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Dark as Umbra, nothingness as if blind, its just... blocking the beam of light that was trying to penetrate the deepest part of you. Not wanting to be reached, scared to know the reality that was staying dormant for a long time inside those not lit parts. Letting it sleep peacefully, you are the only one to wake it up.
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Who would have thought that the guy who used to say it's just a club pertaining to volleyball during his high school days will be someone to continue play it even though almost everyone retired already, having their lives settled and finding their own comfort. Yamaguchi knew his bestfriend more than anyone from Karasuno or who ever volleyball players from other schools. He knew Tsukishima was so engrossed by volleyball lately compare from when they were high schools.
Them being together in eons time made them develop their feelings for each other. Yamaguchi can never forget that day when Tsukishima was his savior from bullies though not exactly but he considered it, he started to admire the boy as the admiration grows deeper that it pierced his heart and let his feelings burst out. That day he confessed to Tsukishima he was not expecting for his feelings to be returned. Three years in number, if you would count how their relationship became official when they entered universities. But for Yamaguchi it was more than that. For him the blond man wasn’t just his childhood friend, best friend or boyfriend, he’s more like the sunlight that he as a sprout needed to continue life.
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Mind in disarray, eyes swollen, red from crying Yamaguchi clasp the hand of the man he loves. It was Tsukishima, helpless on his hospital bed. Languidness was ambient to the blond’s appearance with all the apparatuses attached to the body of the man he cannot dare to look at first, but its been two months, he misses him already, his sweet voice that are exclusive only for his ears, his genuine smile only him can see. The mocking Tsukishima everyone pictures out, but not for Yamaguchi. He sees whats more of Tsukishima. He is the warmth Yamaguchi definitely needed during winter. He misses his warm breaths when the man spoke close to him, his breath that tickles to his neck when they are next to each other every cold morning. Its been so long since he saw Tsukishima with his glasses on, that the memory of the man with it became blurry already.
If its not for that night the accident happened during Tsukishima having his way home from practice. Now it is not guaranteed for him to wake up anytime soon. Yamaguchi staring to the man lying down, he can't help but to cry, he tried not to, he knew Tsukki would not want him to be this sympathetic. He knew, he hated it, but... it can’t be helped. His lover in such a state is enough to make depressing thoughts somersault inside his mind. If tears can be sold he’s definitely a millionaire now. He's not eating well but he realizes that he needed to be strong so he will be present when Tsukki wakes up. And he knew the man would be worried if he’ll be seen in such a wrecked state. He grabs the pears that was brought by Akaashi and Bokuto earlier that day the two visited, acquaintances of Tsukki from the club. Aside from them Kuroo always drop by from time to time almost everyday which Yamaguchi didn't feel like it was necessary but he was thankful for the concern. Akiteru, knowing the fact that Yamaguchi refused to leave his younger brother’s side lets him to the twenty-four seven nursing Tsukki needs.
It is 3 AM Yamaguchi can’t find a place for his thoughts anymore.
"Tsukki..." Yamaguchi whisper as he kisses his forehead.
"Its been so long aren't you gonna wake up? huh?" He asked, he knew he wouldn't get an answer.
"we haven't do our plan to go see the movie you waited for a year to be released." Only the beeping sound of the machine can be heard, an indication that the blond is still fighting.
"now its screening was done already, too bad, our tickets expired." Yamaguchi always seek for a thing to say to Tsukishima. With hopes that the man is conscious and could hear him.
"Wake up, let me hear your voice, you said you'll gonna give me a gift that night... I am still looking forward to it..." he can't stop his tears now from falling, it suffocates him, having just the two of them in that spacious room he still finds it hard to breath. The unfamiliar smell of medicine was enough to smother him.
Every night, his own sobs became his lullaby that puts him to sleep.
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Yamaguchi who never left Tsukishima's side was flabbergasted as the man open his eyes after a long deep slumber. He met the man's golden eyes, it was an unexpected phlegmatic stare they exchange as if he was a stranger that reflected from those jaded eyes. It was not the eyes he used to look at, not having Tsukki’s lenses on he clearly concluded that it is gloomy and blank. Not getting the weird thoughts affects his mind Yamaguchi concluded to himself that it was because the man was tired from his long sleep. He lets the doctor examine the man first, he just waited there at the side, his turn to hold the man will surely come any minute now. Before everything he echoed the good news to Akiteru.
——
Trembling, can’t seem to process the sudden occurrence of events, Yamaguchi as he tried to open the lock of their apartment plops at the moment he entered the door. His elbows on his knees, hands laced together in front of his forehead. Tsukishima is conscious now but why is Yamaguchi like this?
—-
Going back to what happened earlier at the hospital.
The freckled man can not contain the excitement about the miracle that's happening in front of his eyes, the man he loves has now regain his consciousness. He can finally hear his voice again and see his smile, they can finally continue living the blissful moments together.
The doctor turned to Yamaguchi, “We will still run some test to the patient, he will undergo observation for what further damage had the severe concussion brought him.”
Then its just the two of them inside the room. A deafening silence had the mood set. Yamaguchi knew he should approach first. He was kind of taken a back earlier he felt that he was treated as a stranger by the blond man.
“uhmm Tsukki... Im so glad you are back.” he spoke in his most gentle but still worried tone. His brows furrow.
“Thanks.” A short reply from the patient.
Yamaguchi leans forward to hug the blond man. It is warmer now. He waited for this moment the whole time. He did not receive the hug back it is only him holding the other man so he speak still pawing his palm on Tsukishima’s back. It was not the kind of reunion he was expecting.
“I’ve called Akiteru-san, and he will arrive any moment now.” Then he released from the hug. He tugged a chair beside the bed so he can tend to what Tsukki’s actions will be.
He tried to meet the eyes of the man, but no attempts can connect. The freckled man started to get anxious. So he tried to probe in his own way to understand the current situation.
“Better if you recover fast, so we can go home.”
“...do our postponed plans once you are fully healed.” waiting...
He’s not getting any response aside from the patient nodding. He knew there’s something wrong.
“By any chance...”
Yamaguchi flinched as Tsukki now has something to say, for gods sake he’s been waiting for the words to come out the blond’s mouth.
“... how are we related?”
He can’t seem to process the words he just heard from Tsukishima.
...how are we related?
It took him several lapses of time to digest it.
He lost his memory?
He just sat there, body stiff... own hands laced together trying his best to hold back his tears, facing the ground to hide his dumbfounded expression. He just snapped out of it.
Why am I crying? All I need to do is tell him that...
“We are —...”
“I knew it you are a close friend of mine right? I should thank you for taking care of me, we must be really closely related, best friends right? I must apologize for treating you cold earlier, I think my memory is kinda hazy right now.” Tsukishima as his words overlapped what Yamaguchi should be saying.
Not just best friend, to be exact I am your boyfriend.
He can’t muster a courage to make Tsukki hear those words now that the blond concluded it already to himself. He’s alway been like this, he never negate Tsukki’s words. But not this time... he should say it! He heaves a deep breath and...
“Actually I am your bo-...”
He wasn’t able to finish his sentence as he hear thuds from the door as it slams open and shows...
“Oh! Thanks god you are awake now!” It was Akiteru hurried his way near Tsukishima. Why are his timings all off now?
“Bro... you need to calm.” Tsukki croaks.
“I think I’m worried for nothing.” As he shuffles his younger brother’s hair.
“Quit it!” Tsukishima grimaces.
“Oh I happen to stumble upon your friend in the lobby.” Akiteru added.
“Kuroo-san, why are you here?” Tsukishima sheepishly ask, because he doesn’t want to trouble any of his friends checking, worrying on him.
“Just... checking if you got any better. But I guess you got the best today..” Kuroo hums while placing the fruits that he brought that day.
“To inform you Kei, Kuroo is the one who brought you to the hospital that night. Since the accident happened just outside the club premises.” Akiteru intervenes.
“Really? Then does that mean I owe my life to this cat now?” Tsukishima jokingly replied.
Yamaguchi was left set aside all of a sudden.
So he remembers them? But not his lover.
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Yamaguchi knew he needed some time alone so he went his way home. The hospital concluded that Tsukishima has partial amnesia caused by the blow from his head. He lost some parts of his memory. But what brings Yamaguchi to such a rock bottom state is that of all people...
he’s the one that was forgotten.
Strength gathered to his knees as he wobbly took steps to their apartment where they stayed for three years of cohabitation now.
He arranged things as how “friends” should be.
Of course they will be staying in different rooms now. He can not forced Tsukishima to act as his boyfriend if he was known by the man as a complete stranger now. Every traces of him was rendered it the darkest part of Tsukishima. He talked to Akiteru about how Tsukki wasn’t able to remember him of all people. And everyone who are aware about the situation knew that they can’t cross the line, Yamaguchi being Tsukishima’s boyfriend isn’t their story to tell.
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Tsukishima fully recovered, he regain his pinkish complexion indicating he can be back on track now. To the blond man the set up was old, he just forgot about it but for Yamaguchi it is completely new. They used to sleep on the same bed. Woke up to each other’s warmth. Eat breakfast together as they sip their favorite cup of coffee. As how Tsukki removes his glasses when dealing to hot soups because the moist will make his lenses foggy. But now they just barely meet each other in the kitchen and the hall way, but Yamaguchi always keep check on Tsukki’s condition, worries still can’t leave his mind. He always leave the coffee maker on, he knew Tsukishima’s formula well. The routine is now part of the man’s morning rituals.
Its been two months since Tsukishima went out of the hospital. Busy in university things and volleyball which Tsukishima little by little making his way back on track. Tsukishima treats Yamaguchi like before when they are still just friends he knew Yamaguchi stayed by his side during those times in the hospital. Sometimes they manage to eat breakfast together when their schedule stumbled. He makes it sure that Tsukishima is comfortable with him around.
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“cause I’ve been by myself all night long”
“hoping you’re someone I used to know...”
The ambiance of the place was calm with music playing in the background as street lamps reflect to the glass wall beside where the two are huddled.
“I admire how you are able to stand after what had happened.”
“you look like a movie”
“you sounds like a song”
Hitoka praises Yamaguchi, she’s the only one whom he can rely on in this times of insanity. Since Hinata is also one problematic ass dealing with Kageyama.
“I wouldn’t be too much sympathetic, let us just drink the night away.” She tried not to be benevolent, knowing Yamaguchi would just feel down if she is.
“everything just takes me back”
“to when you were there”
“to when you were there”
“and a part of me still holding on”
“just incase it hasn’t gone”
“‘cause I still care”
“do you still care?”
“The day will come he’ll... remember me, I’ll wait even if it takes a lot of winters.... turned into spring... into summer and fall.” Yamaguchi yelps in a boozy state as he smashed the stainless cup back on the table.
He’s holding to a mind set that traces of him will find courage to wake up inside Tsukishima’s heart.
At the other side he was thankful, forgetting him was not the worst that might had happened to Tsukishima. The man alive, warm and breathing is enough for him to hold on.
Hitoka stopped Yamaguchi from ordering another set of booze. They both gone their own way home maintaining their rationality on the street.
“I’m... home.” Even in a drunken state he still managed to utter a greeting.
Tsukishima just got out of the kitchen.
“I didn’t know you drink, you are wasted.” Tsukishima smirks.
He arrived home safe and sound, he just drank a little but now that he’s stepped on the foyer he gave in to his dizziness and plops down. Luckily Tsukishima’s reflexes are fast as ever and he was able to catch him before he hits the floor.
He’s one of those heathens when it comes to alcohol.
Tsukishima tend to Yamaguchi and brought him to his room. He removed Yamaguchi’s jacket for the man to be able to sleep comfortably, he was about to leave when a warm hand gripped his wrist.
“Tsukki...” Yamaguchi murmurs. Tsukishima tilts his head back to the freckled one.
“Why... of all people... Why am I the one you can’t remember?”... he cried as if he was sleep talking.
“why... how long do I have to wait...”
“I miss you.” then his hands dropped on the bed as if he lost consciousness. I miss you?, he kinda squint with wonder hearing that.
The room was dark only beams from the side lamp reflects to Yamaguchi’s face, the sadness that radiates to the man didn’t slip Tsukishima’s observant trait. He felt this inexplicable feeling that something punctured his heart. He was about to hurried back to his room when he noticed a frame resting on the side table below the lamp, inside was a picture of them both genuinely smiling. His arms on Yamaguchi’s shoulders, pressed against his torso. In Tsukki’s mind...
We must be really close more than I thought we are?
Tsukishima doesn’t let the thought bother him, he has a scheduled volleyball training tomorrow.
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Out of Tsukishima’s knowledge every night Yamaguchi inside his room remained awake until he hear traces of Tsukki opening the door, signaling he’s home. It’s not like he can pry about the blond’s schedule now. Lately he has been arriving really late at night that makes Yamaguchi worry about him.
Tonight was different he should be home around the time, 9pm- 10 pm, it is already 12 mid night. He can not settle himself, going back and forth to the living room, gripping his phone.
Should I call him?
He dialed the number, its been ages since he last did the motion, he doesn’t care if he’ll come out nosy all he needs to know is Tsukishima’s whereabouts and if he’s safe. How much of a worried non-existent lover to his boyfriend can he be?
The dial tone rang 3 times before it was picked up.
“Tsukki... shima... just wanna ask if-“ he wasn’t able to finish his sentence, in the other line it was loud as there is a party.
“Hello...? sorry but Tsukishima is not in the state that he can answer a phone call.” A familiar groggy voice answered instead of Tsukishima. It was Kuroo.
“He will be staying for the night, he’s wasted.”
He does not utter any response after that. He knew Kuroo is one of Tsukki’s closest volleyball accomplice. He’s also aware of Kuroo’s feeling towards Tsukishima. At some point it made him uncomfortable. Now he is in a paranoid state. He is very well aware that lately Tsukishima has been spending most of his time with Kuroo.
He knew how much of a twig Tsukishima turned into when he gets drunk, it has been tested once during Hinata’s birthday celebration.
“No, I’ll go fetch him, just send me the address.” He decided on a whim, he’ll find a way for transportation at all cost.
Yamaguchi arrived at the place, it was Kuroo’s apartment, large enough to cater a party of his volleyball club mates. He doesn’t even reach the crowd yet but he already hear Bokuto’s boisterous laugh.
“Crow over here!” Bokuto signal him with his hand pointing where Tsukishima is.
He approached near Bokuto.
“Didn’t know glasses-kun has a low alcohol tolerance!” As Bokuto put his arms on Yamaguchi’s shoulders and guide his way to the isolated part of the area.
He felt something pierced his heart as he saw Tsukishima’s drunken state resting his head to Kuroo’s chest while the other man is caressing his hair like a child who needs to be put to sleep. His boyfriend to another man’s arms is just too much of an eyesore.
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They arrived at their apartment, somehow Tsukishima is kinda sober now.
“When did you learn to drink like that?” Yamaguchi vehemently asked Tsukishima. He panicked and kinda felt paranoid earlier so he needs to bent it out.
He crouched down face palming. “Do you know how worried I am? Do you think I can sleep peacefully until I hear you arrive at night?”
“You don’t have to go that far.” Tsukishima grimaces.
“I know as a friend you are worried, but... you are worried too much.” Tsukishima huffs.
as a friend... that stings! The freckled man is now visibly crying.
“You don’t know what you are saying.” He hollers, wiping his own tears.
Tsukishima bent down to face Yamaguchi.
“I’m sorry for troubling you. But don’t cross the line again. Don’t lecture me as if you gave birth to me.” He frowns.
Tsukishima grumbles making his way to his room when the other man speak again.
“Tsukki... just get home already.” Yamaguchi cried slumped now on the floor.
The last sentence that Tsukishima heard that night brought him a vague meaning. He knew Yamaguchi didn’t meant for him to go back to Miyagi. Not that. Definitely not.
Home?
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It is just a matter of time until he knew that Tsukishima and Kuroo are already dating. This time he was completely set aside. Without having any closure for their forgotten relationship, his existence to Tsukishima’s life was like a candle
that completely melted away by heat. As it goes brittle it breaks and was scattered aggressively. No breaks just pure blow from the surge.
Kuroo is greedy. He wants Tsukishima, so much that he took advantage of the situation.
Yamaguchi wasn’t able to do a thing until the whole relationship fiasco escalated. With feeling of regret. He should have hold on tighter to Tsukki. He should have not filtered his words and just say that he is his boyfriend. But there’s no room for regrets now that the man he love was snatched away or should he say slipped away his grip.
It was Sunday afternoon, Yamaguchi watched as bits of snow flakes started to fall from outside the coffee shop he’s sitting. Pictures peaceful not until it hits the ground and breaks. The reason why he’s there? He’s going to meet someone.
He was snapped out of the thing that occupied him when he hear the chimes of the glass door, from there Kuroo walked in warmly dressed. Yamaguchi as the man he is, put up a strong appearance in front of him.
“What is this about?” Yamaguchi goes straight to the point as he take a sip from his black coffee.
“Didn’t know you don’t waste time for introductions.” Kuroo says.
He didn’t bother to respond. His arms crossed together pressed to his torso.
“I thought I’m gonna lose him. That night when I saw Kei lying unconscious on the ground...” Kuroo starts.
The way he mention Tsukki’s name as ’Kei’ with full of affection stings to Yamaguchi. 'I’m gonna lose him'? How dare you say that to someone who’s taken.
“You didn’t know the horror it brought me every night after I saw him bathing in his own blood. At any moment that time he might stop breathing.” Kuroo’s eyes turned red as he reminisce the scene.
Yamaguchi just let Kuroo talk, while he faces the glass wall of the establishment. He cant get hold of the reason why he was being told about this things. In addition he doesn’t want to imagine Tsukki at those states. Too much for him.
“I visit him everyday with high hopes that he’s already awake that my nightmare will fade off.” Kuroo continues.
“Since Kei came back my nightmares are gone.” Kuroo added slightly rising the side of his lip to a smile he wants to put up.
“aren’t you being awfully greedy?” Yamaguchi scorns.
“Call me that, but... this time that Kei just survived a near death situation, I won’t waste any second to not stay by his side.” Kuroo frowns as he throw the words to Yamaguchi.
“Kuroo-san, I am thankful to you at one point for saving his life, but I am not gonna yield so easily, this is Tsukishima Kei we are talking about...” tipping his index finger on the table, “I’ll get going I am a busy person.” Yamaguchi manage to raise a strong aura to Kuroo, he then stands and made his way out.
Yamaguchi never knew that he had this side of him when it comes to Tsukki. He may be putting up a strong appearance but deep inside he’s already pulverized barely managing to fight.
The aloofness grew wide between Tsukishima and Yamaguchi, it is in a more awkward state now. Tsukishima didn’t regularly stay home at night. During those nights Yamaguchi can’t help himself but to cry to sleep. He can not confront Tsukishima as it might end up for their relationship to be rendered to nothing. He tried to go out with friends sometimes, every time was like a new experience, they used to hang out with Tsukishima but now even his shadow can’t be seen around Yamaguchi.
Before he loses his sanity, rationality or any -ty that can fit the situation, Yamaguchi decided to take a break, he came up to a conclusion to stay at Hitoka’s place for a while. As if Hitoka worries, no? He knew well Yamaguchi’s gender orientation.
Tsukishima saw him packing his things knowing the man isn’t someone to pry he initiated an explanation as if its really needed, well they are room mates so maybe.
“I am going to stay at a friend’s house for a while.” Yamaguchi informs. As he stuff his things inside a large sized luggage.
“Do you need any help packing?” Tsukishima offers.
“Ah no, I am almost done and my friend’s gonna arrive to help me move my things.” Yamaguchi talks almost catatonic. He tried it hard to maintain a straight face talking to the blond. This isn’t about him running away, he just needed to breath.
Tsukishima just wonder why is he bringing so much?
They hear a vehicle arrived from outside so Yamaguchi hurried to the door tugging his things with him.
“See you next time then”. Yamaguchi bids with a forced smile and a heavy heart as he shut the door closed.
The last thing Tsukishima realizes is how deafening the silence is now. A part of him tells him that he should have stopped Yamaguchi from going away. Alone inside a large apartment somehow suffocates him. He felt a jab on his chest as he sees Yamaguchi’s back making its way out the door.
He woke up the next day expecting to smell the coffee that Yamaguchi makes for him, but he then realized that there’s none for the morning and also for the next mornings to come. From now on he needs to make it on his own. It worries Tsukishima that he felt incomplete at some point. He saw Yamaguchi’s room door and reluctantly he approach it. It wasn’t locked so he concluded that it is not too much of a crime to invade it for the second time. He held the door knob and clicks it open. A familiar scent embraces him the moment the air circulated inside. It was so familiar that it somehow gave him nostalgia. It smells like home too comforting for his senses like he was floating mid air, it weird him out. He step more inside, the frame resting below the lamp was not there anymore instead there are two rectangular papers, the graphic catches his attention, those are two unused movie tickets. Not just movies but sequel of his favorite movies. But the dates are long done already.
What a waste. He clicks his tongue in disappointment.
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“Hey Yamaguchi, cheer up, it was not as if the world ended yesterday!” Hinata protests as if they are miles away. It has been half a month since he moved to Hitoka’s place. After that he didn’t had a chance to see what he left to his apartment. It is the first time since they went to college the two are separated so it was never easy for him.
“Hinata are you numb? Or just a real idiot?” Kageyama rants throwing a pillow to Hinata.
“You aren’t in his shoe so stop spouting nonsense both of you.” The ever ready referee Hitoka.
“Yamaguchi! I am expecting you to come to the party we are organizing for the msby team! It will be after a week. Everyone needs a date, take note of it!” Hinata excitedly spouts as he jumps to Kageyama after saying the word “date”.
“I know what situation you are in right now, I insist you find time to enjoy yourself. And if you needed a date Hitoka is always free.” Kageyama demands as he throw a hidden wink to Hitoka.
“Hey I saw that!” Hinata shouts.
“Boke!” Kageyama blustered.
“uhmmm, I like parties so Im in!” Hitoka celebrates.
“I’ll think about it.” Yamaguchi hums.
“I understand why you are reluctant, but we got your back!” Hinata as lively as ever pats Yamaguchi’s back.
The night of the party arrived and reluctantly Yamaguchi agreed to go, he misses the sight of Tsukishima and as expected the blond is present with his boyfriend. They should be celebrating but for him it was a torture. He can’t bring himself to blame Tsukishima because the blond man was just a victim too.
The night was loud liquor pouring bottomless, cheers from the ever energetic one of the Miya twins Atsumu. Akaashi is also present and was glued to Bokuto the whole time. As for Yamaguchi he will just drink a little, thankful to Hitoka that is making him company.
“Hey hey hey! So you two are dates for tonight.” As Bokuto’s group approach them, he is with Kuroo, Tsukishima and Akaashi.
If he’s not mistaken he saw Tsukishima frown upon hearing what Bokuto said or he was just imagining things?
“ah yes Bokuto-san!” Hitoka replies lively.
“Please excuse me, I’ll just go to the washroom.” Yamaguchi felt like he needed to exit the moment. The feeling of defeat was present to him as he saw Kuroo and Tsukishima clings to each other.
“So how was it Hitoka-chan? Are the two of you dating?” Bokuto scrutinize.
“I heard you, live together.” The owl added with a teasing grin.
At Tsukishima’s point of view he felt uneasy after hearing that Yamaguchi is staying at Hitoka’s, he doesn’t want to hear what her answer will be, it kinda brought him fear. Lately after Yamaguchi left the apartment he’s been feeling weird, he can not understand himself why is he inexplicably lonely. It was like his cogs ran a hundred turns per second, before Hitoka even answer Bokuto’s question, he managed to utter an excuse.
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“I didn’t knew a garden is a washroom to you Tadashi.”
Yamaguchi jolted as he heard a familiar voice from his back. And what more he wasn’t mistaken he was called as Tadashi.
“I just feel like I need fresh air.” Yamaguchi manage to raise a response in his surprised state.
Unexpectedly their excuses made them end up at the axis it is like a green house part of the event place. Yamaguchi misses how Tsukishima use to call him casually, it sent shivers to his spine as if it was a music especially made only for him to listen.
“I think that was how I used to call you. Correct me if I am wrong.” Tsukishima explains.
“You aren’t wrong.” A thrifty answer is enough.
“I am trying my best...”
Yamaguchi flinched at the man’s introduction. He can see ellipses to Tsukishima’s sentence so he remained silent.
“... I want to remember everything.” Tsukishima hums. He is beside Yamaguchi now they are both facing the hall where the party was being held.
“I feel like I am losing a very important part of me.”
Yamaguchi tilted his head to Tsukishima’s angle, there is a terrain of incompleteness painted all over his face. Seeing that lonesome expression, he felt like a sphere had pricked his heart. Before he realize it he pulled Tsukishima into his arms and embrace him with comfort.
“Don’t... force yourself, everything will be fine... soon.” His voice is shaking between the lines. Despite Tsukki’s towering height against him he still managed to cup the back of his head. He was mortified by his own actions but his instincts told him to do it. Before he release from the motion he felt the man’s hand patting his back. That made a smile raise inside of him.
The party was over Tsukishima rejected Kuroo’s offer to stay for the night. He’s exhausted from all the thoughts that had been running non-stop in his mind. He went home, there it is again the lonesome feeling, he tried to find cure with Kuroo but unfortunately he still feel that the black haired guy was not the antidote to the inevitable heavy feeling he’s carrying. He want answers, he have Kuroo by his side so why does he still feel incomplete, he should be happy having a supportive partner who saved him from near death situation.
What am I missing?
A thought bubbled to Tsukishima’s mind.
When is Tadashi coming back home?
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From then Tsukishima drowned himself to volleyball. He wasted so much time in his confinement to the hospital several months ago. A scheduled match in the Division 2 V League, where he is part of the Sendai Frogs as a middle blocker is about to take place. Lately the said sports is the only one where he felt complete, he’s passionate as ever. His relationship with Kuroo is still unyielding despite the doubts he tried his best to be the partner the black haired man deserves.
It is almost a year after the whole thing happened. Yamaguchi sometimes mustered up a courage to visit the apartment. He respect Tsukishima’s actions and tried his best to be the friend he was like in the past. He’s not completely back to the place but sometimes he spent nights to his old room. After their talk that night at the greenhouse he knew that Tsukishima needed some company at home, knowing the blond is kinda introverted but not to the extent to be left alone all the time. He remained considerate to Tsukishima despite the situation, he took care of him from the side lines and sometimes when he stayed for the night and live by the morning he prepare the blond’s cup of coffee. The actions made Tsukishima’s questions little by little found its answers.
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“That was a break for the Sendai Frogs!
Tsukishima Kei as the Middle blocker is still as sharp as ever!”
The commentator praises as Tsukishima kill blocked a powerful spike from the opponent’s attack. Now they are in a match point.
The server failed at the attempt for an ace but it broke the opponent’s formation. It was a jump floater serve, Tsukishima is in the vanguard position now ready to act as a shield, somehow the scenario felt familiar. The moment made old foggy thoughts gymnast inside of him. As the timing of an attack was already simulated to Tsukishima’s mind all he needed to do is jump. As high as he can Tsukki defended the top of the net arms stretched until to last tip of his fingers.
“And it was another amazing kill block from Tsukishima Kei.”
The whistle that declares the match ended and they have won echoed inside Tsukishima’s mind that made him squint, as if there is a broken signal thin sound that almost made him deaf. He remember the moment before he made the last point those are his old memories disheveled.
Kuroo approached him first on the court.
“Kei... congrats that last one was insane.”
“Is that a face of someone sending congratulatory message?” Tsukishima noticed there is something wrong with the man.
“What’s wrong?”
“I am sorry Kei.” He grabbed Tsukishima’s hand and placed something on his palms.
“I’ve made up my mind that if you won the game I am giving what I’ve stolen from you.” The black haired man furrows his eyes reflects both regret and sadness.
“We might always be together but I am aware... your heart was left somewhere else.” Kuroo confessed.
It was like a moment of reset. Memories comes rushing back to Tsukishima after seeing what Kuroo put on his hands. Finally Found it! The answer to all his questions.
The next thing that he did was search the crowd, expecting the man that he was looking for to be at reach.
As for Kuroo he’s finally mustered up the courage to make the crow he caged fly freely on its own, search for its home in the vast sky. He knew the heart of the man that he loves since high school already belonged to someone else. He watch Kei as he run away from him, until his back was out of sight, an indication that he can never again hold the man.
.
.
.
The match ended and the crowd was celebrating. Yamaguchi should be going down the bench to congratulate Tsukishima, but he saw him with Kuroo holding his hand, he decided to not interrupt the two’s romantic moment. His feelings for Tsukishima never changed, the sight still hurts him. It should be him on his side.
That should be me.
Gripping the clothe to his chest as if he needs help to be able to breath, he made his way out of the venue. Is he losing hope? Should he give up on Tsukishima. Again he felt defeated its been a long time, still there is no sign for things to go back to how it used to be. His feelings has been rock bottom all those times, reaching the point where it’s already painfully tiresome. Like gripping to a handle full of spikes, left to bleed. A hand suddenly landed to his wrist it made him snap out of the trance, pulled inside the arms of that someone.
“Please...”
“Please...Tadashi...” It was Tsukishima who pulled him close, his voice and hands are trembling.
Yamaguchi was left confused all he knew was the blond needed comfort. So he pat Tsukishima’s back gently. He waited for words to come out the blond’s lips again. Is he going to hear what he’s been longing for so long? That he loved him? That he remember him now?
Please say it! I want to hear it.
Please let this be that moment! Yamaguchi wished intently inside of him.
But the words that came out of Tsukishima wasn’t what he was expecting instead...
“Please... make coffee for me again... every morning from now on?” Tsukishima sobs between the lines as he rest his chin to Yamaguchi’s shoulders.
It took him lapses of seconds to understand the situation before Yamaguchi burst into tears.
“Yes... Tsukki.”
.
.
.
That very night Yamaguchi decided to completely come back to the apartment. Standing in front of it, he can never be this happy entering the door again. For almost a year he felt really burdened with feelings of reluctance coming back, expecting no one to welcome him when he arrive. But not this time because he knew someone who treasures him is waiting inside.
He open the door, saw Tsukishima standing from the entrance.
“Welcome home.”
It was a really nice sight to see, but he isn’t really the one who found his way back home.
“No Tsukki... Im not the one who’s back. It is you, you are finally home.”
The blond man gave him a genuine smile. As they exchange warm hugs.
Tsukishima leads him to the diner, he prepared an extravagant dinner for them both.
“Tonight’s special, its been ages since our last date.”
Tint of red spread through Yamaguchi’s freckled cheeks it was a mesmerizing sight for Tsukishima.
They sat down for dinner.
“Tadashi, I know it’s too late for an apology. I know I already hurt you—“
“Don’t apologize...” Yamaguchi interrupted Tsukishima. “You are not at fault. We can’t fight how nature would want to play with us.”
Tsukishima reach for Yamaguchi’s hand.
“From now on, I’ll treasure every seconds I will spend with you and engrave our memories together in me.” Tsukishima says unfeignedly.
“Do you still remember the night before the accident? I promised to give you a gift?” He brought out a small flashy box. Yes... that was the thing Kuroo gave him earlier that day. The day of the accident Kuroo found it in Tsukishima’s hand.
Yamaguchi remembered that promise very well.
From there Tsukishima brought out piece of jewelry, it was a ring. He gently put it in his boyfriends hand. The freckled man was speechless only his tears provide answers to Tsukishima.
“I remember it all now, how much there is to us.”
The man pulled him closer, each other’s forehead pressed together. Tsukishima cupped Yamaguchi’s cheeks and gave him a chaste kiss, they respond to each other and fill the thirst from their hearts. Yamaguchi finally found the warmth for the winter season. They found their way home, they might have lost from the process. But it is their love that leads them back together. Finally a beam of light made its way and awaken their love for each other one more time.
End.
Tsukiyama tribute for the manga ended already. It’s really sad Haikyu is a home for me. Wish for the fandom to stay as strong as ever.