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"Moony? What is this?" Sirius couldn't help the way his voice trembled. At that moment, he didn't care about the swirling storm of confusion and betrayal that raged inside him. All he could focus on was Remus. Remus, who standing at the other end of the dormitory with sweat glistening across his forehead. Remus, whose own wand was clutched tightly in his right hand and Sirius' wand in the other. Remus, who was physically shaking, his eyes bright with fever and pain as he leaned heavily against the door frame. Sirius himself was standing by Remus' bed, his hand wrapped around the foot-board and completely frozen solid from whatever spell Remus had just hit him with.
"Remus," Sirius said again, grabbing his wrist and trying to rip his hand away from the bed. "Remus, what are you doing? Let me go! Give me my wand back!"
"I can't-" Remus croaked, his voice raw and hoarse just like it had been all week. The lunar eclipse had made Remus' symptoms worst than ever, becoming increasingly sicker as the days slowly ticked away. Sirius couldn't count the times he had woken up in the night to find Remus in so much pain that he was throwing up in the bathroom, heaving up every bit of food that Peter had managed to force down him at every meal. It was all Sirius could do to pack pillows and blankets around Remus' hurting bones and try and replace cool towels over his forehead to keep his fever down. It was manageable, and nothing they'd never faced before, but it inevitably got worse. So much worse.
Two days before the eclipse, Remus was suddenly hit by violent mood swings that made him unpredictable at best but dangerous at worst. No one was spared from it, not even McGonagall who left their transfiguration lesson looking extremely upset after Remus had thrown his books across the classroom in pure frustration after not managing to answer a question correctly. He wouldn't even come down to dinner that night, feeling too shocked and ashamed of himself to show his face. James, bless his heart, tried his best to convince Remus that it wasn't his fault but he wouldn't hear of it. But James kept pushing and it was like the switch had been flipped. James was suddenly pinned up against the wall with a very angry werewolf squeezing at his throat.
That had scared Sirius the most. Sometimes, it felt as if they didn't even know who Remus was anymore.
Like right now.
"I can't let you come with me this time, Pads. I can't. I can't do this. I can't..."
"Don't be ridiculous, Rem," Sirius said, trying to keep his voice calm. "Of course I'm coming with you, love. We haven't missed a full moon night since fifth year. And I definitely don't intend to miss a lunar eclipse. Whatever it is you're scared of, we can figure it out together. Just let me out of whatever spell you've got me under and we can talk about this." Remus shook his head violently, biting his lip hard enough to draw blood. His skin was slowly becoming paler, the shadows beneath his eyes growing darker by the second.
"No," he said. "No, you don't understand. You don't understand what's going to happen tonight! I need to keep you away from me. I can't lose you, Sirius! I can't!" He started tugging at his hair, his eyes practically glowing orange as the wolf was crawling closer to the surface. Sirius swallowed hard, once again trying to yank his hand from the foot-board but finding the spell still holding firm.
"Where are Prongs and Wormtail?" He demanded. When Remus didn't answer, Sirius yelled again. "Damn it, Remus, where are they!?"
"I had to take care of them," Remus mumbled to himself. He began pacing the length of the dormitory, stripping free of his jumper and tie as his fever began to spike. "I had to get rid of them. They would have stopped me. They would have got in the way. Can't risk it. Can't put them in danger. Can't do it..." Sirius watched him, fear creeping into his stomach like ice. This person in front of him wasn't Remus. This was the dark and twisted thing that had crept into Remus' consciousness despite him trying to fight it away.
"What did it make you do, Moony?" Sirius asked softly. "What happened?" Remus snapped out of his mutterings, staring at Sirius once again.
"Had to keep them away," he gasped, breathing hard. "Had to keep them safe."
"And where are they, Moony?" Sirius said carefully. "You can tell me. I promise nothing will happen." Remus ran his hands through his hair again, gripping his skull as if he was holding his mind together.
"Pete tried to stop me!" he cried. "He tried to. I had to grab him. I had to lock him in the third floor broom cupboard. And James...James fought me. I didn't mean to hurt him but he wouldn't let me go. I...I knocked him out. I didn't have a choice... Please, you have to understand!" Sirius held up his one hand in a surrendering motion. He knew he had to be careful here. This Remus was unhinged and unstable, driven mad by the lunar eclipse and a lack of moonlight.
"Rey, it's okay," Sirius said gently. "I can help you, love. Just give me my wand and let me go. We can get you out to the Shack and we'll talk about this, yeah?" Remus stepped closer, close enough that Sirius could reached over and brush the blonde curls from Moony's forehead. He gently caressed his cheek with his thumb, threading his fingers through Remus' hair and settling around the back of his neck. "It's okay, love," he whispered, drawing Remus' head down to his shoulder and carding his fingers through his damp hair. "It's alright. You don't have to do this alone. I've got you."
"I can't lose you, Sirius," Remus pleaded.
"You won't," Sirius said fiercely, feeling relief coarse through his veins that finally Remus was listening. "You won't. Just let me go and we'll head out to the Shack together. Just me and you, yeah? Just us together." Suddenly shaking his head, Remus stumbled away, grabbing his head again as if it was splitting. "Remus," Sirius said desperately, trying to step forwards but not getting far. He was losing him. He couldn't see it in his eyes. "Don't do this. Come back to me. Please, just calm down." Remus backed away to the door. Half-moon shaped cuts were glistening against him temples where he had squeezed a little too hard, and Sirius couldn't help but think what worse there might be to come.
"No, no I can't," Remus breathed. "I can't put you in danger. I...I wouldn't be able to live with myself." He paused, his nails digging into the wood of the door frame. "I...I have to do this myself. I can't hurt you anymore. I can't be the burden."
"You're not a burden, Remus!" Sirius begged. "You're anything but a burden. You're my Moony. My sweet, kind, beautiful Moony. Please, don't do this to me. I'm begging you." Remus' eyes were glassy, tears spilling over his cheeks. He covered his mouth with his hand, heaving heavy sobs.
"I'm sorry," he gasped. "I'm so sorry." He staggered into the hallway beyond, ignoring Sirius' cries behind him. Then, he tumbled down the stairs and ran from the castle.
"Remus, wait!" Sirius pleaded, yanking his wrist again and begging for his hand to release its grip. "Don't do this, Remus! Please! Please, don't leave me!" But Remus didn't come back. Sirius ran his free hand through his hair, looking around him desperately for something he could use to get himself out of this mess. Without his wand, there was nothing he could think of that would unfreeze his hand. He glanced out of the window. The sun was setting quickly, more quickly than Sirius had ever seen it. The red light of dusk that trickled into the room only filled Sirius with dread.
"Help!" he shouted, hoping someone downstairs in the common room could hear him. "Someone help! ANYONE?!" He knew it was hopeless though. The common room would be too loud and this time for anyone to hear him. "Shit, shit, shit," he cursed, grabbing his wrist again. He placed his feet on the foot-board, pulling with all his might to get his hand free of its frozen state. It wouldn't budge though. Whatever spell Remus had used was definitely powerful enough to keep him here for hours and, by the sounds of it, James and Peter wouldn't be coming back to the dorm anytime soon.
"Come on, Black," he muttered muttered to himself. "Think! What would Remus do?" What would Remus do? He'd do whatever he could to get to one of his friends. God, Remus would tear down the world if he had to. Feeling invigorated, Sirius renewed his efforts, on again trying to pull his hand from its grip. Glancing behind him, he vaguely wondered if heat would unfreeze his hand when he suddenly spotted something on James' bed.
James' wand.
Merlin bless James Potter and his uncanny ability to constantly forget his wand. The only thing for Sirius now was to find some way to get it. He spun around so his back was to his bed, lifting himself up so he was perched right on the edge of the foot-board. Kicking off his shoes and socks, he stretched his leg out, pulling on the heavy duvet of James' bed until his wand tumbled off and rolled to Sirius' feet. "Yes!" Sirius exclaimed, sweeping up the wand. "Finite incantatum!"
His hand unfroze and Sirius tumbled backwards. His wrist was aching something awful but he didn't have time to worry about that now. Pulling on his shoes again, he pocketed James' wand and legged it down to the common room. He must have looked a right state as most of the Gryffindors stared at him as he ran through like he'd gone mad. He spotted Lily by the portrait hole talking and laughing with Marlene and Mary. Sirius hated to interrupt her but he had no choice. Grabbing her, he yanked her out into the corridor, ignoring her yelps.
"Sirius!" She exclaimed, ripping her arm back just as the Fat Lady closed up. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"
"Remus is in trouble," he said breathlessly. "It's the eclipse. It's messing with his head; he's not thinking straight! I have to go and help him but I need you to go find James and Pete. Remus got to them. I have no idea where James is but I know Rey locked Pete in a broom cupboard on the third floor. Please just find them and tell them where I'm going." Lily's eyes widened at the urgency of Sirius' words. She nodded quickly.
"I'll find them," she promised. "You go and help Remus."
"Thank you, Red," Sirius said, giving her shoulders a quick squeeze. "If I'm not back by morning, send Minnie in." Lily gave him a desperate look that Sirius couldn't quite put his finger on. But she wrapped her arms around his neck, pecking him on the cheek.
"Don't die," she said quickly before turning and running off to the third floor landing. Sirius sprinted down the stairs, taking them three at a time and often jumping the gap between the floors if he could. The moving staircases grumbled as if not pleased with his antics but Sirius couldn't care less. By the time he made it outside, the eclipse had already started, sending strange shadows across the grounds. He cursed to himself then shifted into Padfoot, knowing that his dog eyes would have much better luck seeing in the dark than his human ones. He raced across the grass towards the Whomping Willow, slipping beneath it's swinging branches and into the tunnel under the roots.
Inside was cold and damp, the walls crawling with insects and creatures that all seemed to be fleeing in the opposite direction of the Shack. Sirius felt his hackles raise in defense, sensing something dangerous and terrifying up ahead. He had to remind himself that it was only Moony, not some monster that so many others were afraid to be near. It was only Moony...wasn't it? Taking a deep breath, he charged on ahead and ignored every instinct within him to turn back. Remus needed him. He had to be there no matter how scared he was. All that mattered now was keeping Remus safe. Faster he went, his paws slipping on the mud and splattering his matted fur. The closer he got to the Shack, the more his sensitive nose picked up the scent of blood, fear and pain that drifted down the tunnel like an alluring warning.
By the time he made it to the trap door, the air was thick with nerve-wracking, heart-pounding terror. Above him, he could hear groans and sobs mixed in with the sounds of wooden beams snapping as a body was thrown against it. Standing up on his back paws, Sirius used his snout to push up the trap door just enough so he could slip inside the Shack. It shut behind him with a loud bang and suddenly, he was very aware that he was standing in am enclosed space with a deranged, de-transformed werewolf.
Remus was against the back wall, still in his human form because of the lack of moonlight available to change his cells. He had one hand in his hair, gripping onto it much more tightly than he had earlier while he slammed his head into the wall like some sort of animal. Sirius could see his joints, especially his knees, elbows and hips, were swollen and red, his body wanting to, needing to, transform but unable to. He was crying, yelling out as the mind of the werewolf forced him to slam into the wall again, as if the wolf thought pain would jolt the transformation into a kick start. Of course it wouldn't work - lunar eclipses didn't work like that. Instead, it just put Remus in agony.
Sirius growled, getting the werewolf to turn his attention to him and not to doing itself harm. Remus' orange eyes snapped towards him, his mouth curling into a threatening snarl. There was no recognition in his eyes despite Sirius knowing that Remus was in there somewhere. He barked, lowering down into an attacking position in case he needed to spring. Unfortunately for him, Remus made the decision for him and sprang forwards, tackling the dog. They rolled over each other, head over heels and snapping with their teeth until Sirius finally won out, kicking Remus off him. The werewolf seemed even more angry if possible but didn't try to attack Sirius again. Instead, Remus grabbed his own wrist and slammed it into the floor, breaking it upon impact. Remus cried out, a boyish scream rather than the animal like howls Sirius was used to hearing. Padfoot ran forward, barking at Remus and pinning his shoulders to the floorboards with his paws. He growled menacingly, trying to get Remus to submit but not expecting the kick that sent him flying off and sliding across the dusty floor.
Struggling to his feet, Sirius just about managed to skirt out of the way as Remus launched himself at the dog, trying to lock it into a deadly hold. Yelping, Padfoot rolled from the werewolf, jumping up and running up the creaking stairs of the Shack to give him some time to breathe. Remus looked up at him and snarled once more, looking more and more feral as blood trickled down from the cut by his temple and bruises started to show from slamming himself into the walls. The werewolf jumped forwards again, crawling up the stairs with speed that shouldn't have been possible for any creature. He wrapped his arms around Sirius' neck and started squeezing, hoping that choking the life out of the dog would finally get it to leave him alone. Sirius flailed his paws around, writhing in the werewolf's grip and trying to escape. In one last desperate attempt, Sirius threw his head back, successfully head-butting Remus had enough to startle him. Sirius rolled, hoping to free himself but not realising Remus still had his arms wrapped tightly around Padfoot's neck. Remus was flung off, hitting the edge of the first step and tumbling down the stairs with sickening crack.
Sirius immediately sat up, his shock at what had just happened keeping him frozen still. In his daze, all he could register was Moony lying at the bottom of the staircase with his leg broken and bent awkwardly under him and a steady pool of blood growing larger around him. In the end, it was Remus' small whimpers that startled Sirius enough to move. No, he thought desperately, leaping down the stairs and coming to a stop at Remus' broken body. The werewolf was trying to get up again, growling weakly at Sirius but unable to move. But unlike his expression which spoke only rage and anger of the werewolf, his eyes reflected the boy's agony that stretched across almost a decade. Sirius wanted to cry but he couldn't as a dog. Instead, he began licking at the blood trickling down Remus' cheek and nuzzling his neck, trying to bring some comfort to his friend who he knew hurt so much. He watched with frightened eyes as Moony slipped into unconsciousness, unaware of Sirius wrapping his dog form protectively around him, waiting and hoping for the sun to rise the next day.
***
The Hospital Wing was quiet with only the Marauders inside. The three of them sat around Remus' bed, completely silent for once. James with his head bandaged and sporting a black eye, Pete looking upset and anxious, and Sirius with his head between his knees. "This is my fault," he whispered, looking over Remus' broken and battered form. He hated the sight of the plaster casts that Madam Pomfrey had set around Remus' leg, wrist and arm. They were healing, faster than usual but not fast enough for Sirius. "I pushed him too hard."
"Mate," James said softly. "You were defending yourself. Trust me, when Moony wakes up he'll be far happier with you in that chair rather than in a bed." Sirius jumped to his feet, kicking his chair backwards in his anger.
"I threw him down the fucking stairs, James!" he yelled. "That's on me. This entire thing is on me!" Peter and James looked at him sadly and Sirius realised that they too were feeling guilt for what had happened last night. Perhaps they should have realised sooner what a lunar eclipse would do to a werewolf. Perhaps they should have seen the signs and prepared sooner. But they didn't know, and it was clear that Moony wasn't going to tell them anyway. God damn Remus and his self-sacrificing nature. Why couldn't he just told Sirius what was going to happen?! He could have done something, he could have stopped what happened last night.
"I'm going to go grab some breakfast," Pete said, his voice croaky from emotion. "Do any of you want anything?" James stood up, glancing over Sirius cautiously.
"I'll come with you, Wormtail," he said. "I need to talk to Lily anyway. We'll see you in a bit, yeah Sirius?" Sirius nodded, turning his attention back to Remus. Once he heard the Hospital Wing doors shut, Sirius gently shifted Remus across the bed a bit so he could slide in next to him. Remus' head fell softly against his shoulder and Sirius snaked his arm around his waist, keeping him snug against his body. The werewolf stirred slightly, his eyelashes fluttering.
"Pads?" he murmured, his hand moving so it lay flat against Sirius' chest. "Pads, is that you?"
"Hey, love," Sirius whispered, placing a gentle kiss at Remus' temple. "Go back to sleep, yeah? I'm right here, okay? Nothing's going to happen. You're safe with me." Remus closed his eyes again but his eyebrows were furrowed.
"What...what happened?" he asked, his voice thick. "I...I don't remember...I just...the eclipse." Sirius kept his lips against Remus' temple, breathing in his comforting scent. He sighed slightly, carding his fingers through Moony's curls in a soothing pattern.
"Don't worry about that now," he said softly. "Just rest, love. We can talk when you're better."
"But...I-I didn't change..."
"Hey, it doesn't matter, alright?" Sirius shushed him. "It's over now, yeah? You're okay now." He knew that later on, when Remus was more coherent, he would want to know what happened. He would realise that Sirius had escaped and spent the eclipse with him despite Remus trying his absolute best to stop that from happening. But right now, all Sirius wanted was for Remus to get better. So he refluffed the pillows, drew up the blankets up to their chins and pulled Remus towards him even closer. Right now, he just wanted to lie here and forget about everything the world threw at them. Holding Remus in his arms was all that mattered.
"I love you, Sirius," Remus mumbled as sleep took him again.
"I love you too, Moony," Sirius whispered.