Chapter Text
He woke up late in the morning, way past when his alarm usually would have gone off. Next to him, he could feel his boyfriend already sitting up in bed and stretching. The sun poked through their bedroom curtains, shining over his face and into his eyes, causing him to not only close them again but cover them with his arm.
“Nuh-uh,” Barney, the aforementioned boyfriend, said as he shook his arm gently, “You’re not going back to sleep, Gordon. You’ll make us late.”
“Time?” Gordon grumbled from under his arm, he’d look at the clock himself but that would require putting on his glasses.
“Let’s see….” Barney leaned over him, purposefully putting all his weight on Gordon to squish him, Gordon couldn’t see it, but he was grinning evilly.
Now waking up more, Gordon couldn’t help but laugh and try to push him off, “I meant, look at your own clock!”
“But yours is nicer!” Barney laughed in response, his laughter cut off suddenly, “Shit… Remember what I just said about being late?”
“Yeah?”
“Well…” He motioned his head at the clock, “We already are!”
Suddenly finding the strength to push Barney off, Gordon practically slammed his glasses onto his face in order to see the time, unfortunately seeing that he wasn’t lying (this time). The pair were a good few hours late for work. There was something important he had to do today; he just knew it!”
“Who do you think is gonna be angrier at us…?” Barney said through gritted teeth.
“Doesn’t matter! We gotta go!” Gordon leaped out of bed and rushed to get dressed, Barney quickly followed suit, neither was in any rush to get yelled at, yet they couldn’t afford to be any later.
Once they were dressed they hurried out the door bedroom door.
“I’ll make coffee, you check if Josh is awake!” Barney pointed in the direction of the child’s door and Gordon nodded in response, the panic seemingly taking away his voice. Not an uncommon occurrence for him.
Josh, or Joshua, was Gordon’s son from a past relationship and although things didn’t work out with his mom, they did end on good terms, and Joshua chose to live with Gordon. He was a sweet kid who adored astrology, always talking about how someday he was going to contact aliens and that they’d be the best of friends. He was only 4 so all that still seemed possible to him.
Something about aliens just rubbed Gordon the wrong way, he just couldn’t quite put his finger on why that was. He used to love the thought of aliens. Now? Now the thought of them ever coming here… it almost scared him.
Gordon pushed open the door to his son’s room, only to see that he was already gone. Which would be relieving if he wasn’t, again, 4. Gordon’s voice caught in his throat as he rushed downstairs, getting ready to tell Barney.
“Hey!” Barney stopped him before he could continue to panic, “Just found a note from Josh, he said that Mrs.Vance took him in with Alyx.” His tone was soothing, attempting to keep his boyfriend calm.
Gordon sighed, then took a deep breath and Barney passed his thermos to him with a smile. They headed for the front door before they could waste any more time.
Stepping out into the sunlight filled them both with a sense of calm as they looked over their neighborhood, there were other families here, at least one of their parents working somewhere on or in the Black Mesa complex. It was nice that housing was provided for them.
Right next door was the Vance family, they had their own kid. A little girl named Alyx, she and Joshua were already good friends and they played together a lot, which Gordon thought was nice, since he didn’t actually get to work with Dr.Eli Vance a lot, so at least they could hang out when their kids wanted to play.
For a moment, he tried to picture them, finding it oddly troubling to do so. Azian felt like a distant memory, her face too blurry to actually come to mind, Eli looked older, more tired and Alyx? Well he just couldn’t picture her at all. Instead, all that came to mind was a young woman that he didn’t recognize. His brow furrowed as he tried to figure out who he was thinking of, something in the back of his mind told him that WAS Alyx, but he did his best to ignore that.
“Are you doing okay?” Barney’s voice broke him out of his thoughts, “You’re just kinda staring off into nothingness…”
Gordon met Barney’s worried eyes and forced a smile, despite how heavy his chest felt and the pit of dread that seemed to be growing in his stomach, he still kept his happy face. Signing to Barney, ‘I’m fine. Just tired.’
Barney paused for a moment before nodding, the gleam in his eyes suggested he didn’t really believe Gordon, “If you say so, Doc.”
The two climbed into the car and began the drive to Black Mesa’s complex, with Barney at the wheel. Watching the scenery go by finally started to calm Gordon down, all that worry, over what? Being late? It was hardly the first time, and it’s not like he had anything important to do, other than his usual research.
“Wasn’t there…?’ he shook that thought away as quickly as it came.
So he had some weird memories and odd thoughts? They were probably because of a dream he had but can’t really remember, dreams are like that sometimes.
Barney glanced at him, his face was still twisted in worry. He really didn’t trust that Gordon was alright, he just seemed so out of it. Lost in a way that was almost uncharacteristic for him, but he wasn’t talking about why. He really didn’t know what to do about it.
As they pulled into the complex, Barney sighed, finally breaking the long silence, “Are you sure you’re alright? It’s okay if you feel sick, I’ll take you home, tell Dr.Breen, handle everything from there. You don’t have to worry.” He parked the car and looked at Gordon.
“I’m fine, you don’t have to worry.” The return of his voice was a bit comforting, “I’d tell you if I was sick.” He unbuckled and stepped out of the car.
“Oh really?” Barney snickered as he stepped out, “This coming from the guy who stayed up for 3-days in a row just to finish writing a paper? The same guy who needs to get carried out of his office some days because he gets so caught up in working he forgets he needs to go home?”
Gordon’s cheeks went flush and he crossed his arms, “I have no idea what you’re talking about!” he grumbled.
Barney laughed and walked over to him, putting an arm around his shoulders, “Sure you don’t!”
That seemed to get Barney’s mind off of whatever was bothering Gordon.
When they entered the building they split up, Barney heading to go get an earful from his supervisor then head to his post as a Security Guard, and Gordon heading to the scientist locker rooms to start his day.
Which were completely empty when he arrived, to his relief of course. He didn’t want to have to deal with any of the older scientists lecturing him on being late and taking this more seriously. He deposited his jacket in his locker and slipped on his lab coat instead, but as he shut the locker his eyes wandered, drifting over to the HEV Suits nearby.
He walked over to the railing just in front of them, staring them down. Specifically the one in the middle, the fact that he wasn’t putting it on almost felt wrong. Yet, he knew he didn’t need to wear one.
‘There was something I needed these for…’ He squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head, ‘No, there wasn’t, I’m not working with anything THAT dangerous!’
Another thought that didn’t belong, trying to psyche him out again.
“You’ll wear one those eventually!” A voice sounded from behind him, causing him to almost jump out of his skin.
“My apologies, Dr.Freeman!” Said the voice, who turned out to be Dr.Kleiner, “I didn’t mean to startle you!”
Gordon gave him a thumbs up that seemingly meant, “Don’t worry about it!”, letting out a breath of relief, again unsure of why he was so freaked out. Kleiner came up beside him, looking over the HEV Suits with a smile.
“It really is a shame that the experiment didn't get accepted, I found it fascinating.” He hummed mournfully, “Although I will admit, it did sound a bit dangerous. If it had gone through, you would have been wearing one of these today!”
That’s right… There was an experiment that he pitched but it had been shut down due to the potential dangers behind it, he was told to put more research into it and maybe then they’d consider it, but for now, it would just be an idea.
Why didn’t he remember that until just now?
“Y...yeah…” Maybe Barney was right, maybe he was sick, something just didn’t feel right about this, “Dr.Kleiner… Do I look alright?”
“You look just fine to me, Gordon!” Kleiner smiled at him.
“Thank you, but that’s not what I meant.” He chuckled, “I mean, do I look sick to you?”
“Hmm…” Kleiner placed the back of his hand on Gordon’s forehead, comparing it to his own, after a moment he pulled away, “You don’t have a fever. Do you feel okay?”
“I suppose…” He folded his arms tightly, “There’s just something wrong, that I can’t quite put my finger on. I’m not sure what...”
“These past few days have been a bit crazy for you, it could just be all the stress finally wearing off.” Kleiner said after some thought, “Take it easy for today.”
That answer felt unsatisfying, but he took it anyway, having nothing else to go on.
“Guess I’ll avoid Magnusson then.” He responded smugly.
“You probably should do that anyway.” Kleiner gave him a pained smile, “He seems to be rather angry with you today, for being late and something about a microwave casserole. He wasn’t exactly making himself clear.”
Gordon avoided eye contact, but the smug smile that remained on his face revealed that he knew exactly what he meant by microwave casserole and he wasn’t sorry for it.
“He gets mad about everything, I wouldn’t worry about it.” Gordon said, giving Kleiner a pat on the shoulder, “I’m gonna head to my office, I’ll catch you later.”
He stepped out of the locker room and began to slowly walk down the hallway towards the offices, his eyes drifting down the split in the hallway that led to the level 3 test chamber, the thought of going filled him with an unimaginable fear, the fear of what could happen down there. What WILL happen down there.
In an instant the lights flickered off, when they came on, shining dimly, he saw that walls around him had become darkened and dirty, with bloodstains splattered over them. A trail of blood led to a scientist that leaned on the wall, some strange creature chewed on their head, while they stayed there, motionless.
“No...No!” He gasped, a hand coming to cover his mouth.
Gordon began to shake, when he looked down at himself he found that he was in the HEV Suit, and in his hand he clenched a crowbar. He didn’t have time to dwell on that as a wail of agony broke into his mind, the dead scientist began to rise from where they sat.
He backed up, his back hitting the wall behind him, “This can’t be happening…!”
The scientist stumbled towards him, wailing in pain as blood poured down their body. If they were somehow alive, then they wouldn’t be for long.
The scientist was only able to get close enough to leave a bloody mark on Gordon’s suit before he took off, running as fast he could towards the offices, squeezing his eyes shut and following his memory.
‘This isn’t happening!’ he screamed in his own head.
The wailing was soon drowned out by distance and the sounds of normal chatter came to replace it, but he didn’t stop running, just in case the monster still followed him. He could hear coworkers around him.
“Morning, Dr.Freeman.”
“Dr.Freeman are you alright?”
“What’s he running from?”
“Did something happen?”
He didn’t stop to answer them and only opened his eyes when he finally reached his office, which he shut himself in as fast as he could. The second the door was closed, he fell against it, slowly sliding to sit on the floor, his whole body shaking.
He brought his knees to his chest, noticing that he was back in his normal clothing.
“That wasn’t real… That wasn’t real…” He thought to himself, he looked down at his body to confirm again that he was in his usual clothing, and he was, but something horrifying caught his eyes. In an instant, he pulled his lab coat off.
Just under the collar, on his chest, was a smear of blood.
He stared in horror, his heart was thumping in his chest. It was real.
“That’s impossible…I never even went….” his mind was racing with a billion questions, the only thing that could answer them would be going back to confirm whether or not that actually happened, and yet he couldn’t bring himself to stand up, every time he tried the panic set back in and caused him to drop right back to the floor, all he was able to do was the lock his office door. Just in case that thing came following him.
Outside his door he could hear the sounds of his coworkers talking, while he desperately wanted to open the door and reassure that everything was okay, it seemed like nothing in his body wanted to respond to him.
Eli Vance had been led to the crowd by a rather irate Magnusson, who only spoke vaguely on what had happened, as he had barely seen it himself.
“Not only does he show up late, but he comes running through the halls like his damn life was on the line.” He hissed as he gestured to the group of scientists, “Ignores everyone and shuts himself in his office. I’m getting real tired of that boy.”
He then mumbled something about not understanding why on Earth Kleiner has so much faith in him that Eli didn’t bother to listen too.
He walked to the door and gave it a gentle knock, “Dr.Freeman, are you alright?” no response, that wasn’t unusual, he wasn’t always a talkative one, especially around large groups of people. He tried the door, but it was still locked. He stepped back and rubbed his chin.
Kleiner, who had only recently come over, watched him with nervous eyes, “He seemed just fine when we talked earlier. Although, he did ask if he looked sick…”
“Did he?” Eli pressed.
“No, not at all. He seemed like his normal self, didn’t even have a fever.” Kleiner bit his thumb, before coming up with an idea “I’ll see if I can contact Calhoun.”
“What’s he going to do?” Magnusson grumbled, “If you two can’t get in I doubt he can.”
“Maybe not from the door.” Kleiner motioned at an entrance into the air vents nearby them.
“I see…” Judging by the tone of voice, Magnusson just seemed to get even more annoyed by those two as he realized something. (they avoid him by crawling through the vents).
Barney had just finally been stepping away from his supervisor when he was suddenly called back, he groaned, ready to get yelled at some more, only to be (at first) relieved to discover that Kleiner needed him to come down to the offices, and then nervous to find out that it was actually Gordon who needed help.
Eli cleared away the crowd of other scientists getting them to go back to their work and let them handle this, when Barney finally arrived he did his best to explain what happened.
“I guess he was acting kinda off this morning…?” Barney shrugged, “But it wasn’t anything like this. I don’t know what happened.”
“Do you think you can get to him?” Eli asked, rubbing his beard nervously.
“Course I can, I practically know this whole vent system like the back of my hand.” A very odd thing to be proud of, “I’ll figure out what’s going on.”
Unfortunately, the vents weren't a good idea.
Gordon had missed their talking, as they had moved away from his door. He had been sitting there, staring at the bloodstained lab coat, trying to reason his way out of what he just saw. If it was real, then how did he magically change in and out of the HEV Suit instantly? But if it was fake, where did the bloodstain come from?
When he started hearing the thumping in the vents overheard, his vision began to blur as panic set in once again, as the lights started to flicker, his officer suddenly becoming a disaster, like it had been ransacked.
Self-preservation began to take over his anxiety, he let the lab coat slip from his hands and he shakingly crawled under his desk, he desperately tried to slow his breathing, but as the thumping got closer, he found it almost impossible. With his back against his desk, he watched the wall, listening as thumping stopped above his ceiling. When the vent cover hit the floor, his vision blurred and when completely dark as he fell unconscious.
When Barney dropped out of the vent, the first thing he did was unlock the door for Kleiner and Eli. The second thing he did was see the stained lab coat that was laying on the ground.
“Oh my God…” He whispered as he kneeled down to pick it up scanning over the blood. but when he began to rise, his eyes spotted something else, from just under the desk. He could see Gordon's legs, he was on the ground motionless, “Oh my God!”
Eli pushed the door open the second he heard Barney shout, he and Kleiner froze in the doorway for a moment, when they looked into the room they saw the discarded lab coat and Barney pulling Gordon into his arms, they glanced at each other in a panic.
“C’mon, wake up….” Barney gently rubbed Gordon’s face, he looked up to the other two scientists, “I just found him, laying on the floor… There’s blood on his lab coat, but he isn’t bleeding from anywhere, I don’t know what happened…”
Eli kneeled down next to them, and placed a hand on Gordon’s head, “He’s burning up!” he turned to look at Kleiner, “Izzy, I thought you said he didn’t have a fever?”
“He didn’t when he asked me to check…” Kleiner was kneeling down with one of his arms resting on Gordon’s desk, “It must have come on suddenly…”
“I knew it! I knew he was sick!” Barney cursed himself for not acting on his instinct, “I have to get him home right away.”
“Maybe take him to a doctor,” Kleiner piped up, Barney stared at him for a moment, “the medical kind.” He clarified with raised eyebrows
“I knew that.” Barney cleared his throat and lifted Gordon into his arms, “Look, I’m gonna get him out of here, do me a favor and tell my supervisor what’s going on?”
“Of course.” Eli stood up with him, he reached over and adjusted Gordon so he’d be more comfortable, despite the kind smile on his and Kleiner’s faces, Barney could easily see the worry hidden just behind their eyes.
Gordon opened his eyes to see Barney carrying him through the hallway, his breathing was slow and he felt exhausted. He let his eyes drift around, taking in where he was, the intersection that had the hallways leading to the test chamber.
It was completely normal. No dirt. No blood. No bullet holes. Just normal.
He let out a small gasp as he stared down the hallway, which caused Barney to stop and look down at him, “Gordon?” He asked with a shaking voice.
“Where…. Did it go….?” He asked. Barney followed his gaze, seeing nothing but a normal hallway for Black Mesa.
“Where did what go?” He asked as he scanned the area.
Gordon heard the question, although as the tiredness began to sweep over him again he had trouble responding, “Mon...ster…” was all he managed to get out before he passed out again.
That was not a comforting thing to say...
Hours passed before Gordon finally woke up again. Sitting up in bed like he’d just heard a gunshot go off, breathing heavily as he wiped the sweat from his brow. His eyes darted around the bedroom, for a moment he had no idea where he was. Once again, everything felt wrong.
He knew he had just been at Black Mesa, but he didn’t remember much after that.
“This isn’t where I’m supposed to be...” He thought to himself with fear, but another thought crept in “Where am I supposed to be…?”
He pulled himself from the bed and dragged himself to the bathroom of the master bedroom. He stared at his reflection, trying to figure out what was so wrong. Did something happen earlier this week?
There was his experiment getting shot down… But he didn’t actually remember that Kleiner just told him that happened and he believed him. He couldn’t remember a single thing that had happened this week, except everything that happened today.
He didn’t want to remember.
He stumbled out the bedroom door, rubbing his face, making his way towards the kitchen for a glass of water. He could hear people talking in the living room, but they didn’t seem to notice him stumbling past the door.
“How’s Gordon holding up?” Eli asked, watching Josh and Alyx play with little action figures, telling a story that none of the adults could quite figure out.
“His fever’s gone down, and I think he’s doing better. Stopped thrashing around at least.” Barney sighed heavily, “I mean, maybe Dr.Kleiner was wrong, maybe he did have a fever earlier. I should have checked.”
“Don’t beat yourself up over it,” Eli squeezed his shoulder a bit, “you didn’t know and he didn’t tell you anything was wrong. You’re not a psychic, Calhoun.”
Barney nodded, rubbing the back of his head, “Mm, yeah…” He looked thoughtful for a moment before lowering his voice and asking, “I know you can’t tell me much… But what goes on down in level 3?”
Eli was a bit surprised by the question, “A lot of that’s classified, but there is a series of test chambers down there, I can’t tell you what we’re testing though. Why?”
“He just… he mentioned something about there not being a monster there anymore when we passed that hallway.” He brushed that off with a laugh, “Guess I thought you guys were making some sort of monster down there that might have scared him!”
Eli laughed too and the pair carried on their conversation, Gordon leaned on the wall just out of sight. He smiled softly, just listening to Barney laugh and talk was able to comfort him. After listening for a few more moments, he continued to the kitchen, getting himself a glass of water.
He looked out the window as he sipped his drink, the sky was a dark unsettling yellow, and the wind was picking up at a rapid pace, his brows furrowed. That really wasn’t good. He leaned closer to the window and glanced around the neighborhood. Was it always so dirty? Or did the wind carry over dust and garbage?
‘No. No, just don’t think about it.’ He thought to himself, ‘Stop thinking about things! You’re gonna ruin it!’
He swallowed hard, ‘Ruin what…?’
Knock, knock.
There was someone at the door. In this weather? That could be dangerous.
Being the closest one to the front door, Gordon shuffled over to it, carrying his cup of water with him. No one should be outside in weather like this. He wasn’t only one who heard the knock, Barney had gotten up to go answer it, with Josh following at his heels.
“Babe, go back to bed,” Barney sighed as he spotted Gordon starting to answer the door, “I can handle this.”
“I”m feeling better, honest.” Gordon looked back at him as he pulled the door open.
“I’m glad to hear that, Mr.Freeman.”
Gordon froze completely, the cup slipping from his hand and breaking on the ground below. With a wide-eyed stare, he turned to see the man in the doorway. A face he didn’t want to recognize.
“It’s a lovely neighborhood you live in, Mr.Freeman.” Said the Man in the Suit, who was unaffected by the roaring winds, “Almost good enough for you to stay in.”
“No..” Gordon stumbled backward, his chest felt heavy and he struggled to catch his breath, soon falling into Barney’s arms, “Go away!” He said through gasps.
Barney held him defensively, he looked between the two of them “I don’t know what’s going on, but you need to leave, sir!” He hissed, pulling Josh closer to him as well.
“Mr.Freeman, please.” The Man walked into the house, the world behind him faded into black, “You can’t hide here forever.”
He began to remember what happened that week.
The experiment had gone through, he had been so excited to see the outcome. Everything went wrong. The aliens, the monsters, the fighting. He could remember the dark hallways, his coworkers telling him to leave them behind as he fought to escape, hoping desperately that everyone he loved was going to make it out okay.
He remembered being hunted down by the military that he had hoped had come to save them but instead had been sent to clean up everything and everyone in the complex. He remembered the adrenaline, the fear.
Try as he might, he couldn’t push the memories away anymore.
“Yes, I can.” He held onto Barney and Josh, it was like if he let go then they’d vanish with the wind, “Things are better here…”
“Gordon, what are you talking about?” barney asked him, squeezing in response, “Who is this? What’s happening?”
“Dad, you’re scaring me..!” Joshua whimpered as his small eyes darted between his terrified father and the terrifying man in the door.
“Better? Yes… But is it real, Mr.Freeman?” The man waved his hand, the darkness crept closer to the family, “Can you hear Mr.Vance and little Alyx anymore? They’ve left your mind, they aren’t here anymore, are they?”
As the wind rushed into the home, Gordon felt cold, he didn’t want to accept that everything was gone. That the world he knew was gone forever.
“Shut up!” He buried his face in Barney’s chest.
“You love them all so much.” The man walked past him further into the home, darkness following at his heels, “Yet you stay with these false images of them?”
It was only when Gordon hit the ground that he realized Barney and Joshua had vanished from him, he looked at his empty arms in horror, his eyes welled with tears that spilled down his face.
“The real ones are waiting for you, Mr.Freeman.” They were the only two left now, stuck in a pit of darkness, “You cannot hide forever.” He began to back away from Gordon, who didn’t even look up at him.
“You must know, I took this away for your own benefit. It will be… easier to send you to work now…” He smiled, but Gordon didn’t look up to see it. He just stared silently.
It was a long time before he realized he was alone completely, even longer before he began to react to it all, ugly sobs escaping from him until there was nothing left to cry and he finally shut his eyes.
The Man in the Suit would call to him again eventually, waking him up in an unknown place. Well, sort of unknown, he knew it was a train, he just didn’t know where the train was or where it was going. All he could do was follow the other passengers as they stepped off and try to act like he belonged there.
The world around him was dingy and dirty, armed guards seemed to be waiting wherever he looked, everyone around him looked miserable. The only thing he knew for certain was that he was on Earth, but that was really it.
He walked through the path laid out ahead, hoping that things would get cleared up eventually, but that hope was cut short as he was asked to step aside by one of the guards. The guard led him down a dark hallway and into a bloodstained room where another guard waited for him.
He just woke up and everything was already going to shit. Great. Just fantastic.
When the door shut, the new guard pulled away the cameras that watched them and Gordon prepared himself to fight. Instead, the guard pulled off his helmet and turned to face him.
Gordon’s fists dropped to his side in a second.
“How about that beer I owe ya?” Barney said with a smile.
In an instant, Gordon rushed over to him, almost jumping on him as he hugged Barney. Burying his face into his shoulder and squeezing tightly. Barney was surprised for a moment but returned the hug, rocking ever so slightly.
“I missed ya too, Doc.” He sighed lovingly, he managed to turn them to face the console after not being able to pry Gordon off. He used his free hand to call Kleiner, “Hey, you’ll never guess who showed up?”
Kleiner adjusted his glasses, “You’re right. Who is that?” he squinting at Gordon, unable to recognize him from just his back.
“It’s Gordon Freeman!” Barney laughed, finally getting Gordon to lift his head and look at the camera, “He was about to board a train to Nova Prospects if you can believe it.”
“My goodness, Gordon it really is you!” Kleiner said with joy and relief, Gordon managed a small wave.
“I’ll send him your way as soon as I can.” barney eyed the door nervously, “We can’t waste much more time, I’ll call you back.” Kleiner gave a nod and Barney quickly hung up.
Gordon let go of the hug and stepped back, he didn’t want to leave, but he figured he didn’t really have much of a choice in this matter as Barney led him to the back door and instructed him on how to get to Kleiner’s lab.
“I’ll meet up with you there, okay?” Barney said with a smile, sounding very confident in himself. Gordon nodded seriously and walked outside, but before he got too far, barney grabbed his arm, “And hey, if you’re feeling up to it by then, I’d like to hear your voice again.”
He cracked a smile before signing a quick, ‘I love you.’ and heading off on his way, Barney watched him for a few moments then shut the door behind him.