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Published:
2020-07-27
Completed:
2020-07-27
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3/3
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The Motive

Summary:

When Zuko finds out that the Gaang has no idea why he used to constantly yell about his "honor," he realizes he has some explaining to do.

Chapter 1: Overthinking

Summary:

Zuko realizes just how little everyone knows about him.

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

With Katara having forgiven him for their long and unfortunate history, Zuko was finally a fully accepted member of the group. Not just that, but he was finally a fully accepted member of the family. It felt amazing.

He was also extremely grateful to be on her good side because as he found out on their little "field trip," Katara in her revenge mode was even scarier than Azula! Zuko had often found himself lost in thought, trying to fathom the power he just realized she possessed. How easy it would be for her to instantly end someone's life if she wanted to, and her threat back at the Western Air Temple. Yeah, being on her good side was a huge relief.

One afternoon, Zuko found Katara sitting on the main staircase of his old vacation home that they were currently staying at. She was bending the water in the leaves of a bush right by her side. The bush swayed with each movement of her hands. Zuko approached her.

"Hey, what are you doing?"

"Oh, hi. I'm just practicing my plantbending. I think I'm really getting the hang of it."

Zuko added 'plantbending' to his growing list of things that he didn't realize Katara was capable of until now.

"I just wanted to thank you for trusting me. I know I haven't given you many reasons to."

Katara stood up to face Zuko."You've given me nothing but reasons to trust you since you joined us. Sokka always said I'm good at holding grudges, and I'll admit that he's probably a little bit right." She rolled her eyes at Sokka even though he wasn't there. Katara hated when her brother was right. "But the past is the past."

Zuko smiled awkwardly at the ground.

"I'm not sure I'll ever understand your whole 'honor' thing or whatever, but that's okay."

Wait, what?

She doesn't know?
Zuko tried to imagine his angry ponytail phase from an outside perspective, with no idea what his so-called "honor" referred to. It gave him a headache. Did the others know? Did Aang know? Do they all think that he attacked them out of loyalty to the Fire Nation? That he was just... evil?

"Hello?"

Zuko saw Katara staring at him with her trademark concerned stare.

"Were you talking? I guess I wasn't listening, sorry."

"No, I wasn't talking, but you look like a confused owl-cat staring at its own reflection. Are you okay?"

"I need to sit down." Zuko lowered down and sat (more like collapsed) on the staircase. "My head hurts."

***

The next morning, Zuko was the last to join everyone else for breakfast.
The other five turned to greet him, but stopped short, eyebrows knitting together with sympathy and confusion. Katara had already been worried about Zuko because of the previous evening, but seeing him arrive late for the very first time since joining the Gaang, with slumped shoulders and a dark circle underneath his good eye, just solidified that something was wrong.

Zuko was getting uncomfortable with so many pairs of eyes studying him.
"Is there a spider-fly on my face?"

Katara tried to explain. "No, it's just—"

"You're a mess."

Katara elbowed Toph in the side. "Hey!" Was it not obvious? Even without sight, she could feel his posture. "It's not like we weren't all thinking it."

Zuko had seen himself in the mirror. He knew she was right.

"No, it's fine. I didn't really sleep last night. I kept thinking about so many different things that I guess it gave me a headache."

"Sokka's never had that problem."

Sokka threw a ball of rice at Katara's face.

Zuko laughed, just a little. Then he remembered what he was planning to say. "There are some things I assumed you knew about me, but apparently you don't." That was a good way to start, right? "I guess it sort of... matters. I think you've been... confused about me I guess." Of course he was getting awkward. Why did he always have to be so awkward? He decided to just skip to the point. "I hunted and attacked you guys for months. I think I owe you an explanation."

Sokka, Katara, Aang, Toph, and Suki all suddenly stopped eating. Now this, they had to hear.

Notes:

Hi! This is my very first work so I REALLY hope you guys like it. It'll probably be a few short chapters long. I honestly just wrote this on my notes app because I have way too many feelings about A:TLA, and after a lot of overthinking, decided to share it. I decided not to use swearing because I wanted this to seem realistically canon, but it's super hard not using 90% of my vocabulary so I don't think I'll be doing that again.

Chapter 2: Scary Stories

Summary:

Zuko kind of sucks at telling stories, but he'll get through this one the best he can.

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text


The group stared expectantly at Zuko.

"It's kind of a long story. I don't know if I have time to tell it before Aang's morning lesson." He did, and he knew that.

"Oh, come on! You can't just leave us all hanging like that!" Suki exclaimed.

"This might be the most evil thing you've ever done," Katara muttered under her breath.

"How about I tell you tonight? Like, maybe after dinner or something?" Zuko knew he was stalling, and he was pretty sure the others did too, but he needed time to figure out how to tell his story. 

There was a rather annoyed chorus if "fine," "sure," and "whatever." People were clearly disappointed, but they could handle less than one day, right? Zuko wondered. He then realized he was in no place to judge others for their lack of patience. Iroh would've laughed. 

After about ten more minutes, the sun had fully risen up in the sky. Zuko stood in front of Aang. "Come on, it's training time."

"But it's so early!"

"Don't blame me, blame the sun."

"Stupid sun," Aang mumbled.

***

That night, everyone was sitting around a campfire listening to Sokka's attempt at a scary story. Suki rolled her eyes affectionately at her dork of a boyfriend. Katara rolled her eyes in annoyance.

"... and legend has it you can still hear the Platypus Bear Man wandering around in the woods today, looking for people... TO EAT!"

"Terrifying," Toph sarcastically remarked.

"Better than the story about the man with swords for hands," replied Aang.

"You said you liked the man with the sword for a hand, so I took it up a notch!"

"Katara wins," Toph declared.

"It's not a competition!"

Katara smiled, proud of her story about the ghost who lived in the ocean and dragged children underwater. "Anyone else have any stories?" She asked.

There was a small pause, and then Sokka excitedly recalled the last story that needed telling. "We're supposed to learn why Prince Jerkbender was such a jerk!"

Zuko had hoped they'd forgotten about that. His mind started racing. What if they think I'm weak? What if they don't believe me? What if reminding them just makes them mad again? What if I cry in front of them? Oh Spirits, please don't let me cry in front of them.

The expectant stares were back, somehow even more intense than before. Fine. He waited a moment to brace himself, and then began to tell the scariest story of all.

"There was this war meeting when I was thirteen that I wanted to go to and be like the adults and stuff." Well that was terrible. Why is storytelling so hard? "My uncle didn't want me to go because the generals at the meeting were all easily offended and I was a thirteen-year-old who didn't know when to shut up."

"I'm almost thirteen," Aang interrupted.

"Case and point. Anyway, eventually I convinced him to let me go in as long as I didn't say anything." Zuko could clearly see on every listener's face that they were dreading the next part of the story. "I was quiet the whole time, until this one general proposed his plan. He wanted to use a whole division of brand new inexperienced recruits as a distraction while the experienced soldiers attacked from behind. How could I not say anything? They would all die!"

I will not cry in front of them! Zuko took a slow, shaky breath and mentally told himself to keep his tears in his eyes where they belong.

"So I spoke out against this awful idea, and my father got all angry. He said I had to fight in an Agni Kai."

"Agony what?"

"A fire duel. So I looked at the old general and was like 'fine, I can take him!' So the next day I was at this big arena getting ready to fight some old man, but the old man never showed up." Zuko paused. Should I really tell them this? He took a second to consider. Yes. They need to know. "My father did."

Zuko looked down so he couldn't see the Gaang's reactions (and to get rid of those STUPID TEARS.) Might as well get this part over with. "I wouldn't fight him... I couldn't. I was on my knees, begging for forgiveness. He told me to fight. I didn't. He towered above me and told me I would learn respect. He said that suffering would be my teacher. He put his hand on my face and he—"

Zuko's voice broke, and the stupid tears finally won. He never managed to finish his sentence, but it didn't matter. The implications were clear. Just for clarification, Zuko placed his right hand over his left eye.

He was still afraid of everyone's reactions, so Zuko stared at the ground. Tears were cascading down his face, but Zuko was surprised to realize that he suddenly didn't care.

Okay, just finish the rest of the story. It shouldn't be that hard. "It was so painful that I blacked out. I woke up on a ship. I learned that I was banished for being pathetic enough to refuse to fight. I could only return home if I captured the Avatar. Then I could..." Zuko absolutely despised the next phrase, but he knew he had to say it. "... regain my honor."

Notes:

I really didn't expect people to actually see this, but apparently you did! That's awesome! think I've decided that this will be 3 chapters long. I've read a lot of fics where Zuko goes into this great detailed monologue about his past and I wanted to write one where he just awkwardly stumbles along, giving them the basic idea, because you know, he's AWKWARD.
Yes, I did reference Parks & Rec. No regrets.

Chapter 3: Zero Stars

Summary:

The aftermath of telling all his friends about the worst day of his life is a lot easier than Zuko expected.

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Zuko held his breath and prepared to be bombarded with questions, but everyone was quiet. He kept waiting, each second feeling like another hour. He knew the responses would be difficult, but the lack of responses was somehow way worse.

There was a hand on his shoulder. Zuko looked up and saw Aang staring directly at him with tears and a look of understanding in his eyes. He looked at Zuko like he was a puzzle that was finally solved after months of guessing. He was shaking slightly, like the answer was worse than any possible guess.

Zuko looked around at everyone else's reactions. Katara was looking at Zuko with tears in her eyes that threatened to spill over. Sokka's stared at a random tree in the distance, his face tense. He looked like he was still trying to comprehend what he had just heard. Suki's eyes were wide open in shock. She wasn't as familiar with Zuko as the others, but she'd still seen him all those months ago. Toph kept her usual blank stare, but he muscles were tense and she didn't dare move a single one. Her fists were clenched at her sides. They looked absolutely horrified. That was to be expected. 

It seemed like all he did was blink, and suddenly Zuko was surrounded. There were arms around him at every side, squeezing tight as if holding him closely enough could somehow reverse the past. That was not to be expected.

Everyone was silent, but they had said all they needed to. Zuko closed his eyes as the five other members of the group embraced him in one big, awkward group hug. He knew that these people were extremely affectionate, but that affection had never been directed at him before. It was nice.

Nobody spoke for almost ten minutes.

It was Aang who eventually broke the silence. "I was in an iceberg."

"Yeah," Zuko replied.

"How were you supposed to find me if I'd been in an iceberg for almost a century?"

"I wasn't." Zuko sounded almost spiteful. "It was just hilarious to make me torture myself for the rest of my life." He laughed bitterly.

Sokka spoke up. "As the comedian of the group, I must confirm that that is not funny. You know, in my professional opinion."

Katara slapped him on the arm as if to say "not the time."

Suki just giggled. If anyone knew how to diffuse a tense situation, it was Sokka. "Terrible joke, no punchline, zero stars," she laughed.

Toph had a revelation. "You only do punchlines. Together, you'd have one full joke!"

Zuko couldn't help but smile. He wiped the tears from his face. "So, a tyrannical ruler sends his son on an impossible mission after mutilating his face, and the son says, "leaf me alone, I'm bushed!"

Katara looked relieved that Zuko appreciated the shift into humor. Sometimes Sokka's dumb jokes offended people.

"I approve of that joke," Sokka proclaimed.

"Maybe if I just said that to him back then..." Zuko mockingly wondered.

"He'd surrender," Katara stated. "You'd have asserted your dominance."

"He'd be afraid of your power," Toph decided.

Aang was giggling uncontrollably. "That's what I should say when I fight him. 'Firelord Ozai, LEAF ME ALONE, I'M BUSHED!' Victory would be ours!"

Toph proudly announced that Aang's training was over, he'd learned all he needed to know. Zuko agreed.

As the whole group dissolved into laughter, Zuko looked around at everyone. He thought about how they'd comforted him when he was at his most vulnerable. How they'd found a way to bring him from crying to laughing in a matter of seconds. How they'd all laughed and joked with him as if he was just another member of the family. He was just another member of the family.

Zuko felt honored.

Notes:

Aaand I guess that's it! Obviously this was super short, but this fic was really just a little test to see if I like writing on this site. I think I do. Thanks for reading!