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“It had been a while since we last did this,” Hueningkai said, plopping himself down next to Taehyun on the freshly cut grass of his backyard. It was a little past midnight on a late August evening, the Sun having completely disappeared from the sky to leave room for their yearly and long-awaited meteor shower gazing.
“A year, to be exact.” Taehyun nodded, absentmindedly scooting closer to Hueningkai. It was pretty chilly outside for a summer night, and Taehyun had always been the type to get easily cold, his body naturally being drawn towards warm sources like mosquitoes were drawn to the light. He didn’t need for the weather to be cold to get closer to Hueningkai though. It was true that the younger was the embodiment of the Sun and was capable of making Taehyun feel warm both inside and out, but more than that, his embrace was softer than a blanket. And Taehyun loved to bury his face in the crook of Hueningkai’s neck and close his eyes, picturing cloudless skies and sleepless nights somewhere between June and August.
“You’re cold?” Hueningkai teased, turning his head to the left to look at Taehyun, the hint of a smile at the corner of his lips. The smaller was about to deny that statement, a convincing ‘i’m not’ sitting at the tip of his tongue, when he suddenly felt Hueningkai’s warm breath tickle his neck, sending shivers through his entire body and making him forget about all of his plans in a heartbeat.
Hueningkai laughed fondly at his best friend’s reaction, not waiting a second longer to lift himself up into a sitting position before removing his hooded jacket and handing it to Taehyun accompanied by a ridiculous reverence.
“For you, my prince.”
Shaking his head, Taehyun swatted Hueningkai’s hands away. “Put it back. I don’t want you to get sick again.”
“It was five years ago, Taehyun.” Hueningkai deadpanned, a strong believer that getting sick once had made him invincible. “Also, getting sick doesn’t sound like a bad idea to me.”
Taehyun huffed in disbelief. “How? It’s the worst thing ever.”
“You taking extra care of me and sleeping with me every night for a week?“ Hueningkai suggested, lying back down next to Taehyun, head resting in the palm of his own hand to have a better view of his best friend’s face as he stared at him with a weird expression.
Taehyun was ready to push him away and muster a panicky ‘stop looking at me like that”, but Hueningkai continued on before he even had the chance to speak, eyes soft and wearing that one shy smile he always had whenever he wasn’t busy laughing his lungs off.
Louder than a whisper, but still too quiet for the stars to overhear, Hueningkai muttered, “my biggest nightmare, indeed.”
Taehyun ignored his heart beating faster at the sound of Hueningkai’s voice, cotton-like and melodious like an angel’s cry; ignored his best friend’s half-lidded eyes on him, shaped like crescent moons ready to enter their next phase.
Taehyun jokingly pushed Hueningkai’s head, the latter proceeding to roll on his back helplessly, a high-pitched scream leaving his mouth instinctively. Despite being a naturally quiet person, Taehyun liked the sound effect machine built inside of his best friend and how it gave his life some structure. In the morning, Hueningkai was a little quieter, being a mumbling mess until he drank his grape juice. In the afternoon, Hueningkai was a lot more energetic, laughing at his loudest. And at night, he usually spent his remaining energy acting cute to get favors from Taehyun.
(It worked every single time. But Taehyun didn’t mind falling for his mischievous antics because it meant he would be getting belly rubs and hugs at the end, which was all he needed to wrap up his day and look forward to the next morning.)
“You’re bold for believing I will take care of you. I will just stand next to you all day to laugh at your pitiful state.”
Hueningkai turned his head towards Taehyun again, raising an eyebrow challengingly. “Still sounds like a plan to me? I love your laugh.”
Taehyun rolled his eyes, feigning nonchalance, even though he could feel his cheeks getting warmer and his heart getting faster faster faster at the compliment. He couldn’t remember when his feelings towards Hueningkai shifted from platonic to romantic, nor when he began taking his compliments as subtle attempts at flirting, which made him wonder if there actually was a moment in time when he hadn’t had romantic feelings for his best friend.
“Well it’s not going to happen, alright Romeo?” Taehyun warned, moving closer to Hueningkai to lay his head on his shoulder, before draping their bodies in his hooded jacket. “Also, why should one of us sacrifice himself when it works just fine like this?”
“You’re right, I guess I just like to pretend I’m a superhero ready to fight the wind for you,” Hueningkai smiled, wrapping his left arm around Taehyun’s stomach to secure him against his side. “Look,” he then said, pointing at a shooting star with his free hand, excitement radiating from his full-toothed smile and twinkling eyes.
Taehyun took that moment to study Hueningkai’s face; watched as the taller went silent for a few seconds, his long eyelashes fluttering against his cheeks as he closed his eyes to make a wish.
Only to look away in a heartbeat when the latter opened his eyes again, finding Taehyun’s ridiculously fast, as if they were meant to click together.
(Screw those feelings. Screw this heart beating harder than a bass on loud speakers.)
“What are you wishing for?” Hueningkai asked, cutting through Taehyun’s peaceful train of thoughts with sharp-edged words.
(Taehyun wished they had been sharp-edged swords instead. Wished he could deal with a few scratches or a missing arm instead of the inescapable reality of having to grow up. Wished he had the superpower to freeze time for ever. Wished Hueningkai could fall out of love with him. Wished for things he couldn’t put into words. Abstract ideas. Hueningkai, Hueningkai, Hueningkai—)
“Nothing,” Taehyun answered way too naturally, ignoring the agonizing pain of his shattered heart bleeding through his chest and his desperate need to come up for air. “Shooting stars don’t grant wishes, Ning.”
Not his, at least. Never his.
“They do if you believe in that wish hard enough,” Hueningkai retorted, as if he wasn’t aware that Taehyun was a man of science, and that he didn’t believe in anything that wasn’t scientifically proven. “My wishes come true every year.”
“What do you usually wish for?” Taehyun snarked. “For your entire family to be healthy? For your friends to get good grades? Those are just fortunate coincidences.”
“Coincidence or not, I like to believe the stars think highly enough of me to keep my family healthy and my friends successful.”
Taehyun shook his head.
“You’re ridiculous.”
“You’re ridiculous,” Hueningkai repeated, emphasizing on the 'you'. Taehyun also envied that about Hueningkai’s personality; no matter how absurd his choices were, he was always one hundred percent confident in them. “But seriously, don’t you want to be illogical sometimes?”
“Illogical as in cancelling all the plans I made to follow my heart instead?” Taehyun asked. "Yeah, all the time."
“Aren't you excited about going to SNU, though? That's a huge accomplishment, you know.”
“Should I really?” Taehyun asked, staring at the many shooting stars dancing in unison in the pitch black sky above his head. No matter how rationally he thought about going to SNU, there was always something off. It was an odd feeling, something he couldn't explain with words nor paint a picture of, yet it still made his stomach churn unconfortably and his leg tremble slightly.
Hueningkai squeezed his arm a little tighter at his words, and maybe Taehyun realized as his heart sunk a little deeper, that he wasn't as good at suppressing his feelings as he had claimed to be.
“Of course you should, Taehyun. You have to.” Hueningkai insisted but in a cloud-like voice, soft and full of reassurance. A voice that sounded like the last week of summer break. Like nostalgia and new beginnings mixed altogether. “You know you’ve always been way ahead of everybody, including me.”
”I’m tired of always doing the right thing, Kai. All I want is for everything to slow down a little.” Taehyun whispered sadly. “Everything about my life has always been full speed ahead.”
“Time doesn’t stop for anyone, Taehyun. We graduated, summer break is almost over, and in a little less than ten days you and I are going to start a new chapter of our lives.” Hueningkai answered calmly, drawing circles on Taehyun’s bare arm with his fingertips. “And it’s okay if we miss a few paragraphs of each other’s. It’ll be the perfect opportunity to sharpen our storytelling skills.”
“But—“
“You don’t have to say anything, Tyun.” Hueningkai reassured, directing his hand higher to cup the side of Taehyun’s face, tenderly stroking his cheek with his thumb. “I’ve always been better at goodbyes than you. I had tons of practice.”
Traveling from country to country since birth because of his father’s job. Losing friends along the way. Losing places he had grown attached to.
Settling in Korea at seven years old, with his sisters and mother, when his parents figured their children deserved to have some stability in their everyday life. Having a hard time finding that stability with their father inconsistently being there to watch them grow. His older sister leaving to become an idol.
And now, Taehyun going to Seoul to attend college.
“Oh, Tyun. Why are you crying?” Hueningkai asked, stopping Taehyun in his thoughts, who was now very aware of his own stammering breaths, wet cheeks and blurry vision. That was a good question. And yet, he didn’t even know what or how to answer. When had he started crying?
“I don’t want you to say another goodbye.” Taehyun blurted out, feeling so small against Hueningkai’s chest, who had immediately engulfed him in a tight hug as soon as he heard him cry.
“I meant goodbye as in ‘see you later’,” Hueningkai caressed Taehyun’s nape with his fingertips. “I hope you have a spare mattress in your dorm because I plan on visiting you often on campus and there’s no way I’m sharing a single bed with you every single time.”
“Shut up.” Taehyun’s mumbled through quiet sobs, his voice muffled by Hueningkai’s shirt. “You love it.”
“Yeah, because I love you.” Hueningkai admitted matter-of-factly, as another wave of sobs threatened to shake Taehyun’s core. “But as you said earlier, love isn’t necessarily about sacrifices, but more about finding a middle ground. Especially when it comes to sleep.“
“I never said that.”
“I interpreted your words a little bit, leave me alone.” Taehyun could feel Hueningkai roll his eyes in annoyance. “The point is, you don’t have to worry because I will be by your side forever.” Hueningkai rejoiced, hugging his best friend tighter again his chest.
“I’m starting to regret it now.” Taehyun joked, face smushed against Hueningkai's chest, feeling a sudden tightness in his tear-stained cheeks as he smiled.
“Liar, I know you love me.”
“You wish.” Taehyun sassed, laughing wholeheartedly, tears already long forgotten.
“Yeah,” Hueningkai chuckled back, voice suddenly thick with emotions Taehyun couldn’t read through. “Maybe I do.”
Later, Taehyun saw another star falling from the sky, suddenly thinking about everything that was going on in his head, in attempt to find out what he wished for deep inside of him. He thought about his aching heart leaving him out of breath, having to leave his house in less than a week to attend college, time never stopping for anyone, love being about finding a middle ground—
“I bet someone wished to meet the love of their life tonight.”
And Hueningkai.
He always thought about Hueningkai.
“I hope they do,” Taehyun smiled, turning his head to look at Hueningkai, who looked back at him with the same smile painted on his lips.
(Maybe Taehyun simply didn't need to wish for anything, after all.)