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“Hey, Troy?”
“What is it?”
“What was high school like for you?”
Troy Barnes looks down at Abed Nadir from his perch on the bunk bed, still half asleep and clutching his Spiderman pillow. He's used to Abed being chatty in the morning. It had been a bit annoying during the first few days of them living together, usually answered with a “duuuuuude, I just woke up!” from Troy, but in time it's become just another part of their morning routine.
“Well, it wasn't perfect, I can tell you that much. I mean, sure, I was popular, and I got laid pretty often, but...y’know what it's like, right?” Abed cocks his head, his brow furrowing. “I'm not sure what you mean.” Troy sighs. “It's just...it's kinda impossible to be popular in high school, and also be yourself.”
Abed nods. He has heard this story countless times in after school specials and sitcom episodes as a kid. It was through TV that he learned the dangers of “not being true to yourself” and “falling into the wrong crowd”. A tad predictable at this point, but if his friend was any indication, it was a trope that had at least some resemblance with reality.
“It's also pretty tough to be popular in high school, and not end up turning into a complete asshole by the time you're in your sophomore year.” Troy continues, and he winces slightly as he remembers, remembers all the ugly names he had called the less popular kids, how often he had used the word “fag”, how often he had called someone a “retard”, and what he would do if someone EVER had the balls to do the same thing to Abed.
“It's ok, you're not like that anymore.” Abed states matter of factly as he stumbles out of bed, carrying his weighted blanket with him. “You've had a full character arc. You've gone from boneheaded jock to lovable goofball.” he says as he sets himself down on some pillows while pulling the batman logo covered blanket up to his chest.
“Yeah, I know. It's just that I sometimes wish I could, I don't know, go back in time or something-” “Like Inspector Spacetime?” “Yeah, like Inspector Spacetime.” Troy giggles. “I wish I could just tell my younger self that popularity doesn't mean anything if you're a shallow jerk.”
Abed is surprised. Usually Troy isn't this pensive and reflective. A part of him doesn't like it, because it's unfamiliar, but another part of him feels admiration for his friend, for being so understanding of his own emotions. What he wouldn't give for the same ability…
“Hey Abed, what was high school like for you?”
Abed freezes. He pulls the weighted blanket closer to his chest. He doesn't want this. He doesn't want to talk about his high school years, doesn’t want to talk about the pain it brought him. He should have known this would happen if he asked Troy the same question though. This was his fault, and he would be a hypocrite if he didn't respond.
“Well...um...freshman year was...interesting.” Abed whispers, and Troy gives him a look, the kind you only give when you are that awful mix of concerned and confused. “Hey man, you don't-” “It was sometime in the 2000s.” Abed says, ignoring Troy. He can't stop now, he would be a bad friend. In after school specials, bad friends are always the ones handing out drugs to their pals, and they never get a happy ending.
“It was after 9/11, so...being the only Muslim kid was pretty rough.” Now it’s his turn to wince. He thinks back to all the “jokes” about him being “Osama Bin Laden’s long lost nephew.”, and even the occasional accusation of being a terrorist. “But it wasn’t just that.” Abed begins to wrap his weighted blanket around his back. “People would make fun of me for other stuff...I know I’m different. I’ve known it since I was little.”
Troy starts to climb down from his bunk bed. He can tell Abed is upset, and he gets the feeling that he won’t stop talking, but he still wants to be near him right now. “I know that I have Aspergers, I know that I have difficulty understanding sarcasm and reading facial expressions. I know that I say the wrong thing, I know that I have sensory issues.” Abed takes a deep, ever so slightly shaky breath. “But...does that really mean I have to be reminded of that fact all the time?” There’s a desperation in Abed’s voice that Troy has never heard before, and it kills him.
“I remember...” Abed pauses, not sure if he wants to share this. No...he has to. “I remember that sometimes at school, especially at assemblies, there would just be to much noise. Everyone would be cheering for the school football team, and it would all just be too much. I would curl up into a little ball and rock back and forth. Other kids would notice. They would point and snicker and call me a “retard” or a “spaz”. At this point, Abed Nadir has his blanket draped around his body, and he’s shaking like crazy.
“I wanted to tell them to stop, I always did, but I just couldn’t find the words. That’s always the problem, isn’t it? I feel so many things, but I just can’t find the proper way to express them.” Abed searches for what to say next. Should he say that he feels broken? No, that makes him sound too angsty, and he’s supposed to be the adorably quirky one, the lovable weirdo who brightens everyone’s day with his eccentricities.
But then, if that’s the case, he’s done a pretty bad job fulfilling that archetype, hasn’t he? It feels like every day, his symptoms cause problems for someone. Whether it’s him hurting someone’s feelings on accident or misreading a social cue, the young man feels like he can’t do anything right. He’s not normal, he’s not acceptable, he can’t connect, he’s a burden, everyone would just be better of without him…
At this point, Troy Barnes is on the point of tears. He had never thought that Abed would have been popular during high school, but he never knew it had been this bad for him. He lovingly puts a hand on Abed’s arm to let him know he’s here for him. Abed lets out a yelp, and there’s a three-second pause between the two friends.
Abed lets out a high pitched whine. This isn’t the first time this has happened, but there’s never been this much pain behind it. For Abed it feels like, with this whine, he’s letting out everything he’s ever felt during those years of high school. Although it keeps dipping in volume, it’s constantly ugly and strained.
Troy, who has drawn his hand back, doesn’t know what to do. There’s never an easy answer to these kinds of problems.
Abed is thinking the same thing. If they were in a special episode of a 80s or 90s era sitcom, his trauma could be resolved in a 20-minute time span. But this clearly wasn’t Full House or The Cosby Show.
“Look, Abed...I know that things look hopeless right now. I know that your hurting, and I know that what those shitheads did to you will never be ok.” Troy says softly, wanting to give his friend a hug, but holding back. “But you have to believe me, you are SO much more than this. You’re an awesome friend-” Abed shakes his head. “Hey, buddy, don’t sell yourself short” Troy gently chides. “You’ve got a lot to offer. You’re creative, smart, observant, and one day, you’re gonna make a movie that’s gonna blow everyone’s mind.”
The whining sound Abed has been making for the past couple of minutes has stopped, now only surviving in the form of some faint whimpers. “I...I think I’m ready for you to touch me.” Abed whispers. Troy smiles and gives Abed a slow and careful hug. Time seems to stop as the two college students hug it out, with Abed settling into it and breathing a sigh of relief.
He knows that not everything will be ok right now, he knows there’s a lot of stuff he needs to work on. But it feels good to have a friend beside him at this moment, someone to help him, someone to remind him that there’s still hope.
“Hey, c-can we watch the Batman and Robin movie?” Troy chuckles. “Dude, that movie sucks, remember?” “Yeah, but it’s pretty funny.” Abed says with a boyish giggle. “And I think it would be most logical to watch something that will raise my spirits.”
Troy smiles and begins to walk over to the DVD cabinet. Abed takes another deep breath. He’s not used to being comforted like this, but it feels nice, and its a far cry away from what he was feeling before.
Troy walks back to Abed with the Batman and Robin Blu-Ray in hand. “Ready to watch Arnold Swarnagger make some terrible ice puns?” Troy Barnes says with a smirk. “Yep!” Abed replies as he gets to his feet, shrugs off the blanket, and walks with his friend to the TV. Troy puts the disk in the Blu Ray Player and they both sit back down. Abed turns the TV set on, the screen lights up, and Abed knows it's gonna be ok.
“Cool.” Abed murmurs “Cool Cool Cool.”