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“I want to talk about Mom.”
Castiel stiffened at the stubborn voice of his daughter. He looked up from his book with his face carefully neutral and raised an eyebrow.
“What would you like to talk about?” He asked as calmly as he could.
“Why did she leave me?”
He and Dean had always been very open with Claire about Amelia and how Amelia had left Claire in the care of Castiel and Dean when Claire was just a baby. Claire had had many questions growing up, but most of them were just about what her mother had been like. It was easy enough for Castiel to swallow up his bitter feelings and tell his daughter all about Amelia. Claire had grown up knowing her mother (as much as she could). Right before Claire had entered preschool, Castiel and Dean had told her that she had two fathers and a mother, instead of a father and a mother, and that while her mother loved her very much, she no longer lived with them. They figured it would help to ease her entrance into school when she learned about her classmates’ parents. Even before that, though, just watching kids’ movies had alerted Claire to the fact that their home life was a little different. Luckily, she had never really seemed to care.
It had really only been difficult when Claire had asked why Amelia had left. Claire was eleven at the time, and she had approached Castiel and Dean after dinner one evening with anxiety etched in her features. Castiel had not wanted to hurt Claire by telling her the straight-forward truth: that Amelia had not wanted to be a mother, and so she’d more-or-less abandoned Claire with Castiel and then had dropped off the face of the earth. So, Castiel and Dean had sugar-coated it a little. They explained, in many soft and calming words, that Amelia had not felt ready to be a parent and she knew that it would be best for Claire if Claire grew up with Castiel and Dean instead of Castiel and Amelia. It was basically the truth, anyways.
That answer had always seemed to satisfy Claire before. At least, Castiel had thought so. Claire had nodded and smiled at them, and then assured them that she loved them both more than anything in the world and she felt very happy even without a mom. She had never asked about it again.
Now, though, Castiel wasn’t so sure that Claire had completely accepted what Castiel and Dean had said. He recognized the steely expression Claire wore (he had seen it plenty of times in Dean’s features and his own). He knew that Claire had built up the courage to come to Castiel and ask about it. He also knew that Claire had come to him alone for a reason, and not him and Dean.
Castiel had honestly thought that if Claire was ever going to ask further questions, she would have done it earlier. She was sixteen now, stubborn as hell, and much older than Castiel had originally assumed. Either way, Castiel now had much to discuss with his daughter.
Castiel swallowed and bookmarked his book. He slowly put it down and turned on the couch to make room for Claire. He patted the space next to him.
Claire hesitated a moment, and then she sat down.
“I want to know why my mom left.” She said again, her voice wavering only slightly. Castiel could tell she was fighting hard to keep her composure.
“You remember what your dad and I told you?” He asked.
Claire huffed impatiently. “Yeah, you said some B.S. about her not feeling like she’d be a good parent so she left me with you guys.”
“That is the truth, Claire.” Castiel replied.
“That’s not the whole truth and you know it!”
Castiel sighed. He did know it. “What else would you like to know?”
“Even if she thought she’d make a horrible mom, how come she didn’t stick around to at least visit me?”
And there was the million dollar question. Castiel had asked it to himself and to Dean many times in the past sixteen years.
“I honestly do not know, Claire.”
The answer did not seem to satisfy Claire at all. She bit her lip and turned away, arms crossed.
“You don’t know why she abandoned me?”
Castiel winced at the word.
“Well, I wouldn’t say that ‘abandon’ is the best word-”
“Cut the crap, Papa.” Claire snapped. Castiel made a mental note to reprimand her on her tone later. Now was clearly not the time. “I know what abandoned means, and that’s exactly what happened to me. She gave me up.”
“That was only because she did not feel she was ready to be a parent-”
“That’s such a lie!” Claire shouted and stood suddenly. She paced across the room, fuming. “She would have stayed still, I know it! It doesn’t matter if she didn’t feel ready! She would have stayed to see me on weekends, or on my damn birthday at least! The only reason she wouldn’t have stayed would be if she didn’t want me, which means that she didn’t love me!”
Castiel felt a pang deep in his chest and a lump form in his throat. “Now, Claire, I am sure that your mother loved you-”
Claire cut him off again.
“You don’t know that!” She yelled. “How could you know?! Did you ever talk to her again?!”
“Hey,” Dean’s deep voice came from the entranceway, “what’s all the shouting about?”
He looked to Castiel with unmasked curiosity and concern.
Clarie glared at him and then looked away. “Papa’s lying to me.”
“Claire,” Castiel tried desperately, hurt churning his stomach. Claire turned her back to him.
“Sweetheart,” Dean took a step towards her, “look, I know that you’re upset. It’s perfectly fine to be upset. But you can’t go taking it out on your dad like that. It’s not fair to him or you. Maybe if we just take some deep breaths-”
“Don’t act like you know shit about what I’m going through!” Claire screamed, whirling on her heel as she jabbed a finger at Dean’s chest. “You don’t know anything about what this is like! And you can’t tell me what to do! You’re not my real dad!”
The room fell silent.
Claire stared at Dean with wide eyes.
Dean stared right back at her.
Castiel stared at both of them.
No one moved.
“What’s wrong?” Jack asked from the doorway. Castiel had no idea when he’d gotten there.
Jack’s words seemed to break them out of their stupor.
Castiel stood and took a step towards Claire. “Claire, go to your room.”
Claire’s expression morphed from shock to defiance, like she wanted to stay and keep fighting with them(and why were they even fighting in the first place?), but in the end she spun around and marched away without another word.
“Papa?” Jack asked, voice timid. “Dad?”
“Jack, would you please go to your room, too.” Castiel said softly. Jack looked at him, his face a mixture of worry and confusion, and nodded. He turned and left the room. He was always an obedient and sweet boy.
Castiel breathed out deeply and turned to look at his husband. Dean’s head was bowed and he still hadn’t moved from the center of the room.
“Dean?” Castiel approached the other man and touched his shoulder gently. “Are you alright?”
Dean turned to him and Castiel’s breath left him in a soundless gasp when he caught sight of Dean’s red-rimmed eyes.
“She’s not wrong, you know.” He said, his voice hoarse. Tears slipped from his eyes. “I’m not her real dad.”
“Yes, you are .” Castiel replied sharply. “You are just as much her father as I am.”
“But biologically, Cas, I’m nothing.”
“That doesn’t mean anything!” Castiel said, fierce and determined. “Biology means shit, Dean, and you taught me that!” He grabbed Dean’s face between his hands and made his husband look him in the eye.
“What do you always say, Dean, hmm? You say ‘family don’t end in blood,’ and it doesn’t, Dean! Family does not end in blood. You are equally Claire and Jack’s father as I am, never mind that Claire is not biologically yours. Jack is not biologically yours either, Dean, but that does not make you less of a parent to him.”
Castiel searched Dean’s eyes, trying to tell if Dean had understood what Castiel was saying.
“Who was there for me when Amelia abandoned Claire and me?”
Castiel waited, but Dean did not speak up.
“Who, Dean? Who was there for me.”
“Me.” Dean’s answering voice was small and almost shy.
“Who helped me through the midnight feedings and changings? Who took turns rocking Claire back to sleep?”
“Me.”
“Who took extra shifts at the garage and the Roadhouse so that I could buy baby formula?”
“Me.”
“And who worked every weekend for a month so that we could afford to send Claire to summer camp?”
Dean averted his eyes. A light blush spread across his nose and cheeks. “I did.”
Castiel smiled and brought Dean closer to kiss him quickly.
“Who waited with me in the hospital room for fourteen hours while our surrogate labored with our baby?”
“Me.”
“Who woke up at the crack of dawn every fucking Sunday to coach Jack’s awful soccer team?”
“Me.”
“Who was with me in the store when I had to buy Claire’s first pads and tampons and I was so stressed and uncertain about which brand to buy I was nearly in tears?”
“Me.” Dean rolled his eyes, but he wasn’t crying anymore.
“Who helped me give Jack the Talk?”
“Me.” Dean said, chuckling a little. Castiel smiled too. It was truly a horrible memory.
“Who sat up with me, worrying, until one in the morning when Claire went out to her first party?”
“Me.”
Castiel nodded and kissed Dean again. “That’s right. It was you. Who has kept me sane for the past sixteen years? Who has sacrificed just as much as me to make sure that Claire and Jack have absolutely amazing lives?”
“I have.” Dean answered quietly.
“See, Dean?” Castiel breathed. His hands slid down from Dean’s face to his neck and his thumbs stroked gently against the soft, sensitive skin behind Dean’s ears. “It doesn’t matter that your sperm did not bring our children into existence. They are ours. You have done exactly what a parent does with their children, Dean, because you are a parent.”
“Okay.” Dean said, his head dropping. “I’m a parent.”
Castiel smiled. “Yes, you are.”
Dean shuffled forward until his arms were wrapped around Castiel’s shoulders and Castiel’s hands slipped all the way down to Dean’s waist.
“I love you.” He whispered against Dean’s lips just before kissing him.
Dean gasped as they pulled away. “Love you too.”
They stood embracing one another for several long moments before wordlessly deciding to go talk with Claire.
Claire was in her room, like Castiel had told her to go, listening to music when they walked in. She quickly turned it off when she heard them enter and looked at them. Castiel noticed her fidgeting, he knew she was nervous and uncomfortable.
“Claire, we do not know why Amelia never returned.” Castiel said bluntly. “I choose to believe it’s because she knew that you would get all the love you needed right here with your dad and me. You can choose to believe whatever you want, Claire, but what you should always know is that your dad and I love you so, so much and nothing will ever change that.”
Claire looked between the two of them for a second. Then she nodded.
“Okay.” She said, head ducking. “I love you guys, too. Dad, I’m sorry for what I said. It’s not true. You have always been my dad.”
“We say things we don’t regret, kiddo, I understand.” Dean replied, but Castiel could tell from the gruffness in Dean’s voice that the man was holding back tears.
“Is everything okay again?” Jack asked, peaking into the room.
“It is.” Castiel answered with a smile. He held out his arms and Jack walked over to him to hug him.
“Thank you for being such a patient and obedient son.” Castiel said, leaning his face into Jack’s soft hair. “It goes for you too that your dad and I will always love you, no matter what.”
“I love you guys too.” Jack’s voice was slightly muffled by Castiel’s chest, but he didn’t care. Next to him, Dean had also enveloped Claire in a bear hug. The two of them shifted towards each other to merge their groups into one large family hug.
“I feel very grateful to have you three as my family.” Castiel said softly. “I love you all very dearly.”
“Same goes for me. I love y’all.” Dean said. His voice was still gruff.
“Love you.” Claire and Jack joined.
Castiel felt as though he could hug Dean and their kids for forever, but soon the kids were squirming and tired of being smothered. Castiel and Dean released them, with only a little regret, and left them to do their separate things.
“You know,” Dean said thoughtfully, “our kids are pretty damn great.”
Castiel hummed and pressed a fond kiss to Dean’s face.
“Yes, they are.”