissing his hand. "in the meantime, what do you think about living with me?" chan continued, shy. "please. i sleep better with you, i guess."

"are you sure?" jisung asked worried, but chan could see that his eyes almost had tears.

"of course, my love. i don't want you to be scared or rush things. as you're always there, it's easier to just live with me. but that's only if you want to," chan made it clear that it's his decision. he had been thinking about it for a while now and after talking with changbin, he gained courage.

chan was going to be completely honest... he wanted to marry jisung.

but the moment maybe was too early, and chan wanted everything to be perfect. chan wanted to kneel down and make jisung feel loved.

for now, this was his way of showing his love, asking jisung to move in with him.

and even though it looked like an indirect proposal, chan was now sure that jisung was also on the same page as him.

chan wanted to marry jisung not just once, but over and over again. he wanted to find different reasons to fall in love with jisung and be able to ask him again and again.

"of course i want to," jisung replied, smiling. "and since you told me a secret, i'll also tell you one."

jisung turned around, sitting face to face with his boyfriend.

"i love you," jisung said giggling, giving him a peck. "it's not really a secret, but i love you so much, baby," he held chan's face confessing.

"i love you even more," chan whispered. he kissed jisung too, completely forgetting the view in front of him. the sea was beautiful, as well as the sky, but jisung was the most beautiful thing.

chan was so bad at saying 'i love you', he always felt very out of place and it's just difficult to say, even to his parents.

but it's jisung, everything is easier.

he liked to say it in other ways, but just to clear up any doubts he answered with exactly the three magic words.

he was sure that what he felt for jisung was more than any word could explain.

-

jisung had a plan.

chan has done so many things for him, he felt so loved. he wanted to try to do something for chan, something that could make him smile. something that could somehow show that he was having the time of his life. nothing big, but he wanted to.

they had been in australia for a few days already, and soon it's time to go back. by the way, chan's parents were being nothing but nice to him and he was so, so grateful. they treated him as if nothing has changed and jisung felt welcomed.

also, maybe chan and jisung had a problem, but it's extremely difficult to be without music, without producing. the good side is that jisung felt more inspired than ever. he couldn't stop writing lately, his notes were filled. he also couldn't stop singing, since his mood was so good.

since the beginning, his biggest inspiration for everything was always animations and movies. he writes his lyrics like that since he didn't like going out much and honestly nothing so interesting happened in his life. lately, though, there's bang chan.

and his boyfriend always talked about how much he liked jisung's voice while producing. whenever chan couldn't sleep, jisung sang softly until he could. whenever jisung was humming, chan would praise him.

your voice is ethereal, baby.

so he had a perfect plan.

at the backyard of chan's house (which was huge by the way, all white and clean), he spotted his boyfriend not too far, picking up berry and playing with her. she was so happy running after a little ball that chan was throwing ahead.

it was night already, and every night they looked at the stars together, since the sky was so clean. jisung really felt dizzy with chan, because every moment seemed meaningful with him.

he couldn't count how many times he thought love wasn't for him. he couldn't count how many times he just got used to being alone, and enjoying being alone.

but loving someone, whoever they are, is the best thing. everyone deserves love, everyone deserves to be loved. and these thoughts he only had after meeting chan, after being his friend and now his boyfriend.

chan can brighten up anyone's life. jisung is sure that changbin can't live without him. minho, hyunjin, felix, seungmin, jeongin, all their friends. jisung is sure they need chan.

jisung wanted to demonstrate all of this, things he couldn't exactly put in words, with the one thing they couldn't live without: music.

he came closer to his boyfriend and hugged him, his hands around his waist. chan kissed his forehead in response.

"berry will miss you," he said right after chan stopped playing with his loved dog.

"tomorrow is her birthday, we can celebrate a little bit," chan replied excitedly. "my mom even bought a small hat and snacks she can eat," he continued, laughing at the idea.

"it will be cute for sure. she will love the party," jisung said smiling.

he waited to put his thoughts in order and decide how he's going to do this.

"baby, can you help me for a moment?" jisung finally asked.

"what do you need?" chan replied curiously.

"i'm actually writing a song, i finished it but i don't know if it's good enough," jisung said, trying to look serious.

it was actually a lie, jisung wasn't writing a song (in fact, he was writing a lot of songs but nothing ready yet) and just wanted to be able to sing to his boyfriend a special song.

maybe his favorite song.

"sure, show me," chan replied, eager to help jisung as always.

jisung sighed, smiling. he stopped hugging him and went to get the guitar in his room quickly.

when he came back, chan was sitting in the corner on a comfortable rug. jisung went to him carrying the guitar in his hands.

chan smiled at him, encouraging him with his eyes. he was all ears.

whenever jisung heard this song, he couldn't help but remember chan. so he suddenly felt nervous because it was also a very important song for him.

he positioned the guitar on his lap and his fingers were already on the string, but he couldn't play.

he was frozen, trying to understand why he always had to feel nervous at wrong times.

chan noticed, and looked at him sweetly.

"there's no rush, baby. when you're ready, i'm here," chan said.

of course he would be here, he always was.

jisung laughed nervously, he looked at the guitar and started thinking about all the moments he had already spent with chan.

all of them, even those he felt stressed out, were worth it.

being able to compose and write songs with two wonderful people was a blessing. meeting chan was amazing and falling in love with him just felt right.

he slowly understood why he was so nervous. he wanted to sing everything with meaning. when you love someone, if that person doesn't make you feel anything, maybe it isn't for you.

and jisung felt everything about chan.

after taking a deep breath, he felt the courage he wanted through his veins.

love, love the stars

love, love the moon

jisung started to sing softly and play at the same time. half moon is the perfect song to describe how he felt when he was in love with chan and chan didn't even know about it.

on a night without you, even when the moon is up

i can’t see it, it’s hidden by thoughts of you

he played it and he could feel chan staring at him. surely chan had already realized that he hadn't written a song, but he was just singing for him.

he loved playing the guitar, he missed the one he left in korea. he had to use chan's guitar to make his plan work.

nothing comes even close, to half of you

it can’t fill me, it doesn’t fill me up, yeah

jisung tried his best to express the lyrics through his voice. he tried to hit all the right notes and even berry seemed interested in jisung's show, sitting next to them.

love, love the stars

love, love the moon

as soon as he finished, he immediately felt shy. now he understood how chan felt when he sang i'm yours for him, but it was worth it, because chan was almost crying.

big baby.

"please, don't cry. i can't take it," jisung said looking at him, smiling. he put the guitar aside and moved closer to his lovely boyfriend.

"why would you do that?" chan asked, trying to look annoyed. he wasn't crying, but his eyes seemed to have tears. they were glowing. chan was smiling, but he could barely speak. maybe jisung got what he wanted.

"you didn't like it?" jisung pouted. he held chan's face. "i know i didn't sing that well but i wanted to do something for you."

"it was perfect, you know i love your voice," chan said. he was touched, jisung could see. "but i don't deserve this. i don't deserve you."

jisung wanted to scream.

how could chan think like that? he deserves much more than jisung can give him.

his first response was to kiss him and stop him from saying nonsense.

jisung closed the distance between them, kissing him slowly at first, trying to show how in love he was and how much he wanted him.

chan melts into the kiss, his lips against jisung's and his whole body reacting positively. he feels at ease. he's so sweet as always.

jisung's mouth moving so soft against chan's and soon tilting his head to deepen the kiss. jisung was trying to prove a point: chan does deserve this and the world. the stars, the moon, as the song says.

interlacing their fingers, jisung slips his tongue inside his mouth. chan immediately sucking and sighing around it. kissing chan is always hard to describe, but he's sweet. jisung always feels like he wants more and more.

but right now, he didn't want anything to go any deeper than that, so he separated, catching his breath.

"thanks for that," chan said, trying to find the right words. "thanks for giving me the pleasure to be part of your life and for giving me a private show," he smiled. he kissed jisung again for a few seconds and then pressed their foreheads together, stroking jisung's cheek softly.

"i can give you a real private show, do you want it?" jisung smirked.

chan laughed, biting his lips immediately at the thought.

"later, baby," chan replied. he pulled jisung closer, hugging him from behind.

chan really loved to hug him. jisung laid his head on chan's chest, always so welcomed by his arms.

his safe place.

and just like all the nights they spent on that trip, they watched the sky together.

jisung's plan worked.

he really loves the stars and the moon, but nothing comes even close to half of what he feels for chan.

nothing can fill him up.